chapterNINE
Tomoyo's words hung over the stunned silence between the three. No one could move, much less talk. Surprisingly, Tomoyo didn't feel hurt or betrayed. She felt nothing but friendship towards Syaoran, and seeing him kiss Sakura, she knew they had something she and Syaoran would never have: passion. Instead, she felt empty. Those two had each other, but who did she have?
"It's my fault. Don't blame Sakura." Both Sakura and Tomoyo looked surprised at Syaoran's words. No "I'm sorry" or "It's not what it looks like," instead, the only thing he cared about was protecting Sakura and Tomoyo's friendship.
'He must really care about her,' Tomoyo thought.
"Look Tomoyo," Syaoran continued. "I'm sorry. You know I am. But I don't regret what I just said, except that I did it at the wrong moment, for both you and Sakura. She didn't have anything to do with it. I'm the one who kissed her."
"You mean it would've been great timing if I didn't see you? And Sakura sure looked like she was kissing you back from what I saw."
Sakura gazed worriedly at Tomoyo. She opened her mouth to talk, but Tomoyo cut her off. "Relax. I'm happy for you guys. And I haven't been entirely honest with you either. I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend."
She laughed at the expression on their faces. "You two are my best friends in the whole world, and if you make each other happy, well then I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, I'm dead tired, and I just want to sleep, so I'll leave you two alone." She winked at them and walked past their stunned look, picking up her luggage on the way.
In an instant, Sakura whirled around and slapped Syaoran's face. He saw it coming, but he didn't stop her. "I deserved that," he spoke quietly.
"Oh, don't play the pity card with me. What the hell is wrong with you? Tomoyo may not have a problem with it, but what about me? You never care about my feelings or think about what I want!"
He sighed. "You kissed me back," he said in response, not to spite her, but because it was true.
"We all have momentary lapses in judgment."
"Before you walk away, hear me out, okay? I was horrible to you and there's nothing I can do to change that. But understand where I'm coming from. Tomoyo was one of the first people I ever trusted. I know it's weird, twenty-something years old and never trusting anyone, but I just never had practice. Then you came, and you tried to talk to me, tried to get me to open up to you, and that was strange to me, because no one besides Tomoyo tried before. I thought you were annoying, and then I realized no, you weren't being annoying, you were being caring. And it made me wonder, why would a total stranger want to know about me? I was just too lazy to find out. I'm used to familiarity, so I figured if I ignored you, you would leave me alone. I know all this is no excuse, but I just wanted you to know. I'm sorry."
All through his speech, Sakura had listened patiently. Syaoran wasn't hoping for a miracle, he knew Sakura wouldn't throw her arms around him or anything, but he wanted them to be on better terms.
"Syaoran, I never wanted you to open up to me! All I did was try to make conversation. And you're right. I am sick of you ignoring me, so yes, I will leave you alone, and you can forget about me. It all ends happily for everyone."
He always thought someone as optimistic as Sakura would never sound so bitter. "But it's not what I want anymore. I want to fix this, can't we at least stay on speaking terms?"
Sakura glared. "This is what I'm talking about!" she spat. "It's always what you want! Maybe I don't want to speak to you, or ever see you again! There's nothing to fix!"
He raised his head to look her at. "Okay," he spoke in defeat. "What do you want?"
She looked taken aback. "I don't know," she mumbled.
His hopes rose. She didn't say she wanted nothing to do with him, so maybe that was a start. For now, he could give her space. "I'll wait until you figure it out." Then, without warning, he stepped closer to her, and wrapped her in a firm, but quick hug that left her wanting to feel more. He couldn't help but feel it could be the last time he would ever do that.
Tomoyo didn't look surprised to see Sakura sitting on her couch, staring off into space. Only Sakura had returned to the apartment, even though she wasn't living there and Syapran was.
Sakura got up and gave Tomoyo a big hug, more for Tomoyo's benefit than hers. No words needed to be exchanged between them, they both knew they were hurting.
"Everything is so messed up," they said to each other, laughing as they realized how overused that phrase was. They filled each other on what happened, and an hour later, they couldn't tell whether they were laughing or crying.
One Week Later
Tomoyo grumbled as the doorbell rang yet again. It was only seven in the morning, and she had planned on sleeping for as long as possible. Syaoran had already left, so that only left her to get the door.
He wanted to move out, but Tomoyo insisted he stay. After all, they were still comfortable with each other.
She rolled out of bed and grabbed a robe, tying it just as she reached the door. She peered out of the peephole, but the person was turning away, so she couldn't see their face.
Tiredly, she turned the lock and opened the door. The person obviously heard it open and turned around. Stupid as she knew it was, she was too tired to look up at the person's face, so all she glimpsed was a white shirt coming towards her.
In seconds, she felt herself being wrapped in a tight embrace and the scent of the familiar cologne made her head spin.
"God, I've missed you so much," Eriol mumbled.
How long had she been waiting to hear those words? Surely, she must still be asleep and dreaming.
"I bought breakfa-" Syaoran cut himself off as he saw Eriol.
Eriol glanced at him. "Shit. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I better go." He mentally kicked himself. Of course, she was engaged, what was wrong with him?
"Wait!" Syaoran and Tomoyo both yelled at the same time.
Eriol shook his head. "You're a lucky man," he said to Syaoran. "Congratulations." There was no bitterness or sarcasm in his voice, only a tiredness, as if giving up forever.
"No, you got it wrong. You have wonderful woman's love," said Syaoran. "Tomoyo and I, we never had anything. Our engagement is broken. You look tired. Have some food, and I'll go out and leave you to sort things out."
He left, and Tomoyo began to pull bagels and muffins from the bag Syaoran left.
"He's a good person," Eriol stated softly.
Tomoyo nodded. "He is," she agreed. She looked worried. "No offense, but you look horrible!"
He grinned sheepishly, even though he wasn't feeling that happy. "Yesterday I realized I didn't want to live like this anymore, and I just took the first plane here and drove straight here from the airport. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. Didn't mean to interrupt your sleep."
She laughed, then turned serious. "Didn't want to live like what?" she asked, taking a bite of her muffin.
"Don't want to live wondering what things would be like otherwise, if you were with me."
She gasped lightly at his words, hope filling her. "What about Chiharu?"
"She dumped me. I think she knew about us as soon as she saw us together."
"Oh," Tomoyo whispered quietly. "That must've been awful for her."
"We were never really in love. I guess we sort of rushed into it. It didn't feel right, for both of us. And after my mother told me what you sacrificed for me, I didn't want to make the same mistake again."
"So does this mean you want us to get back together?" she questioned, fear filling her.
He stared straight into her eyes. "If you do."
'YES!' her mind screamed, but she didn't say it yet. "I need to know one thing first." She paused, knowing his answer would change the rest of their lives. "If Chiharu hadn't broken up with you, would you be here right now?"
"Yes," he answered confidently, without a moment's hesitation.
She didn't doubt him for a second.
"I don't want to get back together," she announced.
He looked confused, and crestfallen. "I understand," he said painfully.
She burst out laughing. "I can't believe you fell for it!"
He glared at her, and they had a staring contest before he started laughing too.
It felt like the old times, and that's when they knew everything would be okay between them.