Chapter 12: I Wish I Wasn't
by: Heather Headley
Kimberly could hear several voices in the background of the hosptial room. She was laying in a bed, it was cold. A constant beep could be heard as well. She was trying to regain consciousness, though it was a struggle for her.
"We are going to have to keep her monitored for a few days until she wakes up."
"Will she be okay?" Jason asked.
"We believe so. She was lucky, not many make it. Not many at all, but her test are good. She will pull through, health free."
"Great! Thank you, Doctor," Mrs. Oliver said. Kimberly groaned. "Kimberly?" Mrs. Oliver quickly went to her side.
"Well, hello, Ms. Hart. My name is Dr. James. You are in the hospital. You gave us quite a scare, young lady."
"Why?" Kimberly croacked out.
"There was close to 2000 mg of pain killers in your system." Kimberly went to sit up. "Plus you blood alcohol level was nearly 3 times the limit. You overdosed." Kimberly tried again to sit up. "No, no...you need to lay down for a while." The doctor held his hand to her chest.
"I'm fine."
"Honey, you nearly OD tonight."
"I had a headache. Where are my clothes?" Kimberly went to remove the nose piece giving her oxygen.
"Honey, the doctor wants you to stay here a couple of days."
"Yes, you will be staying with us for a few days, Kimberly. As soon as we get a psyche meeting set up, and you are..."
"No! I want my damn clothes now!" Jason went to stop her with the doctor. "You can't keep me here!"
"Stop this, Kimberly!" Jason yelled as she fought them.
"I don't need you or some psyche consult! I am fine! I had a headache!" Kimberly yanked at her lines.
"Kimberly, dear, the doctor needs to keep you here until we figure out why you OD!"
"I said, I am fine!" Kimberly got up. Doctor called for help. 2 techs came to help. "No! No,you can't keep me here if I don't want to! Let me! Stop it!"
"Get me a sedative!"
"No! I didn't try to kill myself!"
"You tookmany pills of 600mg, and drank nearly half a bottle of vodka! You need to stay put!"
"I had a headache!" Kimberly went to leave after freeing herself from everyone.
"Guards!" Jason tried to stop her, but she was able to fight her way out the room. She rushed down the hospital halls, running away from techs and the police. Kimberly threw on her clothes quickly, as she hid in a closet and teleported out. She hated hospitals and needed to get out of there immediately.
Jason rushed to contact Alpha and Zordon with the other as they tried to locate her. Kimberly was found to be at the cliffs. She stood on the edge of the rocky cliff, belong the ocean. The sound of waves crashing into the rocks below. The wind blowing around her. Jason and rest teleported there. They looked at each other, decided who exactly was about to talk her down from this one. Billy was the first to walk forward to Kimberly.
"Kimberly?"
"I didn't try to kill myself!"
"Okay, okay. Calm down," Billy said with his hands up.
"No one said you did, Kim," Jason said stepping forward next.
"I wouldn't do that!" Kimberly yelled back, she wouldn't turn and face them. She was ashamed. She didn't mean to worry them and drank so much, but she had a headache. She wanted the pain to stop… all her pain.
"I know. I know you," Jason said stepping toward her more. Adam stepped forward after him.
"Come on, Kim, let's just all talk,"Adam said. "We are here to help okay." She stepped farther to the edge.
"Just leave me alone!"
"Kimberly, step back from the cliff." She could see the otherscreeping towardher, as she looked over. Tears in her eyes. She fell to her knees crying.
"I wouldn't kill myself like that." Kimberly cried. "I wouldn't commit suicide, not even over him! I just had a headache, a bad headache and I…and I wanted it to all stop... hurting."
"I know, I know."
"We are all here for you," Adam said kneeling beside her with Jason.
"Make him go." Jason looked at Tommy.
"Leave," Jason said sternly to Tommy.
"I am not leaving her.."
"Get the hell out of here!"
"I deserve to be here just like everyone..."
"She doesn't want you here! She doesn't need you!"
"What does that mean?"
"So help me, Tommy, I will..." Jason stood up quickly.
"Tommy, just come on," Katherine said tugging his arm.
"I am not leaving her!" Jason went to do some hurting on Tommy, when Billy put his hand on his chest to stop him. He simply walked over to Tommy and Katherine.
"Leave now." Katherine raised Tommy's arm and she hit her communicator and they teleported out. Tanya torn, not knowing where she should go. Rocky put his arm around her to include her with the groupto help Kimberly. She was happy even though extremely saddened with concern for Kimberly. Billy went over to Kimberly first and hugged her.
"It hurts so much," she said looking up to him.
"I know." She hugged Billy as she cried harder. He pulled her away from the edge and they fell to sitting on the ground. Adam rubbed her back with Jason. Jason rubbed Kim's legs, as she sobbed on Billy's chest. He looked back, anger in his eyes for Tommy. When he finds him, Jason doesn't know what he will do, but he knows it won't be good for Tommy.
2 days later
Kimberly walked through the Angel Grove High in a daze. Jason never leaving her side since the cliff incident. Billy thought it would be best for at least one person to be present with her always, even if she protested. Kimberly, though not suicidal, everyone has their breaking point. He felt as though Kimberly was at least 2 steps away from a break, unless she had support and love. Jason slept in the chair near Kimberly, in the room to guard Tommy from ever coming near her again. He watched in agony of sadness and pain eating away at her.
"Can we talk about this later?" Jason yelled.
"No, we cannot!" Emily yelled back. "Everything has been about her!"
"She walked in on them, Em! She watched them, having sex! She's in pain!"
"I know, I know that broke her heart, but I am your girlfriend! She is just your friend!"
"She is more than just a friend!"
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing."
"Do you love her?" Jason looked at Emily. "Wow, thanks."
"Emily, it's not like that. Never has been."
"You love her, what else is there to say?"
"She has always been a big part in my life. When I see her in pain, it kills me too. She is my best friend, and I want to help her."
"Fine. Then go to her. Be with her, because we are threw."
"Em…Emily!"
"No, don't Emily!" Emily pulled her arm from him. "I can't believe I wasted my time on you. How could I not see it? I was a fool!" She walked away.
Jason found Kimberly by her locker. She was slowly putting some books away. She was like a robot, going through the motions, but not living.
"Hey."
"Hey," she whispered.
"Let's go get lunch."
"Not hungry."
"You barely eaten the last few days, come on."
"Jason, please..."
"Hey, I'm not letting this kill you."
"Why are doing this? What about Emily?"
"Let's don't talk about that now. Let's just concentrate on you and getting over this."
"That's going to be a while."
"And I'll be right here." He put his arm around her. Emily wiped away some tears as she watched them walk away.
"Such a fool," Emily whispered walking away.
A week later
Kimberly was laying asleep in bed. After another battle against King Mondo, Kimberly passed out on the bed. Tommy looked in on her. He has missed her so much of the last few weeks. It was killing away at him just like her to be apart. Tommy so badly wanted to touch her, hold her again. He needed to make her believe him, believe that he would never hurt her, never cheat on her. Tommy put his hand on the doorknob, then remembered. He told his mother, he promised her, he would give Kimberly the space she needed. He wouldn't interfere. Not until she opened up first.
"What are you doing?" Mrs. Oliver asked catching her son.
"Nothing, Mom."
"You were about to go in there."
"No, I wasn't."
"Good. She needs her rest."
"I haven't spoken, or even been in the same room with her in over a week. It's not fair. I love her too. I want her back, Mom."
"I don't know if that's possible, son. Not after…"
"Please, help me. I wouldn't sleep with Jasmine, when I love Kimberly so much. I love her, and this is killing me too." Mrs. Oliver hugged Tommy. She had never seen her son crying, not since he was such a little boy. Now nearly grown man. "I'm lost without her. I don't know what to do without her. I don't know how to do anything without her."
That night
Kimberly was walking around with Jason. They were in the park, having left Billy, Tanya, Adam and Rocky after dinner.
"Let's go to the movie, see something fun."
"Fun?" Kimberly asked with a smile.
"Yea, romantic comedy." Kim laughed.
"You hate chick flicks."
"Well, you have officially chick flickterized me over the last week." Kim smiled. For nearly week, everyday it was like new romantic movie leaving Kimberly crying, Jason there through it all. He wondered why she puts herself through all of this, but at least she was out the house and not bottled up in her room in fear of running into Tommy.
"Why are you here with me, when there is a beautiful girl waiting on you? Emily cannot be happy with you spending so much time with me," Kimberly said pulling a leaf from a tree.
"Emily and I broke up."
"What! When?"
"Almost 2 weeks now."
"Why?"
"No reason."
"Me? Because of me!"
"NO!" Jason held her shoulders. "Emily and I just..."
"Are perfect for each other. And I ruined it! You're with me all the time now and not her. She probably hates me. Why are you here? Why are you here with me! Go to her, Jase! I don't need you!"
"KIM!" She pulled away from Jason.
"Go! Go be with her, you deserve happiness. Don't sell yourself short because of me! I am nobody!"
"You are somebody to me! You mean so much to me.. and I am not leaving you like this."
"I said go! Go!" She walked away. Jason sighed.
At a bench in the park, Tommy sat all alone thinking. He watched Jason, Billy, Tanya, Adam and Rocky take Kimberly out another night. One of them was always with her these days, Jason seemingly never leaving her side for a moment. Too many times they took her away from him, Rocky even threatened to beat him up. Rocky! Tommy hated the dirty looks, looks of disgust from his teammates, his best friends. Too many to keep count of the snickers he got walking down the halls of school. All the girls rolling their eyes at him, though he could care less what people thought of him. The one person he cared hated him the most. He knew she hated him, and he hated himself. He just hated the look in Kim's eyes, he could feel the sadness, the pain, she was in pain, and the pain was his own doing.
"Hey," Katherine said.
"Hey."
"All alone again, I see."
"I'm fine, Katherine, just go." She sat down.
"You need a friend now. And since everyone else seems to only want to help Kimberly deal with..."
"She needs the support more than me."
"So do you! You need a friend."
"No one believes me."
"I do."
"You do?"
"When have you ever lied Tommy! To anyone! They are fools and not your real friends to believe her over you! She has lied so many times. Remember, about that boy in Florida, about who gave her the Zeo crystal…"
"She told me about the Zeo crystal."
"Not at first, we practically had to drag it out of her."
"But she did tell us."
"Fine, defend her. But you can't defend all her drinking and partying...she has been the most untruthful with all of us, especially you. And if she can't seem to forgive you for something as silly as you sleeping with another girl, when we know that's a lie, her lost."
"Why are saying all of this? Why are making her out to be the criminal in this? None of this is her fault, if anything, this is all Jasmine's doing. Her sick lies."
"Jasmine is not to blame here. Kimberly is the one to blame. And you need to hear this, as your friend. I believe you, when no else does, even your mother. I believe you and I am here for you. To help you, support you." Katherine touched his hand on the table.
"Why?"
"What can I say, I will always have a soft spot for you, Tommy Oliver." Katherine smile. She caressed his face, rubbing his hair back. Tommy smiled at her. "How good of friend would I be if I left your moping about?" She rubbed his arm. "Come on, gotta shake this solitaire groove you are in. How about a walk and ice cream?"
Kimberly stopped in her tracks, as she saw Katherine and Tommy sitting together. Katherine rubbing his arm and shoulder.
"Come on!"
"No, I really don't think..."
"Tommy, we're friends right?"
"Of course."
"Then trust me. Ice cream will be great for you." She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. Jason stood besides Kimberly. "Come on!" Katherine laughed and pulled Tommy by the arm. Tommy let her tugged him with her. Kimberly's eyes filled with tears.
"Come on," Jason said. He held his hand out for her. Kimberly took his hand. Kimberly let out a scream as they got to his car. Jason quite taken back from her outburst. She banged on the car door.
"I am such a fool!" Kimberly screamed.
"He is the fool, Kim, not you."
"I love him so much and he just... goes off and...does that…"
"I'm sorry," Jason said rubbing the back of her head and her back.
"I wish I wasn't..."
"What?"
"I wish I wasn't in love with him!" Kimberly cried. "It's just isn't fair!" She hugged Jason. "I wish I wasn't..." Jason pulled away and held her face.
"It's going to be okay."
"How? I can't go back to the day before we met and skip all of this," Kimberly said walking away. "I hate him and I hate myself. I can't forget him, because every time I see him, I am reminded of… I am filled with this feeling like this isn't right. But it is! And I don't want to hurt anymore, Jason. I don't want to feel this way! I want to be happy! I deserve some happiness. I don't want this regret! I don't want this pain! It's isn't fair!" Jason pulled her to him. They looked into each other's eyes. Jason kissed her and put his arms around her.
Following morning
Kimberly was at the mall, trying to clear her mind. Since her kiss with Jason, her mind has been filled to the maximum to confusion land and looking like no way out. Probably because it was Jason. And how love was just a crazy thing. It wasn't just one kiss with Jason, it was many kisses. Many hot, passionate kisses.
Flashback
Jason moaned against Kim's lips. They have been friends since birth, since birth! Kissing as if they have been dating for years. Kim's arms went around Jason's neck. Jason pressed her back against the door. His hands not idly, caressing her back and arms. Jason pulled away from her lips briefly and kissed her cheek and neck. Kim moaned, but when Jason's lips pressed back to hers, it hit her. She wasn't kissing Tommy! It was Jason! Jason! Her eyes flew open and she pulled away harshly from Jason. Kimberly turned her back to Jason, pressing herself against the car.
"Are you okay?" Jason touched her back and shoulder.
"Take me home!" She stumbled to the other side of the car away from Jason. She was shaking. Jason sighed and opened his door. He reached over to unlock her door.
"Hey, I'm sorry if…if I..."
"It's...it's okay. Just take me home."
"Kim, I don't want you think that.."
"Jase! Just take me home."
"Okay." Jason started the car. He drove them in silence, no radio, nothing. Jason pulled up to the house. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Kimberly got out the car. Jason followed her quickly as she tried to rush inside. Jason stopped her from putting the key in the door.
"Are we okay?"
"Of course."
"Kim, are we okay?" Tommy stood by the door.
"Yes. Thank you for asking."
"I would never do anything to hurt you."
"I know."
"And I would never pressure you into..."
"I know, Jase. I trust you with my life." They hugged tentatively. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Tommy went to go upstairs. He dropped Katherine off at home, not wanting to go anywhere with her, after she tried to kiss him again. Kimberly opened the door and closed it. As soon as Jason's car pulled out, Kimberly started to cry. Tommy watched her crying into her room.
Kimberly was going through some tops, when she was stopped by David.
"Hey."
"Hey, David."
"Where's Tommy?"
"I-I wouldn't know."
"Why not?"
"We broke up."
"What? Why? When!"
"He cheated me on."
"NO! Tommy wouldn't do that! He loves you!"
"I saw him David. I saw him."
"But…but, why?"
"Don't know, maybe I wasn't enough."
"No, even before you came back he told me all about you! And though I didn't know Tommy completely, the way he spoke of you, and what I saw, was…is true love."
"Not anymore."
"Are you sure you saw him!"
"Yes! God! You think I couldn't trust me own eyes! Why can't everyone see that!"
"Sometimes, things are not what they seem. Talk to him."
"I can't David. Everything I …I can't." She started to cry. "Excuse me."
"Wait, please. He loves you, don't let him go without finding out the whole truth."
"I know the whole truth!" David let Kimberly's arm go.
"I'm just saying, maybe there is…"
"Enough! Okay, enough! Your brother is a lying, cheating bastard! Now you know him completely." Kimberly stormed away.
Tommy woke up sweating. Another nightmare about the night of the party. It was like a maze to him. Colors swirling around him, the ground shifting. His vision a mess as he stumbled up to the bathroom. Then Jasmine coming up behind. She was talking to him, but her words incoherent. She touched his face. The only thing he heard from her.
"Don't worry, after tonight. It'll be all better for you and me." Everything going black after that.
"All better, how can this be all better?" Tommy asked himself hugging his pillow. "Was I drunk, no, I only had a few beers and..." Tommy for the past few weeks has done this everyday. Trying to replay that night. Trying to connect the pieces, trying to fix what he did or supposedly did, but everyday coming up empty. And everyday he doesn't find the solution, he draws farther away from Kimberly. She barely even looks at him anymore these days. There is nothing when he is around. No sadness, not even angry anymore. It was as if her heart has grown cold and empty for any feelings for him or anybody and anything. She was completely numb. Completely numb.