Author's Note: So…I'm sorry? I know I haven't updated in awhile…well, a really long time. It's summer holidays though and to be fair I have been gone on trips for a large portion of the time. But anyways, I'm still continuing so don't worry. And there's only…3 chapter until the end! I really don't know what to say about this chapter, so I'm not going to say anything about it and just let you read. Reviewer Responses:
SOMEONE2003- Hey! Thanks for the review and for your reviews on Rising Tide! Um…I'll tell you right now that your gut feeling is right. I have this fic categorized as angst, but maybe it should be tragedy as well. Did I say that Kai or Hilary would die? I did say it was inspired by Romeo and Juliet but that doesn't mean that both lovers or even one has to die. Ooops! I might have given too much away! Bad me…Hope you enjoy this chapter!
RavenToriBlack- Thank-you for your review and I'm sorry I took so damn long to update. I hope you'll forgive me! I don't think that you will get the answers you seek in this chapter, but the next one you will and the last chapter will answer any remaining questions. After that…ask me. Hope you like this chapter!
Hutchy- Well, your one of the only people who realized that Hilary hadn't yet jumped. Good job! Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you like this chapter!
lonlywolf- Sad is good sometimes. It makes you realize you're lucky to not have fallen in love with a cold-hearted hottie who you can't love anyways because you're dying. Doesn't that make you feel good? Just kidding. Thanks for the review and I hope you love this chapter!
Kimkizna-Thank-you for reviewing! It's good to be so into the writing that it almost makes you cry, though saying that I hate to think of the readers crying as they read my fic. Anyways, this is a dramatic chapter too. I hope you enjoy it!
weffie-Thank-you for the review and I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile (By the way, I know what you mean, I hate suspense too). Thank-you for your compliment as well. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
vamina12- I'm very, very sorry for not updating in such a long while! I'll try to do better for the last two chapters! Anyways, thank-you for your review and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
AnimeLady Noriko- Well, I'm sorry fortaking this long to update. Bad me, I know, I know. But you know I was gone sooo…Anyways, you'll have to wait a bit for What You Mean to Me. It's still in the outline process. Thank-you for being a faithful reviewer (and friend!) and I hope you like this chapter. By the way, UPDATE ANIME DREAMS…again!
knowlee- Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I'm lazy…Anyways, thanks for your review and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
blackdranzer91- Lol! I'm glad you feel for Kai and Hilary. Believe me, I don't want to kill them off either, but its so much easier when you're the author. Besides, who said I am killing them off? Maybe they'll be saved…Thanks for the review and hope you enjoy this chapter!
Monkeyluv4646 – Awww, you've made me feel bad. I hope you didn't cry too hard though its good that you got really into the story line. I'm sorry for not updating in a long time. Forgive me! Thanks for reviewing though and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
demon-lulu-You're very nice! Thank-you for the compliments and review! I'm very sorry for not updating in a long while. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chibi-Kari- Thanks for reviewing! I am glad that you have enjoyed the story this far and I really, really hope that you enjoy this chapter just as well!
Ice Witch101- Thank-you very much! You are very complimentary! A kiss…hmmm…well, you'll just have to wait and read the next 2 chapters. You might find a kiss happening in one of them. I'm very sorry for not updating in such a long time. I hope you can forgive me and I really hope you enjoy this chapter!
Random Reviewer- I'll see what I can do about the plot line. Just a few touch ups and I think it will be great! I'll have to think on how I'm going to write it though. It might take a while to get in order. Anyways, thank-you for reviewing once again and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Blue-Blade-Liger- Thank-you for reviewing! I'm happy you enjoyed the last chapter and I'm especially glad that you found it gripping. That's nice of you to say! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
cazzyprincess-I'm very sorry for not updating in a while! Please forgive me! Thank-you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Anoumyouns- Thanks for the review! I'll see what I can do about the kissing scenes. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Nubia- Thank-you very much for the review and compliments! Sometimes, I want to draw the scenes I write, but I don't have a hope because after I finish writing all my inspiration is gone! Oh well…I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Crismon Eyes- Thanks for reviewing! I don't do cliff hangers very often but this time, I felt it was necessary. Sorry for leaving you hanging! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
beda-I'm sorry for not updating in a long while! Thank-you for your review and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
I'd like to dedicate this chapter firstly to AnimeLady Noriko, for being one of the best friendsI have ever hadand secondly to Pillsbury (you know who you are) for being supportive even though you don't understand what's going on and also for being a great friend. Here's to you, Noriko and Pillsbury…
Heaven's Call
The Desolation Engraved in Joy …
That the love was always there,
It's been around us everywhere…
"HILARY!"
Her mind…snapped. A huge mirror broke and spilled all its truth, its lies, its reality into somewhere or nowhere, for she did not care. It was like the sun had gone out; the stars had burst into thousands of sparkling fireflies, a huge wave had crashed over her entire being, but still she did not care. She was immersed, intoxicated with that call. It was a name, but the name didn't matter, only the nature of that name; the reason for which it was called out. The longing…the lust in which it was etched. A shock so great, it broke her heart…again.
Arms twined around her middle and pulled. They pulled with a desperation that she never thought she could feel, ever. And she felt…good. Oh, so good. More so then ever before. She wanted nothing but to close her eyes and be silenced by the security those arms offered her, a lullaby of promise and love. But a fragment of her hate stilled remained, lodged somewhere deep inside and she knew she could never be safe. It was impossible, irrational that she should expect to be so everagain. The temptation was great, but the reality was truth. So she closed her mind to the desire and fought. She fought like an animal, restrained from intelligence and reason. But she did have purpose and that is what drove her on.
"Let go! Let me go!"
She collapsed from an exhaustion that was all too familiar and her screaming wound higher and higher. A infuriating howling that reflected her anger, lust, desperation and purpose all at once. The sensation she was feeling now, was all four combined. This was the emotion that had broken her once calm spirit. It had tortured and destroyed her mind and body, heart and soul. Yet she was still here, of this earth and that killed her. The monster that had shattered her had won, she had submitted to its mastery and she wanted to end it. Something was still there though, wedged deep inside herself where no one could reach. A secret, sacred place that she had only wandered once or twice before and that we, ourselves in our whole lifetime may only wander a very small number of times. That something had escaped the monster that tore at her soul and had burrowed there, like a seed, a seed that shone brightly now. A part of herself, her old self, unafraid of pain and released from hate. And it sang to her now, through her revulsion of herself. Then her screaming rose higher and broke at the very end. And she poured forth tears, tears that no one could describe, for there were no words for her grief.
"It's…all right. Don't cry…"
Be strong, be strong my little angel…
But she would not stop. The tears kept falling and she kept sobbing wretchedly. Weeping as if the world had ended and all she loved was gone. But she was sane. Saner then she had been in a long time and her thoughts swirled together and through it all she was happy. And her tears still fell.
"Don't cry…please Hilary…please don't cry…"
His desperation stopped her heart once again. She froze and her cries ceased. She watched the last tears cling and fall to the earth. Then she looked up, into the crimson eyes she knew so well. Those eyes that she hated and loved so dearly. They shone a deep sadness now, so deep that she felt her own happiness melting. Yet the lust and desperation was still clear in her mind, clear as his eyes sparkling in the setting sun. She needed to know his truth and she spoke. Her voice barely shook.
"I want you to know that I care about you like I've never cared about anyone else. I don't know why, but I feel like you're the only one that ever understood me. It's strange, but that's how you make me feel and I love you. You confuse me though. I need to know your feelings. Just so I know the truth because…it-it's killing me…"
His eyes had widened and he moved suddenly, as if to run. But she gripped his hand and leaned forward her eyes radiating his sorrow too.
"Please…please Kai…I need to know…please tell me…"
He looked at her and felt struck. A bell chimed somewhere and from a deep crevice in his mind came a voice, rusty with misuse. It had spoke to him once of desires and sins, of lust and evil and it spoke to him now about purpose.
Are you considering? Fool! What has your whole life been for? When you were little, you were scared and frightened. A weak coward, whom fled at the tiniest shadow, do you remember? I feel you cringe in revulsion of your younger self. It was pathetic. You were such a mistake. And everyone told you that, didn't they? They told you how worthless you were and they were right. But you started to grow bitter and removed yourself from society, choosing to live instead on the outskirts of humanity. There you developed distance and ruthlessness and a strange desire burned in you to prove how wrong they were. For that is what you thought? That you were not worthless? You were strong? You could be perfect? And I felt you train and cry and bleed until you couldn't feel anymore. But you had gained strength and tough edge around you, to protect you. You had and still have only small steps until you reach your goal and become World Champion. Then you could show them, and yourself.
That is what you are really afraid of, isn't it? Not love and touch as you think, but of being weak. You are afraid that they were right, that you are worthless. And even with all the healing that the Bladebreakers friendship provided your soul still isn't whole. You still have the purpose to be strong. But you will throw it all away! For what? A silly girl? You're afraid of her, but what is she worth…nothing! She cannot help you gain power or strength. Fool! Idiot! Insignificant! Weak! Worthless! Because that's all you are and all you've ever been and all you'll ever be! Worthless and weak!
But another voice spoke now; weak defiance. It was filled with pity and a sad joy. It had spoke to him once of joy and happiness, of hopes and dreams and it spoke to him now of purpose.
Are you considering? From a small child you were ridiculed and picked on. Worthless, they said, weak. You quietly killed your soul and self when you left them, outside defiant, inside believing. I also felt you train and cry and bleed until you could not feel anymore. You didn't care anymore. And when you were done, you were perfection. A masterpiece of precision. No one would get in your way after your suffering. But then you met others, who felt the same desires that were held with the same passion but not with the same outlook and hopes. And you saw goodness, at last. You were blinded at first, unsure and a little frightened but you were saved and they empathized and sympathized. You were cared for, cared about and though doubt still shaded your heart, you started to care too. And the shadow that had consumed you was lifted, though part of it still remained and will always remain carved into your soul.
You are still afraid though. Do not be. Love is not wrong. Love is wonder filled and sparkles with joy. But it requires sacrifice. This you know and you are still frightened. What is it really worth? But know, there is still hope, still goodness and you've seen this. Your life does not have to be led to mark strength to those you care nothing for and whom care nothing for you in return. Love may prove your worth as well as the other path will. In love, you may find strength and perfection too.
The two voices twined, spiraling up into a harmony both beautiful and terrible.
What is your purpose? Is it to prove your strength and flawlessness or is it to love and be loved? You must decide. Think what you've worked for. Are you going to throw it all away? A new door is opening. It contains goodness, as you've never felt before. Are you too frightened, too filled with pride and bitterness to experience it? Decide, but be wise. This is your last, your only chance.
Love?
I love her…
"Kai…Kai, I see you hesitate, yet your eyes make me hope. But…but, there is something I have to say. I have to be honest with you…"
He regarded her, half transfixed in the harmonizing voices and half drowning in her ruby eyes. They were deep, like twin pools of blood and crystal tears were pooling again. Shaking…her limbs were vibrating slightly. She was angry…or scared?
"I-I…."
What is left to lose?
Nothing…nothing's left. Not anymore.
"I need to tell you…"
Will you fight?
Fight? I have fought and…Now I will be honest. He needs to know. I have to be fair. Maybe he will understand. Maybe he'll stay…for me…with me…
"I…I'm-"
He might run. Will you fight then?
I…No. I have fought. I won't do it again. It's too late…the end…
"I'm…dying…"
And when the words were recalled later, they could be described in perfect detail. Every emotion, every syllable was remembered, exactly how they were played out. He was shaking and she was screaming in her mind, the numb echoes of a freshly opened wound. His mind trembled and thoughts swirled, creating a silver mash of wicked memories that were carved into his mentality like scars.
Fool! Never, never again!
No sound came from him. He needed not assurance for there was all the indemnity in the world in her bloody gaze, the gaze that he held while the world froze around them. The tears were pooling now. The smile that had painted her lips like a memory of shadowed sunshine was gone. Her jaw trembled and he felt her gaze sear as she looked deep inside his own eyes for reassurance.
Worthless…
He felt it. As if thousands of tiny insects were spreading across his face, he felt the horror reach. It came and his mind closed and only the revulsion remained. He was alone with dark thoughts and bloody eyes. And she felt it too and knew. She whimpered like an abused dog at her knowledge. But he was gone, backing away his horror. Nothing could make him stay. He ran and she screamed. Aloud this time, his name over and over. But he was already broken. She had broken him long before and he ran for that, only numbly aware of the detail.
Then, like a skipped heartbeat, hope stopped and the shattering screaming halted as her body collapsed. The sun set on an empty soul and a fleeing, void boy.
Author's Note: Whoa…I just freaked myself out. That was a little bit scary…maybe a little bit too dark? I tried, I really did but it was so damn hard to write this chapter. Well, the ending at least. In the original draft I had a whole different ending for it but, it just wasn't working. Sigh…I'm sad now…Um…I just wanted to mention that last chapter I think I confused some people. Hilary, though it may have seemed so, did not in fact jump. She just almost jumped as you have very obviously seen already. There's something else…Oh yeah! I know it's kind of weird that Hilary said ' "I'm dying" ' to both Kai and Tyson, but I couldn't think to write anything else at the time. Anyways, did you guys like it? R&R!