Chapter Seven

It was after four in the morning and Tohru still couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. Though her body was exhausted, her mind had been running a million miles a minute all night. In an attempt to calm her thoughts, she rose from where she was sitting on the end of her bed and walked over to the window. She stared outside, hands clasped behind her back, reflecting on all that had happened to her in the last year.

She had been through a lot. There was no denying that, and there were times where she wanted to forget most of it. But whenever she found herself entertaining such thoughts, she was quick to remind herself of what Momiji had once told her.

"I want to live my life carrying all of my memories with me," the little rabbit had said. "Even though some memories are painful right now, I want to keep them. Because as long as I can keep them with me...as long as I can keep holding on to them...someday, I'll be strong enough that those memories don't hurt me anymore. And I'll be glad that I have them then. At least, that's what I believe."

Tohru had to bite her lip in order to keep from crying at the memory. Momiji was much stronger than he looked. He had chosen to battle through the darkest times of his life, and despite being raised without a mother, he had grown up to be a joyful, fun-loving boy, the boy that Tohru now knew him to be. And she would do the same. No matter what the future held, she swore that she would never allow herself to forget anything that had happened to her. Not even the worst of things.

Like losing you, Mom.

She reached over to where her mother's framed photograph sat on the end table near her bed. She pulled it close to her chest, sighing forlornly. While her mother's death was undoubtedly the most devastating thing to ever happen to her, there was no question that there had been at least one silver lining to it all: the Sohmas. Tohru brightened as she remembered the morning she stumbled onto Yuki and Shigure's front porch. Her lips formed a small smile as she recalled the joy she had felt when, just a few days later, Shigure had invited her to stay and live with him and Yuki and Kyo. The arrangement had been temporary at first, of course; she'd only planned on living with them until the renovations at her grandfather's house were completed. And she did return to her relatives eventually, though after spending several days with them, she'd come to realize how much she missed the Sohmas, who, it turned out, had missed her just as much.

Her mother's beaming face in the photograph seemed to be cheering her on, and Tohru forced herself to grin back. The way she saw it, if she could make it through such tough times and come out feeling as happy and loved as she ever had before in her life, chances were, she could handle anything.

Even the scorn of the head of the Sohma family.

"Listen to me, you foolish girl. You can't win."

Tohru winced as she recalled her most recent meeting with the zodiac god. Hard as she tried, she found she simply couldn't push his hate-filled words from her mind.

"This is what you do to them, isn't it? You bat your little eyes and they fall to their knees, ready to answer your every whim."

Never in all her life had anyone despised her as much as Akito Sohma, and what bothered her so much about that was the fact that she still didn't understand why.

"Soon enough they will all know. I will finally reveal to them what you really are."

If one thing was clear, though, it was that turning his family members against her had seemed important to Akito from the very beginning.

He sees me as a threat. But then, almost as quickly as she had thought it, Tohru shook her head and retracted the idea. Oh, but that can't be. He's head of the Sohma family. What sort of threat could I possibly pose to someone as important as him? It's silly to even consider such a thing.

Tohru wrung her hands in frustration. All she wanted was to be a part of the Sohma family; to talk with them, laugh with them, cry with them, have meals with them...to be their friend. Even Akito's, if only he would let her. So how was it that he suspected there was something more sinister to her presence in Shigure's house?

Where does it come from, Mom? He's determined to make everyone see me in a negative light. It's almost like he's afraid of something. But what?

She had but a moment to wonder before her thoughts were interrupted by the gentle sound of birdsong. She lifted her gaze, brightening when she saw three white finches come to perch just outside her window. They made her think of the birds she'd seen in Akito's rooms back at Sohma House. Slowly, she slid one of the glass panes aside and extended a hand toward the birds, wondering if she could get them to perch on her arm the way she had seen Akito do. Much to her disappointment, though, her tentative offering of friendship was promptly rejected. The birds flew away, and Tohru closed the window shortly after. She was about to make her way back toward the bed when, suddenly, a loud thud reverberated against the glass. She spun just in time to see one of the finches go tumbling to the ground below.

Tohru didn't hesitate. With a cry, she ran from the room, taking the stairs two at a time as she went.

Akito pulled up onto Shigure's property, stopping when he was still a good distance from the house. Or rather, he supposed it would be more accurate to refer to the small stretch of land before him as Sohma property. It belonged to the family, after all, and the dog was simply renting out the house. The reminder of Shigure's desertion was enough to stir anger in Akito, though he forced himself to push the thought aside, lest it make him lose focus on his task

After ensuring that the position of his vehicle was secure, Akito made to exit, though he'd barely so much as moved before he was forced to sink back down into the driver's seat. His stomach lurched, and though he hoped the feeling would soon pass, it did not. Groaning, Akito massaged his temples and took in long, deep breaths, trying to ignore the fact that his vision was steadily growing fuzzier.

He should never have come here. It was nearly five o'clock in the morning; everyone in their right mind was asleep, and even if that weren't the case, he was still miles away from Hatori, let alone any kind of decent medical care, should his health take a turn for the worst. He tried to cast the possibility from his mind, though Akito could not deny that the way he was feeling was strikingly reminiscent of several years ago, when he had fallen ill with a stomach flu. The ailment had been so severe that even Hatori had feared for his life. Akito had been only sixteen years old then, and the illness had kept him bedridden for weeks. Or had it been months? It had certainly felt like months.

Perhaps I'm coming down with another ghastly sickness like that. Either that, or...

His heart convulsed with dread as another, even less pleasant possibility occurred to him.

"...won't live past twenty…"

The words that had haunted him since childhood materialized yet again, and Akito swore under his breath. What if this really was the end? What if he died right here, right now? And in the mutt's yard, no less? The thought was enough to make Akito want to scream. He supposed Shigure would laugh if he were to come across his zodiac god lying dead in the front seat of Hatori's car. No, there was no supposition about it; he absolutely would. He would look right into Akito's cold, lifeless eyes and tell him that it served him right. And it wasn't just Shigure —any one who knew Akito would react in exactly the same manner. They would take one look at his withering corpse and feel an instant rush of relief —no, glee —at the sight. Every one, that is, save for Hatori.

And perhaps one other.

"When you pass away, Akito, we will be very sad. We will be very sad to lose you."

At once, Akito's vision began to become more clear, more focused. Tohru Honda. Yes, of course. She was the reason he had come here. He had to remember that, to let it be the driving force that would get him through this night. He would find her, speak with her, and no matter how much he might be tempted, he wouldn't allow himself to believe that she truly wished to be his friend. Or that she wished him to live, for that matter. No, she wanted to replace him. That, he reminded himself, has been her ultimate agenda from the very beginning. She wants to appoint herself as the god of this family.

Despite his miserable state, the zodiac god managed a weak laugh. He knew Hatori didn't believe the girl had played any role in his recent —and, apparently, short-lived —health improvements. But Akito knew better. The logic was flawless, in his mind. Every time he witnessed poor little Tohru Honda suffer, whether it be the result of physical or emotional distress, Akito, in turn, experienced a rush of power and delight. It was the same feeling he got whenever he treated his zodiac with cruelty and disdain. He was aware of how sadistic that sounded, but he wouldn't deny that inflicting pain and discomfort on others had always given him a sense of superiority. In truth, those were the only moments in which he felt like a real god.

Was it a wicked thing, to ceaselessly torment a young orphan girl for his own selfish gain? Yes. But the way Akito saw it, Tohru Honda might very well be the means through which he would finally acquire the strength to overcome his sickly constitution. It was a gamble, to be sure, but it was one he was certainly willing to make.

Ignoring the warnings still going off in his head, Akito threw open the car door and put both his feet on the ground outside. Soft blades of grass rustled beneath his shoes, crickets chirping somewhere in the distance as he sat stock-still, taking in the new sights and sounds. Then, finally, he made a leap of faith and stepped outside. His head felt much lighter than it should, but he did not vomit, much to his relief. The first gust of wind had him automatically crossing his arms over his chest, shivering, and he looked back at the car. He was considering searching the trunk for a jacket or blanket when, suddenly, a movement directed his gaze elsewhere.

Turning toward Shigure's house, Akito was just in time to spot a figure emerge from the doorway. Though he was still a fair distance from the house, he was certain beyond a reasonable doubt that the person in question was female. She had long dark hair that stopped just above her waist, and her movements were clumsy as she rushed along the side of the house, stopping to kneel near a small patch of bushes. Akito watched all the while with narrowed eyes, his health concerns instantly forgone.

Well, well, if it isn't Miss Tohru Honda. Up rather early today, aren't we? He chuckled conspiratorially to himself. What secrets are you attempting to conceal from Shigure and the others? I do intend to find you out.

Akito quickened his pace, ignoring the painful protests of his limbs. He stopped to duck behind a tree when he was within a few yards of the house, his eyes never once leaving Tohru Honda's back. This is it. I'm finally going to catch her and expose her for being the deceitful little bitch she is. He peered around the tree, sneering as he watched Tohru set what appeared to be a small cage down near the bushes.

"...all right...let me help..."

Akito dug his fingernails into the bark of the tree, straining forward, trying to hear what it was she was saying, though he only managed to catch a few words.

"...promise, everything's going to be okay..."

She turned to the side, and Akito caught sight of something in her hands, something that was small and white and...moving. He frowned as she gently placed the animal in the cage that was waiting just a few feet away. It took him several moments to realize what was happening, but as soon as he did he abandoned his hiding spot and rushed forward. "What do you think you're doing? Let it out this instant!"

Tohru jumped, gasping at the sound of a voice behind her.

She spun in a circle, eyes darting all around before finally landing on the speaker. A black-haired man dressed in dark clothing was moving toward her. His apparel enabled him to blend in with the shadows, and Tohru had to admit she likely wouldn't have noticed him. That is, had it not been for his pale white skin that glowed brightly whenever he passed through one of the thin strands of moonlight streaming through the trees above them.

Tohru found herself automatically backing away from the man. She opened her mouth to scream, though she managed to stifle it when she realized that she recognized him.

Those eyes...I could never forget them, no matter how hard I tried.

"Akito?"

She blinked to make sure she wasn't mistaken. The man was panting when he finally reached her, and by then there was no question of his identity. He put his hands on his knees, head hung low as he sucked in deep breaths, though he did manage to shoot her a scowl in response to her question, as if to say: Well, who else would it be?

"Um." Tohru cast a nervous glance at the birdcage as she tried to think of what to say next. "What are you doing here? I thought-"

"Did you not hear me, you stupid girl?" the zodiac god snapped in between breaths. "I said let it out! A creature like that is not to be locked away for your amusement!"

Tohru turned toward the bird again, her mind still rushing with panic. "W-what? I...oh."

Her eyes softened in understanding. Akito thought she intended to keep the bird for herself. And as a pet, no less.

"I, err...no! You see, I..."

Her voice shook as she tried to think of a way to eloquently explain the situation to the zodiac god. She knew that he thought she was an airhead, and in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong. As usual, however, she appeared unable to make her mouth work with her mind.

"I-I know it isn't! I mean, that's not what I…"

She trailed off again, exasperated with herself. Why is it so hard for me to effectively convey the things I want to tell people? Oh, Mom, no wonder everyone thinks I'm so silly.

"That's...that's not what I'm doing," she managed at last. "I was only trying to help the bird. He's hurt, and I...well, his friends flew away, and it just didn't seem right to leave him all by himself, you know?"

She stopped when she noticed that Akito was watching her with impatience. "Oh, I forgot. You don't like it when I talk too much, do you?" She heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry. It's just that I know you like birds, and I wanted to make sure-"

"What makes you think I like birds?"

Akito regarded her with a frown. He seemed surprised, if not a little perturbed, by her bluntness, but not angry. Still, Tohru was quick to come to the conclusion that she had offended him somehow.

"Oh, um, forgive me. I didn't mean to be...presumptuous. It's just that, last week, when I came to visit you, I saw that you were holding a bird. You were showing it such kindness, and I...well-"

Akito's next words were bitter, almost venomous. "And you find it utterly unimaginable that someone like me could ever show kindness to anything. Am I correct?"

Tohru's lips parted as she regarded the zodiac god with surprise, her heart at once beginning to flood with hope. Could it be that you were right, Mom? Could it be that maybe there are redeeming qualities in everyone after all, even in the harshest and most cruel of people?

"Err...someone like you?" Tohru shook her head, pretending to be confused. "I don't think I understand what you mean."

But Akito wasn't having any of it. "The hell you don't. You can drop the charade. You play the part of a poor orphan girl with no common sense, but I know that you are not so dense as you make yourself out to be."

Tohru grimaced at the implication of his words. She rubbed her arms absentmindedly and averted her gaze, not knowing what to say.

Which was just as well, as it appeared that Akito still wasn't finished. "You're only kind to my zodiac because you want to win them over. And I shall give credit where it is due; you have been extremely successful in your attempts at doing so. But as I've already told you, you have not won me over, nor will you ever."

For several moments, Tohru remained silent. She knew that Akito was purposely trying to hurt her feelings, and yet, she wouldn't deny that that particular accusation had hit her harder than any other. And so she took a deep breath, willing her voice not to shake when at last she found the courage to respond. "Akito, what you say is...well, it's not entirely untrue."

Akito gaped at Tohru Honda in disbelief.

Could this be it? Could this be the moment where she finally confessed to being the diabolical little bitch he had always known her to be? He waited for her to elaborate, but when she gave no indication of continuing he bit down hard on his lower lip, suppressing his growing impatience.

If I yell or show anger she will probably become nervous, and I don't think I can stand to endure any more of her mindless ramblings.

"Go on," he urged in as gentle a tone as he could manage.

Tohru fingered the hem of her nightshirt, looking like she wanted to bolt. "Well," she began at last, "you are right when you say that there is often insincerity in the things that I say and do."

She fell silent again, and Akito had to dig his nails into his palms in order to keep himself from voicing his frustration. He was ready to snap, though before he could even do so much as open his mouth, Tohru Honda resumed her speech.

"The truth is, I don't always want to act as kind and polite as I usually do. If I'm being honest, there are times where I feel things like annoyance and bitterness, even anger. Just the same, there are also times where I want to complain or to say things that just...well, aren't very nice at all. I almost never do, though, and it's because I…because I..."

She shook her head. It was more than apparent that she wished to drop the subject, but Akito wasn't about to let her ruin this glorious moment for him.

"Because you're a manipulative bitch who uses kindness as a tool to win people over?" he suggested with a sneer, though his little jab did not at all create the reaction he had been hoping for. Much to his disappointment, Tohru Honda did not burst into tears and fall to her knees, begging him not to tell any of the others of her deceitful ways. Instead, she turned on him sharply, her cheeks hot with fury as she snapped back, "I'm not-!"

She opened her mouth to say more, but then she seemed to remember herself. With a sigh, she averted her gaze and continued in a much quieter voice. "I'm not...manipulative. And I'm not kind to people because I want to win them over. I'm kind to people because I like them, and I want them to like me back."

Akito tilted his head to one side. "But isn't that the same thing?" he asked. "You have the audacity to claim that wanting to be liked is not the same as wanting to win people over. Let us assume that that makes sense —which, it doesn't, but let's assume for a moment that it does. Tell me: Why do you want to be liked? What does it matter to you?"

Tohru stared down at the little white bird in the cage. She was silent for what felt like an eternity to Akito, but when at last she spoke, her voice was uncharacteristically steady. "My mom always said that it's best to treat other people the way you'd like to be treated."

Akito raised an eyebrow as he carefully studied her face. Her eyes were distant, as though she weren't there with him, but in a moment from long, long ago. Most of the time he found it annoying when Tohru Honda talked about her mother. But other times, her ability to recall her deceased loved one so vividly made him feel jealous. He wished he had such a strong memory of his own father —of what he had looked like, of the things he had done and said. But Akito's memory had proven itself to be rather poor. These days, he found he could hardly even picture Akira's face anymore.

"I want to be treated with kindness and respect," Tohru told him, "and so that is how I've decided I'm going to treat others."

At that, Akito snorted. "So what you're saying is that you treat others well so that you, in turn, will also be treated well?" He shook his head. "Forgive me for saying so, Miss Tohru Honda, but your actions, while disguised as honorable and altruistic, sound incredibly self-serving to me."

Tohru seemed to consider his words. Then, much to Akito's astonishment, she nodded. "Perhaps there is truth to what you say, Akito. But tell me, which is more self-serving: treating others with kindness in the hopes that they will treat you and others the same, or being kind to no one but yourself?"

When Akito didn't, answer Tohru looked up at him. Her eyes bore into his with such an intensity that, for once, Akito found he was the one who wanted to look away.

"I know what you think, Akito. You think I'm trying to take your family from you. You think that that's why I'm kind to them. You think..." Her voice dropped to a low murmur. "You think I'm trying to replace you."

She was absolutely correct, though of course Akito was quick to deny her claim. "I most certainly do not," he huffed. "Please. As though I could ever feel threatened by you, an average girl who possesses no extraordinary talent, influence, or beauty.

"Don't you remember who I am? I am a god, a god who, by right, is deserving of all the love and praise that his creation has to offer. And yet, for some reason that I cannot begin to fathom, they have chosen to worship you instead. Do you not understand my frustration? Do you not see why it is that I have hated you from almost the very moment I first heard your name?"

He smiled down at the girl's slumped figure, pleased to see that his words were having the effect he intended. "I know you have always wondered why I harbor such a fierce hatred toward you. Well, the answer may, in fact, be far simpler than it appears. I hate you because you have taken from me what is rightfully mine. I hate you because, when I am gone, I know that you will rejoice —you will rejoice, just as my zodiac will-"

"That isn't true." Tohru sniffled, using the back of her arm to wipe her cheeks. She was crying. Akito had not realized as much until now, though in truth, he wasn't surprised. The girl cried at the drop of a hat, after all. He remembered how, yesterday, he had found himself pitying her in some small way when he realized that he'd upset her. But he wasn't going to let himself feel guilty for doing so again. After all, as far as he was concerned, she deserved everything she had coming to her.

"You might hate me," she continued, "but I don't hate you, and when you are gone, I won't rejoice. I will be sad."

Akito covered his ears. He couldn't listen to this anymore. "Shut up! You're lying."

"But...but I'm not!" Tohru cried.

Gritting his teeth, Akito leveled his gaze with hers. "You are!" he insisted. "It's just like you said. You're treating me with kindness because you think that one day I will treat you in a similar fashion. Well, I won't, not ever. Do you hear me?"

His voice was steadily rising, and he knew that it scared her. He could tell by the way she was slowly backing away from him. "Akito, stop! Please, you don't know what you're saying!"

But he pressed on, hoping to frighten her further. "On the contrary, Tohru Honda, I know perfectly well what I'm saying. I know who you are and what you intend. You are set on ruining me!"

"No-"

"And I came here tonight to ensure that you know your place within this story. As it turns out, I may have a use for you just yet!"

It happened in what, to Tohru, felt like the blink of an eye. Akito lunged forward, seemingly with the intent of grabbing her, his hands outstretched in a way that made them look like talons, and she reacted by throwing her own hands out in front of her in a defensive position. But that's when Akito abruptly halted, eyes widening before he doubled over and sank to the ground with a cry of what Tohru could only presume was pain. For several moments, she stood frozen in shock as he crouched in the grass, clutching both sides of his head. He must be sick! Oh, Mom...I need to help him! But how, exactly, was she supposed to do that?

"Akito," she gasped. "What's happening?"

In response, the zodiac god moaned miserably, as if to indicate that he'd heard her, and Tohru was quick to realize what it was he could not say. "You need Hatori," she said before turning on her heel, eyes narrowed with a newfound sense of purpose. "I'll go wake Shigure. He can call Hatori, and then-"

"No."

The sound was guttural, as though he had struggled a great deal to get that single word out. Tohru opened her mouth to reply, but that's when she felt his cold fingers wrap around one of her ankles. She stared down at him in surprise, and he blinked back at her, breathing heavily. He didn't say a word, though it was more than apparent that he did not wish for her to leave.

She wriggled from his grasp. "But Akito, if I don't get Hatori, who knows what will happen? Please, just wait here and try to remain calm. It will only take a minute for me to-"

"Stay here."

Tohru flinched, forcing herself to turn and race back toward the house, ignoring the zodiac god's hysterical shouts behind her all the while.

She had just stepped onto Shigure's porch when the front door flew open. It was Kyo. His amber eyes were wide and alert, and his hair was disheveled. He looked like he had leaped from his bed no more than ten seconds ago. Which, Tohru had to figure, was likely just what he had done.

"The hell is going on?" the cat demanded, his eyes searching Tohru's face worriedly. "I thought I heard somebody screaming."

Tohru nodded her head up and down. "You did. It's Akito. He's here. I don't know how, but I was outside earlier, and at one point I saw him coming up toward the house. We started talking, and things were actually going pretty okay until...until..." She winced, shaking her head. "Oh, it doesn't matter! What's important is that he's sick, and he needs medical attention right away!"

Kyo's eyes widened. "Akito? What the..." He swore. "Do not tell me that bastard stole Hatori's car again. If he did, I swear I'm gonna-"

Tohru grabbed his hands, desperation in her voice as she said, "Please, Kyo. I know you're angry, but we have to help him, or else...or else..."

She trailed off, biting her lower lip, and Kyo sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "All right, all right. I get it. It's bad. Come on...let's go in and see if we can get a hold of Hatori, all right?"

Tohru nodded, and they walked into the house together, hand in hand, though for once she found she was far too anxious to give their close proximity much thought. She was far too concerned about Akito to think about anything else.

I've never seen him look like that before, so frail and so...vulnerable. Oh Mom, I really hope he'll be okay.