LILY EQUALS LIFE

By: n33n

Okay, a new approach to the whole Lily && James madness. James is arrogant and charming as ever…Sirius hot, yet maddening at the same time…Remus, quiet and thoughtful…Peter—that worm, and Lily? Oh, Lily's still feisty and kicking. Kicking James in the OUCHES.

Chapter Three

The next morning, James woke up with a rather sore, throbbing head and found himself still crumpled in a lump next to the staircase to the boys' dormitory door. According to a stuttering, half-awake Sirius who was clutching a bright pink teddy bear, James had oh-so-obviously sleepwalked in the middle of the night.

As he rubbed his head, trying to alleviate the pain, he somehow became enlightened. How? Well, we may never find out…

With an everlasting fire of excitement burning in his hazel eyes, James sprinted almost rabidly into the boys' dormitory room.

"Moony! Moony, wake up, mate! I have a bloody crisis on my hands!" James shook at Remus maniacally. "Wake up, Moony!"

"Wharrr?" Remus asked incoherently and slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes groggily.

"You got a notebook, Moony?"

"A notebook? You woke me up for a notebook? Did you lose your eighth 'supposed' Charms notebook again? Because, I'd like to remind you, after losing your first, you stopped taking notes—if you'd call them that—and began your special doodling books," Remus reminded in an exasperated tone. "I'm pretty sure that dear Professor Retwick won't start looking at your 'notebooks' soon. He was extremely scarred from your last picture of Malfoy with his hair braided and chest enhanced too abnormally."

"Nah. Thanks for reminding me though, I still need to finish that one bloody sexy drawing of Snivy dearest wearing that lovely pink polka-dot number," James grinned wickedly, a gleam in his eye. "No, really, Moony, I just need a new notebook, and since you're ever so the scholarly one of us four, I'd thought to ask you for one from your secret stash of notebooks underneath your bed."

Remus sighed and fell back on to his mattress. "I'm not even going to ask what you're going to put in this one. Underneath this bed, to the right."

"Thanks, Moony! I knew it was underneath your bed!" James beamed happily and pounced underneath.

Remus groaned loudly and cursed. "Damn it, Prongs!" James had bumped most outrageously underneath, causing a wooden tidal wave involving springs and cushiony…stuff. "Get out from there now!"

James came out empty-handed. "I couldn't see underneath. Way too dark, Moony. I highly advise that you invest in a nightlight and stick it down there. Who knows what crazy boogyish night life might be roaming unchecked by you?"

Remus sighed loudly. "Obviously, Prongs, you completely forgot a tiny fact."

"Accio, Pink Fluffy Notebook." Remus said, raising his wand and flicking it expertly.

James glanced suspiciously at the very feminine seeming notebook that had sailed perfectly into his hand. "And what's that miniscule factoid, Moon?"

"You're a bloody wizard. You know, magic, spells, charms galore."

"Ohh, that fact! Hey, you're right; it seems as if I did forget that special information, didn't I?" James grinned and no trace of embarrassment could be found on his face. Then his face frowned. "But what's this weird-colored fuzzy thing?"

Remus sighed for the third time in a row. "It's called pink, Prongs. Embrace your inner feminism. Let in envelop you with open arms. Pink, the medium between the universal hues of red and whi—"

"Huh?" James interrupted loudly with a confused look on his face. "What's that, Moony? Pink? What sort of a thing is that?"

"Oh, damn it, Prongs. It's the stupid notebook that you wanted. Open up," Remus snapped, frustrated, mostly at being interrupted during his wise words.

James obeyed and opened 'the weird, pink thing' up to find—gasp—parchment! "Whoa! Wicked cool, Moony! This is the absolute best thing since me! How'd you do that trick? Nice charmwork there, Moony—gotta hand it to you."

Suddenly James stopped and took a sharp intake of breath.

"Oh my Merlin!" James started.

"Oh my flipping Merlin!" James continued.

"It's not humanly possible!" James said dramatically.

"It's so—" James started.

"WHAT, Prongs?" Remus asked, interrupting James as he was completely irritated at this build up of suspension.

"Hey, look! It's that thing you called pink and now it's parchment—pink, parchment. Pink, parchment. Pink—"

"Parchment. I got it, Prongs, really," Remus cut in, getting quite annoyed at seeing James flip (abuse) the poor object back and forth to no end.

"Astounding!" James said in awe, his eyes widened at the sight, obviously not knowing it had come like that, manufactured. "It's absurdly brilliant!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, absolutely bloody brilliant."

James finally caught on. "What, Moony?"

Remus sighed. "Prongs, get out. It's nearly six in the morning, and I'm not getting up till seven. Ouuut."

"Gee, Moony, no need to be so nice about it," James noted dryly and left with his 'brilliant' girlish notebook.

He plopped down on his squishy armchair that emitted a loud, fart noise when he did so. Quite frankly alarmed, James jumped up rapidly, cast his eyes both ways in search of people to modify their memories, and saw that no one was up this insanely early to laugh at this absurdity, before sitting back down again. A squeaky, long fart came out agonizingly slow.

A single thought illuminated through his mind as this sound came out.

What the bloody hell did he eat for dinner last night?

A double deckered chocolate bean burrito, James thought immediately.

James frowned. He was usually very good at keeping his farts in.

Thinking back on this, he noticed that the noise was not coming from his butt. Surprisingly enough.

It had come from the armchair, James concluded, doing a quick scan of the now presumed at fault piece of furniture. Before his mind could think the first thought that popped into his head: I have found the world's first fart-producing armchair, James's hand instinctively reached for the armchair and turned it inside out.

An innocent looking, now air-deflated whoopie cushion popped out from under the seat. James groaned inwardly. He had placed this very same whoopie cushion nearly a day ago in this armchair, trying to find a naive enough person to sit on it. Just dandy.

This was a landmark moment. A Marauder getting pranked by his own prank? Laughable. If the others knew, James would never be able to live that down.

Sighing, James counted himself lucky that no one heard. He removed the culprit from the room and sat back down, this time with no fart noises emitting from the chair.

He got out his favorite eagle quill and penned down three large words across the top of the first page of his notebook: LILY EQUALS LIFE.

James grinned. Who says that he didn't know how to get to a girl?

Author's Note:

I know, I know. You guys are thinking: FINALLY, some plot to this! Yeah. Amazingly enough, there is a slight plot, but never fear, for I shall always stray off and come back (maybe). I'll try to leave a trail of something behind.

Next chapter next week…if I get enough reviews.

Empty threat, I know. I tried.

neen

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