Odds and Ends

By: neen

Yeah, not much of a Lily/James interaction thing. That's for Bits and Pieces, which I've really enjoyed writing! However, many issues will be dealt with here that are about her. It's supposed to be funny, but I dunno. This is more of a Marauders snapshot thing. Personally, I think Bits and Pieces is a bit better. AHEM. That is very blatant advertising to go read the thing. BITS AND PIECES! Haha, thanks for suffering through that! Enjoy!

"Um, hullo there, Lily!" James said overly casual, as if Sirius had not just shouted very private matters about him. "How are you this fine day?"

Lily's face was still reddening. In an uncanny strained and even voice, she asked, "Is it true?"

"Er, what?" James asked, feigning innocence. He felt his own face deepening in color.

"What Black said," Lily clarified in a persistent manner. "Is what he said true?"

"Erm, well—" James looked at Sirius for backup, and squinting, he saw that Sirius was quite far away, sprawled on the floor, playing dead. "Typical dog," James thought grimly and braced himself as he had to face Lily's wrath on his own. "Sometimes."

"SOMETIMES?" Lily exploded, patches of dark pink forming on her already pink cheeks. "What type of answer is that, Potter? Answer me!"

"Um, well, yeah, maybe a little," James mumbled incoherently, but Lily already guessed his answer correctly.

"POTTER, you scum! I've been looking for my favorite heart knickers for so long, and that is just disgusting!" Lily rambled on furiously, "And what Black said also answers why there was green slob on my shoe when I found it mysteriously under my bed!"

"Actually," James began, "it was some old gum that got stuck on it somehow (definitely not because I was just snogging it feverishly) and then Padf—I mean, a stray, rabies-infested, freaky dog tried to slurp it up."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't care, Potter. The main thing is that I think that you're obviously stalking me! I do not appreciate that, and I would greatly enjoy it if you'd stop it at once!"

"Now, Lily," James said genially, "that's not really stalking. It's more like an obsession. Crazed, fanatical obsession."

Lily, who feeling even more faint at these words, shook her head frantically. "No, no. I think that what I said about you stalking me sounds much better than this crazed, fanatical obsession. That's just weird."

James suddenly squealed as something came to him. "You've been thinking!"

Lily shot him an annoyed look. "No, really, Potter? I have no idea, considering the grades I make in my classes."

"No, no," James said, shaking his head, "You've been thinking."

He paused.

"About me," James finished with a smug smirk pasted on his face.

Lily furrowed her brow. "What are you possibly talking about? When did I say that?"

James grinned. "I inferred it. You said that you thought I was stalking you. Which means that you've been thinking about me."

Lily looked flabbergasted and at a loss for words when he declared this. "It was true," she grudgingly admitted in her mind, "I had to have thought of him to make that conclusion…drat him!"

James smirked as Lily battled within her mind, trying to think of something to say.

Then, a slow smile spread over her face, and she said wittily, "Well, Potter, it's nothing to think about really…it's more of a mere fact, isn't it?"

And with those departing words, she left a dumbfounded James standing in the middle of the Common Room.

Sirius apparently woke up from the dead, and giving a sympathetic look at James, said, "Oy, sorry about that, mate. It's just that—well, it is Evans we're talking about. Feisty, she is!"

"Yeah," James agreed with a dreamy look on his face, "she's so feisty—I like it."

"Um, we're talking about a ferocious dragon that spits fire here? You're attracted to her?" Sirius asked, an incredulous look on his handsome face.

"Oh," James frowned. "I thought we were talking about Lily."

Sirius banged his head on the wall. "Er, forget this, all right?"

"Okay."

"So you like her?" Sirius asked again.

"Yep."

Sirius breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh, that's good. You know, I've been really worried these past days."

James gave him a puzzled look. "Why?"

"Well, about the whole one-foot-radius-circle thing…"

"Sirius, you prat! I don't like you like that!"

"Ohh. Okay."

"Good, you finally got it through your thick skull."

"So, you're sure about that?"

James gave an exasperated wave at the air. "YES, I'm sure!"

"Okay. That's just peachy!"

"Guess so."

"So—"

James cut in before Sirius could make another stab at whether or not James was attracted to him, "—NO, I DO NOT LIKE YOU, Padfoot!"

Sirius looked harassed. "I wasn't going to ask you that! I was going to ask if you really liked Evans, you pillock!"

"Oh," James said sheepishly. "Well, yes, I do."

"Hmm," Sirius looked thoughtful. "Y'know, I think she rather hates you."

"You think?"

Sirius corrected himself. "No, I know."

James groaned in a depressed manner. "Life sucks. I think I'm going to write this Frannie bloke for help. Maybe he'll understand."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "Need my help?"

"Sure, as long as you're not at the opposite end of the room, in case you decide to scream out my most embarrassing moments once more," James said sourly.

Sirius grinned. "Of course, Prongsie! I learn from my mistakes."

James cast him a disbelieving look but shook his head nonetheless. He grabbed a fresh roll of parchment, and began for the fifth time.

"Francesca Palooni,

There is a girl I greatly adore. Her name is Lily Evans. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I constantly ask her out, but she always refuses. Worse, she thinks I'm a stalker. That can't be good, can it? What should I do, Bembles?

Your desperate friend,

James"

Sirius scanned over the letter that James had just written. "Not bad. Mine was loads better, though, you must admit…"

James rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Padfoot. I'm owling this now."

With that said, he found Genitals, his owl.

Genitals?

Well, young James was in the process of naming his newly bought female owl Jennifer, when Sirius quite suddenly thumped him hard on the back when he was about to say the 'fer'. Out came 'dul'.

So, Jenni-dul it was.

Sirius, being quite observant, quickly exclaimed with delight, "GENITALS!"

James was horrified at this name, but the newly named 'Genitals' owl hooted fondly and wouldn't answer to anything else.

So, Genitals she was called.

Genitals gave a comforting hoot and soared into the air very quickly, off to her destination, which oddly enough, seemed to be the boys' dormitory.

"Ah, fond memories, that owl," Sirius said with a breezy laugh as James scowled at him.

Two minutes later, Genitals came back, flying through the air. She settled importantly on James's shoulder and gave an important-looking ruffle.

Sirius bawled with laughter. "Bahah, James has genitals on his shoulder!" This particular comment drew many interested stares from the rest of the people now settling in the Common Room.

"Shut up, Padfoot," James growled as he took the neatly rolled up parchment from Genitals's leg.

James quickly read it, noticing the handwriting was vaguely familiar.

"James,

It seems you do have quite a problem. My suggestion would be to be friendly to Miss Lily. Perhaps stop asking her out and try to be her friend first. As they say, friendship usually evolves into love. If you need any more help, feel free to owl me or ask a good, listening friend. I'm sure he'll be able to help you.

The best of luck,

Francesca Palooni."

Sirius gave a prod at the letter. "See? Now you see why I was so worried?"

"What?"

"It says here clearly, friendship usually evolves into love! Well, we're friends, aren't we?" Sirius asked impatiently.

James snorted. "So you were thinking I was in love with you or something, Snuffles?"

Sirius glared at James's use of his least favorite nickname. "I think I had good reason to, Horsey."

"Whatever, The-Thing-People-Use-Instead-of-Tampons."

"HEY!"

James smirked, and ignoring Sirius's outraged protests, left for the boys' dormitory to find one Remus Lupin.

Author's Note:

Okay, I lied.

The story's back, due mostly to Sylvia Snape's extremely long review that inspired me to write on this again. It made for like 20 reviews. Besides, this story is just fun to write.

So if you liked this story, go mail Sylvia Snape some love mail because she single-handedly brought it back from the piles of dust and grime undoubtedly sitting in my computer.

Thanks.

Review please!