chapterSEVEN

She sat up straight in the bed, her head turned. She appeared to be staring out the window but her vacant eyes didn't seem to see anything.

"Dammit, Tomoyo!" he yelled out of frustration; frustration at her condition and frustration at himself, because he arrived too late. If only he hadn't took so long to get there, if only he hadn't dragged his feet and delay seeing her as much as possible, if only…

The nurse poked her head in, her lips pursed into a scowl. "Sir, if you calm down, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick you out."

"Sorry." He sat down on the plastic chair and buried his head in his hands, raking his fingers through his hair. It was then he noticed the heavy white bandages on her wrist.

He softly took her wrist in his hands. She gave no sign that she felt anything. "Did you do this to yourself?' he whispered hoarsely.

"…"

"Why? How could you do something so stupid?"

She slowly turned her head to face him. He was taken aback by the emptiness of her eyes. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. He hoped not.

"Stupid?" Her voice was as hollow as her eyes. "Stupid in the eyes of who? You? Why does it matter if what I do is stupid? It doesn't fucking matter! It's all your fault. If only you hadn't come. Why didn't you just leave me there?" She was hysterical now.

The nurse came back in. "You're distressing her! Leave immediately!"

He tried to protest, to no avail. Unwillingly, he got up, took one last look at the glaring girl on the bed, and left.

'Why didn't you just leave me there?'

'Why did you have to leave me in the first place?'

He looked at her petite form, curled up on the couch. For a moment, she looked sad and lost. He gritted his teeth at the urge to comfort her. "What the hell is wrong with you now?" he yelled.

She looked up, startled. The surprised in the eyes diminished when she saw him. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Well, you look like shit."

She didn't reply, but he detected a tiny spark of anger.

"Seriously," he continued, "I wish I didn't have to look at you all the time."

"…Then don't."

"Can't help you're in the way of my vision."

She angrily threw the cushion she was holding onto the couch. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she screamed at him. "I try to be nice to you. I try and I try, but all I get is your bullshit. I thought we were becoming friends, but you always act so rude and screw it up!"

He knew she was bound to explode one day, he just wasn't prepared for it. And the thing was, she was right. He didn't want to be friends with her. He didn't want to get close to her. Because honestly, it scared him. "I can't help it if that's what you thought," he said quietly.

She composed herself. "No, I guess it was my fault. I was stupid. And you'll get your wish. Because I'm moving out."

"No…" he whispered.

"What did you say?"

"You have to stay. Tomoyo insisted."

She hated the way her heart sank.

"She'll understand."

"Sakura, why waste a few hundred a night in a hotel room when you could stay in this big space for free?"

She glared. "I think you know the answer to that. And you're getting what you want, so don't complain."

"Tomoyo wanted you to stay, and I respect her wishes." Somehow, he had a feeling this had nothing to do with what Tomoyo wanted.

"Tomoyo will understand," she repeated. She pointed near the door. "I already had my bags packed."

He looked on speechlessly as she picked up her bags and went out the door. He couldn't do anything to stop her.

He waited impatiently as the time ticked by. Finally, she came out. Her face hardened when she saw him. "What do you want?"

He swallowed. "I need to know why you did it."

Did what? He could've been talking about a lot of things, none of which were a pretty subject.

He gestured to the heavy bandaging on her wrist.

Her eyes glazed over. "It doesn't concern you."

"I think it does," he said softly.

"Don't get so full of yourself."

"Tomoyo, this isn't about me. It's about you."

"Exactly. This does not concern you." She sighed. "But I guess you won't leave me alone unless I put a restraining order on you."

"You know me so well."

"Don't."

He nodded. His words stung him too.

"I dropped the glass on the floor. I accidentally cut myself, but I didn't realize it because I was so numb. And then I saw the blood. It started to hurt…but it felt so…I don't know, I can't describe it. But I felt in control. And it was such a good release. And I started wondering what would happen if all the blood flowed out. I wondered if anyone would care, if anyone would miss me. Then, I got scared, but it was too late and the next thing I knew, I passed out."

She caught his look.

"I'm never going to do it again," she declared truthfully.

A big limo drove up beside them. "There's your answer." Before he could stop her, she climbed in and was gone within seconds.

When he arrived home, his answering machine was just recording a message. He picked up the phone. "Mom?"

"Eriol! We haven't talked in so long!"

"Yeah…how are you?"

"Fine, fine. You?"

"I'm doing good."

"Anything new in your life?"

He sighed. "No, nothing new."

She paused. "You sound agitated."

"I'm fine. Just been busy."

"Oh. How's the wedding planning coming?"

"It's fine."

"Good, good." He could almost see her nodding on the other end. "And how's Chiharu?"

"She's good too."

"You know, I shouldn't be asking you this, but are you truly happy with Chiharu? I mean, she's a great girl, but sometimes I think you two are from different worlds."

Funny, just a week ago, Tomoyo had asked the same thing. "Yes, I'm sure! Why else would I be doing this?"

"You know Eriol, it's never too late to change your mind and go after Tomoyo…"

"Mom!" he exploded. "Are you trying to ruin my relationship?"

"No! Of course not! But I know you, and I know that while Chiharu makes you happy, Tomoyo is the one you truly love."

"That was in the past. She broke up with me. She cheated on me with some big shot asshole!"

"Did she not tell you?"

"No, she did not tell me! If she told me, we would've broken up and it wouldn't count as cheating."

"No, did she not tell you about the blackmail?"

"What blackmail?"

She let out a breath of air. "Maybe Tomoyo should be the one telling you this, but she was blackmailed. As you know, your father worked for their company. He was lacking behind in his work for awhile, and the Daidoujis were not pleased. They considered firing him, but Tomoyo persuaded them otherwise. Because of your father's work, they saw you as unfit for Tomoyo and told her if she didn't break up with you, they would fire him. Eriol, if he lost that job, he wouldn't have been able to support us, and you wouldn't have gone to school."

"What?" he gasped. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"I thought you knew," she said softly. "The Daidoujis are actually good people. They promoted your father, even after what he did, and now that he's retired, he's still getting a lot of money."

"If she cared, then why wouldn't she come after me?"

"Her parents had her engaged, Eriol. You know how loyal she is."

"Mom, I need to go. I need to think about this."

"I hope you make the right decision."

Even if Tomoyo still liked him, how could he break off her and Syaoran's engagement? And how could he do that to Chiharu? He couldn't. It was a lost cause anyways.

Sakura collapsed on the big bed. How did she end up here?

She felt weird. She had gotten so used to Syaoran. More than used to him, she liked him. A lot. The way she wasn't supposed to, because he was her best friend's fiancé. But she had fallen for him, even if she was the biggest jerk she had ever met.

It was wrong. And besides, who would take a second glance at her when they had Tomoyo?

She leaned back against the headboard. So... this was how it must feel to be…

Alone.