LILY EQUALS LIFE

By: n33n

Okay, a new approach to the whole Lily && James madness. James is arrogant and charming as ever…Sirius hot, yet maddening at the same time…Remus, quiet and thoughtful…Peter—that worm, and Lily? Oh, Lily's still feisty and kicking. Kicking James in the OUCHES.
Chapter Two
"Psst! Padfoot," James hissed rather loudly. He did a quick motion with his hands—an upside down 'v'—a slightly gangster look—signaling for Sirius to disappear. Prompto.

Sirius caught on and winked. He did the patented Marauders' hand sign with three fingers pointed straight down, spread out evenly. The special letter 'M'. The one that came before 'N' and after 'L'. Oh my Merlin, the very gangster look.

"Yo, I got it, bro Prongsie." Sirius quickly slid upstairs, grinning cheekily.

James grinned as well. Lily Evans, now with her normal hair color—thankfully—had just now walked past him, clearly ignoring the lump in the squishy blue armchair commonly known as James Potter. Or by his scientific name, Marauderus Potterid Jameais Henra.

James bolted up, looking rather flustered. Kind of like when stupid muggles go outside in 105 degree Fahrenheit weather, full sun without sunscreen on. That type of red. He then winced as something…in the lower region of his body throbbed painfully. "Erm—how are you, Evans?"

Lily almost smiled at this rather comical sight, but then decided to give a small sigh. "I'm feeling quite fine today, Potter. Although I think you should be more concerned with yourself…" Lily trailed off, a smirk tugged on her mouth.

James pouted, but to Lily's eyes, it ended up looking like someone had continuously sucked James's mouth with a super-duty strong plunger and finally let go after three hours or so.

Lily wrinkled her nose, a look of disgust painted on her face. "Honestly, Potter, that is just absolutely revolting. What is that face?"

James quickly dropped his supposed cute puppy dog face—which was now officially his lip pumper-pumped-then-plunger-attacked face. He replaced it with a simple frown.

"Aww, Evans," James said, looking hurt.

"Don't 'aww, Evans' me," Lily snapped ferociously. "Now if you'll excuse me so very kindly, I need to work on some bloody Transfig paper."

"Transfig?" James repeated before his face brightened. "I could help you! I've noticed how McGonnie's always calling you out, and I find it very hard to believe that you somehow don't know the answer, especially when it's screaming so very loudly in front of you in your book…"

Lily glared daggers at James. James gulped. "For your information, Potter, our lovely Transfiguration book does not scream—"

James quickly interrupted her, something Lily loathed. "—oh, but that was a figurative statement. Obviously, as any simpleton would know, our textbooks cannot talk, though I have enchanted some to sing to cover up the sound of Sirius scratching his buttocks so loudly during Charms class."

James quite clearly had no whim of an idea that he was saying stuff that was offending Lily Evans. Very much.

Lily gritted her teeth. She did not need to know about Sirius's favorite past times nor did she like being called a simpleton, and most of all, she detested being interrupted in one of her comebacks.

"That's bloody IT!" Lily burst out angrily, her cheeks turning pink with fury. She clutched her wand and raised it.

"Sorry, come again? What's it?" James asked innocently, honestly confused.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

James's mouth was wide open in shock when he landed on his back for the second time in a day.

"Eat filth," Lily spat out heatedly and conjured up a spare Transfiguration book, stuffing it into James's wide open mouth. All 1,293 pages of it. Ouchh.

Though it really was quite amazing how big James's mouth was…and just how violent Lily Evans could be when provoked. Provoked meaning being in the ten feet proximity of that one bull-frog-mouthed Marauderus Potterid Jameais Henra.

o.O.o.O.o

Thirty minutes later…

"Oy, Prongs? Is dear Evans still down there with you?" Sirius hollered down the stairs into the Common Room. He paused, waiting for James's answer. When he heard none, he grinned widely. "Busy down there, eh, Prongsie? Well, it's all good, mate! You and Evans have a nice time!"

Sirius sighed to himself. "I'm such a bloody great friend. I'm so considerate of others." Sirius wiped away a stray tear. "I'm such a touching person. Honestly."

Humming in an off-key tune to the latest hit, My Magic Slippers, Sirius bounced happily back into the dormitory thinking of many ways to get James to pay him back later for his grandly good deed.

o.O.o.O.o

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! You bloody S.O.B!" James all but shouted as he pounded heavily on the boys' dormitory door.

Sirius's head popped out, a look of annoyance plastered on his face.

"What now, Prongs?" he asked in a whiny voice. "You know, Prongs, I completely did you an unselfish favor back there! And now—this, this blasphemy about me! Whatever did I do to deserve this utter, PMSing prat for a friend?" Sirius shook his arms up towards the ceiling rather dramatically, only stopping when he slammed one of his hands into the hard wooden door frame. "Damn bloodidly door!"

James folded his arms over his chest. "Are you daft? For one, I am not having Pre-Menstrual Symptoms—"

Sirius cut in, "I, for one am not daft! Daft makes me think of ducks, and I'm very unduckly, mind you! Secondly, I normally would have probably said PMMSing—Prongs's Manly Mood Swings, but since you were so nasty to me when I was ever so generous, it's now Prongs's Moody Shit."

"What the bloody hell?" James glared, looking frustrated and ready to unleash more of his 'moody shit'. "Damn it, Paddy, you left me in the Common Room alone. Evans freaking jinxed me! I could hear you say some load of crap about me having fun with Evans! Some friend you are."

James harrumphed loudly, casting his nose in the air. He knew he had won this stupid argument. Ha.

Sirius looked bewildered and quite mortified. "Prongsie! You were hexed by Evans? And I left you there…to—"

Sirius stopped in the middle of his guilt-ridden speech. "Hang on a minute, what's so bad about being Petrified?"

James rolled his eyes. "Nothing. Absolutely spiffing nothing, Padfoot. You just can't move around your bloody limbs or talk or anything. Not bad at all."

"Ah, I see."

"Oh, really?" James cocked an eyebrow up in surprise. Usually, it took a longer time for Sirius to catch up. That Bludger incident in third year…

"Yuppers doodles. So basically, you had a grand time downstairs not being able to move, and you're thinking that I'm supposed to apologize to you, buuuuut, really, you're the one that's supposed to be saying sorry to me," Sirius said triumphantly. "See? I got it."

James sighed. This was getting no where. He might as well suck in a little (a lot) of manly pride and apologize to Sirius and get it over with. Besides, he was being a bit overdramatic.

"Alright, mate, come here," James said gruffly and opened his arms for an extremely manly, one armed, two-thumps on the back, finished with a rough push type-hug.

"Aww, Prongsie-poo! Of course I forgive you!" Sirius squealed happily and jumped into James's arms and flung his arms around his neck.

James quickly unlatched himself from Sirius's grip, looking around in a panic to see if anyone dared to accuse him of homosexuality.

"Yeah, just don't leave me like that again," James growled, straightening his robes very manly-like.

Sirius beamed brightly. "Of course not, Prongs!"

James nodded, satisfied.

"I'll leave you there longer next time."

James groaned and slapped his forehead with a loud smack.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at James who quickly said, "Erm, just a nasty mosquito."

Sirius beamed again. "I knew I heard a faint buzzing. Here, let me get it for you!"

James realized his mistake and tried to explain quickly. "NO! I mean, no, no, Padfoot, I think it's flown off, honestly!"

Sirius swatted wildly, accidentally punching James in the nose and flinging his glasses off. "Nonsense, I just saw it on your nose! Wait, I think I've got it!"

With a resounding whack, Sirius slapped James unconscious across the face. James fell to the floor, slumped against the staircase.

Sirius glanced at his hand and saw the offending, now-dead bug. "YES! I got it, Prongs! I just saved you from getting your blood involuntarily donated! Aren't you glad I was here, Prongs? Eh, Prongs? Prongs?"

Dear Prongs had long fainted.

Author's Note:

That was a quite amusing chapter to write…more later on in the week or most likely, on the weekend.

Thanks so much to these awesome people for reviewing…it totally made my day!

sequinedfasade, xx. just. a. contradiction.xx FootBallChick12, cosmopolitan, hyuetyu, Katty03