Disclaimer: All still apply.

Spoilers: A lot from the series, the movie, and some works I still have in progress.

Author's Note: A flashback chapter to bring you all up to date. I hope some of the sequences aren't too jarring or confusing. I welcome all comments, so please review.

Reminiscences

The Mule sped west down the maglev tracks. Jayne was making it go as fast as it could without overheating the engines. He knew that the train carrying River had a ten minute lead on him, and that the Mule could make this up, but the problem was what would be waiting for him when he got to the train. The men who took River had expected someone to come looking for her, or else they wouldn't have left Smiling Joe and his gang at the cattle ramp. Did they think those ten men would be enough, or did they have some other surprises waiting?

Have to deal with what's in front of us.

Mal's words were one of the many thoughts swirling inside Jayne's head. Jayne had to admit that Malcolm Reynolds was a good captain, even though he really didn't want to admit it. It wasn't easy for Jayne to realize, but Mal was rubbing off on him. The back-stabbing, go-where-the-money-is, sadistically cruel Jayne had started to disappear the moment he set foot on Serenity. Jayne clearly remembered that day.

"How much they payin' you?" Mal asked.

"Huh?" The question startled Jayne.

"I mean…," Mal continued, "…let's say you did kill us. Or didn't. There could be torture. Whatever. Somehow you found the goods. What would your cut be?"

"Seven percent, straight off the top," Jayne stated with pride.

"Seven!" Mal barely contained a chuckle. This drew Jayne's ire.

"What!"

Mal blinked. "Hmm? Nothing, not a thing. No! I just…"

Mal cocked his head to Zoe and asked, "That seem low to you?"

"It does, sir," Zoe replied coolly.

"That ain't low…" Jayne corrected.

"Stop it!" Marco interrupted, but Jayne continued.

"Seven percent's standard," he said with pride once again.

"Okay," Mal said with a loud chuckle, and then he turned again to Zoe, "Zoe, I'm payin' you too much."

This made Jayne's blood boil. "Why? What does she get?" he asked agitatedly.

"Knock it off!" shouted Marco.

"Look, forget I said anything," said Mal trying to ease the situation, "I'm sure you're treated very well. You get the perks. Got your own room,…"

Jayne felt his face slacken, and he knew Mal saw it. "You don't? You share a bunk?" Mal asked in disbelief.

Looking to his right, Jayne knodded to Bentley, and answered disgustedly, "With that one." He and Bentley traded annoyed glances.

"Really…," said Mal sizing up Jayne's bunkmate.

Marco turned to Jayne and yelled, "Jayne, this ain't funny!"

"Yeah! I ain't laughin'!" Jayne snapped back. He wondered what other lies Marco had been telling him.

"You move on over to this side," Mal started smoothly, "…we'll not only show you where the stuff's at, we'll see to it that you get your fair share, and not no sad seven."

Jayne liked what he heard, but he wanted to be sure. "Private room?" he asked curiously.

"Jayne!" shouted Marco and looking very frightened.

"Your own room, full run of the kitchen. Whole shot," said Mal confidently. Jayne liked the look in his eyes. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Jayne! I ain't askin'…," Marco started to say, but Jayne didn't want to hear the rest. Jayne pointed his pistol at Marco's knee and fired. Marco fell down in a heap.

"Shut up!" shouted Mal's new crewmember. He then pointed his pistol squarely at Bentley while still looking at Mal. "How big a room?"

A slight grin came to Jayne's face as he continued to drive the Mule down the maglev tracks. That look on Mal's face had sealed the deal. With all of his previous bosses, there had always been a shiftiness in their eyes whenever they discussed pay. It was like they were holding something back. Malcolm Reynolds eyes, however, were steady throughout. He had meant what he said, and he delivered fully. It made Jayne feel better, because he didn't have to worry about Mal double-crossing him. It also made it easier for Jayne to plan a double-cross on Mal. Jayne's expression sank at the memory.

"You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact!" Mal's voice hissed over the talk-box. The words burrowed into Jayne's heart like a hot poker. Jayne saw the venom in Mal's eyes through the airlock porthole and went numb. The one man who had the decency to treat Jayne fairly, and Jayne had double-crossed him for a simple bounty. Sure, he had done things like this before, to get a better deal, but getting caught never bothered him so much. This time he felt ashamed. A blank look filled Jayne's face when he realized it.

Mal turned and started to walk up the stairs. Jayne broke out of his stupor and keyed the talk-box.

"What're ya gonna tell the others?" he asked.

"About what?" Mal stopped and asked in response.

"'Bout why I'm dead."

"Hadn't thought about it," Mal said casually. Jayne could tell it was an honest answer.

"Make somethin' up," said Jayne looking at Mal, "Don't tell 'em what I did."

The two men stared at each other for a few moments. Mal then reached down to the airlock controls and pressed a button. To Jayne's surprise, and relief, the outer ramp closed. Jayne looked down and sighed.

"The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face," Mal growled over the talk-box. Looking back at Mal and watching him leave, Jayne knew he wouldn't ever betray Mal again.

Jayne noticed he was veering off the tracks.

"Gorramit!" he muttered as he guided the Mule back over the tracks.

Jayne had to admit that being on Malcolm Reynold's crew changed him, possibly for the better. Sure, he was just as deadly with a gun, but he was more conscionable about using it. It was probably the reason why he went against every sane thought in his head to go and rescue his captain from Niska a few weeks after Ariel. It was also probably the reason why he was chasing after River right then.

"Naw, that ain't it at all," Jayne said to himself while he shook his head. The memories then fired off rapidly in his mind.

Screams filled the cargo bay as the terrified young woman jumped out of the cryochamber.

"It's a girl. She's cute too. 'Cept I don't think she's all there, ya know? 'Course, not all o'her has ta be."

"Won't stop. They'll never stop," River said trancelike, "They'll just keep coming until they get back what you took. Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue."

"How's about you shut that crazy mouth? Is that a fun game?" Jayne asked annoyed.

The knife slashed Jayne's chest. He sat stunned for a moment, but his anger quickly overtook him and Jayne back-handedly slapped River across the face. She fell across the room. As the rest of the crew surrounded the both of them, River looked up at Jayne and said, "He looks better in red."

Jayne simply glared back at her while breathing heavily.

They heard screams from the floor above. Disturbed Jayne asked softly, "What the hell is that?"

"Two by two, hands of blue," River whispered tremulously as she turned to run. "Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue."

Simon followed River and so did Jayne, hesistantly.

"Jayne is a girl's name," River said while tilting her head and giving Jayne a loopy smile.

"Well, Jayne ain't a girl!" Jayne snapped back. "If she starts in on that 'girl's name' thing, I'll show her good and all I got man parts."

Jayne reached to put his hand down his pants, but he paused somewhat at River's expectant look.

"Also, I can kill you with my brain," River said darkly.

Jayne's eyes widened in fear as the young woman walked away. He wished he wasn't immobilized on the operating table.

River shrieked. Jayne looked towards her and found her writhing on the station floor. As he ran to her, he asked, "What the hell is up? You all right? What's goin' on?"

River's eyes opened suddenly. She gasped, "Reavers!"

"River?" Mal asked.

Jayne looked back at the blast doors and felt the pit in his stomach deepen. Nobody deserved that, not even her.

Suddenly, the doors began to open, and Jayne expected the Reavers to flood through. To Jayne's surprise, however, all he saw was River standing in the middle of a pile of Reaver bodies. She was holding an axe and a sword, and she was covered in blood and grime. For some reason Jayne didn't understand, this look appealed to him, and he somewhat unconsciously whispered, "Well, hello sexy."

Jayne smiled and sat back down on the weight bench. He rested his guitar across his lap. "Your brother weren't kiddin' about your dancin'," he said to River. "Ya dance mighty fine."

"Thanks. You play very well, too," River replied as she joined him.

Jayne smiled briefly, then he said apologetically, "I'm sorry I made ya cry earlier, I…"

"You wanted to be alone," River interrupted, "but you're such a boob."

Before Jayne could respond, River lightly kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thanks for the dance." Then she quickly retreated to the passenger dorms.

Jayne watched River leave while feeling stunned. He lightly touched his cheek, then he turned back shaking his head. "Naw, she jus' playin'."

"I thought you was jus' playin'," Jayne said as River started to exit the bridge.

River stopped next to him. She turned and leaned dangerously close to him. While looking seductively into Jayne's eyes, River said softly, but forcefully, "Not playing anymore."

Jayne could only watch as River turned and headed back to the engine room to help Kaylee. He followed her out and watched her as she walked by the crew quarters and into the galley. Watching the gentle sway of her hips, Jayne realized something. His eyes widened as he softly said, "I'm a boob!"

"Yeah I was a boob," Jayne said to himself. He thought he could see something in the distance down the tracks.

"Good thing, she don't give up." Jayne's mind then settled on events from two weeks earlier.

"Relax," River said to Jayne. "You don't need to hold the controls so tightly."

Jayne tried to ease his grip on the shuttle controls. "I told ya this ain't a good idea, River. I ain't flown nothing in a long while."

"You are doing fine, Jayne. You just need to relax," River replied as she started to rub Jayne's forearms.

"Relax!" she repeated more insistently. River was now working her hands up his arms, trying to soothe Jayne's nerves.

It was working. Jayne settled more in his seat and a slight smile spread across his face. River's hands had moved to his shoulders. Jayne saw the ground rushing beneath the shuttle and it exhilarated him, the sense of speed. River's hands slowly massaged his neck. It had been too long for Jayne; he had forgotten how much he loved flying. River's hands then moved down to his chest.

Feeling River's warm breath on his ear, Jayne looked away from the window and to her. She was gazing at him intently. She was so close that he noted some differences about her. He noticed that her hair was fuller than it had been, probably because she had been washing it more regularly. River was also wearing a little make-up. It wasn't much, but it did bring out her eyes and lips. Inara must have had something to do with that.

Jayne focused on River's lips. They looked full, round, red, moist, and kissably soft. Jayne really didn't know what "kissably soft" meant, because of his rule about kissing women. Looking at River, however, Jayne wondered if he should bend that rule, just once. He honestly wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss River on the lips.

Without a word, River leaned forward and softly placed a lingering kiss on Jayne's lips. Jayne instinctually closed his eyes and felt a warm tingling sensation surge from his lips to his toes. He then felt River pull back and he opened his eyes. There was a satisfied smile on her face. Jayne blushed. She was a reader after all. Jayne then wondered what he should do next.

An alarm sounded. Jayne whipped his head around and saw the shuttle was losing altitude. Looking out the window, he could see they were headed for a ridge of mountains. River gripped Jayne tightly, as he jerked back the yoke and sent them into a climb. He then leveled the shuttle off once they reached their flight altitude.

"River, what the…Jayne! What in the gorram hell are you doing there!" Mal roared as he entered the shuttle cockpit. Zoe was looking over his shoulder. Jayne had almost forgot they were back there.

Jayne looked at Mal with the expression of a child with his hand in the cookie jar and stammered, "I…I…"

"It's my fault, Captain," River interrupted and Jayne looked at her with wide eyes. "Jayne said he hadn't piloted a shuttle in a while, and I thought I'd allow him some flight time on this run."

Jayne looked back to Mal to see if he was buying River's story.

"You're right, lil' Albatross, it is your fault," Mal said disappointedly. "You are the pilot, and that means you're the one responsible for flying the shuttle. Not no one else. I do appreciate how you two been acting more kindly to one another these past months, but it don't mean you both can start switching up jobs. Dong Ma?"

"Shr ah," replied River casting her eyes down. Jayne thought it best to do the same.

Mal continued, "Now no harm done, but River you take your seat, and Jayne I want you back helpin' Zoe with the cargo."

River and Jayne carefully switched positions around the pilot's seat. They exchanged apologetic glances as they transferred the yoke. When River was seated, Jayne turned to follow Zoe into the back of the shuttle. He did his best not to look at either Mal or Zoe. As he left, he heard Mal say,"Shiny! Now River, let's figure how far we've strayed…"

Mal had bought it. Jayne tried not to exhale too loudly with Zoe right in front of him. In fact, he realized she was right in front of him, looking at him. Jayne avoided looking at Zoe's face, and moved past her to the rear of the shuttle. He saw a couple of crates that had broken free of the netting and moved to put them back. Zoe maneuvered to the other end of the crates.

"Captain, ain't wrong, Jayne," she said. Jayne looked at her as they grabbed the top crate. Zoe continued, "We all have noticed how you and River been getting along."

"Don't know what ya mean," Jayne said as they lifted the crate and set it back into place. Chills were running along his spine.

As they grabbed the second crate, Zoe responded, "I mean you two don't fight anymore. You both seem to enjoy each other's company. Sometimes you both even go looking for each other."

Jayne and Zoe set the last crate into place. As Jayne began to secure the cargo netting, he said, "So we's friends. Like ya said, we like bein' together."

"Yes, you do," Zoe said with a knowing look.

Her look brought Jayne to the edge of fright, but he managed to finish with the cargo net and then turned back to her.

"I don't like what yer sayin'. We's jus' friends. Sure, she's woman, pretty and all, but she's not half as old as me. That's plumb wrong!" Jayne tried not to yell.

Zoe looked back at Jayne with her eyes slightly wider than they would be in her standard stoic expression. She then said slowly, "Well, forget I said anything."

Jayne and Zoe then found places away from each other and sat in silence. Jayne had lied, but only about being friends. The last part had rung true in his heart, and he knew it.

The rest of the run had gone, surprisingly, without incident. They dropped off the goods, received their pay, and returned to the ship with no problems. This made everyone uneasy, so Mal ordered River to take them out of the world as quickly as possible. This made it easy for Jayne to run by the galley, grab a bunch of protein snacks, and hole up in his bunk, all unnoticed. He wanted to avoid River as much as possible.

The problem was that Jayne couldn't forget that Zoe had said something. If she had noticed something going on between him and River, who else had? How soon would they be telling Mal or Simon about it. How soon would Jayne find himself in a rapidly depressurizing airlock or suddenly keeling over at the dinner table? It WAS wrong. He shouldn't be leading her on like that. Why had he let River touch him? He didn't let anybody touch him like that, except maybe a whore.

Jayne's eyes widened, and he shouted, "She ain't a whore!"

Stifling himself, Jayne listened carefully. He heard chatter coming from the galley. The rest of the crew was at supper. Jayne sighed in relief; chances are no one heard that. He still needed to relax, and get his mind off of River. He looked around his bunk until his eyes came to rest on his gun collection.

That was a good idea. Cleaning his guns always calmed him. It would also take him a good portion of the night to do it. He would probably be too tired to do anything else but sleep afterwards. Plus, they looked like they needed it, too.

Jayne set to work. He pulled out rags, tools, and cleaning oils from under his bunk. He then pulled down Vera, carefully disassembled her, cleaned each of her parts in detail, reassembled and lubed her, checked her function, and placed her back on the wall. He repeated these steps with every single gun he had, starting with the long irons and finishing with the pistols. Hours later, they were all back up on his wall, gleaming like they were new.

Looking at his collection, Jayne was surprised to find that he was still wide awake. He didn't expect to have this much energy after such a thorough cleaning. Maybe he needed to find something else to do.

Just as Jayne was looking around his bunk for another task to do, he heard the lock to his door unlatch. Somebody had overridden his passcode! Jayne wondered who it was, but the two bare feet that came down his ladder quickly answered that question.

River carefully stepped down into Jayne's bunk while carrying a plate of food. She stopped part of the way down, leaned over, and said sweetly, "We missed you at supper, so I thought I'd bring you something."

"Ain't hungry," Jayne replied gruffly. He turned his back to her. Jayne didn't see her scowl slightly.

River reached the bottom of the ladder, and approached him. "You must be," she said, "You've been down here for hours."

"I gots snacks," Jayne said holding up a package. He realized he hadn't touched any of them.

"Mine tastes better, and it's warm," River said invitingly.

Jayne didn't respond. He knew she was right, but he knew giving in would lead to something else. He would just have to wait her out.

"Jayne, I know you want it," she said more directly. This irked Jayne, but he still faced away from her. He was going to hold out as long has he could. Unfortunately, he could smell the plate of food, and it made him salivate. When his stomach audibly growled, Jayne knew he couldn't hold out anymore.

Turning around, Jayne took the plate from River, without looking at her, and said roughly, "Stop reading my mind."

Sitting down on his bed, Jayne continued more softly, "It's no place for you."

River looked at him for a moment as he began to eat, and then ran for the ladder. Jayne hoped that she would leave, but she didn't. Instead, she shut his door and came back down. Glaring at him she said, "It didn't bother you when I was there earlier."

"Well, it bothers me now," Jayne replied between bites.

"Why?" River asked intently.

"'Cause what we did was wrong," Jayne replied strongly and finally taking a look at her. He then went back to his meal.

"I kissed you, what was wrong with that?" River said after a pause.

"I shouldnta let ya," Jayne replied.

"Why not?"

"'Cause yer too young, that's why." Jayne looked up at her again.

"You've been with women of my age before," River declared.

"Don't make it right," Jayne countered. He set the now empty plate up on a cabinet next to his bed.

"It didn't stop you then," River said pointedly.

"It's stoppin' me now," Jayne shot back.

"Why?"

Jayne looked away from River and stammered, "'Cause it's you."

"Liar," River said.

Chilled, Jayne looked back at River as she continued, "It's not because of me. It's because you're afraid Zoe knows it is me."

Jayne hung his head.

"But it's okay," River said in a softer tone as she lifted his chin with her fingers, "she already knows."

"What, you told her?" Jayne said backing away frightfully.

"Yes, during the Parsons run."

Jayne looked confused and said questioningly, "But that was two months ago. How could she…"

"I told her how I felt about you," River interrupted.

"And she knew the whole time, and said nothin' to Mal?" Jayne asked.

River nodded with a smile.

"Why's that?"

River looked at the cap that Jayne's mother had knitted for him. She picked it up and said to Jayne, "She thinks that if anyone would go to this much trouble to take care of you, then there must be some good in you."

River then set the cap back down, and placed a hand on Jayne's chest. Looking into his eyes, she said, "I know there is."

Jayne backed up on his bed again, but he was running out of room. "What about yer brother?" he asked.

"He's in love with Kaylee, and Kaylee's my friend. She's thinks it's cute how we spend time together. She thinks you're my big teddy bear," River said with a twinkle in her eye.

"But Mal…" Jayne began to say.

"Inara can also help with him," River said with a smirk, "He loves her, too, but won't admit it. She hopes that more unusual pairings will make Mal see that they can be together."

Looking at River, Jayne tried to find a flaw in her logic, but as usual, he couldn't. A thought did strike him, though, and he asked, "So, you been feelin' this way since…"

"Yes," River interrupted.

"And you never say…"

"Nope," she said playfully shaking her head.

"Why?"

"You weren't ready," River said tilting her head to the side. "Still aren't."

Jayne was puzzled, but followed River's lead as she gently pulled him to the edge of his bed. She then slid around behind him. She then whispered into his ear, "Close your eyes."

Closing his eyes, Jayne listened as River said, "Jayne, I want you to remember the first time you saw me as a woman."

"That's easy! It was just after ya did all that crazy flyin' to get us away from Niska," Jayne said.

"No, Jayne," River whispered as she rubbed his neck, "it was earlier than that."

Jayne shook his head, but River continued, "Remember back on Mr. Universe's moon, when we were fighting off the Reavers?"

This made Jayne shiver slightly.

"Do you remember when I closed the blast doors and was trapped on the other side?" River asked.

"Yes," Jayne said regretfully.

"Why does that make you feel so bad?"

"'Cause you didn't deserve it." Jayne said.

"Why?"

"'Cause you was tryin' to save us, and I thought you was gonna die for it."

"And?"

"And I wanted to help ya, but I couldn't."

"Then what happened?"

"Well," Jayne started, "Mal comes back and tells us the job's done, and asks about you, and we all looks back at the blast doors. Then the blast doors open and you is standin' there."

"How did that make you feel?" River asked.

"Good."

"And?"

Jayne continued, "And then the Feds broke in and told us to drop our guns, and…"

"No, shh, shh, shh," River whispered intently, "Go back to when you saw me. You said something."

Furrowing his brow, Jayne strained to remember, but it was difficult. He visually saw the Feds back up and the wall reform behind River. He refocused on her in his mind.

"I was covered in sweat, blood and grime," River continued, "It made you say something. You said it very softly. Can you hear yourself saying it?"

Straining a bit more, Jayne focused on the sounds of the memory. The words then slowly escaped his lips, "Well, hello sexy."

He felt River slide around him and straddle his waist. Jayne opened his eyes to see her smiling back at him.

"Hello lover," she said.

The rear of the train was now coming into view. Jayne gritted his teeth, and gunned the throttle.

"Ain't no one gonna take her away from me, not ever!" Jayne growled.

More to come...