CHAPTER 8 - No more secrets
It was Friday and they were broken. The school week was coming to an end but they were on the verge of giving up. Instead of getting easier it was getting worse. Skipping troubled situations and trying to act cool required lots of mental and emotional energy. They were tired. Every morning, getting up from bed was getting a feat, heavier and heavier as days went by, and the mattress seemed to swallow them like quicksand. The way to the bus stop was dolorous as a Way of the Cross, each step reminding them to wear their mask and start the fiction.
Switching roles in the morning and then getting home, switch back and start being called by their true names again was exhausting, confusing and annoying.
Even their phones were only going back and forth between them. They should better have switched their phones once and for all, but they were reluctant to let go of that little piece of normality, as that virtual chatting was the last little sparkle of normality they had left about their social lives. Through their phones they could still be Chris and Claire for real.
Accordingly, they had started to stay together when chatting with friends, so the other would know what had been said. It appeared being a little helpful on the following days. Not decisive, but helpful.
On the other hand, however, being under the scrutiny of the other's eye didn't let them chat freely with friends. Real Chris wouldn't answer Carlos' dirty jokes in the same racy way he used to do. Real Claire would just avoid replying to any teasing about boys.
Even only thinking about boys was a problem. As long as she'd be inside that body, carrying on her brother's life, she'd better stop thinking about them as she couldn't start any dating, and for obvious reasons: even if she found an interesting guy, she couldn't just make a move as he couldn't guess it was Claire and not Chris… and even if the guy would like fake Chris' attentions… well, she couldn't date the guy anyway once - if - she'd be back in her body, for other obvious reasons. She also thought about the eventuality of having to have sex with a boy one day if the shit couldn't be fixed. Would she like that? She liked sex with boys with her female body, but what about with this one? Damn, would she even able to have sex at all with her brother's penis?
Her brother had the same problem. Many times real Chris had found himself peeping at a girl's butt at the school cafeteria, just to look away angrily, hoping no one noticed his devious famelic stare.
On that first Friday of October, real Claire got home before Chris. Her last class had been cancelled and as she had had to spend the last one faking to enjoy Miss Wong's curves and trying to do some dirty comments on her tits, she was happy to burrow into Man's Cave.
She laid on bed, eyes closed, the back of a hand resting on her forehead, recalling all the week's events in her mind. All the suffering, all the anxiety, the worsening panic attacks, all the hard study she had to do to keep her brother's grades at an acceptable level - except for maths, she was doing almost well, after all studying was a distraction - and keep studying even her own old subjects, the homework load had duplicated for them. In other words she had to study for two people, just like Chris.
She sighed. At least, she was still alive. That part of the plan was the only one they hadn't failed yet.
She needed to relax.
She got up and wandered to the bookshelf beside the door to scan her brother's vinyl records collection, till she found Highway to Hell by AC/DC.
Perfection.
She loved that. She needed a good dose of rock and roll to fuck off a bad week.
She put it in the record player and climbed back on bed as the music started filling the room. Dammit, that first song summarized perfectly her condition. Well, not all the lyrics... actually only the chorus did, but she didn't mind. As far as she knew, she was on the highway to hell too.
As the music played and topped up the room, while quietly humming the lyrics along with the aussie band, she started recalling also the good things happened on those past days. The good moments with Chris, the lovely hugs of her mother, the movie nights on the sofa, the ridiculous way Chris attempted to put mascara on, even some bad but funny saucy jokes of Carlos.
She also recalled all the times she had gone to the gym. They had settled that reducing it to only two times a week would be fine, just enough to keep that body well-toned. She had days to rest before other two hours of total body training. She thought back at the moments in the gym locker room and grinned, chickling under her breath... there she was surrounded by boys going around shirtless and having showers right next to her as if their only purpose in life was to make good display of their brawns just for her. Well... being fake Chris had its advantages after all!
Maybe it was the fact that she was relaxing after a hell of a week, or maybe it was the rock music playing, or maybe those hot thoughts about naked boys or, most likely, it was a combination of all those elements but Claire started to feel something... moving. It was just a pleasant warmness at the beginning but it soon increased into something more. She knew what that was.
He is waking up.
She sighed, relishing the arousal. Her heart was already pounding fast, the temptation of slipping a hand down on herself was nestling in her chest like a slithering demon, ready to take over her.
She wanted it. Chris had given his approval. She knew that. It wouldn't be anything wrong. She wouldn't do anything wrong to her brother.
It's my body now.
Without taking off her hand from the head, she reached down with the other and started massaging through the fabric of her sweatpants, sensing the whole length of her penis under her fingertips. It felt good, still a lot unusual the feel of such a stranger appendage being hers and slightly moving as if it had its own conscience, but immensely good and pleasing. Just like in the shower, but this time the pleasure was growing faster and greater. That feeling was what made her make up her mind.
After a while of that gentle but determined stroking, she lowered all the fabric and took herself in hand, looping one finger at a time around the thick member. It wasn't her first time seeing an erection, but it was her first time seeing that penis erected. Her brother's hard-on. It was disturbing and arousing at the same time.
He stood there, tall and fierce, the tip swaying like a bamboo in the breeze, bulging more and more with every touch. She liked to play with the pad of her thumb for a bit, caressing the whole length like a windshield wiper.
She just went on stroking herself with increasing abandon until her hand started a mad pace, going upwards, gyrating a bit on the tip and then again downwards til the base, in a rapturous loop. It felt better than any shower timid touching. Way better. She enjoyed every single shiver, every moan, every twitching, every hip thrust, everything. Her breath came out now in ragged pants and little, stuttered and sighed syllables of forbidden words came out of her parted lips like a supplication.
She laid with her lap completely exposed, one hand jabbing her dick with vehemence, the other gripping tightly the blanket, hazel brown eyes closed under her thick furrowed eyebrows, all her manly features were pursed into an expression of most painful pleasure. Being her first time, she let instinct lead her through it. She felt she was quickly losing control over her pleasure, she couldn't stop it anymore from run over her. Not that she wanted to stop. She felt that even if she interrupted her stroking, the climax was just few seconds away and it would have possessed her anyway.
When she climaxed she almost cursed, the pleasure so sharp that made her abdomen contract violently, causing her to rise up from the mattress, while fireworks were blasting in front of her clenched, rolled back eyes.
She laid back down on the bed panting heavily, still caressing herself gently, fingers idly stroking her quickly softening penis, lost in the sweet aftermath of her masturbation. Her head was completely empty. Everything seemed to have disappeared: the switch, the problems, the anxiety, the shame. It was good. A moment of purest relief.
She looked down on her to watch once more that manly hand doing such an erotic thing as grabbing and massaging a dick but immediately spotted all the white stains spread over her shirt.
Fuck!
She had forgot that boys ejaculate. She had spilled her sperm all over her belly.
Cursing under her breath, she put the shaft back into boxers and pants and climbed out of bed as she needed to go to the bathroom to wipe away the sperm and throw her shirt in the laundry basket. And wash her hands, no... better have directly a shower, that hot touching had made her sweat.
As she opened Man's Cave door she stopped, paralyzed with dismay.
Real Chris was standing right in front of her in his dainty girlish body.
He had returned home from school and was heading to Girly Room when he came across that muscular fake Chris' body, with an embarrassed look on the face and... unmistakable white drops on the shirt.
That was a most delicate moment, he knew it for sure. Wrong reaction and he would've screwed his relationship with his sister.
If he just ignored what he had seen and continued walking towards Girly Room it would've just been worst, he thought, as that would've meant building a wall between his sister and himself. A wall of shame and secrecy.
"Guess you need the bathroom right?" He said trying to smile as innocently as possible.
Real Claire was embarrassed to the bone and didn't know what to do or where to look. She was feeling guilty. Guilty for having done it and for having been caught.
Real Chris sensed her shame and approached his sister. "Go to do what you have to in the bathroom, Claire, I'll be waiting in the Man's Cave."
Dammit.
He wanted to talk! It made her feel even more uncomfortable but she wouldn't say him to just walk away and leave her alone. She couldn't. For it was something that pertained him too.
She shyly nodded and went to the bathroom, mentally blaming and cursing all the Gods and Saints and Spirits of all the religions of the world for her bad luck.
They were laying on the bed side by side. Real Claire on the right side of real Chris. They were staring at the ceiling, silently. Fake Chris was shirtless as the needed shower had to wait. The music was still playing, and the first notes of Love hungry man had just started floating in the ether. That was a very perfectly suiting song for what had occurred, and about what they were going to talk!
"I don't want you to feel ashamed about it Claire" Chris started at some point, quite ready to talk with his sister about male autoerotic practices. Something that he knew really well.
Real Claire was silent.
"Remember what I told you last week? In the Girly Room? It's normal to want to touch it in other ways than just brushing it for a wipe." He said and, chuckling quietly, he added "I mean... boys do it all the time! It's alright!"
"I know that. But it's not alright being caught, Chris." She had finally found the courage to speak, even if she kept her raw voice nothing more than a coy whisper. "Have you ever been caught?"
"Well... no. But I can guess how embarrassing it is. But don't worry Claire... It's me! You don't have to be ashamed!"
"Maybe especially because it's you I should!"
He knew what she meant. He was going to say for the umpteenth time that it was her body now, when she continued talking.
"This is so fucked up." she exhaled, shaking her head "We're talking about your sister having jerked off in your bedroom with your dick and having being caught by none less than you... and we're supposed to act like what happened is just alright and normal?!" She reasoned sighing loudly.
"Normally it wouldn't be like this, Claire. But we're living a… unique situation. We need to compromise... we need to act different than usual... we need to change. We already changed. Our body genders don't match our real ones anymore. Hopefully, it won't last long. You heard Dad. You heard how much progress they're doing day by day! But until that shit works we have to just keep dealing with this shit. I know it's something pretty intimate, siblings don't usually talk about that, but now it's your bod-"
"You're not saying anything I don't know already, Chris."
What Claire didn't know was that Chris had much more to say. He had to clean up his conscience. Maybe if she knew that they were both sharing the exact same shame and issues she might have felt better...
"Claire..." He needed all his nerve to do it and even a bit of sauciness to speak without blushing like a little girl "don't be ashamed to say that you needed to... do it, not in front of me..." he breathed deeply and confessed "because I did exactly the same."
It took her few seconds to understand what her brother had just said. She kept her eyes locked to the ceiling, widening them in realisation when she understood her had just said he had masturbated too.
"Y-you did it?"
"Yes, Claire. I needed it. I-I needed a moment to feel good."
"When?"
He thought about it a moment. "It happened on Monday night. I was so wrecked after that hellish day... I couldn't resist. I tried... But… ugh… I needed to feel good. It helps me feel better."
He had said it. It had been quite easy after all. But something was still missing to finish cleaning up his conscience.
"I did it every night since then."
Ok.
Even if they never talked about masturbation back when they were normal, Claire knew that her brother, being an adolescent boy, did it normally. It was never a mystery. Every boy does. What was really leaving her perplexed now was that fact that he had done it with her body. He had taken pleasure from that body, the same she'd eventually get back soon, he had touched her! Because, of course, it was his body now, but it still was hers too. And vice versa. And to make it even worse, he now knew that she had the same habit. Because girls are human too. These things were what embarrassed her the most.
"We are such a fucking mess!" She blurted out laughing hard, so hard she had to hold her belly, hands clenched on the six pack.
Real Chris was a bit confused by that reaction but eventually started giggling too.
"Oh, Chris! This is so ridiculous! We've not only masturbated in each other's body but... We're... HA HA HAAAA... We've even confessed it to each other! Don't you hear how fucking ridiculous that sounds?"
"Actually it's pretty silly!" He laughed back, with more abandon this time. He was relieved his sister was reacting that way, or at least, he hoped that a good laugh was also a good sign. After all she was still that badass girl Claire's always been.
They laughed along a little while, and when the room went quiet again, feeling that now they could just talk about it more freely, Chris asked "So... how was yours? You liked that?"
He wanted to know how well his dick was working, not hiding a little malicious male pride about his dick satisfying girls' needs.
They had just crashed down a big part of their mutual modesty. After all, they already were seeing the other's body naked from head to toe, they had admitted their secret lonesome touching, and laughed hard about it, that they might just start talking about their sexuality openly.
It actually went easier than expected, they didn't feel as much unease as they thought, and it just decreased as long as they kept talking about it. Yes, sexual modesty was definitely leaving their siblinghood.
"I liked that. A lot." Real Claire answered "but I forgot about the spilling thing."
"That's why my black Ramones shirt is in the laundry basket right now!" He joked faking desperation.
"Dumbass!... What about you?"
"Oh well... It's different than what I'm used to... But it just feels amazing! It leaves me breathless any time!"
"Yeah me too. I mean both bodies. It just feels awesome no matter the gender. Different but awesome!"
"Actually I was wondering if you have kind of a vibrator or something..." He said smirking, recalling his useless desperate search in the Girly Room's closet and drawer and nightstand two nights before.
"JESUS CHRIST, CHRISTOPHER FUCKING REDFIELD!" real Claire couldn't hold her laughs again, she started twitching and rolling so bad she eventually fell on the ground, still laughing her ass off. Her brother just asked for a vibrator! That was too hilarious!
"I... HAHAHAHA... I don't have any!" She managed to say, wiping her laughter tears and shaking her head while laughing and slapping her abdomen uselessly trying to contain the raging laughter.
"So you always go bare hands?" he wondered.
"YEAHAHAHAHAHAAH!"
"Hum..." he replied with a sly smirk and joked "I'll have to buy one then!"
"You can't be serious!" she gasped while her laughs were maddening.
"Take it as a premature birthday present!" He replied, winking.
When Claire was able to climb on bed again, she laid on her side, face towards real Chris who adjusted to the same position. She was smiling, as all the previous laughter were still ghosting on her face.
Chris was smiling too but more softly. He was happy to know his sister was feeling better.
She leaned forward and dipped him in a huge embrace, the bare skin of his muscled torso sticking to the delicate figure of him, almost enfolding all his body.
"You know Chris" she started, head sunk in the crook of her ex neck "I miss my body. All of it. But I'm starting to feel a bit more at ease in this one. At least when I'm home. Though... I miss my brother being in it sometimes."
She tilted her head backwards and looked straight in those sky-blue eyes once were hers, still holding him tightly within her biceps, her lips just few millimetres away from the point of his nose, so close that he felt her humid hot breath warming his tender skin.
"Don't get me wrong. I know you are here and I can feel you close and caring as always... That hasn't changed at all. I owe so much to you for being still the same old Chris. But I miss being the body wrapped in your embrace. I miss being lifted, I miss feeling your beard scratching my forehead when you give me the goodnight kiss, I miss dancing with you, just like I know you miss your cigarettes. It's just... I don't know... I just don't recognize me anymore in my reflection, I hear my real voice when thinking inside my head but the one that comes out my throat is deep, raw and masculine. It's yours. And even if I try to whisper to myself cheering words, like you used to do, it's not the same. It may be your voice, it may even be your words, but it's not you. We both know I never really needed to be protected in the past, but your hugs, your kisses always made me feel alright. And I need you now, but I'm having only a part of you, and you're as well having only a part of me."
Real Chris looked back at those hazel brown eyes. He missed watching her face instead of his own. He missed her laughter, he missed watching at her flying on her toes lightly like a butterfly to an Ennio Morricone's piece down in the basement, he missed the sight of her dancing all around like a demoniac with earphones on and hard rock music playing, head banging and spinning her ponytail like rushing fans' blades, he missed her unexpected hugs and her handing him one of those earphones, forcing him to rock all along. He missed feeling that little body within his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head and squeezing her shoulders in his warm big hands.
And he missed his body too. No matter how good he felt when touching himself but he missed his dick. And his beard. And his height. And his strength.
He caressed Claire and placed a warm kiss on the bearded cheek. Not caring about how weird it was to him to feel crispy beard under his lips, he kept pressing them on her face, because he knew his sister was feeling him in that moment, and even if it wasn't enough, he wouldn't have spared her his loving cares. He kept kissing, breathing in his own scent, and hugging her tightly, rubbing slow circles on the broad expanse of her nude back, while she was doing the same with his nape.
"I love you, Claire."
"I love you too, Chris."
That wasn't the time to talk about anything negative. They had just had a strong siblings bonding time. He didn't want to ruin it. But he had to talk. Hopefully the previous light-hearted time might have put his sister in a better mood to discuss what they had to more easily.
"Claire, I have to talk with you about something" he said parting the hug, but not letting her go completely.
"Ok, Chris… about what?" she asked, an expression of genuine wonder appearing on her face.
If he was careful enough he might have introduced the matter without provoking bad reactions, he only had to explain everything clearly and quietly, and discuss it like the two polite young adults they were.
"Hanging with the girls I... uh..." he started but soon he couldn't hold back, the thought of what he was going to talk about tickled his hot-headed disposition too much. "... Have you dated Brad Vickers?!"
Always straight to the point. And with a plain rhetorical question.
Real Claire looked away. They had just stopped talking about how they liked stroking each other's genitals, but still that simple question was a bit, only a bit, uncomfortable.
"Well... I did." she admitted, aware that if her brother made that question, it meant he already knew a lot, if not everything.
"When?"
"Last year."
"For how long?"
"Two months."
"Did you like him?"
She looked away once more, this time to focus on her inner feelings. "I thought I did like him. But he turned out being an asshole."
Chris was heating up. He completely agreed about Bitch Vickers being an asshole, but he wanted to know why his sister thought the same. What was that thing he had done to her that Jill was referring to?
"Did he hurt you?" He was tremendously pissed off, his voice reaching higher tones.
"Well kind of... he-"
"THAT BITCH! Tell me what he did to you!" He screamed, pointing an inquisitorial forefinger at her, gaining a quite upset look from his sister "Did he forced you to do anything? He harassed you? He raped you! Tell me if he did, cause I'll be fucking kicking his ass from here to L.A. were that dickhead lives now and back! I swear if he did anything bad to you I'll kill him!" He was roaring, his round cheeks flushed, anger overcoming, brotherly love raging like a wildfire.
If Vickers, aka Brad Chickens as his friends used to call him, had only even slightly laid a single finger on her, on his little sister, that fucker should have better started to write down his last will, because nothing could've stopped Chris Redfield's wrath. Not even a couple of thousand miles separating Raccoon City from the UCLA.
In front of her brother's anger, real Claire had to use that new physical strength she had to force fake Claire down and to pin her brother on the mattress.
"He didn't rape me!" She said with the calmest tone possible trying to soothe her brother's ire. "He didn't rape me, Chris. He didn't anything of what you think! He never had to force me to do anything and even if he would have done... I'd never let him win."
The fire in fake Claire's eyes didn't allude to expire but at least he stopped gritting his teeth (and only because they were Claire's).
Just a little calmer, real Chris asked again what the bitch had done to gain her disdain.
"He cheated. That's all. He was an idiot who dated two girls at the same time."
"Motherfucker." he roared under his breath.
"I dumped him. Slapped him in the face, erased his number, blocked him on every social network and walked away, not wanting to see his ugly face ever again."
Fuck yes! That's what Redfields do!
"Well done Claire! That bitch doesn't deserve a precious little thing like you!"
She smiled at the compliment and released him from her grip, sure that he wouldn't wiggle again.
"One last thing Claire..." He said, knowing that it wasn't much of his business but he had to know. "Did he… did you have sex with him?"
"Yes." She candidly admitted, bravely staring at him.
Chris clenched his eyes trying not to blast into flames once again.
Vickers had fucked with his sister.
Vickers had fucked his sister! Vickers' filthy dick had been inside his sist-... damn! His dick has been inside his vagina! Oh no no no… that was unacceptable! The thought that that son of a bitch had touched, not only his sister, but also the same body he was in was nauseating!
"Was he your first?" He said, trying to speak as softly as his disgust allowed him.
"No."
Well at least that big bitch didn't get the honour to pick her virginity, he thought, and awareness was strangely relieving for real Chris.
But now another question came along... who had the first one been, then?
Now he had the certainty that Claire had had sex by her own words. Something was pushing him to know more about that aspect of her life. He hoped it wasn't one of his friends or he would've definitely lost his mind... and committed homicide.
"And... who's been then?"
Claire chuckled a bit. "It was a guy at the summer camp, two years ago. His name was Jake. He was pretty good!" and remembering his worries about boys hurting her she made haste to add "and he didn't hurt me. He was as delicate as a flower."
Ok. A stranger. Good. Nobody had hurt his sister.
He finally relaxed, if not his mind at least his slender muscles, that he kept tensed and contracted til then.
"I could ask you who your first girl was but I already know the answer!" She giggled, trying to cheer the atmosphere.
"Do you?" he asked lamely.
"Yep! Sherry!" She smirked.
Of course she knew! Sherry had been his first girlfriend after all.
He smiled, he had liked that girl back then, she was pretty but their relationship wasn't meant to last longer as she was pretty... childish.
He just fucked her as long as he pleased and didn't really care when she dumped him for another guy. He was fifteen back then, he didn't care about having a real girlfriend, falling in love and things like that. He even let Carlos have some good time with her, too!
Jake, Jake, Jake... He mumbled that name in his head a bit but he was sure he had never met him. If he wasn't wrong about which summer camp she was referring to... Jake surely wasn't a guy from their same school. Good. Well, good for that Jake… as the mysterious guy wouldn't risk coming across that (inner) behemoth of a Redfield warning him to think twice about making again a move on his sister and towards her panties.
He smiled thinking of how Claire had just saved one of his friend's life!
"You know... I feared your first one was someone I know! Or worse... one of my friends!" He spoke neutrally.
"Nah... your friends would never dare to even slightly approach me! They know how you would react and they know this is forbidden to them" she said, letting her forefinger slid down on fake Claire's side in a suggestive manner.
"Yes it is. And now it is more than ever!" He joked. " but what about you? You said they wouldn't and that's quite obvious, but… would you?"
"Well... no. I wouldn't mess with your friends, that would be bad. Even though..." she said, a sly smirk appearing on her face.
"Even though?"
"Even though... I'd happily fuck with Leon if he wasn't your friend or Rebecca's crush. Definitely." she said, underlining her words with a malicious smile.
He almost choked on his own breath at hearing such an explicit confession, but he eventually let out a slightly forced laugh and snorted "Leon gets all the girls!"
"Oh but you do too! You should hear how my girl friends talk about you, your body..."
"Yeah I heard some of their dirty talks about me, those girls are too horny!" he bluntly said.
"Rebecca told me they also fantasize about your dick and its size when I'm not around!" Real Claire said, starting to laugh hard again "they can ask Claire Redfield about your dick size from now on! Both of her versions! HA HA!"
So, they've both crossed the second line (the first one being the shower, of course). The road to the incestfield is full of many other nasty lines to cross, and our beloved Redfields won't disappoint us and will cross them all like champions. The more their lives will get miserable the further they'll push the bar of what is legit between them.
Next chapter still needs some touches but it will come out soon!
A huge, huge thank you to all my readers on both FanFiction and AO3! Hope to deserve your time, hearts and kudos!
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