Odds and Ends
By: neen
Please go read my latest story MARAUDERS 101! That'd be greatly appreciated!
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LAST CHAPTER! SEE BELOW FOR MORE INFORMATION!
Within minutes of Remus's attempt to nap for the third time, there was a deafening thundering of footsteps on creaky wooden stairs.
Remus groaned. Why, oh why, did he have to live with such elephantine, obnoxiously loud people?
To his great dismay seconds later, he soon realized that it was not only one pair of footsteps, it was actually two. Great.
"MOOOOOOOOOOONY!"
A second call of his name, "MOONY, MOONY!"
Remus groaned, perhaps even louder than before. "Right here. I'm right--"
The door to the boys' dormitory flung open with an extremely loud smack as it made contact with the wall. Remus winced as the hinges squeaked painfully, swinging back and forth.
"Yes?" Remus greeted irritably as soon as he saw his two correspondents standing side by side, both wearing quite different, even polar expressions.
"I'm looking for Gingermelon!" Sirius looked cheerful enough as he rummaged around his pillow and found it hiding underneath. With a joyous cry, he brought it to his face and cuddled it delicately. Then turning his gaze back to his pillow, saw the greening slobber on it and quickly wiped it off. After doing so, Sirius quickly ran over to Remus and gave him a bear hug. "I FOUND IT! Gingermelon!"
"Eurgh!" Remus cried out in disgust, wiping off the drool that Sirius had transferred to his robe sleeve. "Honestly, Padfoot!"
James on the other hand, looked exceedingly depressed and was moping around the room. "Moony, Palooni won't write me anymore." He said this with such a mournful air that Remus almost regretted writing so harshly in the latest letter.
"Er, and why ever not?" Remus asked, faking concern that James took genuinely.
"He hates me or something. I guess he was fed up with the constant owling, eh? I was just really enthusiastic," James said, frowning sadly.
"Erm, perhaps so," Remus said, looking rather uncomfortable. "He gave some last pieces of advice to you though, didn't he?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Are you going to take them?" Remus asked.
"Guess so."
"I think you should," Remus very subtly hinted.
"If you say so," James said half-heartedly and continued to walk about the room with his shoulders slouched over and a sad look on his face.
"Ooh! Ooh!" They were interrupted by an excited-looking Sirius who looked triumphant.
"Yes, we know you've found Gingermelon safe and sound," Remus said, looking annoyed. "Now, Prongs—"
"No, no," Sirius said, shaking his head. "It's just that I was having a bad day, and I was feeling quite down, so I wrote to Bembles and asked him things like, 'Do you not think I'm handsome?' and 'Do you not wish you could snog me senseless?', and he wrote back with three HUGE, NOs. What a great guy, that Frannie."
Remus looked appalled. "What?"
"What's the matter? You don't think Bembles is good? You have to write to himself yourself to see," Sirius said eagerly. "His name is Francesca Palooni. I found his card on my bed after the night Gingermelon disappeared—remember, when I was going on and moping? Well, he's the guy that brought me back! He works wonders."
Remus blanched. 'Bugger it. Bugger me for trying to be nice and giving so much advice. Most of all, bugger Sirius for having such weird sentence structures. Who writes in the negative these days?'
"Er—that's all right," Remus said hastily. "I've been doing quite well lately, thanks."
Sirius was still grinning happily.
"You do know that er—Francesca was most likely kidding when he wrote that back?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius hopefully.
"Nah," Sirius beamed, "I'm pretty sure he's fallen madly in love with me due to my eloquent sentences and lovely letters."
Remus raised an eyebrow and asked in a hesitant tone, "Er—Padfoot, are you in fact—well, gay?"
Sirius frowned. "No! Where'd you get that insane idea, Moony?"
Remus had breathed out a sigh of relief. "It's just that well, you were going on and on about how Francesca liked you, and well, I thought—"
"You thought wrong," Sirius said pleasantly. "I was merely trying to booster my self-confidence by making people of the same sex fall passionately in love with me."
"Oh. That's an interesting way to er—increase your confidence."
"I know. Genius, aren't I?" Sirius asked haughtily, wearing a smug smirk on his lips.
Unexpectedly, James let out a boisterous wail of great sorrow. Remus started a bit, looking at James with widened, startled eyes. "Er, yes? What's the matter, Prongs?"
James had hidden his face with his hands and was sobbing bitterly. However, when his head popped back up, there were no tears shining on his face.
"It's just that—I dunno what to do!"
"Prongs, I thought Francesca wrote back with a plethora of advice?" Remus asked, looking quite exasperated.
"Well, yeah, but, I dunno," James replied stupidly, still looking very disgruntled.
"What," Remus asked, rubbing his temples furiously, nursing his newly activated headache, "the bloody hell was that incessant and unbearable sobbing for then?"
"Oh, I just needed to get it out of my system," James said very seriously and then abruptly stood up with a cheerful smile on his face. "I'm going to take his advice now. Wish me luck!"
Sirius stared after James in awe. "He is so—what's the word, Moony?"
"Spontaneous? Impulsive? Madcap? Reckless?" Remus listed quickly at the top of his head.
"Er, yeah, all of them suits him well, I reckon," Sirius said, nodding deeply at all four words.
"This might be the first time ever, but—I agree with you, Padfoot, I agree." Remus said, sighing.
"So, about this attraction that Frannie has for me…" Sirius started but was cut off by a panic-stricken shout made by Remus.
"No, no, he doesn't like you!" Remus said quickly and unnerved.
Sirius sniffed at the air with a disdainful manner. "And how would you know?"
"Er, well—I write Francesca too," Remus hastily fibbed.
"Really?" Sirius asked, looking excited. "Does he seem to have the hots for you too?"
"Er—I dunno. I don't think so," Remus said, thinking how badly it would be if he liked himself.
"Oh," Sirius leaned back with a disappointed look.
Remus shook his head at Sirius's reaction. Honestly.
"By the way, I think I'm going to go and sneak around behind that Invisibility Cloak of his and see his progress," Sirius announced and quickly seized the filmy material from the trunk at the foot of James's bed, and hurriedly bounced through the door, leaving Remus, for once, to the hands of rest and peace.
"Finally."
WHACK. A miniature owl slammed into the side of Remus's head.
Rubbing his head tenderly, Remus opened up the letter in an irritated manner.
"Bembles!
I'm going to inform you of my dear friend, Prongs (also known as James to you, of course!) and his progress concerning his favorite (and only) redhead, Miss Evans since you no longer wish to correspond with him. But I know you'll miss the gossip, so here I am, doing such a great deed!
Stay tuned!
-Your lover wizard,
Siri!"
Author's Note:
Ah, I do feel for Remus. The poor guy.
THIS WAS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS STORY.
A SEQUEL (ME, ADVICE-GIVER EXTRAORDINAIRE) WILL BE UP SHORTLY.
I just wanted to make the change into an all Remus-advice/owling story, so here goes!
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