Hey guys!
I know its been FOREVER since I've updated my other fics, but not to worry, since summer is here, I plan to update soon
till then, here is a short little parody i wrote becauseI was bored.
Ron was at the platform, waiting for the train that would take him to Hogwarts for their seventh year
As he was looking for Hermione, he heard a dull pounding and saw Pigwidgeon's cage rattle.
He turned to see none other than...
"OH MY GOD HERMIONE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!" shouted Ron with disgust
"What are you talking about?" said Hermione with a smile
"I mean how the hell did you get so ugly!" exclaimed Ron
"Oh… well I decided to let myself go over the summer in order to conduct an experiment on how fat people live with themselves…And I've enjoyed it so much that I decided to stay like this forever!" said Hermione sweetly
Of course, Hermione looked anything but sweet. It was obvious that she had gained at least sixty pounds over the summer, and had her hair in a horribly clashing silver bandana, while wearing a shirt saying, "At least when I turn sideways I don't disappear" and a pair of short shorts which showed off her flab quite horribly.
As Ron continued to stare at Hermione, he heard another sort of pounding noise, stronger than that of Hermione's.
They both turned to see Harry, but not like the Harry they both knew.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!" Ron exclaimed in horror
He had a reason to be horrified. Harry had gained at least a hundred pounds over the summer, and was wearing a tee shirt saying "Ready-made earthquake at your service", and a pair of snot-green pants. Also, he wore a pair of large bottlecape glasses that made his face look very wide.
Once Harry and Hermione first made eye contact, they could not stop staring at eachother.
Harry: I cannot believe how hot she looks! Those shorts make me wanna takle her right here and right now!
Hermione: OMG! He got even cuter over the summer! I mean, he might have been fancible last year, but now he is in for it! And those pants rock!
Ron, having now gotten over his initial shock, started to question Harry on how he got in his present, erm, condition
"Well, you know how my aunt and uncle are super sweet to their son and permanent PMS towards me?"
Ron and Hermione nodded
"So now, the tables are turned! Once they found Dudley in his room with his friend Piers doing more than 'homework', they started completely ignoring him and being really nice to me!"
"I didn't know that Dudley was gay!" exclaimed Ron, while Hermione continued to stare at Harry with a glint in her eye.
"Well, turns out that when he and his gang would corner a little kid, they would do more than just beat him up, if you know what I mean..." said Harry with a shudder.
"Two things mate," said Ron, interrupting the story, "First of all, that's just wrong on so many levels. Second of all, never shudder again because it makes me want to throw up my lunch."
"Sorry mate. Anyways, when they started making Dudley do everything, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and rub in the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted and he couldn't."
"What do you mean, do everything?" inquired Ron
"What I used to do... ahhhh the sweet screams coming from the room under the stairs when Dudley found spiders in his hair and owl pellets on his bed was wonderful."
"Anyways, now, because Duddikins has never cooked a day in his life, I've had to go to the store if I wanted to get some eatable food."
"Harry, it's edible..." said Hermione witha dreamy expression
"Whatever Hermione let him finish!"
"Then whatever I ate I would always eat in front of him, and because I enjoyed it so much, I would do it more often... making me like this!" Harry ended cheerfully
Ron shook his head, but finally realizing something
"Hey, where do you live?" Ron asked with a small smile
Harry gave him the adress, and Ron started drooling
"Why do you want it anyway?" asked Harry with a confused face
"Well, ever since I've decided that Draco Malfoy and Snape are the two hottest people on earth, I've been looking for competition!" said Ron with a smirk
"You mean to tell me that when you were taking 'private lessons'with Snape and Malfoy you were really..." trailed away Harry
Ron smiled knowingly and apparated away happily.
This left Hermione and Harry alone to ponder their thoughts about each other... until the train came of course!