Where to even start this? I started this thing after she moved out. As to why? Not sure. Maybe it was my own way of showing how much I love her. Maybe it's my way of dealing with emotions I never thought I'd ever feel. Neela Rasgotra has no idea…she…she changed me and until she left, even I had no idea that she had.

Sex. Beer. Rock 'n' Roll. That was really my life. One-night stands were as close as I came to being committed to someone. I've been afraid of commitment for most of my life. Never thought I'd be nearing 30 and still living life as a bachelor. But, that's how life goes sometimes.

It seems to plan our lives for us before we get a chance to even think about things.

I knew I always wanted to be a doctor. Since I was 3. I had gotten a pretty nasty hit on the head and had to go into the ER. It was then that I knew that, not only did I want to be a doctor, I wanted to work in the ER as well.

Life gave me two things I wanted.

But somewhere along the way, it decided it didn't want me to love. Let's see…who was…Ah yes! Michele Davidson. She's the girl that life threw at me to test if I'd ever love. Well, I did and BAM! Broken heart. I was all of 15 years old, I think, and since then, I've never really ever been able to love.

But, life sometimes plans things for us that we're not aware of.

Life introduced me to Neela Rasgotra, a dark skinned, dark haired, dark eyed beauty from England. She's…she's one that seems to think you can plan life. Yet, life keeps throwing things at her that throws her plans right out the window.

Like when she had to move in with me.

That blew her plans right out the window.

I'm a slob. I admit it. Cleaning up is work sometimes and with the shifts you work as a resident, the easiest thing is to simply drop your stuff anywhere and head to bed. Neela NEVER planned on sharing a house with a slob. She's a neat freak to the very core of her. If it's even on tiny millimeter off, she starts freaking because it's a mess.

I can be a bit obnoxious. Maybe it's because I had to fight the pretty boy image. Okay…maybe not…but still, I am obnoxious to a degree and I know Neela never planned on having a roommate this obnoxious.

She hadn't really planned on marrying Michael (I'd curse his name, but may he rest in some sort of peace) but she did. Kind of a "Let's see what this marriage thing is really about…Sure, why not?" type of wedding. She never planned on being a Soldier's wife. I guess that takes planning to a whole different level.

She certainly never planned on life without him. She never planned on him being killed by a roadside bomb. She never planned on technically being homeless. Fortunately for her (and to a degree, me) she's living at Abby's, but for how long? Only life knows.

But, right now…shift is over and I'm sitting on my couch, typing this in my journal, trying to figure out what plans I had that fell through. Well other than the whole 2.5 kids with a white picket fenced home in Downer's Grove with the most beautiful wife in the world.

Someone's knocking at my door.

Hadn't planned on anyone coming over, so hope that it's noone important as I'm just in my jeans.

The knocking is refusing to stop, so will close for now.

Ray Barnett, MD (why does that always seem so strange to me and why do I suddenly feel like I'm Doogie Howser?)