Chapter 6

(Three Weeks Later)

I'd finally been released from the hospital. Michiru came to visit me everyday. She even helped me with my school work, just so I wouldn't fall behind. She wanted me to walk across the stage with her at graduation. We've spent so much time together, I know now that my feelings for her are true, they're real, and they're strong. They grow stronger each day I see her, and spend time with her.

"We're going to be up in my room." I carried one of my bags into the house, Michiru had my other one. It felt so good to be home. It looked just as I'd left it, only with a bit more dust where the figurines had been neglected because of my hospital stay. I knew what I had to do. It was almost as if the sounds of my feet on the stairs was replaced with the throbbing of my own heart. I tossed my bag near the closer and put my arms around Michiru's waist, to try to distract my mind. "Thank you." I kissed her softly. I'd fallen in love with her, as well as her lips. She knew how to kiss. Or at least knew just how to kiss me. "I love you."

"Oh don't get all sappy." She giggled and playfully slapped my shoulder. I loved it when she did that. Her giggle and smile always made my heart leap. "We have to do something...Where are they?" I knew what she was talking about. I don't think I can look at them without the urge coming back.

"I can't..." I didn't want to break down again. I couldn't look at them again. "I can't look at them." my eyes landed on the floor, then found the blood stain on the wood. They haven't gotten it all out. I can't pull my eyes from it. I can't even look up at Michiru. I could feel her eyes on me, they felt like they were burning through me. I didn't like that feeling.

"Just tell me where they are, I'll get rid of them for you, alright?" Her voice was so gentle. She wanted to help me so much. All I could do was point to the dresser. That's where they were, that's where they always were. I'm sure they were still there, full of blood, as was the rag, full of blood. Full of my blood. If I looked at them, all the memories would come back, then the urge would follow. I haven't had the urge for the past three weeks. But something like that would set it off. I heard her walk across the floor, then I heard the drawer open up, she rustled through some of my clothes before letting out a gasp. She'd found them. "My god Haruka." she said it softly, but it was loud enough for me to hear. I don't know if she wanted me to hear her or not, but I did.

"Don't do that Michiru. I don't want to hear about them." I was rocking on my bed. I only did that once in a blue moon. I was nervous about seeing them, about slipping up and grabbing one and slicing into my arm. I didn't want that anymore, not after what I'd done. I was happy now. See, happy, happy. I tried to force a smile out, but nothing. I mean, I'm happy when I'm near Michiru, but when I'm away from her, I feel lost, alone...even scared. She's my support, she always has been. I don't think she realizes that.

A few minutes later I felt her hands on my shoulders, then one of those hands tipped my chin up. "They're gone. They're all gone now Ruka. No more of that, OK?" She leaned down and kissed me. I guess it was sort of a deal-sealer to me. That sounds horrible, to think that she's only kissing me to seal a deal. But I know it was more then that. "Are you ready for school tomorrow? I'm sure you'll be asked a lot of questions. Maybe there will be an attitude change toward you." She smiled at me. What did she do. Did she do anything? I don't want to go back to school, I'm quite content at staying home for the duration of the school term.

"I guess." It was all I could say. I couldn't tell her I was scared to death. What if she's told the others about what I did to myself. What if she told everybody I was a woman, not a man. "Will you stay with me tonight?" I looked at her, she could tell in my eyes I was scared, she just gave me that all-knowing smile and nodded. She never turned up an invite to stay with me. Alyson always made us brownies and we would always curl up to watch movies until sleep finally won over us…

Morning…It was morning already. I don't want to go to school. Damn, I'm sounding like a school-girl that has a big test today. But I know me faking sick won't get me out of school. I have to go. I've already missed too much time. If I want to graduate, then I have to go.

I remember getting out of Michiru's car, and looking up at the building. It has been 3 weeks now since I've even seen this place. It looked just as I remembered though. I'm sure everything was just the same too. I took a deep breath before walking across the parking lot. There were so many people staring at me. My chest started getting heavy from it, I hated that feeling. I just knew they were all looking at me, trying to figure out why I've been gone so long.

I felt a bit relieved when Michi grabbed my hand. She laced her fingers with mine. I guess in a small attempt to show how close we've gotten. It still felt right, everything she did. Every time she touched me, it sent a chill down my spine. Every smile, every laugh, everything…it was amazing.

She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "You've got all your things, right?" We had stopped outside of my first class. It was my Biology class, one I didn't really mind much, it was easy for me.

"Yes, I've got everything…See you at lunch?" She just smiled, nodded, then turned and walked away. Yea…lunch. I won't see her any for three full hours. That's three hours of being alone, with the people that I've always hated. I remember Michi telling me 'maybe they've changed.' I'm still trying to figure out what she meant. Did she tell them?

I sat in my normal seat, after handing all of my back work to the teacher and watched as the other students started coming into the room. A few of them looked at me in a strange, almost caring way. A look they've never given me before. It made me feel more comfortable then I've ever been before. I bent down to get into my backpack. I didn't even think to look up when I heard the chair slide out next to me. When I sat back up with my books, it was Jared. An American exchange student whose always had a crush on Michiru. He was the regular jock type, he played on the baseball team. A pitcher I believe, he was a good player. All-State back in, Florida, I think he was from. I never much cared for him though.

"I heard about you and Michiru. You're lucky." He looked at me. I tried not to look back, I could never trust his eyes. They reminded me too much of my original father's eyes.

"Thank you." It was all I could say. I didn't know where he was going with what he'd said. I was afraid to find out where he was going. I just wanted him to stop where he did. But he didn't.

He leaned closer to me and looked me right in the eyes. "You need to stay away from her. You freak. Yea…I know why you were gone, so do half the other seniors. I can expose it to the whole school that you're a bleeder. That you find joy in seeing your own blood and hurting others." stop it…Please stop it! I tried to look away from him. "What's wrong you freak. Want to cut yourself again? I have a knife in my backpack. Do you want it." No, god please don't offer that to me. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I clenched my fingers around my uniform jacket and looked down at my book, trying to block out his words. "Michiru will be mine. She needs to be with a real man, not half of one like you. You probably don't even remember what your arms look like, do you."

"No don't!" I tried to stop him as he grabbed my arm and pushed my sleeve up. I was forced to look away as him and some other students looked at my scars. Even the wounds that got me into the hospital had cleared up and scarred over. He was right, I don't know what my arms looked like anymore. They were just ridge-filled, bumpy pieces of skin. I hated what I'd done to myself.

"Jared that's enough. Leave him alone."

Oh thank you Mr. Yamato. I quickly pulled my sleeve down and kept my eyes on the desk. Most of the students sounded concerned as they talked amongst themselves about my wounds. Jared, he's the one who found it hilarious. He was chuckling about it with a few of his friends. I want to go home. I don't want to be here with his kind anymore.

The rest of my biology class went on without any more interruptions. Then I had math, which was actually just down the hall from Michiru's violin class. I love listening to her play her violin. She was so amazing. As I sat in my class, barely listening to the teacher, I tried focusing on Michiru's music, there were some days when I could hear her playing. It always relaxed me.

Most of the students seemed to have changed. Thank god for that. I guess them knowing what I had done helped a lot. They're not as hateful anymore. Except Jared. But I've got Michiru to talk to about that. When the bell rang, I headed down the hall to my locker, to get my books for the second half of my day, as I was walking toward Michiru's locker I saw something. Something I'd hoped I'd never have to see. There was Jared, at Michiru's locker. They looked like they were just talking, so I stopped and watched them. She'd smile and laugh at something he'd say. Wait…That's the same smile she gives me. She looked like she was enjoying his company. Probably more then she ever did mine. What…No…He leaned down and kissed her. I looked away quickly. She was kissing him. Why is this happening to me. No, not again. I heard my books hit the ground with a loud thud, then I ran down the hall, past where Michiru and him were standing.

"Ruka wait!" I ignored her as I ran out of the building. I don't care anymore. I can't be with a cheater. Someone who said she loves me, only to go to be with someone else. I can't do that.