DEADPOOL: Huh? Wha? Is it over yet...oh yeah I forgot. (Stretches and yawns loudly) So you've read this far - well good for you! I actually found this story a lot more entertaining after about six and a half brewskies. Anyway, I'm supposed to give the disclaimer here because the author didn't do a very good job at the beginning: there are only three original characters in this story; the rest were shamelessly portrayed without permission - including yours truly. If you really wanna know, I was created by Rob Liefeld - totally not my fault! And Rumiko Takahashi created Inuyasha, but hey, we all make mistakes...
INUYASHA: Who are you talking to!
DEADPOOL: Nevermind, I'm almost done. Also (very unfortuantely) no Celebrities were harmed in the making of this fan fiction - afterward, however, is a different story...I regret nothing.
Epilogue: Two weeks later, Higurashi residence…
Kagome sat staring at her English assignment miserably. Looking to her left she saw calculus awaiting her, economics next in line to her right. The bewildered girl put her head in her hands and slumped at the desk, "that's it, the Shikon jewel can wait; I'm never going to get caught up in school."
The phone rang, and from down stairs she heard her grandfather pick it up. "Hello?...Kagome? Yes, let me get her for you."
"Arrrgh! Can't he just tell whoever it is that I'm sick?"
The old man approached her door shortly, holding the phone out for his granddaughter, "Kagome, you have a call."
"Who is it, grandpa?"
"I don't know; some sinister-sounding man with a foreign accent."
The girl's jaw dropped, "so why did you tell – oh never mind," she reached out and resignedly took the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Luigi's Sushi Shack; is it true you have the best chimichangas in Tokyo," said a raspy voice in English.
"Wade," she asked incredulously.
"You remembered," exclaimed the man on the other line.
"Um yeah; how are you?"
"Well actually not so good."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, my roommate has dibs on the TV for the weekend, and I just can't stomach a 24 hour Matlock marathon. So I decided to set my coordinates for some R 'n' R. Anyway, I was kind of in town and wondered how you were these days."
Kagome looked around at her mountain of homework once again and grimaced, "I'm doing just great."
"That's good," there was an awkward pause followed by some loud breathing on the other line, "I'm glad that you aren't -like- still kidnapped or anything."
"Thanks; it's nice to hear from you," the girl drummed her fingers anxiously, "so are you staying for long?"
"Not really," Wade answered brightly, "which is why I was wondering if you knew where to find Inuyasha – don't you have an igloo for him in the backyard or something?"
"Actually, Inuyasha isn't here – he's back in his own time."
Another pause followed, "Oh cool, but you know how to get him don't you?"
Kagome did not like where this was going, "yes, but Wade I can't go find him now – I have so much homework to catch up on..."
"Aw, come on Kags, I saved your life; doesn't that count for anything?"
"Well, technically that was Gina and maybe Swami Fitzgibbon," she couldn't help but point out. Along with Inuyasha, Wade (even in the short time she'd known him) was one of the few people Kagome felt comfortable speaking bluntly to.
"Hey I did my part! She never would have got there in time if it weren't for me; of course I can't blame her for getting a little distracted – I am irresistible, after all."
The teenager snorted, "right."
"You know you want me – you just won't admit it"
"Look, I'm sorry Wade, but I really have to get back to my books..."
"Wait, hear me out," he cut in, "I can make it worth your while. I'm really bored and Weasel's not around and – well – as a merc I'm kind of limited on friends. There, I admit it: I'm unpopular – ya happy?"
"Again, I wish there was something I could do, but I just can't."
"C'mon what's your price," Wade insisted, "what do you want?"
The girl fidgeted irritably with her pencil, "I don't want anything..."
"...Money, new wheels, front row tickets to the Ricky Martin World Tour concert..."
Kagome's breath suddenly caught, however she quickly recovered, "I – no thank you!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, now please let me study."
"Not even if ol' 'Spanish Eyes' came to your house for a private performance?"
Now it was the fifteen-year-old's turn to pause, "don't tell me you actually know Ricky Martin."
"Not personally, but I like to think we have an implicit understanding: as long as he doesn't plan on any Menudo reunions I have no reason to hunt him down, carve him like fudge and sell off the pieces on e-bay."
"But – but how would you do that," gasped Kagome.
"Simple, just take a really sharp knife and..."
"No! I mean how could you get him to come here?" Even as she asked, the girl scarcely believed she was actually considering the insane offer.
"Oh, never you mind that, you just see about bringing that crazy mixed-up dog demon and I'll meet you there with the entertainment."
"Are you serious?"
"As serious as a Hefty Bag full of rabid circus poodles," swore the mercenary.
Kagome chewed indecisively on her pencil and gave her assignments an agonized glance. "Alright, I'll do it," she burst – caving at last.
Immediately after hanging up with Deadpool, the teen jumped out of her swivel chair and did a happy dance around her room. She knew there would almost certainly be consequences, but if Wade was telling the truth it'd be worth it.
Souta, who happened to be walking by, froze as he spied his sister in the middle of her bizarre celebration. "Uh, are you dancing, sis, or just having a seizure?"
Kagome whirled around, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, "Souta! Get out of here!" Without waiting for him to obey, she grabbed a pair of shoes and shoved past her kid brother – bolting for the well house.
In the Warring States Period...
The normally restless hanyou sat in a field of tall grass, enjoying some badly needed downtime. Tetsusaiga lay across his lap while his chin slumped deep into his chest, causing him to snore softly. Once or twice his ear flicked as he dreamt of some such battle or another, but otherwise Inuyasha was the picture of serenity.
So out of it was the young man that the rustle of hurried foot steps in his direction went completely unnoticed until he was suddenly and forcefully shaken awake and left sputtering with disoriented outrage. Allowing his vision to focus, he registered familiar dark eyes staring urgently back into his face.
"What the hell is wrong with you," he roared loud enough to blow Kagome's hair back.
"Inuyasha, you have to come back with me to my house," gasped the human girl as she tugged impatiently at his sleeve.
"Look, if this is another 'date' then forget it – I ain't goin' nowhere! I've had my fill of everything having to do with your time."
"No," denied Kagome, "nothing like that; this is something very important."
The boy gave her a curious look, "like what?"
"Well, I can't really explain it – I just need you to come."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere until I know what this is all about," the half-demon crossed his arms obstinately.
Kagome made a noise of frustration, looking heavenward for patience. "I can't tell you because," the girl reflected, "…it would ruin the surprise."
She laid both hands on his shoulders and looked beseechingly into his amber eyes, "please won't you come with me?"
The flustered Inuyasha managed to stammer idiotically for a moment before finally croaking, "O-kay."
The hanyou looked once again at the mortal girl as they stood above the portal between his and Kagome's worlds. "Will I like the surprise," he asked in a tone that indicated he strongly doubted he would.
"Ummmm," began Kagome noncommittally before leaping down the well while the remainder of the thought dangled like a live wire over Inuyasha's head.
The Reunion…
The silver haired half-demon sat grumbling impatiently on her bed. Kagome glanced anxiously at her watch, even as she rushed to finish her homework. The two had been in the girl's room for nearly twenty minutes, and the dog demon was very obviously nearing the end of his short fuse.
"I'm waiting, Kagome; where is this surprise that you promised?"
"Soon – it'll be soon – I think," (I hope) she added mentally. Unable to concentrate between Inuyasha's grousing and her own nervous excitement, the teenager stood up and crossed to her window – all efforts at schoolwork abandoned. Her heart thudded louder than when she'd first been attacked by Mistress Centipede all that time ago as fantasies of what she would say and do raced through her pubescent mind.
Even the boy sulking in her room seemed to notice her anxiety and quietly joined her at the window. Kagome hoped he couldn't hear the pounding in her chest.
At her side, Inuyasha prepared to say something, however, his words were cut off by the sounds of a diesel engine and a horn blaring "Livin La Vida Loca" from just outside. Kagome nearly knocked him over bolting out of the room.
She found the enormous tour bus idling on the street in front her house; Kagome couldn't suppress the uncharacteristic squeal that rose to her throat. Inuyasha, who'd followed at her heels, suddenly balked from the fifteen-year-old like she'd been replaced with an insane evil twin.
The door of the vehicle burst opened to emit a very large body guard wearing a suit and dark glasses who briskly waved the girl inside. When the dog-eared youth moved to follow, he was grabbed firmly by the shoulder. The boy growled warningly then stopped in surprise – that scent – it couldn't be…
"Relax, Spuds MacKenzie, I made Senor Martin swear not to lay a dishonorable finger on her – as if he could bound and gagged as he currently is by a pair of leather chaps – still, Kagome has the choice to do whatever she wants with him. I wouldn't be too worried though; personally, I think the guy eats from the other side of the salad bar," he nudged Inuyasha squarely in the ribs as he grinned suggestively.
"What's going on," protested the irate half-demon reaching for his sword only to unsheathe a toy light saber instead. Wilson slid the real Tetsusaiga securely under his belt.
"Thought you might try that trick again, but they'll be no exploding merc incidents today unless otherwise incurred by my own stupidity.
"Ya see, Kags and I had a deal; she got you here so we could tour the city together, you know, catch a baseball game, maybe get drunk off sake and steal a moped with some underage chippies – the possibilities are endless."
"Hey cool; a tour bus!"
The rest of Kagome's family now stood on the lawn gazing at the big flashy vehicle; Souta's eyes grew as big as saucers once he recognized the name on the side. Ms. Higurashi beamed and clapped enthusiastically, "maybe he'd like to stay for dinner." Grandfather, meanwhile, wept with dismay to see where the swerving tires had plowed over his newly planted hydrangea bush.
"Yes, thank you!" chimed in the mercenary, "Viva La Deadpool – bringer of joy and nacho-cheesiness to all!" He quickly grabbed Inuyasha by the rosary.
"Wait! I never agreed to this deal – I'm not goin' anywhere; Kagome – Ka-go-meeee!"
The remainder of boy's loud protesting was cut short as Deadpool tapped his teleporter and cast the pair off amidst Tokyo's urban sprawl.
Nearby Tokyo…
Three girls, meanwhile, where on their way to the Higurashi Shrine in the hopes of coaxing their friend Kagome out for a fun evening.
"Poor kid, she needs a little break every now and then from being sick and catching up on homework," sighed Yuka.
"I wonder if that hot-tempered, possessive boyfriend of hers has been by recently," Eri mused, "do you think we'll ever get to meet the guy?"
"Ooh, I hope so; I'll bet he's really hot."
"I'm just curious as to why Kagome seems so secretive about him – almost like she doesn't want us to meet him."
"Well, you know what a private person Kagome is; maybe there's something about him that she doesn't want us to know."
Eri frowned, "We're her best friends – there shouldn't be anything she can't tell us about in confidence."
Walking a couple paces ahead, Ayumi suddenly stopped, grabbing her two friends by the wrists and ceasing their conversation. "What is that," the other girls followed her finger just over the hill to a very large automobile parked haphazardly on the Higurashi front lawn.
Exchanging quick glances, they immediately raced each other the rest of the way up the street. When they reached their destination, still gasping for breath, the trio nearly fainted all together at the sight before them.
"Does that thing say what I think it does," gasped Yuka, eyes glued to the side of the bus.
"Maybe that's what Kagome didn't want us to know about her boyfriend; he- he's"
Ayumi spontaneously burst into wild shrieks, and soon the other two joined in while jumping around madly.
"Hey what's going on out here," demanded a familiar voice, Kagome stepped around from the other side of the vehicle.
"Kagome, why didn't you tell us," cried her friends in unison, rushing up to the girl.
"Calm down," she assured them, "I only just got finished untying him…"
The others looked scandalized, "Kagome, I had no idea you were so kinky," Eri exclaimed.
The first girl grinned excitedly at them, "Well since you're already here, do you guys want to see a private concert?"
She might as well have asked Miroku if he'd like to soak in a hot spring with six Vestal Virgins – the three teenagers nearly trampled their hostess in their enthusiasm to storm the bus. The door slammed behind the giddy foursome and, once again, the street went calm.
Seconds passed before a distant explosion momentarily broke the suburban silence. Less than a minute later a charred moped dropped inexplicably from the sky and landed on the shrine steps with a crash; another blackened shape immediately followed, hurtling into a nearby thorn patch.
"…Best vacation ever," grunted Deadpool, "Ouch…that was my second favorite finger!"
THE END
000
! Yeah…I have no idea where that ending came from either; a bit abrupt, but otherwise this might have rambled on for four more pages! AAHHHH!
Well, thanks again to everyone who reviewed, and I hope you enjoyed reading even if you didn't review. I, for the most part, enjoyed writing this fic. If you have any comments or something you'd like to add, I'd love to hear feedback - I also don't mind leaving reviews on other people's writing if I get one from someone.
Thanks again SunshineDust, Montrith, CrazyPoet, and everyone else -love you all!