Oblivion and the Stupidity of Its Results
Chapter 1: The Partay of the Year
Disclaimer: I do not own the brainchild that is the Harry Potter universe, or the characters in it. If I did, do you really think I'd be writing fanfiction? I'm simply borrowing them from JKR, and promise to return them freshly cleaned and Obliviated.
A/N: This was originally started in May between my friend Cassie (who doesn't have an account) and myself. It's completely pre-HBP, AU (as we decided to throw Sirius into the mix), and ridiculous. The original file has been edited and cut into chapters for your enjoyment, and will be continued by me, as Cassie lost interest after they started cross dressing.
And yes, I know I really shouldn't be posting a new story when I've so much to do with AFN (I haven't updated since, what, May? Ouch.), but this has been itching at me since abovementioned co-author said I could post this. And it's already four chapters along, so what the hell? Enjoy!
Voldemort was dead. Hermione was still trying to absorb it as she detachedly played a wizarding combination of truth or dare and spin the bottle with other Order members at Grimmauld Place's victory party. She also found herself utterly sloshed- hell, everyone was. Snape and McGonagall were playing, for Merlin's sake! Sirius had just spun the firewhisky bottle and it landed on Remus. The gaunt man smiled wickedly at his fellow marauder. Remus, who wasn't quite as inebriated as everyone else, looked nervous.
"Okay, Moony," Sirius said, hardly slurring at all, "you have to..." he thought for a moment, and then his face lit up evilly.
"You have to kiss Minerva!"
Harry and Ron, sitting next to Hermione and guzzling something noxious smelling, laughed loudly as their former professors both turned beet red.
Remus gulped and started to stutter. "You're not serious, Sirius." Then he lowered his voice and said so only Sirius could hear, "Give me the strong stuff. I'll need it in order to kiss my old teacher."
Sirius chuckled and pulled a large bottle from his coat pocket. It was a tall, clear, glass bottle filled with a happily bubbling liquid that was either gold, blue, magenta, or a combination of the three. A label clearly read in large, gothic print 'The Strong Stuff'.
Remus looked at it skeptically, swished it around a bit, and when Minerva wasn't looking, took a huge swig that emptied a third the bottle. Sirius returned the bottle to his pocket. But he didn't notice when the bottle disappeared from his coat several seconds later...
A bright light flicked behind Remus' eyes. The former professor, who was now very much pissed, got to his feet and cried, "Minerva, DARLING!" He collapsed onto the cold, thin lips of the Gryffindor Head. Only problem was that The Strong Stuff had blurred his vision, or so he claimed later, and whom he thought was Minerva turned out to be none other than Severus.
Even with the amount of liquor he had imbibed, Snape had noticed when Black's bottle of liquor (if you could even call it that) had disappeared into the giggling hands of the infinitely annoying Weasley twins. Honestly, he was surprised the idiotic pair was even managing to sit up at this point, let alone cast an Accio variation. When he looked back to Black and Lupin, who had been struggling to get up from his seat on the worn carpet, he became faintly wary, the alcohol dulling his normally sharp senses. When Lupin looked at him and cried "Minerva, DARLING!" Severus decided it would be best to get away now.
He didn't have time to finish the thought before the werewolf was upon him, pinning him to the floor and smelling of booze, kissing him sloppily. Severus dislodged him quickly and kicked the tittering man back towards his convict friend. Wiping his mouth, he snarled at Lupin, who was still looking slightly dazed, even as Black helped him to a sitting position.
"You will never touch me again, you pathetic excuse for a man. Using drunkenness as a pretext for forcing yourself on innocents. Disgusting."
Lupin had seemed to realize what he'd done when Minerva, Albus, and Tonks started looking gleeful and the younger Weasleys, Potter, and Granger looking rather nauseated. The nerve of them all.
"Severus?" he slurred slightly. Then it dawned on him.
"Oh, Merlin- Severus! I'm so sorry! I-"
Black laughed out loud with a slightly sick look on his face, cutting Lupin's apologies off. "Just shut up, Moony. I think that covered the dare well enough. Spin!"
Remus scowled. He picked up the bottle used for the game and stared at it. He stared at it for a rather long time, as he was still incredibly drunk and got completely lost in thought. After a couple of minutes, he realized that he should probably come back to earth before Sirius killed him (which he was obviously threatening to do). He put the bottle down and spun.
But the bottle never seemed to stop spinning. Or was that Lupin's head? He suddenly got very light-headed and after a dizzying moment, passed out. His face smacked right into the bottle, which was cheaply made, and glass went everywhere. At about the same moment, both of the Weasley twins screeched and their eyes rolled to the back of their heads. They both collapsed to the floor followed in quick succession by Hermione, who had a bottle in her loose grasp.
Everyone in the Black House screamed. They were all drunk, so of course none of them would be capable of acting calmly in said situation. Except for one, the designated broom flyer for the night, Dumbledore.
"Quiet!" he bellowed louder than anyone thought such an old man could. The house went completely silent. "Everyone just relax." He walked over to the bodies of the young adults. All of them were out cold and had a trickle of blood trailing from their mouths. But they were breathing. Then he moved over to examine Lupin, who had similar symptoms, the only difference being was that his face was cut up by the shattered glass.
Dumbledore returned to Hermione's body and retrieved the bottle from her hand. A label clearly read in large, gothic print, "The Strong Stuff". The bottle was completely empty save for a few small drops. "I think we have an enemy in this house," he murmured to himself, squinting at the poisoned liquid.
A/N: What'd you think? Go down and press that little purple button, you know you want to! I'll give you cookies!