LILY EQUALS LIFE

By: n33n

Okay, a new approach to the whole Lily && James madness. James is arrogant and charming as ever…Sirius hot, yet maddening at the same time…Remus, quiet and thoughtful…Peter—that worm, and Lily? Oh, Lily's still feisty and kicking. Kicking James in the OUCHES.

Chapter Fourteen

James had very casually sidled up quietly to the pretty redhead sitting contently in the nearly empty Gryffindor Common Room, reading to herself and muttering under her breath, giving off a look of pure confusion that James found highly attractive. "Hullo there, Lily!"

Lily looked startled at his voice, as if she was wondering whether or not he was real, and then quickly regained her composure. "Hi, James."

"How are you?" James asked in a confident manner, beaming down at her.

Lily raised an eyebrow. Just yesterday he had seemed quite hesitant with talking to her. In fact, she had even feared that he didn't like her anymore. Today, he was back to normal, perhaps with more fervor than before. Weird…

"Oh, I'm just a bit tired," Lily replied, yawning lightly. "What about you?"

"Just peachy." James looked very cheerful. "What are you reading?" He gestured at the book sitting in Lily's lap. The writing was very small, so James could not lean over to look at it. 'Besides, it's Lily's business,' James thought chivalrously.

"Oh…um, that's—that's nothing," Lily said extremely hastily and made to stow her thin book quickly out of sight. "Just a bit of homework I have yet to finish, nothing really important."

"Oh, really?" James cast her a somewhat skeptical look, but let it pass, for which Lily was very grateful. It would be humiliating if James should happen to see my…

James interrupted her thoughts, bringing her back to reality. "There's a Hogsmeade trip in two weeks. I would love it if you'd come with me. Do I have the honor?"

Lily was very torn when she heard this question. This was the moment she had been waiting for nearly days now, but she wasn't prepared yet. She threw him a very rueful look and wrung her hands tightly with extreme nervousness. "Erm, well--oh, James, I don't know!"

"Oh." James looked crestfallen and quite dismayed as he heard her reaction. I was so sure that maybe this time…

"I'm so sorry, James, it's just that I'm really confused right now, and I don't know what to say," Lily quickly said, looking truly apologetic. "It's not you. You're a wonderful per--"

"It's fine," James said, intervening, but Lily could hear the definite stiffness and forced politeness in his tone. "Maybe some other time then, eh? If you're up to it, that is."

"James, listen, honestly, I—James!" Lily called after him as he stood to leave, standing up rapidly, but he had already quietly disappeared without turning back. He always looked back…even if he was mad with her. Lily thought of this sadly and retreated to her usually comfortable armchair, but right now she was so angry with herself for doing what she just did that she felt she was sitting on a bundle of spines. Perhaps she was wrong to be so cautious…was she?

"Arrrrgh," Lily said eloquently and pulled out the book she was reading, or thinking over quite a lot, rather. She opened it to where she had neatly drawn out two columns, labeled out as pros and cons. At the top of the page was a recognized name in her small, neat handwriting, James Potter.

Sighing, she looked back on it, wondering what she would have said if she finished the cons list two minutes earlier before James came down to ask her. My answer hopefully would be the same.. Lily tried to think, but a guilty feeling weighed her down as she flailed to get out. Truthfully, her heart beat rather fast when James came up to her like that, when she least expected it…and his eyes were so very mesmerizing.

Shaking her head sadly at the thought of James, she looked down at the list, trying to figure out what her thoughts of that one particular disheveled black-haired boy was.

Under pros, she had written down, 'hilarious, nice, sweet, pretty cute, adorable, intriguing, highly intelligent, very sexy jaw. He adores me.'

Under cons, 'arrogant prat (used to be), moody at times, unpredictable, weird, infuriating.'

She stared at the list as soon as she finished listing the cons section. Nine items in pros and five cons. However…

Lily sighed. This was proving harder than she thought. She did notice that James wasn't being as arrogant as possible; he was now simply confident in things he did. He no longer had the swagger he walked with and the smug smirk that always hung from his face. Instead, a warm, bright smile would always light up every time she came into view.

She also figured that she couldn't blame him for being moody, for she had her own mood swings, and she was also highly aware that people always said Lily Evans was a PMSing monster queen.

Lily liked order. She was a perfectionist, hated surprises, and did not like change. Actually, she loathed change.

So why in Merlin's beard did she think James being unpredictable was starting to become a pro? She had definitely written it down in the cons section, but now, thinking back on it, she realized she actually liked the random things they talked about. He, in essence, complemented her, Miss I-Hate-Spontaneous-Things-That-Just-Happen-Randomly.

Weird though he was, there was nothing she could really do about that. It would be one of the things she would simply have to accept about him and move on.

Infuriating. That last word Lily had listed down in the cons section brought Lily a fresh wave of memories forth from the back of her mind. The constant battles, debates, and snide remarks they returned to each other every day. Lily was forced to admit, she had always tried to prepare for them, thinking over good telling-offs the night before. So in fact, James had always been a large part of her mind. Lily started as she suddenly realized that she enjoyed them. It was a way to sharpen her mind, and there always was also a surge of adrenaline that ran through her body every time she debated heatedly with James and won.

She missed them quite terribly.

Lily missed how they argued over everything, including the topic of whether or not pumpkin juice was in fact a drink with orange colored additives mixed inside or pure 100 squeezed juice from the pumpkins down in the vegetable patch near the wizarding school.

It was in fact, Lily found out later, pure pumpkin juice, since James sneaked off one day to see exactly how the pumpkin juice was made and proudly announced it the day after.

She had lost that round of debate.

But now, looking back, she has lost something more important than the knowledge of the ingredients of pumpkin juice. Something, quite possibly, that would never come back to her if she did not act accordingly.

She had lost James—not only as a friend and sparring partner, but as well as the person that she had a very good possibility of perhaps being something more with.

And what made her feel the worst was, she was the cause of it all.

She herself was the reason she had lost everything. The awareness hit her with full force, and she slumped back in the armchair, her stomach feeling awfully empty at the thought of it.

A sudden idea of precisely what she needed to do—the right thing that would make things all better—hitting her, Lily quickly sat up in her seat and stood.

She needed to find one James Potter, and very quickly.

Author's Note:

I think one more chapter should do it. Thank you guys for sticking it with me the entire time! I'm very grateful for that.

Please review! Thanks.

A big thanks to all my dutiful reviewers and new reviewers, thank you as well!

Reviews greatly appreciated…!

neen