Finally, I am updating again, aren't you excited? Good. Me neither.
When Zuko left after kissing her, Katara lay down on her bed, face-first.
What am I doing?
Katara could feel the blood thumping in her ears against the soft pillow. It sounded like the feet of thousands of tiny soldiers marching inside her head.
He's Zuko, the Fire Nation Prince.
Now it sounded like they were running. Faster and faster, raising their lances and pounding their metal-soled shoes against the ground.
This isn't right – this isn't right. What would Sokka say?
Her heart was beating in her throat. Leaping against her skin, it felt like it was trying to escape and beat her with tiny little fists of tissue.
Sokka would say he's using me. He'd say there was something not right here. He'd say it's like Jet all over again.
It seemed like there was a vast screaming in her head. As though a hundred voices or one of the strong winds from her homeland were making their roaring noises in her mind, blocking everything out.
If Sokka were here, he'd protect me. He'd tell me what I needed to hear – how- how- how-
She just wished she were home again. She wanted to be lying on her back, staring up at the sky, on a giant snowdrift, the packed ice sticking to her parka. When was the last time it had been cold enough to wear her parka? She wanted the immense silence that came from the South. She wished she were home.
He'd tell me what to do and I'd listen to him. I know I haven't before but I would now. If he were just here…
She wished she'd never even met Aang. Then none of this would have happened. She wanted to be home, with her parents again, and not be so old.
"Where are you going, Prince Zuko?"
"I am going to speak with the Avatar's friend," Zuko answered his uncle. It had been quite a few hours since he'd last seen her.
"You are very fond of her," Uncle Iroh tilted his cup in a circle, watching the tea touch the sides and roll away. "Or so it would seem."
"I'm not fond of her, Uncle," Zuko clenched his fists, feeling the muscles in his arms and shoulders tighten. He let them go again. "Not any more than one would be fond of the thing that's going to help them gain acceptance."
Uncle Iroh looked up at his nephew. "You should not lie to your uncle, Prince Zuko. It is bad for the digestion."
"Fine," Zuko spun around and stalked over to his uncle who was sitting on the floor. He kneeled beside him and looked him in the eye. "I find myself attracted to her," he said in a low and even voice. "But that will not stop me from my mission, Uncle. I will capture the Avatar and I will return to my home. Whether or not I like some girl means little in the end."
He waited for a response. Uncle continued looking at his cup.
Zuko screamed with his mouth closed, stood and walked out of the room. What was the point of getting Zuko to admit that embarrassing fact if he wasn't going to give Zuko any of his sagely advice?
Uncle Iroh sighed and put the cup down. It was quite an adventure to be the guardian of a teenage boy, sent to disgrace, dreaming of returning to honor and in love.
"I suppose it could be worse," he said to himself. "I suppose it could be some boy Prince Zuko is fond of."
Fire Lord Ozai would not be pleased if that were the case.
Zuko stopped in front of the door. He sighed, taking a deep breath and trying to release all the tension that had grown inside of him since his uncle had stopped him. He just needed to meditate, to let the feelings go, to calm.
Feeling as though he was slightly better, Zuko unbolted the door and stepped into the room. At first it seemed as though it were empty but he soon realized she was merely lying on the bed. Face down.
However, she did not get up when he entered. Or when he cleared his throat.
Something akin to panic rose up in Zuko's throat.
"Katara?" he said softly. She didn't move. Was that the first time he'd spoken her name? Pity she'd missed it.
Zuko walked over to the bed and put his hand on her shoulder and jerked it in a futile attempt to wake her. She still didn't rise. He returned his hand to her shoulder and gave her another good shake and spoke her name, "Katara-"
"What!" Katara sat up and shouted. Zuko, surprised, lost his balance and fell back a few steps.
Recovering from the indignity, Zuko straightened his shirt under his armor and said, "That was unnecessary. I was only trying to wake you-"
He stopped. He'd finally looked up at Katara, but she wasn't really looking at him. She was glaring.
"What is it?" he snapped. How dare she look at him like that?
Katara said nothing. Her lips, however, did tighten so that the line they created grew thinner. She looked like the very picture of a disgruntled teenage girl.
"What?" he demanded.
When, again, she said nothing, he stepped forward. He took her by the shoulders and pulled her close to him, angry that she was being so difficult. A little voice in the back of his mind noted that his meditation probably hadn't worked so well.
Katara snapped. He just walked in, shakes her and then grabs her? Even Jet was more polite than this!
"Get off of me!" she screamed. Her hands flew up to his face. She attempted to scratch his cheeks.
Zuko's eyes widened at Katara's reaction. Momentarily stunned out of his anger, stepped back without letting go of her shoulders, spun her around and pulled her into a bear hug, effectively pinning her arms to her sides and restricting her movements. She struggled against his chest.
"You won't escape from this, so I would stop moving if I were you." Katara could hear the smirk in his voice against her ear and it made her angrier.
"You jerk!" she said.
"Excuse me?" Well, now he sounded amused! If he thought this was just some joke, she'd show him. She was serious!
"You're a jerk – just like Jet!" she pulled at her shoulders, the only part of her body she could move, leaning forward on her legs. "You lie and you manipulate me and you hurt people! You're sick – just like he was!"
"What?" Zuko asked again, confused. He let her go and she fell forward, her hand lightly touching the ground before she found her balance.
"What did you say?" he repeated. He didn't sound confused now.
"You heard me!" Katara spun around and glared at him.
"And what makes you think I'm anything like that jerk, Jet?" Zuko just barely managed to keep his voice even.
"Because you are," Katara lowered her voice to match his. If he could act like he was calm, then so could she.
Prince Zuko stared at her, his face emotionless. "Fine," he said, and he swept out the room without a second glance at her. The door slammed ominously behind him.
Katara stared at the door. He was just going to leave like that? He wasn't even going to argue with her? Does he normally do that? What was his issue anyway? Why did he have to act like she offended him? Even Jet had known to some degree that he was sick – or at least, he didn't act like it was the rudest thing ever like Zuko just had.
But he's even worse than Jet! He's blatantly using me to catch Aang and then he's acting like I matter to him! Even if it's just for kissing, but still! I know I have to matter to him at least a little, or he's attracted to me at least a little because then why would he kiss me? I wouldn't kiss someone I wasn't attracted to.
So that's definitely worse! That's definitely worse than anything Jet did to me!
Deciding that, Katara walked over to the door and kicked it. She really didn't know why the urge to do so overcame her - it just seemed like a good idea at the time. It really wasn't. For one thing, she forgot she was wearing only her leather shoes which didn't really protect her toes from door-kickings.
For another: it opened.
Katara looked down the hallway. There was nobody in either direction. Her heart thumping in her chest, she bolted down the hallway to where a door was.
As she was struggling with the strange handle, Katara heard pounding footsteps coming up behind her. Panicking, she threw her weight into the door. It opened.
Rushing past a startled soldier, Katara leapt up the stairs, taking many at a time. Nearing the top, she tripped, and that was when a pair of strong arms caught her and pulled her up. She was turned around to see a panting Zuko walking up the stairs.
Zuko had been walking away from Katara's room. He had just turned a corner when he heard the door open. Pausing at the sound, he then spun around and out into the corridor to find Katara running for the door at the opposite end of the hallway.
Instinctively, he ran after her, trying to catch her before she bolted. He couldn't believe he'd left the door unlocked.
She must have heard his approach, however, because she then slammed the door with her shoulder.
Zuko was surprised to see it give way until he noticed the soldier on the other side, holding open the door. The soldier looked surprised to see a young girl in blue dash next to him.
"Catch her!" Zuko ordered the idle man. These soldiers needed more and more directing everyday.
The soldier grabbed her when she tripped at the top of the stairs and spun her around. Zuko slowed and continued walking up the stairs. His breathing was heavy from the running and his heart was beating over time.
He told himself that it was due to the running and not the fact that Katara could have escaped that he was breathing so hard.
"Leave us," he instructed the soldier as he took Katara's arm. The soldier left and Zuko walked her back down to the corridor.
He threw her in the room and closed the door behind him.
"No!" Katara rushed at him and he stepped aside. She continued at the door and started to open it but Zuko slammed it shut with a hand.
"Katara," he said, grabbing one of her wrists. She flailed more violently and so he grabbed the other. "Katara, stop this! You will only hurt yourself."
"And you!" she said to him. Her voice sounded on the verge of tears. "What will you do to Aang? Will you torture him like this? Tricking him and using him for your own sick pleasure?"
"This is torture to you?" he asked her. "I tell about myself. I allow you to stay in a nice room – this is torture to you?"
"Tell me about yourself?" Katara couldn't believe her ears. "What tell me about yourself! You haven't told me anything – I've been the one sharing! I told you about Jet and Haru! You haven't told me anything about yourself. All I know is that you've kissed two girls!"
And that was actually a lie. Zuko threw her hands away. "There are things about me you wouldn't understand, Katara." He looked aside.
"Well, then don't tell me!" Katara yelled. "Just let me go!"
Whatever reaction he had been expecting, it wasn't this. Somehow, he had been expecting Katara to pry into him, seeking the information that he refused to disclose. He hadn't been expecting her to just let him keep it private.
"You don't even care?" he pried. "Not even a little bit?"
"All I care about," Katara said evenly. "Is Aang's safety."
"Your little boyfriend, the Avatar, would be safe with me," Zuko snapped.
"He's not my boyfriend," Katara said automatically. "And why do I not believe that? Oh yeah," Katara snapped her fingers. "Because you'd hand him over to the Fire Lord."
"But he wouldn't die," Zuko said through his teeth.
"Really? And why not?" Katara placed her hands on her hips. "Why should I believe that?"
"Because it's true," Zuko said. "Because if the Avatar were killed, he would just be reincarnated into another body and we'd have to search for him all over again. It would be better- more in the Fire Nation's interest to keep him detained until the final battle between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom."
"Would he be let go after that?" Katara asked hopefully. Maybe, if there was some awful circumstance, and Aang got captured, there'd still be hope for him…
Zuko looked away. "Most likely not. Most likely he would be held prisoner for the rest of his days, then the cycle would hopefully be broken."
Katara's shoulders dropped.
Zuko reached a hand out to Katara's face, crushed by the look on her face. "Katara, I…"
She jerked her face away, her eyes closed tight. "No, don't. Don't touch me."
"Katara, I-" he tried again.
"I said no!" Katara stepped back and glared at him "Don't you understand what "no" means? It means you can't have all you want!"
"I know what "no" means," Zuko said sarcastically.
"Really?" Katara spoke snidely. "And when have you ever been denied anything? You are a prince, if you haven't noticed."
"That doesn't mean I get what I want!" Zuko snarled. "I am banished."
"That doesn't mean anything," Katara crossed her arms and shifted her weight to her left foot. "You've never had to fight for anything; you've never had to-"
"I've never had to fight for anything?" Zuko raised his arms. His hands began to steam. "I've been disgraced by my father in front of hundreds! What have you ever dealt with like that? Have you ever been thrown from your home, your life and your birthright to search for a person that was rumored to have died a hundred years ago, only to find him to be a twelve-year-old boy who bests you again and again? Do you know what utter humiliation I face every day of my life?"
"Well, maybe if you weren't such a jerk your father wouldn't have cast you out!" Katara screamed.
Zuko howled with frustration and slammed out the room. The door clicked behind him and Katara could hear Zuko shout for a chain and bolt-lock to be brought for the room.
She knew she'd overstepped the line as she walked to her bed. She knew she'd really hurt his feelings when she said what she had about his dad. She knew it would come back in prickling guilt in her chest after her temper had cooled.
She laid down heavily on the bed, her arms still crossed as she glared at the grey wall right underneath the dragon's neck. She knew she'd been really mean and spiteful.
But right then, she didn't care.
Oh, about the basically anti-gay remark Iroh makes: it's not so much I'm making Iroh a homophpobe (I'm not) as much as i would bet you three dollars Ozai's one. (A homophobe, not gay.)
Though that would explain a lot, don't you think? Repressed tension and all that. Maybe that's why Ursa left him...
Makes you think.