The Boys all gathered around a phone
Cartman (in a manly voice): Hello This is Eric Cartman's Father
Stan Interupts: Dude you don't have a dad
Kyle: Yeh he does his mom is a hermaphrosite and has a penis and a vagina so that for makes her his dad
They all start laughing
Kenny: You have to sound like your mom Cartman
Cartman: I mean this is Eric Cartman's Mother, He is very sick and can't make it to school
Voice On Phone: M'kay, Well are you aware that your son has been absent 9 times in the last ... 9 days
Cartman: Yes I'm very well aware of that, Eric is a sick boy M'kay
Voice On Phone; M'kay
Boys Walking Down The Street
Cartman: Where to now boys
Kyle: Guys I think we should head back I mean skipping school were looking at 2 weeks grounded maybe 3.
Cartman: Don't be such a pussy Jew
Kyle: Shut up Cartman! Plus I got to do my religion assignment on The Right Religion.
Cartman: Here's your answer any religion except for those poeple who believe in buda
Stan: cartman your such an asshle
Cartman: No I'm serious they always blame there problems on Buda and pray to him. I saw A Biography on it yesterday it went like this
Man Bleeding to death On Phone: You have to help me I've been stabbed send an ambulance
911 Operator: Alright We'll Pray to Buda and Achmed for you, your safe now
Man: What the hell... Then Drops Dead
Stan: Wow that is the most racist thing I've ever heard
Officer Barbrady: Hey aren't you boys supposed to be in school?
Stan: No todays a holiday noone works or go to school
Officer Barbrady: Alright then Carry On
The Boys are gone and Officer Barbrady's by himself
Barbrady: If no ones working then why am i ... aww those bastards tricked me
Chapter 2
The Boys are in a restaurant sitting at a table
Kyle: Oh god I'm so hungry
Cartman: Would you like some Joo Jubes Jew
Kyle: God Damnit Cartman
Stan: Hey guys I have a plan to get us a free meal
The Boys Hurdle up and whisper
Cartman walks up to the owner of the restaurant
Cartman: Hey sir I'm Brett Hamilton, the biggest Fur Dealer in South Park
Owner: Your Brett Hamilton? I pictured him a lot older and not as fat, Just leave and get out of sight
Cartman Whispering: Lucky i don't cut you up and put you in chili adn serve it to people
Cartman Goes To The Washroom
The Phone rings and the owner picks it up
Owner: Hello
Stan: Hi I'm looking for Brett Hamilton the biggest Fur Dealer in South Park
Owner: Can you describe to me how he looks
Stan: Blue Hat Red Shirt and really fat like really fat
Owner: Uh oh
Cartman walks by
Owner: Excuse me Brett hamilton
Cartman: Yes
Owner: My apologies you and your friends have a complimentary free meal
Cartman: Sweet
Chapter 3
The 4 Boys walking out of The Restaurant
Kyle: Oh Man I'm Stuffed
Stan: Dude I think we all are
Cartman: I'm not I can go for some more food
Kenny: Cartman your never full Blubber Nuts
Cartman: He Kyle your favourite place to eat a bagle bakery you stupid Jew
Kyle Whispering to Stan: Dude I'm just going to ignore him maybe he'l learn something today.
Tweek Runs right past them
Stan: hey Tweek why aren't you in school
Tweek: Everyone is out of school we're looking for four missing boys, Awww I forget their names to much pressure. Runs Off
Stan: Oh sht dude
Cartman singing: They're never going to catch us so I'm putting on a smile
StanSinging: But all our parents are going to think we got raped by a pedophile
Kyle Singing: But now the whole school is all looking for us
Cartman: But now we don't have to look at that smelly Mexican who drives the bus
Kenny Singing: My parents are going to go look door to door
Cartman Singing: Kenny no one cares about you because your poor
Cartman Singing: there never going to catch us we've gone to far
Butters Singing: Hey Mr Mackey There they are
Cartman: Butters what the hell
Butters: Gee whiz you guys are in real trouble
Cartman: Butters your not ratting on us or We'll beat you up every day
Butetrs; You guys do beat me up every day
Cartman: Touché
Stan: I think we can come to an agreement. Buuters do you want a free meal
Butters: Do I Ever
Stan: Go into that restaurant there and say your Brett Hamilton the biggest fur dealer in South Park
Butters: Well alright then
Butters in the restaurant
Owner: Can I help you
Butters; yeh I'm Brett Hamilton the biggest fur dealer in South Park and I want a gosh darn free meal
Owner: A ha! The Real Brett Hamilton was in here an hour a go he was really fat, like really fat, not Oprah Fat like Chris Farley Fat!
Butters: Son of a bee sting
Owner Grabbing Butters out of the restaurant
Owner: Sir do you know this boy
Mr. Mackey: Why yes I do, we are out looking for four young boys
Owner: Well this young man tried stealing from my store
Mr. Mackey: Butters, I'm calling your parents and suspending you from school.
Butters: Aww Hamburgers
Chapter 4
Cartman: Hey Stan didn't your dad get a brand new Mustang
Stan: Dude no, I know what your thinking and the answer is no
Kenny: You guys can use my car
Cartman: Kenny your car is cardboard with skateboard wheels on it
Kyle: Hey lets go to the Baseball Game, the Coys vs. The Yankess
Cartman yeh sweet that's totally tits
The Boys at the game
Cartman: Swing batter batter miss you suck batter batter miss
The Ball flies in the stands
Stan: Dude I caught it yehahahahah
Mr. Makey watching the game at a bar
Mackey: I'm damn well going tio catch those kids if its the last thing I do. Looks at the T.v and just misses the boys on the T.v
Mr.Mackey: Whats the score
Bartender: 1-1
Mr. Mackey: For who?
Bartender:... The Cows
Shelly on the phone
Shelly: Mom Stans's missing everyone's looking for him
Sharron: That's impossible Stan's terribly sick at home
Shelly: I'm gonna get to the bottom of this
The boys walking on the street
Cartman: Let's rent a movie
Kenny: But we don't have any money
Cartman: I Bet you say that a lot right Kenny? Hey there's Butters! Oh my God I got a plan
Cartman: Hey Butters just the man I was looking for
Butters: Gee Whiz Fellas I'm in Double Dutch trouble right now, I'm suspended because of that stunt I pulled.
Cartman: Wanna go mug somebody Butters, It'l be fun
Butters: No way but I'l watch if you guys do it
Cartman: alright watch
There's a kid walking down the street
Cartman: Excuse me do you have a quarter
Kid: Yeh 1 second
The Boys all mug him and kick the crap out of him as Butetrs watches in awe
The boys drag him into the Bush
Cartman: Don't worry Chris I'l pay you the 10 Bucks tomorrow
Chris: You better
They throw him into a bush
Cartman: See Butetrs we just mugged and killed a random person and we got 10 bucks
Butters: Wow I guess I'l do that and keep the money and give it to my parents for an apology
Butters walks up to big black guy
Butters: Excuse me do you perhaps by any chance have a quarter
Black Guy: Yeh one sec
Butters grabs his wallet and runs
The Guy catches up to him and punches him in the face
The wallet falls down
Cartman Slowly gets the wallet then runs
The black guy kepps on Punching Butters, Then pins him downs and stomps on his head.
The Wallet Falls out of Butters hands
Cartman Slowly picks it up then runs away
Cartman: Sweet now we can rent a movie and we ahve 50 bucks for snacks
Kyle: What movies hsould we get
Stan: Anything except Baseketball, Team America, orgazmo and Cannibal The Musical, Those movies suck ass
Kenny: I don't even know how those count as movies
Butters at the police Station
Butters: Aw Fiddlesticks I'm going to be in triple Dutch when my dad comes
Butters dad walks in
Butters: Aw Shucks hey dad
Mr. Stotch: Don't hey dad me you little sht, your in huge trouble, First you get suspended for stealing then arrested for tryign to mug someone, Are you on Drugs?
Butters: No sir
Mr. Stotch: You btter not be, Now you march your ass down to the church and your confessing all your sins, Then your grounded for a month Mister
Butters walks toward shis dad and weed falls out his pocket
Butters dad's jaw drops
Cartman walking down the street with the boys
Cartman: Hey i wonder If Butetrs dad founf the weed in his pocket, I found that stuff in my mom's room
Kyle: She probably got it from being a crack whore and selling her body like a smelly pirate hooker
Cartman Whispering:one day your breed will all be exterminated
Chapter 5
Butters Family In The Church
Mr. Stotch: The Power of Christ Compells You Throws Holy Water
Butters: Dad is that really necessary, I didn't do anything that bad
Mr. Stotch: Not bad not bad, Stealing from stores not bad, Mugging someone not bad, Carrying an illegal drug not bad?
Butters: You make it sound a lot worse then it actually is
Mr. Stotch: You just don't quite seem to get it Mister, The Power f Christ Compells you Throws Holy Water
Shelly walking into her house
Shelly: Maybe he didn't skip, maybe he is home sick, aww why do I even care, even though he gets away with everything that stupid turd
opens Stans Door Slowly
You see someone turn over
Shelly Opens the door quick then a dummy pops up
Shelly: I knew that turd was skipping wait till I tell Mom about this
Mr. Mackey pulling up to Stans House
Mr. Mackey: I'm going to bust those boys for once and for all, These boys have been embarassing me for years, It's my turn now
Rings doorbell
Voice Of Stan: Sorry I can't make it to the door right now I'm terribly sick whisper Cartman shut up, Yeh I have a cold and i don't want you to catch it, Whispers yeh i told him I was sick fat ass
Mr. Mackey: there's something fishy about this
Rings again
Voice Of Stan:Sorry I can't make it to the door right now I'm terribly sick whisper Cartman shut up, Yeh I have a cold and i don't want you to catch it, Whispers yeh i told him I was sick fat ass
Mr. Mackey: Uh huh it was a voice message those sneaky bastards
opens door
Mr. mackey: I've got you now
Rurns Corner
Bumps into Shelly
They Both Scream: Aaaaahhhhh
Shelly: I'm calling the police turd
Mr. Makcey: Wait I'm Stans Guidance counsellor It's not what it looks like
Shelly kicks him in the nuts : Turd
The Cops Pull up
Shelly: This turd broke into my house
Mr. Mackey: I'm Stan's Guidance counsellor M'kay, I was just seieng if He was home then she assualted me
Police: Your coming with me mam
Shelly: But I didn't do anything Turd
The Boys walking down the street
Cartman: i got a bulletproof plan to get us out of trouble
Stan:what is it
Cartman: I'l tell you guys later, First let's do one last thing
Kyle: What
Cartman: Let's take Stan's dad's Mustang Out for a joy ride
Stan: no way dude
Cartman: it will be the perfect way to end off this day
Stan: oh alright If it'l shut you up
The Boys in the Car
Cartman: All aboard
Pulls out of a Driveway into the curb and dents it
Stan: Oh-My-God
Kenny: You drive like an asian
Cartman Speeding quick, A boy is rollerblading infront
Cartman Honks, Cartman Honks again
Cartman Runs him over
Stan: What the hell
Cartman: he wouldn't move
Cartman Going for a huge jump
Stan: No God Please No
Cartman Hits it and thye get 30 feet of air
Cartman: Bail
They all jump out
Stan: Oh no My dad's going to kill me
Cartman: Don't worry It's part of the plan
Chapter 6
The Boys all Dirty and Bruised up from Bailing out the car
Stan: Cartman just tell me the god damn plan
Cartman: Here's a plan shut the hell up
Stan: God dmanit I hate Cartman
Cartman: Hurry we got to get to school
Kyle: What then we'l get busted
Cartman: Trust me on this one guys we won't
Shelly In The Police Station
Guy beside her: Hey I'm Ryan what did you get busted for
Shelly: None of your business turd
Ryan: Me I was caught with drugs again, So are you a regular here
Shelly: What part of shut up turd don't you get
Ryan: oh I see how it is play hard to get
Shelly: if you want to know so bad I thought my brother was skipping so I went home then my stupid turd guidance counsellor was in my house and I thought he was a robber so I assaulted him
Ryan: Beauty, So why were you so mad your brother is skipping
Shelly pulls up her chair with a smile and talks to him about it
Mr. Mackey and everyone walking to school
Mackey: I guess they ran away or got kidnapped
Butters Dad Pulls in to the school
Mr. Stotch: Now you be a good boy Mister am I clear
Butters: yes sir
Butters: Mr. Mackey did you find they boys
Mr. Mackey: Know I'm afraid we did it
They all open the classroom door
You see the four boys all bruised and dirty laying against the wall
Mr.Mackey: Boys where were you we were looking all over for you
Cartman Out Of Breath: Butters, Butters did this
Butters: Huh
Cartman: We were walking to school when all of a sudden Butters beat us with bats. We were knocked out cold. We woke up when we woke up Butters was caught stealing from a restaurant, we were in the back seat of a car and were on drug that made us not being able to move. Then Butters started smoking weed and put the rest in his pocket. Then Butters Mugged a guy and got caught. Then he was with you. Then when his dad came to pick him up he kicked the crap out of his dad
Butters Dad Wakes up form in the corner
Mr. Stotch: Where am i, The last thing I remember was being beat with a bat
Cartman: Then Butters was going to come back to murder us so we couldn't tell anyone since he's a sick son of a bitch. Luckily we escaped. I'm so happy to make it out with my life after this one
Mr. Mackey: Damnit Butters your causing to much trouble. I'm sending you to a boarding school and expelling you from this school
Butters: Aww Fiddlesticks
Stan Whispering To Cartman: Do you not have a soul Cartman. Butters life is ruined now. He has to go to another school. And you also beta his dad with a baseball bat and his dad probably has brain damage
Cartman: I told you I had a Kick ass plan.
Stan: Dude I think there is somehting wrong with Cartman he crossed the line this time
Kyle: Definately
Cartman dancing and singing: Aww I love life