Author's note: I have an exam in seven half hours, and another half hour after. Sigh.
The story so far: Vampire kitty Wes – now named Tito – escapes with slave Lindsey as they plan to rule the world. Yikes!
Chapter 6: Press 1 For World Domination, 2 for KiKi's Pet Store…
Wesley opened his eyes slowly, his vision still blurry from sleep. He let out a wide yawn and suddenly felt the call of nature. He got up to go to the bathroom… only to be stopped by metal bars. He blinked rapidly and when everything finally cleared, found that he was in a cage.
What… "Mew?"
"Up already? Here ya go, Wesley." A tiny plate was pushed through the metal door and before he realised what was happening, it was closed again.
Wesley followed the hand and looked up to see the face of one evil lawyer he never really thought he'd see again for at least some time. Lindsey?
"Miaow?"
"Can't let you out, Wes – boss's orders. Well, technically your orders but not in another… two hours." Lindsey said, reading his watch. He walked away to pick up his jacket before coming back to Wesley. As he was wearing it, he said, "Now, I'm going to work to pick up some stuff. Then, I'm going to do the errands he set out for me and I expect you to be here when I get back." He picked up his keys and before he left, said, "Don't do anything while I'm gone."
----
Angel entered the Hyperion and the others all turned to look at him expectantly.
"Do you have it?" Cordelia asked.
Angel held up a tiny wrapped package in his right hand and smiled. "Willow said all I have to do was sprinkle a bit of this on Wes and say the magic words."
"Which is?"
Angel let her take the package and took out a piece of paper from his pocket. Gunn grabbed it and peered at the writing.
"What the heck does all of this mean?"
Angel shrugged. "No idea. Although I do think she made some of those words up – she was giggling."
"Come on, that doesn't mean anything."
"Really? Read that line."
Gunn looked at where he pointed and read out, "Varsham varsham, deedyu no Dar Munn key pu ees stinn'ky… yeah, and?"
"Never mind" Angel said "but she did agree to help us under one condition."
"What is it?" Cordelia asked.
Angel smiled. "She wants pictures."
----
Wesley banged against the cage for the fifth time but still had no luck with getting anywhere. He stopped after two more tries and sat down. That's it, he was trapped. He had no way of going back to his friends and no idea of what his evil counterpart was doing and why he was with Lindsey. This was turning into one giant nightmare.
He rested his head against the bars and sighed. Then, he realised something. Something that he was really going to mentally call himself stupid for he just cannot believe how stupid he was and glad that no one saw it. Wesley got up, and lifted the hatch.
Getting out of the cage, he searched for something – anything – that would help him. He found his answer when he saw the phone and quickly rushed up to it. Dialing the number for Angel Investigations, he prayed that someone was there to pick up.
----
The phone rang and Cordelia picked it up. "Angel Investigations, we help the…"
"Miaow!"
Cordelia stopped. "Wesley?"
That attracted the attention of the others and Angel swiftly asked for the phone. "Wes? Where are you? Okay. Stupid question. "Um… are you safe? Once for yes, twice for no."
"Miaow."
"Great – we're playing twenty questions with a cat over the phone." Gunn grumbled.
"Ah… are you in someone's home?"
"Miaow."
"Are you still in L.A.?"
Wesley thought about it. "…Miaow." …Yes…
"Ok, is it-"
"-Miaow?" …Or no?
Angel stopped. "Huh? Was that a second miaow?
"Miaow?" Maybe? I don't actually know where he lives. For all I – um, I mean… hey, what's maybe? "Miiaaow, maow mmeeoow mmew meww miaw."
"Wes, stop. Was that yes? Ok, yes it was, or yes it wasn't?"
"What?" Gunn said, getting confused.
"Yes what was?" Cordelia asked.
"Yes it was a yes." Fred said.
"What was yes?"
"Huh?"
"What?"
"Miaow?"
"Wes, which is it?"
"…"
----
Just for a second, Wesley was brain-dead.
He shook himself out of his reverie and was just about to speak when he heard keys jangle and the door open to reveal Lindsey. He immediately saw what Wesley was doing and picked it up to slam it back down on the receiver. Wesley tried to run away but Lindsey scooped him up easily.
Wesley had had enough. He narrowed his eyes at Lindsey and started, Do you want to know what I think of you, Mr. MacDonald? I think you're a 'poof' "selfish arrogant pretentious narcissistic manipulative-"
"Tito-"
"Wait, I'm not done – conceited egotistical bigheaded and generally really bad bad lawyer." He finished with a nod. He saw the look Lindsey gave him and said simply, "I know what he's thinking – his words, not mine. Personally, I think you just need a haircut."
"Right, anyway…" Lindsey started, putting Tito down on the couch. "I got the ingredients things that you wanted – they'll be here tomorrow – and that meeting with Voldorth. But first, he wants to rate your 'evilness' level before the meeting."
"Are you serious?"
"Here are the forms." Lindsey said, handing him a stack of paper.
Tito looked at it. If cats had eyebrows, he was raising it. "Someone's insecure."
"I don't think that's it." Lindsey said, remembering the screams behind closed doors while he was in the waiting room drinking stale coffee. Would you like some more, sir? He'd be a while. Lindsey shivered. "Anyway, I'm going to order pizza – what would you like?"
"Your blood, please."
"…So that's a pepperoni then." He said.
As Lindsey was dialing the number, Tito went on to finish the little test, levitating the pen to write across the piece of paper. Yes; yes; no; unlikely; your mama, who else? – scratch that – yes; b; c; c…
Before long, Tito finished the questions and at that moment, the doorbell rang. Lindsey went to answer it. "Wait here." Lindsey told the pizza delivery boy as he went off to get his wallet. Tito watched as Lindsey disappeared into his room before turning his attention back to the delivery guy. He entered one step into the apartment and was acting edgy. Suspicious…
Tito walked up closer to him to see what was up with him. The guy apparently never saw him as his eyes were fixed towards the bedroom. Slowly, he moved closer to a nearby table and was reaching for one of the drawers.
Tito's eyes narrowed. No one steals from my slave.
----
Lindsey came back out to find that the man was gone. "Where's the pizza guy? And where did this bunny come from?" he said, seeing the little mammal looking lost and confused. Tito shrugged and returned to trying to feed the bunny a piece of lettuce.
Lindsey had a nagging suspicion it wasn't like that a few seconds ago but decided to leave it. Anyway, they're evil, right? "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I got your collar." Lindsey took out a tiny box from his breast pocket and opened it to reveal a sleek leather collar, a craftily embossed 'Tito' on the accompanying gold tag.
Tito turned his attention immediately at the mention of collar and his eyes widened impossibly large that Lindsey was afraid they were on the verge of popping out. Suddenly Tito jumped up to reach Lindsey's chest. "Woah." Lindsey said, as he reflexively caught Tito who had his paws wrapped around his neck.
But Tito wasn't paying attention as he kept his huge eyes on Lindsey face and gasped out, "I… love you."
As hehugged Lindsey and rubbed his face continuously against his jaw and let out deep-throated purrs, Lindsey cleared his throat and stood awkwardly, eyes darting here and there before looking downcast.
Finally he said, "This is so freakin' weird."
----
"Dammit, we still don't know where he is." Angel said. Right in the middle of Wesley's miaow frenzy, the connection was cut off suddenly and they were afraid that whoever had him had found him out.
"What are we going to do now?" Cordelia asked.
"Well… we can always trace the call; see where Wesley called from." Fred said.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea. Great thinking, Fred." Angel said. Fred smiled timidly at the praise.
Angel went to the weapons cabinet and took out a sword. Picking his keys up from the table, he said "Let's go get Wes" before walking towards the doors.
Gunn looked around and said, "Is it just me, or did anyone else think déjà vu."
"He seriously needs some new lines." Cordelia agreed, taking up a blade as they all followed him.
----
After some time, Lindsey said "So, I guess I got the right one?"
Wesley nodded. "Affirmative, my faithful slave. But you're going to have to change the name."
"What?"
"It's Wesley now."
"Oh, so you've changed back?"
He snorted. "Pfft, after that geek? No, Wesley – the guy who plays 'Blade'. Now he was cool."
"Um, you do realise he kills vam…" cute-kitty-face-cute-kitty-face-aww-isn't-that-just-so-adorable-and-heartbreaking-my-god-look-at-those-eyes! "… I'll see if I can get it done today." Evil-scowling-kitty-face-golden-eyes-looking-right-into-your-soul-sinking-feeling-deeper-sharp-fangs-aahhh-please-don't-kill-me! "…Actually, I think I'll do it right now."
Wesley beamed.
----
Lindsey entered the pet store for the second time that day and the owner greeted him. "Ah, it's you again, sir. How may I help you this time?"
"Can I have another tag made? 'Wesley' for the inscription this time." Lindsey said.
"Sure. This for your cat?" the man asked casually.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" It was a surprise as usually people would think of him as a dog person.
"A hunch. You must really like each other."
"I guess." Hm, this guy is being a bit weird. "Anyway, when can I pick it up?"
"Two hours will be long enough."
"Great. Be back in two."
The man watched as Lindsey walked out the door and into the street once again. Further into the shop, an assistant joined him and said, "Do you think he knows there's a cat hanging 'round his neck?"
The man looked at his employee like as if he was a naïve kid and said, "Let it go, Pete. Just… let it go."