Chapter Two – In which Commander Vimes witness the aftermath of a regrettable incident, and explanations are sought by all involved.
The first watchman on the scene after Vimes was Lance-Constable Dorfl, joining the other golems in putting out the fire – which was smaller than Vimes had expected.
In fact, for the amount of noise it had made, he would have thought there'd be more destruction. A number of internal walls were now absent, and what had once been a fairly nice suite of rooms had fallen through the first floor into a corridor, but there was surprisingly little structural damage.
A breathless wheezing behind him indicated the presence of Sergeant Colon, who appeared to be alive and unsquashed.
'Fred.'
'Mr Vimes, Sir.' In broad terms, it was a salute.
'Anyone hurt?'
'Corporal Nobbs and myself sustained severe bruising, otherwise, no sir.'
'The Patrician?'
'Is waiting in his office, sir. He doesn't look happy.'
'No, well, someone did just try to blow him up. How about the suspects?'
Colon paused. 'They appear to have escaped in the confusion. Viz a viz, us being knocked down.'
'They weren't killed?'
'No sir. The box was, in fact, removed from them before it went off and left in what was the north corridor, with the intention that we would return for it after the suspects had been hung upside-'
'-Down in the scorpion pit. Yes. You didn't notice the box was heavy?'
'The suspect was instructed to place it on the floor himself, as myself and Corporal Nobbs wanted to keep our hands free should they attack us.'
'Right. So we have no idea who they were?'
'Must have been the alchemists, they're always blowing thing up.' He paused. 'Mind you, so are the wizards. I wouldn't trust them not to explode a palace. '
'Fine. I'm going to see the Patrician, you wait for Corporal Littlebottom and when she gets here tell her to find out what on earth was in that box.' Vimes climbed over the wreckage of a marble bath and headed for the Patrician's office.
'Yes sir.'
Vetinari was looking as unruffled as ever when Vimes reached the office.
'Ah, Sir Samuel. I commend the speed of your response.'
'I was in the vicinity, Sir.'
'I see.' A slight pause. 'Would you care to explain what happened here?'
'The palace was attacked, by two suspects armed with an explosive device.'
'I was under the impression that The Watch guarded the palace from such occurrences.'
'We try to sir. However, we admitted the suspects on your orders.'
An eyebrow lifted. 'Really?'
'Yes sir. They were disguised as mime artists. Two of my men were accompanying them to the scorpion pit. '
'Ah. Would I be correct in assuming that these men might have had a Colonish and Nobbsesq air about them?'
'The gentlemen in question were following your instructions sir.'
'So I am at fault?'
'The suspects are at fault.'
'And do we know who they are?'
'Not yet sir. An investigation will be carried out.'
'Then I shall not hinder you further.'
Vimes hesitated for a moment, then left without saying anything else. He didn't even bother to thump the wall on his way out.