Goodbye Forever
Italics are for flashbacks. Bold is for thoughts.
Dedicated to: Eternal Silence author of 'UnderneathMy Smile'
Disclaimer: I don't own FOP.
At fifteen years old I finally see that you'll never truly love me. I've packed my bags. My family's about to go, except for Vicky and my parents decided to let her keep the house since she wants to stay.
I held you so dear. Too dear in fact. You were my first. The first one that I loved. Now I realize that I was wrong. Wrong to think that you'd miraculously be struck by cupid's arrow and love me back forever. I've finally learned that love is truly special. But if both parties don't feel the same, then one will always be out of luck and left with only regret and pain. Well I'm sick of it and won't keep on being a sitting duck. I have a life to live; I will not be around your unresponsive eye anymore.
Be happy Timmy, you're now free. You no longer need a restraining order to keep me at bay. Despite the fact that you destroyed it once when we were ten years old on that fateful day. But you still kept one around your heart and it's still there this very day. Your heart can only be touched by Trixie Tang. And I truly can't blame you. How could I Tootie really have a chance?
I remember last year when you asked me to dance. I said "Yes." But now I'd say "No" if you asked me. I've moved on Timmy Turner to newer things. Things that if they say "No" to me I won't crack as much as I did with you. During that time I used to be deeply and 'obsessedly' in love with you.
I've learned the pain of first love through you. You got an ego boost through my caring 'yet crazily obsessed' love and overall support. We're even.
You had to dislike me to keep your love of Trixie Tang alive. If I had reached your heart, your illusion of Trixie's perfection would be gone. That hasn't happened yet. It will someday, I know that Trixie will never truly love you. Call it female intuition. But I won't be around to see it. I'm not your one woman cheering squad anymore. Maybe Veronica will eventually take my place; but with better luck.
Loving you became too much. I dreamed about you then woke up only to give off lonesome sobs.
I asked you four months ago how you really felt. I remember that day that finally put everything to rest.
--------
I followed Timmy into the guy's bathroom and hid in a stall. He was using the urinal alone and quite frankly I wasn't going to watch. I heard him zip up his pants after his business was done and then he proceeded to wash his hands at the sink.
"Guys don't wear pretty shoes like you do Tootie," Timmy said suddenly and my eyes widened as I gasped, "you can come out now," he said in a voice that hinted exasperation.
I came out excitedly but when I saw your face, I knew something was wrong. You looked superiorly down at me; you had a smug grin and you leaned against the sink as if you were the best thing in town.
"Tootie, Tootie, Tootie," Timmy said to me as he shook his head, "we really have to stop meeting like this," he said seriously, "I can't keep turning around at random and notice some sight of you."
I watched him in disbelief. He seemed so different from the buck toothed 'pink hatted' 10 year old who I shared my first kiss with. First off he got rid of the pink hat a little after he became 11 years old then he got rid of the pink shirt as well and soon he started to wear denim jackets, white shirts, denim pants and stylish sneakers. Today Timmy stood before me in a plain sleeveless white shirt, sleeveless blue denim jacket, and slightly baggy blue jeans pants that were folded over at the bottom and a pair of white Nike sneakers with black laces and soles.
"Listen to me Tootie," Timmy said as he came forward and placed a hand on my shoulder, "you're a nice girl and I'm certain that you'll find a nice guy somewhere," he said, "but that guy's not me and I've also got a rep now that I need to keep going," he said and I remembered that he was a part of the semi-popular social circle.
"Are you only worried about your rep?" I asked in a small voice.
"Of course not!" Timmy cried incredulously, "there's also Trixie who might think that we're possibly dating and decide to use that as an excuse not to notice or date me," he explained, "you're a good friend Tootie and you're always around to cheer me on."
But that's not what I want to be! – Tootie
"Timmy," I said to him, "how do you truly feel about me?" I asked and look into his eyes but he looked away, "the truth Timmy Turner," I persisted.
"You're a really nice girl Tootie," Timmy told me kindly, "but you're just not the girl for me," he confessed, "I like you as a friend," he said and placed a hand on my shoulder in a pitying manner, "only as a friend," he added with a slight but obvious emphasis.
I was silent for nearly a minute. When I looked into his eyes searching for any hope that it not be true, he looked away. That moment I knew. Whether or not he had any feelings for me, they would be overshadowed by his obsessive love and interest in Trixie Tang. The most popular girl in school. Everything and Everyone seemed enthralled with her. I was enthralled through jealously. Timmy was enthralled through 'love'. Love for Trixie Tang. I finally understood now. As long as Trixie Tang was around Timmy would never take notice of me. Trixie had everything. I had nothing. I felt dumb. I felt like crud I wanted to throw up.
"Thanks for telling me," I said formally and a bit loudly causing Timmy to raise a questioning eyebrow, "I'll just go now," I said planting a hopefully convincing smile on my face, "bye Timmy," I said with fake cheeriness and hurried out the bathroom door.
"Tootie!" I heard Timmy cry as I ran from the bathroom.
But I didn't answer. I didn't look back. I wasn't going to be Lot's wife (don't know her? Read your bibles! Or check the Internet). I wasn't going to be Timmy's 24-hour one-woman cheering squad or the wayward nerdy girl with a crush on Timmy anymore.
I ran until I came to the janitor's closet. Then I slipped in and closed the door. I started to sob with wanton abandonment. But then I heard something. A low moan, then a voice whispered.
"Tootie?" I heard a male voice whisper and it sounded as if the person was in pain, "what's the matter?" he asked sympathetically.
I recognized that voice. I remembered him from the days that he ran with Timmy and his other friend at recess on the playground to now when they didn't hang around each other because of social and in some ways also personal reasons.
"Chester?" I asked softly as I turned and struggled to see him in the pitch-black closet.
What am I? Stupid? I can just reach for the light bulb in this room instead of looking around in this unseeing darkness! – Tootie
I reached for a light switch and soon I found a small chain and pulled on it gently. Light soon flooded the small closet that was rather crowded with cleaning supplies.
-------
I sighed as I remembered seeing Chester. Life had not been kind to him. Life had not been kind to me. Life had not been kind to any of us.
I still miss Timmy sometimes. Still have the urge to be his 24-hour one-woman cheering squad and follow his very shadow. But I fight it off. It's over. I've stopped running after you, marking your every move, hanging onto your every word, every smile every style. I've stopped loving you like I used to Timmy Turner, and I mean it.
But I'm still glad that I'm leaving this town, leaving my school and leaving my old life. Because no matter what you still haunt me inside Timmy. Whether it be in my dreams, me seeing you at school or even the supermarket, or you asking me how come I don't speak to you or try to follow you around anymore. I recall one particular situation when I got really angry with you two months ago.
------
I was walking briskly towards the canteen. Trixie was having a lunch bash in the Great Hall where everyone was invited. Popular people towards the front, semi-popular people sat in the middle and unpopular people had to stand in whatever space was left towards the back of the hall. Even those who couldn't fit stood by whichever window they could or volunteered to work with stage and cleaning crew and staff to be able to watch from backstage. I however decided to skip all of that and go eat in the canteen. I knew it would be empty since the staff had their own special position reserved for them in the Great Hall. Even if there wasn't. No staff member would miss an event headed by the Great and Popular Trixie Tang. But since it was left open in case anyone would miss Trixie's bash which was called 'Trixie, Trixie, and Duh! Trixie! Bash', I decided to go there and eat the lunch I carried in my lunch pouch. But when I turned the corridor before the one to the canteen I saw someone that I didn't expect to see.
"A.J.?" I asked in bewilderment.
"What's going on between you and Chester?" I heard a voice not too far away from A.J. demand coldly.
I looked beyond A.J. but only saw a long line of lockers.
"I asked you a question," I heard the voice repeat and from the end of the row of lockers stepped out Timmy Turner, "don't tell me you're going to run off again like you did last week the moment you eyed me at the supermarket," he said formally as he now walked with slow but confident strides towards me.
"Leave her alone," someone said from behind me suddenly.
"Well, Well," Timmy said, "Chester."
"We don't have the kind of relationship you guys think," Chester told them, "we're just really good friend right now."
I slapped my free hand unto my forehead.
RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! GREAT! Now they're definitely going to get ideas now!
"Right now!" Timmy cried angrily and hurried to A.J.'s side and glared at Chester, "what on earth does that mean!" he demanded with clenched fists.
"Yes Chester," A.J. teased, "please expand on that statement," he said as he stood there grinning immaculately and superiorly at Chester.
I glared at A.J. Since he was 11 years old his popularity shot up when he helped a NASA space ship land on a near by field instead of destroying Dimmsdale High. Also he got involved with helping the President and even helping Beauty Salons, Science Labs and clothing lines improve themselves ten fold. He became a master and he even dressed the part. He was standing before me now wearing a grey suit, burgundy tie, white business shirt and black-laced shoes with white socks. His jacket was lined with badges, medals, and all sorts of honours. He headed many of the school activities and was the major advisor to the school Principal as well as the School Board. Popular people adored him (and got their way by letting him remain semi-popular despite being really smart and technically a nerd), and unpopular people feared him. Except for those like Chester and me. But while I was able to sidestep A.J.'s wrath by simply ignoring and staying away from him, Chester suffered because – despite being friends for years before A.J. became super popular – he refused to worship him.
"I'm not afraid of you," Chester snarled at A.J., "you can advise Principal Finly all you want, you can't get me kicked out of school," he said triumphantly.
"But I can make you suffer while you're here can't I?" A.J. asked slyly, "I really believe that you're overdue for a visit from Tad and Chad," he said mischievously, "how long has it been?" he asked, "three days since they beat you up and pushed you into the janitor's closet?"
"You guys did that to him!" Timmy cried out of the blue, "A.J., he's got his arm in a sling because of that!"
"Hey," A.J. said seriously, "I wasn't involved in Chester being beaten up," he told Timmy, "that was Tad and Chad with their lackeys."
"But you didn't do anything to stop it," Chester added and Timmy gave A.J. a suspicious look.
"I'm popular by a technicality," A.J. said in defence, "do you realize how hard it is for smart people to be popular, much less as popular as I am?" he demanded, "I'll be ostracized if I go against Tad and Chad," he said incredulously, "power without status is dead here," he pointed out, "I could only do worse by going against Trixie," he concluded.
"So it's worth throwing away a friend?" I demanded angrily and pointed at Chester.
"Timmy and Chester are friends," A.J. corrected me, "which by the way Timmy is going to make you fall out of your current social status soon," he warned, "you can only tell people for so long that you talk to Chester only because you pity him and hope to change him," he said seriously.
"Pity me!" Chester cried and Timmy winced, "is that what you tell people!" he demanded.
"What am I supposed to tell them!" Timmy snapped, "I wilfully hang out with tr…!" he ranted but I interrupted him.
"Don't you dare call him that!" I interrupted angrily.
"Are you and Chester having sex?" Timmy asked suddenly.
"What!" I shrieked, "is that what you meant by asking about the type of relationship that Chester and I have!"
"What other relationship could there be?" A.J. spoke up, "everyone knows that you're still in love with Ti…." He said but stopped when Timmy elbowed him and gave him a warning look.
"Is that what you're telling people?" I asked Timmy, "that I still love you despite me trying to get over you."
"Key word being trying," Timmy said frankly, "come on, where's the old Tootie I used to know?" he asked.
"That Tootie is gone Turner," I said firmly.
"Oh get a reality check," A.J. spat, "changing the way you look and avoiding Timmy doesn't change you much Tootie."
"Why can't you guys just leave her in peace?" Chester demanded from beside me, "she's obviously decided to move on after Timmy told her his true feelings in the boy's bathroom."
I gasped. I didn't want Timmy to know that I told Chester about that. I looked at Timmy whose face had now turned red with rage.
"You told him ABOUT THAT!" Timmy shouted in fury, "that was supposed to be between me and you!" he cried, "who else did you tell?"
"Only my mother," I admitted, "and she agreed with me when I decided to try and forget about you," I said.
"Well you certainly forgot about me these past two months," Timmy said coldly, "when I see the faces of people cheering me on at soccer I don't see you at the front cheering for me like crazy anymore," he told me, "you used to do it with such fire and ingenuity that you could be your own cheerleading squad."
"I don't go to school soccer games anymore," I said pointedly.
"To avoid Timmy, no doubt," A.J. muttered.
"So what if she wants to avoid Timmy?" Chester demanded, "he's totally into Trixie anyway," he pointed out.
"So what if I like Trixie?" Timmy threw back, "she's a billion times better than any girl in this school.
I gulped but kept a straight face.
Should I really be surprised? He's made that clear by even rejecting dates from really pretty girls. He did date a few of them but none of them lasted a week if they were still together beyond a day.
"And in the world I bet," I whispered to myself by Timmy heard me.
"You're just bitter and jealous," Timmy said as he pointed at me, "you're jealous that Trixie's better than you."
"Trixie us not better than me!" I retorted, "she might be prettier and more popular, but she's not better than me," I said, "I don't need to be showered with attention to feel important."
"But you'd like to have so many people adore you I bet," A.J. teased.
"Not if it makes me abandon my friends like you did," I threw at him, "I'd never make anyone feel small and unloved just to be popular," I said, "remember how 'Boil Kid' killed himself one year ago?" I reminded him.
"Yeah," Chester responded, "he jumped off the roof at the front of the school after Trixie and her friends tricked him into believing a cheerleader liked him," he recalled, "he was so crushed when he found out that it was all a joke," he said, "he really liked Veronica."
"That's not Trixie's fault!" Timmy cried in Trixie's defence, "if she knew that he'd do something like that she'd never have played that trick on him."
"That's exactly the point," I told him, "she doesn't know anything about people like 'Boil Kid'."
"And you do?" A.J. asked.
"I'm one of the unpopular people," I said, "I know what it's like to look on at the popular people and feel depressed not only that I'm not one of them but also about being teased and scorned by them."
"But you obviously never took it as hard as 'Boil Kid'," Timmy said coldly.
"Boil Kid unfortunately also liked a popular girl that he could never really have," I said with a sigh, "that combined with lots of teasing about his boil and unpopular status could drive anyone into depression," I said sadly.
"But not necessarily suicide," A.J. countered.
"Sometimes you popular people don't realize that what you do affects people's lives," I said to A.J., "Boil Kid was already depressed with his social life," I deduced, "that joked played on him by Trixie using Veronica only gave him the extra push he needed to go over the edge."
"Is that what you think?" Timmy asked me, "that people with popularity go around making people's lives miserable?"
"Yeah!" Chester shouted and both Timmy and A.J. glared at him.
"Not all of them," I said honestly, "but they're mainly the ones with much less power than those who do," I added.
"And I guessed your changes isn't an attempt to change your status?" Timmy asked snidely, "you've gotten rid of your girlish sense of style," he observed, "dare I ask what you expect to accomplish by doing this?"
I looked down at my current apparel. Gone were the glasses (of course), quirky skirts, plain or strangely coloured and styled shirts, the unusually childish looking dresses and 'pretty' shoes. Now I was wearing a black cotton jacket, red blouse, black pleated knee-length skirt and black-laced shoes with black socks. I also had contacts for barely over a month now. I felt more mature in the clothes that I wore now and me looking in the mirror and feeling less geeky was a plus. Especially since I also got rid of the pigtails and started putting my hair in different styles whenever I got the chance. My hair was now braided and today I kept the braids in a ponytail. I felt that I looked wonderful.
"I did this for myself Timmy Turner," I said firmly, "what anyone else thinks of it is their business."
"I personally miss the old Tootie's way of dress," Timmy said frankly, "in fact there's a lot of things that I see in you now Tootie that makes me miss the old you," he said in a rather soft voice.
"Well I've changed Timmy," I said trying to not show that I pitied him like my old self would, "I'm not that awkward little girl anymore," I said, "I've finally started to grow up," I said proudly.
"Are you sure that you want to be that type of person?" Timmy asked, "at least when you were your old self you weren't afraid to show me your true feelings," he told me, "you were yourself despite what anyone else said," he continued, "now you've just made yourself an example of what happens when you let people change you," he said in disappointment.
"People didn't make her change," Chester blurted out, "experience did."
"What experience was that?" Timmy snapped.
"You'd never understand," Chester said with open scorn as I stared at him confused by what he said about 'experience', "people like Tootie and I learn from our experiences that we can change for ourselves, change for other people, or not change at all," he explained, "I decided to leave myself as I am because I found no fault big enough to need changing," he said and A.J. snorted, "but Tootie saw something that she wanted to change," he said simply, "and I personally believe that her change has only made her more beautiful and confident," he said brightly and I blushed, "I see no big downside of it," he added.
"You wouldn't," A.J. muttered, "I'm certain that she'd blend well in a darkroom."
"What are you insinuating?" Chester asked suspiciously.
"I'm not wearing and wouldn't wear dark apparel for such a reason," I exploded knowing fully well what A.J. was insinuating, "what Chester does is his business but I'm not planning to have sex 'til I'm married," I said firmly, "and that will be years after I graduate university and get a well paying job."
"So you don't mind that Chester's not a virgin?" Timmy asked me frankly.
"Non-virgins don't have a disease," I responded, "it's not like if he sneezes MY virginity will grow legs and run away from me," I said curtly.
Chester was covering his mouth with his right hand, but his muffled laughter could still be heard.
"Well obviously it isn't since you were so into kissing him that day when I caught you two in the janitor's closet," A.J. pointed out and both Chester and I gasped as we both now looked at Timmy fearfully.
Timmy's face was now in total shock and disbelief. His mouth moved but no sound came out.
"Timmy," Chester said nervously, "we only kissed," he told Timmy who still seemed shocked, "don't listen to A.J., he only wants it to seem that we decided to go into that closet together with the intention of doing that."
"Weren't you?" Timmy whispered, his eyes now looking at the ground but his fists were clenched tightly.
"Tootie was upset and I just happened to be in the closet at the time she came in," Chester told Timmy, "we sort of comforted each other," he said sheepishly, "we didn't have sex Timmy," he said and shook his head for emphasis.
"But it was sure a heated kiss wasn't it," A.J. persisted, "Tootie's pigtails were pulled out and her clips were all over the fl…" he continued but was interrupted by Timmy.
"Stop it!" Timmy cried and he sounded as if he was in pain from listening to A.J., "I just want to know if you guys had sex."
"No we didn't," Chester said seriously while I still looked at Timmy in surprise.
"Does it matter that much to you?" I asked softly feeling a flicker of hope that he liked me more than a friend.
"You're so naïve!" Timmy cried suddenly and my eyebrows flew up in both surprise and offence, "someone like Chester can easily take advantage of you."
"Someone like Chester!" Chester shouted in rage, "I don't go around taking advantage of girls!" he cried, "any girl that I have sex with consciously agreed to it and usually they're not virgins just like myself!"
"So Tootie wouldn't be so attractive to you then," A.J. said, "since she's still a virgin."
I walked forward and slapped A.J. in the face.
"Don't you dare make Chester seem like such a monster!" I cried angrily, "virginity doesn't make anyone better than those who gave theirs up," I told him, "and since you're obviously still a virgin and such a big jerk, that definitely proves my statement to be true!"
"You'll pay for that," A.J. said coldly rubbing where I slapped him, "I swear that you will pay."
"I believe I've paid enough," I said, "you dragged my reputation through the mud in front of Timmy and Chester," I accused, "and then you act like you're Timmy's friend."
"He is my friend," Timmy spoke up, "he never did anything behind my back," he said and glared at Chester.
"And what exactly did Chester do?" I demanded, "kiss a girl who was crying her eyes out because the one boy she ever had feelings for didn't care about her like she did (for him)?"
"It was that day you kissed her!" Timmy cried and turned to Chester, "when I officially reject her you kiss her in a janitor's closet?"
"I wouldn't have kissed her if you told her that you loved her," Chester said, "I see nothing wrong with kissing a girl who's single."
"You're going to be single forever," A.J. snarled softly, "no guy at school will ever like you like enough to give you a second glance," he sneered.
"Then I'll find one outside of school," I countered, "there'll be a guy somewhere in the world who will see me for me and not as the nerdy girl who used to dress like she was five-years old," I said.
"I liked the way you dressed," Timmy almost whispered," in fact I liked your old self one hundred percent," he said proudly, "I hate what you are now."
I was momentarily stunned. Hate? That was a strong word to use. Then I remembered how he called me naïve and acted as if I couldn't make decisions for myself.
He doesn't hate me because there's something wrong with me. He hates that I'm not that awkward, silly nerdy girl that used to follow him everywhere. He hates my new confidence because he sees that I can survive without hankering over him all the time. If he thinks that I'll be that Tootie again, he's sadly mistaken.
"You're just angry that I can walk around the school now without searching for your shadow," I told him.
"And hiding from my shadow is better?" Timmy threw back.
"Better than running after a boy who never loved me and making a fool of myself," I said angrily, "I can see why so many people laughed at me when they used to see me following you everywhere," I said, "I obviously looked like an idiot."
"But you look like a bigger one now," Timmy told me.
"Only to you obviously," I snapped, "no one else is laughing."
"I thought you didn't care about what other people thought of you," A.J. said smugly.
"But I don't mind walking around and not hearing snickering in the corridors," I said seriously, "I now hear whispers, but that's better than laughing."
"Do you know what they whisper about?" Timmy asked me.
"Would you like to enlighten me?" I asked sarcastically, "I won't be too naïve to understand," I told him.
"I really placed a bee in your bonnet when I called you naïve didn't I?" Timmy asked with a smile, "will you give up this charade and go back to being the Tootie that I once knew?" he asked.
"I can't Timmy," I said sadly, "I'm just not that little girl anymore."
"She's still in there somewhere," Timmy said seriously, "and I'm going to bring her back out."
------
I was so upset with him then. He tried weeks after to talk to me often, invite me to his matches and even insinuated setting me up on a date with one of the other semi-popular boys. But I refused. I knew that he was trying to turn me back into the love crazy girl. That I was before. But I wasn't that naïve little girl anymore and I wouldn't be ever again.
Goodbye pigtailed nerdy girl with geeky glasses and dresses that made you look less than half your age. Goodbye little girl that chased after Timmy Turner and always used to believe that he would love her some day. Goodbye obsessed little girl who thought Timmy Turner was like a god and hoped to be his goddess. Goodbye little girl who cold never hold a candle to Trixie Tang in Timmy Turner's eyes. Goodbye little girl who used to look at Trixie wondering how you could ever become good enough to be liked by Timmy like she was. Goodbye Forever.
I've grown up now. I've transformed from the naïve little girl I was until Timmy finally made me realize how he truly felt. After that I was slowly transforming into the teenager that I am now. The teenager that I'm supposed to be. I truly believe that I started to realize how mature I was through Chester. The day that we kissed in the closet and the day that we spoke in the park the Friday after really opened my eyes.
"Tootie, it's time to go to the airport!" I heard Vicky cry from downstairs, "Mom and Dad are heading for the car!"
"I picked up the only suitcase that I was planning on taking on the plane. Just as I reached the door of my room I looked back. I noticed the decorated shoebox filled mostly with Timmy mementos that I had decided to leave behind. I walked up to it and opened it. I sifted through it until I found what I wanted. A photograph that had been taken at the mall a week after Timmy told me his true feelings. It was after Chester had left me after our talk at the park. I felt lonely so I went to the mall. I remember walking quietly around the mall until we bucked into each other. He was dressed in casual apparel and looked totally different from how he did at school. I didn't recognize him until he spoke up.
------
I rubbed my head. Darn it. I had to be bucking into people at the mall of all places. I'm probably going to be nothing more than a stupid klutz.
Suddenly the person who I had crashed into held out a hand. I stared at it for a moment then I took it. I was soon back on my feet and the person was enough to hold my waist and help me find my balance.
"Are you okay?" a male voice asked me softly.
"W…What?" I asked not registering what he had just said.
"Are you okay?" the male voice asked a bit louder.
"Yes I…" I started but stopped when I recognized the voice, "A.J.?" I asked in surprise, "is that you?"
"In the jeans," A.J. said simply, "and I see you've taken on casual wear as well," he observed, "just a little more rumpled and frankly very unattractive," he said bluntly with disdain.
I looked down at the clothes that I still had on from when I wore them to school earlier today. I had on a white T-Shirt that didn't just look rumpled but totally crushed up and had a picture of a giant beet in the middle, a pair of washed out blue denim jeans pants that was nearly as crushed up as the T-Shirt and was so baggy that I had to use one of Vicky's belts to keep it from falling off and a really dirty pair of white sneakers that sole's were still caked with mud from when I wore it on Wednesday. My hair was just left out and to its own devices. I knew it looked like I had been electrocuted (or had crazy dancing wires on my head), but at least my glasses (only thing that she still kept from her original way of dress) helped to hide the circles under my eyes.
"I look like I escaped a shelter or the loony bin," I confessed with a sigh, "I should've listened to Chester instead of coming here," I said with a sigh.
"And what did Chester suggest?" A.J. asked coldly, "a cosy rest stop at the trailer park?"
"You know that we didn't do anything wrong or immoral in that closet!" I shrieked angrily, "so drop it!" I commanded and started to walk off.
But A.J. grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. I turned to glare at him hatefully but saw a pair of serious eyes that had a strange determined look of concern.
"You can't hang around a boy like Chester," A.J. told me.
"Why not?" I snapped and dragged my hand from his, "because he's not like you?"
"Chester can ruin your reputation," A.J. said.
"Wow," I said sarcastically, "I didn't know that me being an awkward nerdy girl was so important."
"I'm talking about remaining a virgin," A.J. said seriously.
"Are you telling me that if I stay around Chester that I will lose my virginity?" I asked him, "what kind of idiot you take me for?" I demanded, "I'm not going to just jump on Chester and spread out my legs!"
"Never said you would," A.J. responded, "but Chester can't be trusted."
"You don't really think that he'd rape me?" I whispered harshly.
"Of course not," A.J. said and actually sounded offended, "but he can coerce you," he continued, "he might even do it without knowing it," he added softly.
"So I'm just some dumb girl that can be manipulated into losing her virginity in the blink of an eye?" I asked frankly, "Wow A.J.," I said softly and sarcastically, "are you really trying to make me feel exactly as I look?"
"Don't think I have to," A.J. muttered, "I was just trying to warn you," he said, "you can do whatever you want with Chester," he said coldly, "I don't care," he said and started to walk away.
It was my turn to grab his hand and I did.
"Wait A.J.," I said to him as I clutched his hand, "I just don't like it when I'm treated as if I'm an imbecilic idiot and Chester's treated like he's lower than garbage," I said frankly.
"He is lower than garbage," A.J. replied, "or at least he will be if he takes advantage of you," he added before I exploded at him.
"Why do you hate him A.J.?" I asked him softly, "you two used to be so close," I said, "he seemed closer to you than Timmy."
"He was," A.J. told me, "he was," he repeated and started to look at his feet, "but things change," he continued, "people change," he said in a snarling voice as his fists started to clench, "and some changes just cannot be accepted or forgiven," he said softly and shook his head and unclenched his fists.
"What happened?" I asked.
"It's private," A.J. almost whispered but his voice was firm enough to tell me that it was best to leave it alone.
"Well I'm certain you have things to do," I said to him trying not to sound nervous, "I'll just go n…"
"Want to take a walk with me?" A.J. asked me suddenly interrupting my quick speech and get away plan, "around the mall."
"I don't know A.J.," I said and looked around to see some people looking at me and whispering, pointing, or laughing, "I think it's best I go home," I said solemnly.
"Since when did other people's thoughts affect you so much?" A.J. asked me sternly, "you usually try to be yourself despite the crowd," he reminded me, "don't tell me now that you want to become a part of it."
"Of course not," I snapped incredulously, "I just feel like leaving right now," I said in a small voice.
"Come with me," A.J. said as he took my hand and led me to the next floor of the mall by way of the stairs, "I'm going to get you a bit of confidence," he told me, "a makeover should make those whispers and laughter turn to ooo's and bugging eyes," he said with a laugh and didn't notice my frightened face and reddening cheeks.
"Here we are," A.J. declared and pointed at Pierre's Fashion and Hair Salon, "he'll give you a makeover that you'll never forget," he said and pulled me inside.
I sat nervously in the waiting room as A.J. spoke to the supervisor. In less than five minutes several people came and whisked me off. I was seated in a private room and was given a simple black dress to change into. I changed into it in the bathroom then came out to the room which was filled with cosmetics, machines, chairs, tables, sinks and a comfortable white chair in the middle of it all.
I was whisked off to the chair and seated.
"What is your favourite colour?" a lady asked and I become frightened, "nail polish dear," she added softly probably noticing my reaction.
"Red," I said timidly.
"A very sultry and seductive colour choice," the only male in the group said happily, "I'll be doing your hair along with Clarice," he said and pointed at a blonde haired woman who looked just like the lady who just spoke to me, "they're identical twins," he explained.
"I'm Clara," Clara said to me, "I'll be doing your finger nails of course," she told me, "I think a deep red will work for you," she said formally and I simply nodded.
"What do you want with your hair?" the male asked me, "I recommend curls," he told me, "and my name is Dijon," he added.
"I guess I'll put my hair in your hands," I said with a chuckle, "Dijon," I added loving the sound of it along with his French accent.
"Merci!" Dijon cried excitedly, "this is Jasmine and Sarah," he said pointing at a short haired brunette and a tall jet black haired Chinese woman; the only Non-Caucasian person of the group, "they'll be dealing with your makeup and toenails."
I smiled and nodded.
They quickly got to work and soon my hair was being washed, my nails were being scrubbed and my face was being 'prepared' for the makeup with scrubs and oils. I felt as if I was in heaven.
Eventually everything was done and I was allowed to look in a mirror. I gasped. My face was transformed into a beautiful teenage girl and I looked like someone who could go into a modelling agency and not be mistaken for the receptionist or his or her replacement. Tears welled in my eyes.
Don't cry," Jasmine ordered, "you'll mess up makeup before it sets in," she explained, "in five minutes it will be totally water proof," she continued, "you can cry then," she added and I laughed slightly.
I let my right hand touch my hair, which was now a beautiful cascade of curls. It felt so soft to the touch I wondered if it was really mine.
"I'd advise you to get contacts," Dijon suggested, "those glasses are horrendous!"
I smiled but kept quiet. I continued to look at myself. The makeup made me look livelier. I could tell that it wasn't much but with the ruby red lipstick, curled eyelashes, along with a light red blush on my cheeks, I looked absolutely fabulous.
"You have great facial structure," Jasmine spoke up, "flawless skin," she told me, "I didn't need to put on much makeup," she revealed, "A.J. had mentioned you'd have little need," she recalled to my surprise, "smart boy," she added with a smile.
I looked at my perfectly manicured hands and what had been done to my feet.
"Everything's beautiful," I said as I looked at the mirror again, "Thank You," I said beaming.
"Your welcome," they said in unison.
"Now for your clothes," a lady spoke up suddenly and I saw a dark brown haired African American woman enter the room, "may I?" she asked the beauticians who nodded.
"Step into those and follow Mrs. Rice," Clarice instructed and I stepped into the black flip-flops that were at my feet.
"Don't be nervous," Sarah said kindly, "Mrs. Rice is really nice," she added.
"Said the spider to the fly," Mrs. Rice countered, "I'm nice when my instructions are followed," she revealed, "but I don't mind sensible questions," she added.
I felt nervous. But at least she was being honest. I decided to trust her since A.J. wouldn't harm me and I followed her out the room and down the hall. Soon she stopped at a red door and knocked.
"Madame Rice!" an anxious female voice cried suddenly and the door was immediately opened to reveal Trixie Tang, "Tootie!" she cried incredulously as she recognized me.
I looked away quickly.
"As you see I have a client," Mrs. Rice said seriously, "I do not interrupt their sessions for ANYONE," she said firmly.
"I know that," Trixie said enthusiastically, "do you have time when you're done to look over my new wardrobe?" she asked.
"Do you have a check book?" Mrs. Rice asked formally and Trixie held out credit cards, "your appointment is set right after Tootie's!" she cried happily and Trixie walked off looking satisfied and we stepped into the room.
"Don't be fooled," Mrs. Rice told me, "she's furious that I didn't give her an appointment right now," she whispered, "always been," she added.
"Do you have any other appointments?" I asked her.
"Actually it's my day off?" Mrs. Rice admitted, "but I couldn't let Mrs. Tang know that since I'm known to NEVER take appointments on my day off," she said emphatically, "A.J. spoke to me as I was about to leave since I just got my massage," she told me, "I decided to do it only after seeing you however," she added.
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"Trade secret," Mrs. Rice responded with a laugh, "and don't tell anyone that I did this on my day off," she continued, "I own my own business so I can take a day off when I please," she revealed to me, "my workers will think that I'm just out with clients," she added dismissively.
"I won't tell," I promised.
"Now," Mrs. Rice said after a moment of silence, "I will choose clothes for you to try on," she told me, "you WILL try them on," she said firmly, "and you will NOT question me UNLESS the clothes or shoes make you scratch or faint," she instructed me and I nodded without protest.
Mrs. Rice made me try on several different outfits. I only complained when a blue tweed cardigan made me feel itchy and she simply made me try on a cotton cardigan instead which worked beautifully. After we were done she gave me five bags along with a pair of beautifully sleek Tuscany sunglasses.
"Wear them with pride with that outfit," Mrs. Rice instructed, "A.J. had your glass lens tested so these are medicated sunglasses," she added when I put them on I realized that she was right since I could see a whole lot better than during the time since Dijon took off my glasses before they started to beautify me.
"Thank you Mrs. Rice," I said formally but happily.
"Your welcome Tootie," Mrs. Rice responded with a smile, "A.J.'s usually not usually the type of person who does this," she told me, "he must really think you're special," she added and I immediately blushed.
"Goodbye Mrs. Rice," I said and exited the room.
"Goodbye Tootie," Mrs. Rice responded and closed the door.
I looked forward to see A.J. waiting just a few steps ahead of me.
"Let's go," A.J. said formally and we left the salon and walked aimlessly around the mall in silence.
"You look beautiful," A.J. said to me after a while, "VERY beautiful," he added and gave me a small smile.
"Thank you," I responded in a small voice, "you look beautiful too," I told him.
I noticed that A.J. stopped and looked at me from the corner of his eyes.
"What?" A.J. asked.
"I just said you were beautiful," I said blushing heavily.
"Oh," A.J. responded, "um…thanks," he said with a laugh and I noticed that he started to blush heavily too.
Soon we were both laughing and blushing.
We soon started to pass a photo booth when A.J. grabbed my hand.
"Let's get some photos to immortalize this moment," A.J. suggested and after a moment of surprise I smiled and nodded.
We both squeezed into the booth and sat beside each other. We both smiled as our pictures were being taken but just before it stopped I felt something on my cheek. A.J. had kissed me.
When the photos were finished I sat still in shock as A.J. bolted out the photo booth. He slipped back in beside me moments later but I barely noticed him because I was still in shock.
Suddenly I felt his hand hit my lap and I came back to my senses in time to see A.J. turn around and bolt out of the photo booth for a second time. After another moment of sitting still I hurried out to chase him, but I only saw people walking around in hoards. It was late now and many late evening shoppers were pouring in around me. I slipped back into the booth feeling defeated.
There's no way that I'll be able to find him now. I bet he regrets kissing me.
I stepped back into the booth but then she noticed something on the booth floor. One picture from the strip of photos was on the floor. I then remembered that A.J.'s hand had hit my lap before he fled.
He must've left me this one photo. But why?
I looked at the picture and realized that it must've been the first one from the strip of six photos that this photo booth took on each photo strip. Both A.J. and I looked rather nervous as we smiled at the camera. Blush covered our cheeks despite our smiles and happy faces. But I noticed something else. A.J. and I each had one hand over the other.
I never realized that I did that.
I continued to sit in the booth and think about everything that had just happened. Still confused I soon exited the photo booth and headed home.
-------
I asked A.J. about it on Monday, but A.J. told me that it was nothing and that I should forget that it ever happened. I was disappointed but I still remember that during that time with A.J. I was happy. Despite the fact that he acted his usual superior self afterwards and I ended up boxing him, I'm grateful for his help in making me appreciate my physical more.
I took the photo and slipped it into my shirt pocket.
Thank you A.J. Even though you behave mostly like a jerk and a bigot you showed me a different side of you that day. A side that seemed closer to the A.J. I used to know. And an A.J. that I'd like to know better.
I looked back at the Timmy doll and sighed. No one would be around to prevent my sister from trying to destroy the doll and my other Timmy mementoes now. While apart of me was sad about that another larger portion of me was wickedly glad.
No one was around to protect my heart from Timmy's scorn. Why shouldn't he feel some pain, even if it's only my mementoes of him and him himself? I'm not a hateful person. But I hate the fact that I wasted a great portion of my younger life swooning over a boy who who'd never want me. But I'm not swooning now. Now I'm moving away after trying these past few months to move on.
I closed the box. A box I would never look for or see EVER again.
I would no longer be around Timmy so that my mind can haunt me with images and memories of when I used to be in love with him. I still have some degree of feelings for him, but none that would let me allow myself to have my heart crushed again by chasing him like an idiot.
Distance allows you to put a lot of things in perspective and also to move on with your life. Moving away should make me able to totally forget about Timmy Turner and if I see him in the future; I wont feel anything. I need to forget about him totally.
"Goodbye bedroom," I whispered, "Goodbye house," I continued, "Goodbye Ti…."
Damn it! He's entered my mind again! I can't wait to leave this place. I won't come back unless I need to attend a friend's funeral.
"I can't wait to say goodbye to this city from the airport," I said as I exited my room, "Goodbye forever," I added.
I went outside to see Chester sitting on our lawn. He was the only student who I had told that I was leaving and also my only friend. I had made a few acquaintances after I started to change the way I looked and behaved. But they were mainly only curious about why I 'remodelled' myself and most tried to tease me about my past major crush on Timmy. Also they disappeared really quickly anytime Chester came to hang out with me.
"Hey Chester," I said happily and set my luggage on the grass, "how are you."
"I'm alright," Chester responded as he got up and hugged me, "I'm going to miss you," he added suddenly as we hugged.
I looked at him and he smiled. But I still saw sadness in his eyes. It tugged at my heartstrings but I simply pushed down those feelings and hugged him even tighter.
"I'm going to miss you too," I told him softly then broke the hug, "you want to see me off?" I asked with a laugh as I tried to lighten the situation.
But Chester shook his head.
"I want to remember you like this," Chester said to me, "you and I saying goodbye on your front lawn," he continued, "not me waving to you frantically as you fly off forever on a plane," he said honestly.
I smiled. I felt so special that he wanted to remember me at a particular moment. But I couldn't help but feel more than a little disappointed that he wasn't coming to see my plane take off at the airport.
"Come on Tootie!" my mother cried as she went into the car, "we've got to go."
"Let me help you," Chester said bashfully and grabbed my suitcase before I could protest.
"Okay," I said and followed Chester quietly to the car and watched as Dad opened the trunk for Chester to put in the suitcase.
Chester turned to look at me and smiled.
"Goodbye, Chester," I said slowly and went into the car to sit beside Vicky who would drive the car back home after my parents and I boarded the plane.
The car drove off and I looked back to see Chester waving and smiling. But this time his face had a sad expression on it and I actually saw tears welling in his eyes. If the car hadn't already started to drive off, I would've jumped out and ran back to him. But I couldn't do that now. I knew that. I gave him a weak smile and waved back to him, my eyes barely able to keep back the tears.
After Chester and my house were out of sight, I sat down properly in the car and stared at my feet. I felt a tear start to run down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away.
I have to forget about my past here and move on. I will always remember Chester in a special place in my heart, but I have to forget about everything else. The awful life I had here, the awful people I met, the fool I made of myself following Timmy around, and Timmy himself. I have to forget about HIM. I have nothing to lose with this move; all I can do now is gain a new life. A new life that won't involve anyone named Timmy Turner.
I sat back and quieted my thoughts as I a waited our arrival at Dimmsdale International Airport.
"We're here," my mother said excitedly and we all exited the car.
We got our luggage and headed for the airport.
After we dropped off our luggage I decided to look around a bit and my parents told me to meet them by gate eight in twenty minutes.
I will no longer be hurt by you Dimmsdale. The home that I've known all my life and the place that has taught me the true meaning of lost hopes and misery. When I move to Japan I'll have a new life and I can start off as a new person. I'll be a new person there, not Tootie the nerd or Timmy's tail. I'll be happy and I'll be me. The me I always wanted and the me that I now want. I'll be me without Timmy Turner.
"What are you doing here?" I heard a voice ask from behind me and I froze, "you're not a cheerleader."
"Trixie?" I asked in a squeaky voice and turned to see my greatest nemesis, "what are you doing here?" I asked nervously.
"There is a cheerleading competition in Mexico," Trixie responded in annoyance, "what's your excuse?" she demanded.
"I'm moving away," I told her in a small voice deciding it was best not to lie, "I'm never coming back," I added.
"Why not?" Trixie asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Because I don't want to Trixie," I said frankly as I looked away from her, "I never want to see this city again."
Or Timmy Turner either.
Trixie looked at me closely and I felt uncomfortable under her gaze.
"Does the school know about this," Trixie asked me.
"My mother told them a week ago," I confessed, "but she also asked the school to not announce anything about me leaving," she added.
"So that Timmy wouldn't know?" Trixie asked and I openly cringed, "it's okay," she said dismissively, "I won't tell him 'til I return from the cheer offs which will be in two weeks," she told me, "plus, I can understand your need to get away from him," she whispered suddenly, "what kind of guy bothers a girl he doesn't love to love him again when she tries to move on with her life?" she asked incredulously.
"Timmy was always unique," I said then shrugged to make it seem like no big deal.
Trixie rolled her eyes and snorted. I couldn't help but giggle. Trixie was the apple of Timmy's eye and she STILL wasn't the least bit interested in him despite his rise in popularity status. In the past I might've found it sad but now it seemed really amusing.
"Can I take your picture?" Trixie asked me suddenly and I raised an eyebrow in surprise, "to remember you by," she added and removed a small digital camera which was attached to her belt.
"All right," I responded and stepped back a little then smiled, "how's this?" I asked secretly feeling a bit self conscious in my red flannel shirt, black pants, red flip-flops, and red ban do which rested right on top of my black hair which I left out.
"Okay," Trixie responded then took the picture, "that should do," she said formally then reattached the camera to her belt, "toodles!" she cried then disappeared through a nearby glass door.
I immediately decided that I'd go straight to gate 8. I didn't want to risk bucking into anyone else at the airport. But as I headed towards gate 8 I saw Timmy and Veronica sitting together in silence. I quickly rushed by on the opposite end and didn't stop walking until I reached gate 8.
You still have eight minutes," Vicky said suddenly and I noticed that she was the only family member there, "and another five minutes before people start boarding the plane," she pointed out, "how come you're back already?" she asked suspiciously.
"That's none of your business," I responded.
"You saw the twerp didn't you?" Vicky teased and my face immediately went red, "you won't forget him you know," she said to me, "you never forget your first true love," she whispered and I saw a far away look in her eye, "but you can move on without them," she added firmly as she quickly returned to her usual demeanour.
"That's what I plan to do," I said confidently.
"I hope so," Vick said seriously, "you know," she continued, "I like you a little better now that you've matured," she told me.
"And I hate you a little less for such a linear compliment," I responded and to my surprise Vicky shook her head and laughed, "well I definitely know now that you'll be able to stand up for yourself and won't let anyone walk all over you," Vicky stated, "hate you or love you," she said, "I can't help but be proud of that," she added and patted me on the head.
"Is this the day of polar opposite behaviour?" I asked with a laugh.
"I'll polar opposite you to the next dimension if you tell anybody about this (her being nice)," Vicky threatened.
Guess not.
"Thank you Vicky," I said with a small smile, "I'll never forget you," I added.
"You better not," Vicky responded, "I'm not going to forget my household maid in case she returns," she added and I barely held back a laugh, "bye Tootie," she said and held out her hand for me to shake.
I looked at her hand in surprise. I always visualized that the day that I left Vicky we'd be almost at war and glad to be separated. But right now she was holding out her hand to me and I sensed that she might actually miss me when I boarded that plane with our parents and left Dimmsdale for good.
My hand shook as I stretched it to shake hers. But as I started to shake it, Vicky drew me into a tight hug.
"I'll tell you a secret," Vicky whispered to me, "I'm kind of jealous at your chance of a new start," she admitted, "when I was younger I thought that being tough and mean would've gotten me money and that I wouldn't need friends because I was better off alone," she revealed to me, "I'm now rather well off financially, but," she said, "if I could go back in time I'd tell my younger self to not do it because now I can't have friends or a chance to change even if I really wanted to," she said tome, "too many people hate me here and would walk all over me the first chance they got if I suddenly became nice and delicate," she said softly, "I can't move because this is the only home I know and I'm too set in my ways," she stated, "but you have a chance at a new beginning Tootie," she said then kissed me on the top of my head, "don't take it for granted," she added then broke the hug.
For a moment I stood absolutely still. Did I just dream that or did that really just happen? I saw Vicky give me a quick smile before her face returned to her usual scowl. That told me it was real.
"Hey girls!" Mom cried happily as she came to us with Dad in tow, "we can board the plane now."
"Well bye you three," Vicky said with evil glee, "I'll enjoy the house," she added.
"I'm sure you will," Mom said coldly.
"Goodbye Vicky," I said with a wave and she nodded.
"Bye darling," Dad said and quickly kissed Vicky on the cheek, which surprised all of us.
"Umm, yeah," Vicky said slowly and touched the cheek Dad kissed, "bye," she said and I noticed that she gulped.
Dad nodded and followed Mom through the gate.
I smiled at Vicky and she smiled back superiorly.
"Go through the gate Tootie," Vicky said firmly.
I nodded and went through it after giving her another wave. This time she waved back.
I hurried and soon caught up with Mom and Dad.
"Ready for your new life in Japan?" Dad asked.
"Good riddance to this boring old town," Mom spat, "I'm surprised Vicky actually wants to stay here," she said distastefully.
"Why didn't you say goodbye to Vicky?" I asked her.
"It's not like she's going to take offence," Mom responded.
I looked at Dad but he looked away.
Then I realized why Vicky was so jealous of my new start. I still had a chance to change people's minds me she did not. Not even with her own parents.
I counted down the seconds until the plane started to move along the runway.
"Goodbye Dimmsdale," I whispered as I finally tore my eyes away from the window and looked forward as I thought about my future.
Done
I hope all of you enjoyed reading this story. It's very close to my heart and I think it's one of my best works. Tootie is a very multi-dimensional character who can be viewed in varied ways. I chose to view her like this and hope readers can understand, whether they enjoyed my view or not. Please Read and Review and there is a sequel 'Please Remember Me' coming soon.