Odds and Ends

By: neen

Yeah, not much of a Lily/James interaction thing. That's for Bits and Pieces, which I've really enjoyed writing! However, many issues will be dealt with here that are about her. It's supposed to be funny, but I dunno. This is more of a Marauders snapshot thing. Personally, I think Bits and Pieces is a bit better. AHEM. That is very blatant advertising to go read the thing. BITS AND PIECES! Haha, thanks for suffering through that! Enjoy!

"LOONY MOONY!" James sang out in a cheerful voice. "Up here, are you?"

Remus quickly hid the quill he had just been using. "Er, yeah! What's up, Prongs?"

"Oh, well, I just got some advice from this Palooni guy—hey, that's interesting!" James said, looking enthusiastic. "Palooni…kinda like Loony Moony! Ahaha, aren't I brilliant?"

Remus looked greatly uncomfortable. "Er, yeah, Prongs. Great, brilliant."

"Anyways," James continued, to Remus's great relief, "This Palooni bloke told me to go talk to my most listeningful friend, which, I think, would be you."

"Listeningful?" Remus furrowed his brow. "Don't you mean your 'best listening friend'?"

"Yeah, something along those lines," James said, and beaming, "See what I mean? You actually listen to me!"

"Er, right." Remus could not quite bring himself to say that he had a knack of hearing grammatically wrong sentences. He had a feeling it was not the time to say that.

"Anyways, Mr. Palooni told me that I should talk about the whole Lily business with someone I could confide in," James said, looking rather grave.

"You chose me?"

James nodded. "So Lily overheard some er, things Padfoot said about me doing some interesting stuff to her possessions, and she now thinks I'm stalking her."

Remus sighed. "Well, that's not good."

"No, I don't think so either."

"Does this happen to regard those times you moaned under the covers and then emerged thirty minutes later with a pair of heart knickers that looked suspiciously like a girl's? And that other time when you were bent over on your bed making kissing noises and finally turned around, holding a high-heeled shoe with some green slob on it?"

"Well, er—maybe. But honestly, the gum was mine, but Padfoot slobbered over it when he was in his dog form. He had an itching for some spearmint gum. I don't slobber when I kiss."

"I'm sure," Remus said and sighed wearily. "So Lily thinks you're obsessively stalking her at the moment?"

"Er, yeah, that sounds about right."

"Hmm," Remus leaned back against the wall. "Well, have you been stalking her?"

"Um, depends on how you define stalking," James mumbled, fidgeting slightly.

"Er, keeping a very close eye on her almost all the time, knowing her whole schedule and somehow always bumping into her during class changes, knowing random things about her that no one else except she knows about," Remus said, ticking off his definitions of stalking.

"Er," James scratched his head, apparently thinking. "Well, I like her, so yeah, I guess I do look at her a lot. She is hot, yes."

Remus shrugged. "Okay, that's not too bad. What about the other two?"

"Well, we do have nearly the same classes," James said innocently, looking away as he said this. "It's quite normal to accidentally see her every time we change and talk to her a bit, isn't it?"

Remus gave a disbelieving look at James. "So you and her go the same way for Potions and Ancient Runes, do you? Potions, all the way down on the first floor, and Ancient Runes for her on the third story? Quite near, eh?"

James flushed. "Well, that one's a bit far off, yes, but I needed a bathroom break."

"There's a bathroom right outside the Potions dungeon," Remus said, looking like he was enjoying this.

"Okay, so maybe I do go out a little—" Remus scoffed at these words, and James furiously continued, "—a lot, but it's still all right, isn't it?"

Remus sighed once more. "Prongs, you're stretching it a lot."

"Well, would knowing that she likes to apply pineapple lip balm before she puts on strawberry lip gloss somehow be under that third part of your definition?" James asked, giving a slightly worried look.

"Er," Remus looked alarmed at this new piece of information, "well, yes, I think so."

"Oh. But surely that Lily likes wearing a special purple hair tie every time she takes a Charms test for good luck wouldn't be under your definition of stalking?" James asked cheerfully, thinking that this definitely wouldn't be considered stalking.

Remus backed away a few steps. "Er…d'you know her favorite color?"

"Red, though she tells people it's yellow because she doesn't want to seem conceited about liking the same color as her hair," James answered promptly, and to Remus's horror, correctly.

"Her favorite type of pizza?"

"Mushrooms with minimal cheese if she's on a diet. If not, extra cheese with mushrooms and a dash of pepperonis."

"Umm…" Remus looked quite startled. "—What abou—"

James cut in, adding to what he previously stated, "—oh, and when she's done, she likes to take the leftover crust part of the pizza and dip it into the garlic spread."

Remus was very worried when he heard this. "Why do I even associate myself with you?"

"What?" James asked, a note of panic rising in his voice. "That's not stalking, is it?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "No, of course not. You just seem to know every single piece of information regarding her life—probably even where she was bor—"

"Devon, St. Francis Hospital, Wing A, Cubicle #194," James interrupted, then hastily added, "Delivered by one Annabelle Morton."

Remus was very worried at this point. In fact, he had succeeded in keeping quite a large distance between James and himself. He said loudly, looking highly disturbed, "I am going to pretend I didn't hear that bit of information, because that is not only extremely disturbing that you obtained such a fact, I am extremely concerned for Lily's well-being."

"Aww." James pouted, looking hurt. "I'm not that scary, am I?"

Remus sighed, probably for the fiftieth time today. A record, most likely. "Anyways. I can't believe I'm still going to help you after all this. I feel sorry for Lily, but—I suppose I'll have to help," Remus sighed. "First of all, try to be friendly, okay, Prongs? Do not act rash or advance towards her without her permission. Mind you, and be sure to keep this in mind, do not ever, and I mean ever,spout out any random facts about her to her face. That is one sure way to scare her of—are you even listening to me, Prongs?" Remus gave an impatient look at James, who seemed to be daydreaming. "Prongs?"

"Er—Lily?" James asked, looking around hopefully.

Remus sighed for the fifty-first time. This was a lost cause. "Lily would not be lurking in the boys' dormitory, I'm glad to say. It would be quite dangerous for her with imbecilic crazed pursuers around."

"Who?" James demanded, turning angry. "Who's after Lily? I'll do them in with a couple of hexes, maybe a curs—"

Remus shook his head. "You, Prongs."

"Er—what?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "What about me?"

Remus groaned quite loudly. "How about you write this Francesca Palooni bloke?"

"Er—okay."

"Later, mind you. I don't want—I mean, he doesn't want owls all the time, does he? Poor bloke, with such correspondents…" Remus said gruffly, looking slightly embarrassed.

James suddenly looked cheerful. "Yeah, that's right! I think I'll write him later in the day. I'm going to go downstairs now, Moony."

"Right, you do that," Remus said, and after James's figure departed through the door and down the stairs, Remus heaved a tired sigh.

Giving a small, irritated noise, he laid down on his bed and placed his head on his pillow, about to take a short nap. All this advice-talking was very tiring…and later he would have to answer those 'Frannie' letters. 'This was all Sirius's fault,' Remus thought grimly and pulled the covers, feeling a draft. 'At least I get some sleep before I have to answer James.'

Ahh, but what was that large tawny owl flying in, carrying, unmistakably a hastily rolled-up scroll?

With one look at it, Remus groaned, a headache coming on. Trying to ignore it, he turned over, but the persistent owl kept pecking Remus in the shoulder, who finally turned back around, only to be poked hard in the eye.

"BLOODY OWL! YEEOWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Author's Note:

Sylvia Snape, you are smart. Congrats on the right guessing!

Thanks for all the reviews and support! Keep them coming.

Review please!