Where Did The Time Go?
by livi2jack
Summary: Mini Jack reflects on his choices as he turns 18 yrs old.
Rating: Teens
Category: Humor, Mystery, Point Of View, Angst
Season: SG-1 Season Nine+
Pairings: None
Related SG-1 Episode(s): 703 Fragile Balance
Featured Character(s): Jack O'Neill's Clone
(Author Notes: Spoilers thru Season 7. In Fragile Balance Season 7 which originally aired June, 2003, Sam holds Jack's I.D. card which states his birthdate is October, 1952. I did the math. He was 51 yrs old then. Three years later, he's 54. MiniJack shows up 15 yrs old. So now he's 18 yrs old. Are we clear? YES MA"AM! lol.)
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1" and its characters are the property of Sony Pictures MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.
Where did the time go?
I've been here for three years. Yes, I'm three years old. NOT. Well technically, I am. But, but, but, I'm not. I'm a 54 yr old man in an 18 yr old body. The body grows on ya. Ya think?
Yasureyabetcha. I'm all arms and legs and elbows and knees. They don't always work together. I don't remember this part. I have more scrapes and bruises than I did in working in the chaos at the SGC.
Chaos. My life is Chaos. First I show up thinking I'm me but then I find out I'm not who I think I am even though I think I am who I say I am. Ok, that confused me. I have to work on that, confusion. I think I walked around for decades confused. Well, actually, I've only walked around for three years. It was the other me, who lives in a state of confusion. Well, not all the time. Just a lot of the time. Ok, most of the time. Especially when Carter would prattle on. She thought I was acting dumb. The truth be told, I just wasn't interested in what she was saying. I was interested in looking at her, and thinking thoughts no CO should have. I thought them a lot. Now, I have the memories. And no girl measures up.
That's a sad state of affairs.
I'm living in an 18 year old teenage male body. Yeah, that says it all. And I think I'm growing another zit. You'd think on some lame ass planet they'd find the cure for zits. Some plant, some mixture the natives use, something, anything. I've got a wen the size of my eyeball. It's a third eye sitting above my nose between my eyebrows. Yep a third eye, I'm growing a third eye.
This sucks. I know what I want. I'm just torn about getting it. Let's face it. A 54 yr old mind chasing 18 yr old skirt is a little perverted. Well, a lot perverted. It was worse when I showed up looking 15 yrs old. Then I was a 51 yrs old in mind. And the girls were still 15 yrs old. I'm not into jailbait. Well, I would if I could but I can't and I shouldn't so I didn't. Did I say that out loud?
I'm legal today. Officially, I'm 18 yrs old. I'm really three and I want a mommy. To be precise, I'm a three year old who wants what the mommies have, and lots of that, boy oh boy, yeah, what the mommies have. Uh oh, I have that problem again. You know what happens to hormonal teenagers? Yeah, that problem. Change the subject and wait. I'll just hunker down here on the bench and pretend my jacket is there nonchalantly. Did I mention I want what the mommies have, all the time?
I'm three today and I'm just peachy. I get to live my life over again. Dang, I get another fifty years to play catch-up to myself. If that isn't enough to twist a mind, I don't know what is. The thing is, I liked my life. It was a great life. I did more and saw more and went more places than anyone could imagine. And they actually paid me to do it. I would have paid them, but don't tell 'em. I'd pay them to go do it some more.
I mean I was out there. I was riding around the Galaxy in space ships! I lost count of how many planets I've been to. Now, I can't even impress a date with it. That would get them excited to know I was Action Jack. "Hey did I tell you about the time I killed a System Lord and stole his SPACE SHIP?" Yeah, I know, classified. Can you imagine telling a chick a story from my travels? I've spent three years dreaming about how I would begin. "Oh, so you want to know about me? Well, little lady, there's a few stories I could tell you …but then I'd have to kill you."
I have to work on the delivery.
I've been stuck with 15, 16, 17 and now 18 yr old girls, girls, not women. And let's face it, I don't want them for their conversation. For crying out loud, have you LISTENED to one of them go on? They prattle about the most inconsequential mean-spirited, self-centered, unimportant gossip. It turns my brain to goo. It's so bad I re-run Carter's prattle. At least hers had some meat to it.
Nope, I need a Mrs. Robinson. That statement really dates me, doesn't it? Yeah THAT Mrs. Robinson. The one Dustin Hoffman banged at his girlfriend Elaine's house in that movie 'The Graduate.' Believe me if he had really dragged her out of that church, he would have paid for it the rest of his life. That was one dumb broad. Good looking though.
I'm three years old and I want a mommy like Mrs. Robinson. Coo-coo-kah-choo!
And no one feels 'groovy' anymore. No more Flower Power. No letting it all hang out. I'd get arrested. Free Love is as dead as a doornail. There are all these willing available chicks out there and all this VD. In my time, it could make you sick. This modern stuff will kill you slowly and more terribly than Ba'al killed me all those times. Brrrrrr!
This world today is so dark! I never realized it when I was working at the SGC. I was too busy listening to Carter or Daniel and their enthusiasm. For them everything was fascinating. Everyone was interesting. It never got old. Old. I'm old in a teenage body. When I go out, all the entertainment is about the most dreadful situations, filled with dreadful people who look scary ugly. They should get a gander at some of those Jaffa out there. Then they'd get scared.
Didn't anyone tell them not to scare a three year old?
Three years old and a high school drop out. I went to school, briefly. That blew chunks. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. But that's my undeveloped prefrontal lobes talking. Speaking of which, here I am, a man with a mature mind in a developing body. So my judgment is affected by the fact my brain hasn't finished developing the judgment areas. That's the prefrontal lobes. I really am that stupid. Really. This time I am that dumb. I'm not pretending. Well, I'm pretending some. Well, maybe more than a little. Well, actually a lot. I tried to fit in. So I dumbed down. It didn't work. I am not that dumb and people noticed. As a result, I just wasn't the chick magnet I thought I would be. Wrong demographics in high school for a 51 yr old mind. Demographics, listen to me talk like an old man. That's why I wasn't a chick magnet.
Ok, the truth, they didn't attract me. No it's true. I'm not making this up. But I'm 18 yrs old today. I can go forth. Yes, young man, go forth. The problem is to WHOM to go forth to. I've gone forth. Been there done that as the kids say. Yeah, yeah, I'msooo not a kid.
So here I am. I'm three years old. I have to stop that. I'm really 54 yrs old. You'd think I could imagine what to do with myself. I can't. I could go to college. I could join the Peace Corps. No, I've done my bit on underdeveloped worlds. I want indoor plumbing. Ok,sure, I could travel and see the world. Heck I've seen lots of worlds.
Got an offer to be a lifeguard at a country club one of the girls belongs to. To which one of the girls belongs. To which belongs one of the girls. Aw heck, it's a swimming pool filled with mostly naked women. Think of it, an entire summer looking at mostly naked women. They wear thong bikinis now. Last time I was 18, we thought showing a belly button was risky. Now, I'm not sure why they bother wearing anything at all. And I could be a lifeguard, all summer at a pool in a country club with nearly naked women. 'Hey, snookums, wanna learn the "breast stroke?" Oops got that problem again.
I try to imagine what to do with myself. But I keep coming back to the same thing. I wanna fly a space ship. I wanna slip the surly bonds of Earth. I wanna be surly. I'm good at it.
"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;…
--and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of…
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God."
I can't remember it all. Google it. That's what they say these days if you want to know something. 'Hey just Google it.' I had to look it up in an encyclopedia. Now, I just Google it. Who thought of that funny name? Oh right, I should Google it.
They say my commission can be reactivated. But after spending seven years with Daniel and Carter, I kinda want to learn some of their stuff. Oh don't get me wrong, I still want to have fun. But with this new and improved brain, I could do so much more. Remember, the prefrontal lobes are still developing. I have to fill them with SOMETHING. I could go to the Air Force Academy. Phhhhtttt! I could go to any university. Hey, I know! The University of Hawaii. Now that's a concept! Surfing, babes, sunshine, warm water, and nice beaches that go on forever, just like that planet we sent those Ice Planet workers to. In Hawaii, there are fine looking women in string bikinis that put out like broken candy machines. Yeah, in my dreams. In my dreams is a certain blonde haired tall good looking Air Force Officer. Hey, there are plenty of other women in this universe and I know!
I know a lot. I know too much. I know what no one should know.
Actually, and you can't tell anyone this, I mean seriously, you can't. If you do, well, let's just say I spent 30 yrs in Spec Ops, pal. Watch it. Ok, no one is near, so lean in. The truth is…I don't really need to go to school. Remember that head sucking device, that Ancient Repository of Knowledge? Hmm? Well Thor didn't get it all out. He just erased enough so I wouldn't die. The rest he thought he suppressed. But he and I made a deal. He wouldn't tell if I wouldn't tell. Oops, I just told you. What? Oh, you won't tell. Ok. Hey wait a minute. Maybe my judgment is skewed from the lack of prefrontal lobe development. Maybe you are really gonna tell! You won't? You swear? Honest Injun? Ok.
You wouldn't lie to a three year old, would you?