The Link
Chapter V: The Unwanted Housemate
"Naruto-kun..."
"What?"
"...It's the middle of the night. You can't seriously think that a store would be willing to sell two strangers anything."
There was a pout and much narrowing of eyes.
"We can always try buying in the morning, right?"
"Fine!"
The blonde Jounin turned on his heels and stomped back to the house, followed by a very pretty except rather pale black-haired woman in an equally black kimono. Naruto went back inside, but Orochimaru took a moment to examine the house with his golden eyes. It was rather big and imposing upon first sight outside, but the appeal and sense of grandeur was immediately lowered once you noticed the peeling paint...holes in the door...and creaky hinges that was enough to make anyone deaf. And the inside was worse than the outside. There was nothing in the house. Dust was an inch thick in most areas, cupboards stood empty and full of spiders...no TV, no radio...and no refrigerator. Some house, eh?
Orochimaru shook his head and made his way back into the house. Jiraiya and Naruto were arguing.
"There's no room? What do you mean there's no room!" Naruto was shouting.
"What I mean is there are no separate bedrooms for all of us." Jiraiya replied. He looked concerned. "All the other rooms are packed full with boxes and I don't know what they contain. There's only one room vacant, and we'll have to squash ourselves in it..."
Naruto clutched his head. "No, no! We can't do that!"
The frog hermit sighed. "I know...see, I sleep like a wild gorilla too...we wouldn't want to have black-eyes in the morning and find our teeth knocked out of our mouths..."
Orochimaru was frozen by the door. One bedroom? I have to SHARE a bedroom with JIRAIYA while I am in the shape of a WOMAN! The Serpent compressed his luscious lips and glared at Jiraiya, and then at Naruto. You stupid moron! If I ever break away from this stupid link I will definitely kill you! And then I will use Kuchiyose Edo Tensei and revive you, and then I will kill you again!
"I don't know with you two, but I will be sleeping outside." Orochimaru frowned as he swept away a few strands of black hair from his pretty face. "I will NOT sleep in the same room as you two."
Jiraiya turned his head, locks of white hair dancing across his eyes. He smiled a very beautiful smile as he let his eyes wander over the woman's toned down shoulders, breasts concealed beneath the black kimono cloth and shapely hips. Jiraiya could not help think of himself as the 'father', the head of this house, Naruto was the 'son' and Orochimaru was... his grin broadened.
"See why I cannot join you two in the room?" Orochimaru spat, glaring at Jiraiya.
The white-haired Sannin took tentative steps toward his former teammate, still smiling. "You know, you needn't be hot-tempered, what with your pretty face. You will look loads better if you smile. Tsunade always said frowning hastened aging. You wouldn't want that, would you?" he dropped his voice to a whisper as he leaned close to take in her scent. "You...smell...good..."
Orochimaru glowered and elbowed Jiraiya in the ribs, making him grunt. He stepped away nimbly. Naruto watched the two while shaking his head in disbelief. Does this perverted hermit even realize that it's Orochimaru he's picking on?
"I'm warning you, Jiraiya, one more move and I'll..." Orochimaru stopped dead, eyes on the floor. Puzzled, Naruto looked to see what it was...and saw a very big black rat, about the size of his two fists, sitting on the tatami floor, licking its wet fur. Naruto lifted his gaze, and saw that Orochimaru had started to tremble, all the while golden eyes fixed onto the gigantic rat.
"Err...?" Naruto began uncertainly.
"It's a rat!" Orochimaru gasped, his voice suddenly sounding like sandpaper rubbed against a very rusty piece of metal. "A rat! A black and big rat! It's a rat!"
"Yeah, I think we all know what it is." Naruto said.
For some reason, the rat seemed to drive Orochimaru mad. He – err, she – screamed and ran toward the nearest shelter she could find – Jiraiya. The Serpent threw herself into Jiraiya's arms and coiled her limbs around him.
"EEE! KILL IT! KILL IT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES! I HATE BIG BLACK RATS! KILL IT OFF! KILL IT OFF!"
Naruto simply gaped. Jiraiya was obviously having the time of his life, what with his face squashed happily between...erm.
"KILL IT OFF, NARUTO!" Orochimaru gave a strangled yell. "KILL IT OFF!"
Naruto was started to laugh when he threw a kunai that instantly killed the rodent. Orochimaru still had not climbed down from Jiraiya, who was happily hugging him tight and...uh...yeah. Naruto pointed a finger toward the Serpent as he laughed insanely.
"You're afraid of rats!" Naruto guffawed. "You, immortal Orochimaru, leader of the Sound and most powerful Sannin, afraid of big, black rats? BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"It's not my fault that they're disgusting!" Orochimaru shuddered. "They're filthy abominations that were created to especially torment mankind!"
And then he seemed to notice what Jiraiya was doing. Everything happened like a flash, and the next Naruto knew was that Jiraiya was spread-eagled on the floor with a big lump on his head. Orochimaru kicked the rat's carcass so it skidded across the tatami floor and out of the house. And then he slammed the door shut after it.
Naruto was now positively rolling on the floor. Orochimaru eyed him askance.
"Stop laughing, you idiot! And I mean it!" Orochimaru snapped. "It isn't funny!"
Jiraiya moaned and sat up. "I didn't know you still had that age-old fear of rats with you." He then remembered a particularly wild episode in their Genin days. Sarutobi-sensei had hurled Orochimaru into a dry well full of rats and strictly ordered him and Tsunade to never extend a hand to help. Orochimaru was left there for three whole days, and his screams were not exactly music to the ears. When Sarutobi-sensei took him out two days later, Tsunade and Jiraiya thought their teammate would never speak again.
"None of your business!" Orochimaru hissed. And then she walked off, all the while muttering about insane housemates and big, ugly black rats. Naruto thought he heard the word 'poison' and 'furry sons of bitches' somewhere, but he wasn't sure.
Naruto was still cackling like hell, and Jiraiya smiled at him.
"I can't believe she's afraid of rats!" Naruto gasped.
Jiraiya winked. "If you visit his house and laboratory in the Sound, you will be surprised how clean they are. Anbu spies say that Yakushi Kabuto runs a weekly major clean up. Rat free zone, the Sound country."
Naruto threw back his head and laughed some more.
The sun had barely risen when Hyuuga Neji woke up and packed his things. He had done his last rounds around Kikuyu last night, and today was the day that he decided to go back to civilization. Hoisting his satchel over his shoulder, Neji clambered down to the ramen house below where he'd rented his rooms and settled his final fees. And then he went out to the cool dawn outside, first observing the silvery sky overhead. It was going to snow very soon, if his calculations were correct. He really needed to return to Konoha before the first flakes landed.
"Very cool morning," Neji muttered to himself as he touched his belly. He might as well go buy some mushrooms for snack later. He steered away from the main road and toward the 'mini' market of the village, carefully weighing his purse as he walked.
Naruto was comfortably tucked under a layer of blankets and curled up into a ball. He was just having a very nice dream involving Sakura and lots of bowls of Ichiraki Ramen's special miso soup when Orochimaru roused him from sleep, shaking him gently by the shoulders.
"Naruto-kun, wake up. It's morning..."
Naruto rubbed the back of his right hand across his nose and pulled the blankets over his head. "Leave me alone, I want some sleep..." he mumbled incoherently. But then Orochimaru shook him harder.
"Wake up if you want to have some breakfast. Get up, sleepyhead."
Annoyed, Naruto sat up, rubbing his eyes. "There, I'm awake! Happy now!" he spat.
Orochimaru stood up and started opening windows. He was wearing a flowered midnight blue kimono that strangely suited his current figure, and his sleek hair was already knotted into a nice twist at the back of his head. For a moment Naruto thought she was very pretty what with the sun's rays hitting her face at this angle...and then the blonde Jounin blinked and coughed. What was he thinking now?
A loud snore sounded, making Naruto start. Jiraiya mumbled in his sleep and turned onto his side, pulling the blankets closer to him. Orochimaru took a moment to frown at the hermit. "Useless lump of fat..." Naruto heard him mumble.
"Well get up, Naruto-kun. We've to go buy food."
"All right, all right!" Naruto pouted as he stood up and started pulling his pants over his boxers. "You've got money now?"
"I had my purse with me after all. We can have some rice balls for breakfast. This village doesn't look so promising, so there'll be no hotpot or ramen for you."
"We're hopeless." Naruto winced in disgust. "Darn that old crone...could've sent us somewhere nicer..."
He tiptoed his way out of the room, closely followed by Orochimaru. The Serpent took a moment to fetch a wicker basket from one of the useless rooms, and soon they were walking down the overgrown and rocky path toward the village. When they arrived in the night, Naruto thought the village was hopeless, but with the sun's rays, he did not expect it could be worse. The only real house in the place was where they were staying – all the others were hovels and huts that looked ready to fall any moment now. White plumes of smoke emanated from the windows, and people walked down the streets.
"It'd be a miracle if we can buy any meat in this place." Naruto commented.
Orochimaru did not speak; her face was currently set into a frown. Naruto had a fleeting image of Kabuto being pummeled by a very big hammer for some reason he could not explain. The sudden mental image made him blink and very nearly trip over a rock – if not for Orochimaru who grabbed him by the collar even before he landed on his face. Naruto said 'thank you', but Orochimaru merely grunted and waved it away with a bandaged hand.
People eyed them strangely when they arrived in the midst of the hamlet. Children gaped and pointed openly at Naruto's head protector and kunai holster. Naruto had a weird feeling that the people here haven't even seen ninjas. Was this village really part of Konoha? The older men, however, were busy gaping at someone else – Orochimaru. Naruto could see the Serpent having trouble controlling herself. She shifted uncomfortably with every step and was furiously chewing the inside of her cheek. Many times he even saw a kunai slide into her palm and then vanish again up her sleeve.
They reached the market. Orochimaru first bought some rice and then told Naruto to pick what he thought they needed. There were mushrooms, radishes and more mushrooms. It was a miracle they found some beef and pork, but then...
"WHAT! FOUR HUNDRED A KILO!" Naruto yelled. "Are you kidding me!" he pointed an angry finger toward the fat butcher.
"It's not easy to come by meat in this place, can't expect any more than that..." the fat man replied doggedly. "Take it or leave it..."
Naruto narrowed his eyes and jutted out his jaw. He suddenly wished he had Sasuke with him – unbelievable how the Uchiha could bargain. He once bought a dozen seals for only 30 apiece, when the original price was 120 each.
"Let me deal with this." Orochimaru whispered. And then he stepped forward and bent low, careful to flash some skin toward the man. "Oh please, sir, have pity with me and my son...he's very hungry, and I'm pregnant..." he even added a very convincing sniff. Naruto felt a nudge in his ribs, and he quickly schooled his face into what he hoped was bambi eyes.
The butcher was obviously getting agitated. Orochimaru straightened up, but then her kimono slipped down her shoulder. She ignored it and peered up at the fat man. "Please, sir?"
"F-fine. And I'll add some more..."
Naruto looked at Orochimaru with greater respect. The Serpent merely winked at him.
Neji carefully tied his satchel close, a bulging bag of mushrooms inside along with his spare shirts, shorts and ninja gear. When he got back home, he would gorge himself with bowls of ramen and hotpot until his stomach bulged enough to shame a pregnant woman. He walked down the street, hands in his pockets. And then he passed by a butcher where Naruto was buying some meat from.
"Yo, Naruto."
"Oi, Neji. Good to see you here."
Neji walked on, smiling. Naruto looks fine. And then his white eyes bulged. What the hell – NARUTO! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled, pivoting around on his heels and running back toward Naruto. He pointed a shaking finger at the blonde. "GODDAMN IT, NARUTO! IT IS YOU!"
Naruto did not even look perturbed or something. "What are you doing here, Neji?"
Neji walked forward and grabbed Naruto. "What am I doing here!" the Hyuuga repeated. "You go vanishing without even a word for us and you ask me what I'm doing here! How dare you! Sasuke has been worrying his ass out for you in the past month! Where on earth did you come from? What happened to you?"
"Sasuke's worried about me?" said Naruto, puzzled.
"Damn right we are!" Neji said loudly. "We – were – so – frigging – worried -!"
"Oh. It's the Hyuuga boy, isn't it, Naruto-kun?"
Neji tore his gaze from Naruto's face and shifted it to the pale, black-clad woman behind them. Something tickled Neji's memory as he looked at the woman. And then he recognized those snake-like eyes, and the purple tattoo around them... he opened his mouth to shout out the name that came to his mind, but Naruto quickly punched him in the gut. The last thing Neji saw before blackness consumed him was Naruto's apologetic smile, and Orochimaru's interested grin.
Jiraiya was touching his forehead as Naruto finished explaining. The Hyuuga boy was lying unconscious on Naruto's futon. Orochimaru, on the other hand, was busy preparing rice balls in the kitchen. A strained silence enveloped the room.
"So now what do we do with Neji?" Jiraiya asked.
Naruto shrugged. "I don't know. But I bet if we let him go back to Sasuke...it'll only be a moment before they all storm this place."
Can't have that. Jiraiya thought. Can't let that Uchiha idiot meet Orochimaru again.
"You do realize that his whole clan will look for him, Naruto?"
"Yeah."
Jiraiya stroked his chin. And then Neji moaned and opened his eyes – and immediately sat up, looking alarmed. Jiraiya gave the boy a reassuring smile while Naruto turned to apologize to his friend.
"Tell Neji the truth, Naruto. And then let him decide what he wants to do next." said Jiraiya. "But first I must have your word, Neji, that whatever you hear will stay here. If not, you suffer my wrath and Tsunade's own. Do you understand?"
Neji nodded. "Yes. Of course." He replied hurriedly.
Naruto took a deep breath and started to narrate everything – the mission, Orochimaru's capture, the Sexy no Jutsu and the Chakra Link. Thirty whole minutes of absolute silence, in which Neji's jaw only dropped lower and lower. When Naruto finally finished talking, Orochimaru joined them with the rice balls.
"So what do you want to do now?" Naruto asked as he reached for a rice ball.
Neji was silent for an entire minute. And then...
"I'll stay here. I'll stay with you."
Jiraiya choked and had to hit his chest several times. "I beg your pardon?"
"I'll stay here!" Neji declared, standing up. "Naruto is my friend, and I have to stay with him in this troubled time. So that's it. I'll stay."
Naruto shut his eyes. More mad people in the house...
Orochimaru was silent as he observed Neji. Neji-kun, huh?
"Well." said Jiraiya. "Looks like we have a new housemate."
So that was how a fox, a white-eye, a snake and a perverted frog came to stay in a house. Or it could be two Jounins and two Sannins. Something like that.