Title: Hanging on the Telephone
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: K
Characters: Maria, John Cena, Trish Stratus, Johnny Nitro, Melina, Batista, Edge, Lita, Torrie Wilson, Hunter
Summary: Don't hang up on the ones you love
Chapter 1
On the phone a little later:
"And then he asked if he could come over isn't that weird?"
"Yeah totally,"
"What's going on here Trish?"
"I don't know but I'm pretty glad I didn't get roped into babysitting for the Batistas tonight,"
"Well that would be a little weird being that you're in the hospital,"
"Yeah,"
"Sorry I hit you so hard but I did warn you,"
"Yes you did, I'll be outta here pretty soon though, how come your Dad was in the hospital for so long?"
"I hit him in the head remember?"
"Oh, right,"
"Pretty bad, right?"
"Right. Was that the door?"
"Johnny?"
"Did you just say Johnny as in Nitro Johnny?"
"Who's that?"
"Nobody,"
"Excuse me?"
"Honey I'll call you back,"
"Isn't this like the second time he's been around today?"
"Call you back,"
"Maria I don't like this tell him to get lost– Maria! "
"Okay one question: wearing sunglasses at night is so over,"
"That's not a question,"
"I haven't asked it yet, what are you doing here?"
"What's the matter? 'Fraid Cena's gonna get jealous if he finds out I was here?"
"Huh?"
"Come on everybody knows, he talks about you all the time,"
"Is that what you came over to tell me?"
"Can I please come in?"
"I told you I was on my way out, "
"Anywhere special?"
"Haven't we discussed this already?"
"Why where are you going?"
"To baby-sit remember?"
"I thought you left already?"
"I got caught up talking to Trish,"
"About?"
"Excuse me?"
"What were you talking to Trish about?"
"Okay I'm sorry you have to go,"
"Maria please---"
"Goodbye Johnny – gees! Hello?"
"Maria, I have a very uneasy feeling about this,"
"Don't worry he's gone, hang on I've got call waiting. What up JC. Baby-sitting, for Batista.
I should have gotten outta here but I got held up – hang on John. Hello? Hey Trish,"
"Why did he come back!"
"I know, but I told him that I was leaving and that he had to go,"
"Yeah but didn't you say that before?
"Yeah?"
"Well sweetie, if he didn't listen to you that time what makes you think he's gonna listen to you this time?"
"But I told Dave I'd be there, could you call him and tell him I'm on my way?"
"Can't you ask him to pick you up?"
"I can't, Cena's waiting on the other line,"
"Well ask him to drop you over to the Batistas then,"
"Okay, I'll call you when I get there,"
"What was that?"
"Trish he's still out there, Trish he is stalking me!"
"Okay tell Cena to pick you up now!"
"Okay – Johnny!"
"Maria!"
"Hey Maria,"
"How did you get in?"
"I put the door on the latch when you weren't looking,"
"Okay I'm officially freaked out what do you want Nitro?"
"I want to talk to you about something,"
"Yeah I'm pretty aware of that, what is it?"
"It's – it's about Dave and Melina,"
"What about them?"
"I was hoping you could tell me,"
"They kissed on Smackdown,"
"Right, right,"
"It was hot,"
"Go on,"
"That's it,"
"So you don't think they're having an affair or anything?"
"Gees I sure hope not, I'm baby-sitting for them tonight I don't even wanna think about that,"
"I wanna come with you,"
"Why?"
"You know just to get a feel for the Dave Batista household, see what kind of people they are get to know them a little better,"
"You wanna quiz his daughters about their father am I right?"
"Right, c'mon I'll give you a ride over,"
"Thanks Nitro but I think I'll pass,"
"But you're gonna be late,"
"No I'm not Cena's picking me up – you still there JC? I need a lift to Batista's house, oh you the man John – hey give me that back!"
"What up JC? Nitro here, just to say I'm heading over to Dave's house myself so don't worry about it I'll give Maria a lift. Sure I'll keep my hands on the steering wheel, later, Oh you wanna ask Maria something? Well that makes two of us, Later. Oops, he got disconnected, I hate it when that happens,"
"Oh you have got to be kidding me, I saw you press the 'end call' button, it's a good thing you said goodbye before you hung up on him too,"
"Well I don't mind talking to John Cena but I'd much rather talk to you Maria,"
"I have nothing to say and even if I did I wouldn't tell you, you're already acting like a freak,"
"So you do know something!"
"Give me the phone!"
"Maria are they having an affair or not, just tell me and I'll go okay?"
"Nitro you're really starting to bug me,"
"I need to know what's going on between those two,"
"You got one more chance to give me that phone, that's probably Trish give it here!"
"Hello?"
"Hello this is Dave Batista, can I speak to Maria please?"
"Sure Dave, she's just fixing her hair but she says to tell you that she's on her way over,"
"Right and who is this?"
"Erm, Johnny Nitro?"
"Well it's my lucky day I was hoping to catch you at some point this week,"
"You were, why?"
"So I could tell you that if you harass Maria one more time or ask her about me and my marriage, I will personally come over there and kick your ass! Now, are we clear?"
"Yes Dave, crystal,"
"Good, now I'd like to speak to the lady of the house,"
"Sure thing big man, Maria, it's Dave Batista,"
"You're going?"
"Yeah on second thought I'm not feeling so good, I think I'll pass on coming with you to Dave's house. See ya,"
"Well bye then,"
"Is he gone?"
"Yeah Dave he's gone, you scared him good he was shaking like a leaf,"
"Cena called and said he was over there and Trish called a little later talking about how he wouldn't leave, I had to do something,"
"You're a good man Dave, I don't know why people are always talking smack about you,"
"Well as long as I have people like you defending my integrity I'll be alright,"
"No problem big D, I'll be over in a second okay?"
"Actually I think you're presence would be better served in the hospital visiting a very concerned seven times Women's Champion, I'll say home with the wife and kids tonight,"
"She seriously stressed out?"
"She's already left four messages on my voicemail,"
"Sometimes that Diva is just too diva,"
"Well go and calm her down before she files a police report,"
"Okay, hey Dave if you want I could come over later and stay with the girls while you and Angie have a night out?"
"You know Maria a night in with my girls and my wife is kind of something I don't get to do too often, I think I'll make the most of it tonight,"
"Okay, well have a great night and take care of yourself okay?"
"Only if you do the same,"
"Okay, bye,"
"Bye Maria,"
"Hello?"
"Maria it's me,"
"Hey John,"
"Trish insisted I pick you up, girl had me convinced you were being held hostage,"
"Don't act like you're not worried Cena,"
"What me worry, about you? Never,"
"Well there's this rumour going around that you're into me, how much water does that bag hold?"
"Now Maria, you should know better than to listen to rumours,"
"Okay then listen to this, it's the sound of me hanging up,"
"Hey don't leave me hanging on the telephone like some punk,"
"Well then hurry up Johnny boy, a stranger could break in here any second!"
"You mean like this?"
"So you finally came over,"
"So you finally started taking my calls,"
"Okay let's go,"
"Aren't you gonna hang up the phone?"
"No, you've got such a nice telephone voice,"
"Come on you crazy girl put the phone down, let's go see the Diva Most Likely to Kick Our Butts,"
"You hang up first,"
"No you hang up first,"
"No you!"
"No you – Maria are you crazy I'm standing right in front of you! Give me that phone – don't run!"
"I wasn't running I was walking in the opposite direction,"
"Well why don't you put all your focus in this direction, right here, right now?"
"Okay together on the count of three: 1-2-3!"
"Hey you didn't hang up!"
"You did!"
"So?"
"So you just hung up on our relationship!"
"We have a relationship?"
"We might have if you didn't just hang up on me!"
"Okay I'm calling you back,"
"Don't bother, come on let's go Trish is waiting,"
"Okay let me just leave this message: Maria, hi this is John Cena and I just called to say that I'm totally hung up on you, please call me back as soon as you get this message,"
"Hello John?"
"Maria hi! I just left a message on your answer phone,"
"Yeah and I loved it, now I know how you feel about me so now maybe we can do something about it,"
"You wanna go out and see a movie?"
"We could do that,"
"Or go for a ride somewhere?"
"We could do that, hang on I've got call waiting – Hey Trish!"
"Where's Johnny, where's Cena? Tell me everything that happened!"
"We're on our way over now, I tell you when we get there,"
"Can't you just tell me real quick over the phone?"
"Nah I'd rather tell you to your face,"
"Why?"
"I dunno, it's just that it's come to my attention that talking on the phone is a really over-rated experience, we'll be there is a minute, sit tight,"
"You're gonna leave me hanging on the telephone like some punk?"
"I'd rather see you before the hospital closes,"
"Okay okay, just one thing though,"
"What? Argh my battery just died, Cena can I borrow your phone?"
"Sure,"
"Argh!"
"What's wrong?"
"She's not answering,"
"So? The sooner we get to the hospital, the sooner y'all can hug it out, c'mon. Hey what's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just that I don't want Trish to think I hung up on her,"
"So what you're gonna see her in a few minutes? Then you can explain that you didn't,"
"Yeah but I'd rather she was there when we arrived, I mean, you know what happens when you hang up on someone don't you Cena?"
"Maria, let's go before I officially go nuts,"
At the hospital:
"Aren't you gonna answer that Miss Stratus?"
"Sorry nurse but those things are deadly, you answer it!"
"Hello? About 3 weeks, bye then,"
"Who was it?"
"Some wrestler wondering how long you have to go before your arm heals so that you can teach them how to wrestle?"
"Hey nurse do me a favour?"
"Yes Miss Stratus,"
"Throw that thing out the window!"
"Okay – oops!"
"What?"
"There was some girl on her way in and I just threw the phone at her!"
"Trish, why did you throw your phone at Maria?"
"Nobody hangs up on Trish Stratus, John Cena, nobody,"
"Hello? Is this Trish Stratus? Just a quick message to say I'm hanging up on you,"
"You're funny, now do me a favour real quick, hit me with that WWE Championship real hard,"
"Trish don't ever do that again!"
"Well don't ever hang up on me!"
"I didn't my battery died, I would never hang up on you,"
"Good, because you know what would happen,"
"I sure do,"
"What'll happen?"
"You mean you don't know? Tell him Maria,"
"It's this rule you see; you can't hang up on the person you're talking without saying goodbye because if you do they'll disappear,"
"What?"
"Yeah, so you have to say goodbye at the end of every conversation before you hang up,"
"Because if you don't, it means you don't care about them and they disappear, forever,"
"Give me a break you guys,"
"It's true Cena so don't do it!"
"Okay but it's not like I mean it,"
"I miss you Trish!"
"Oh I miss you too Maria!"
"You guys spend way too much time together,"
"It's better than spending an eternity apart,"
"Trish, Maria!"
"Edge!"
"Guys I need your help,"
"Change shampoos,"
"No guys this is serious, something's happened to Lita!"
"What she finally come to her senses and break up with your ass?"
"Shut up Cena I'm not even talking to you. You know that thing that you guys say will happen if you hang up on someone?"
"Yeah?"
"Well I think it might have happened to Lita,"
"What do you mean where is she?"
"That's just it I don't know, we had an argument last week and I put the phone down on her. After that she never called me back and nobody's seen her around,"
"So she's disappeared?"
"I've been looking for her for a week, she's gone,"
"HUH!"
Meanwhile at Abbeyville, a deserted mansion in the middle of nowhere:
"Hello? Edge? Can anybody hear me?"
"Forget it kid, you're as good as gone,"
"Who's that? Wait a minute, Torrie!"
"I know I can hardly believe it myself,"
"I hardly recognize you your hair's all grown out,"
"There's no peroxide down here, I checked,"
"What are you doing down here?"
"Me and Billy had a fight,"
"So?"
"Well why are you down here?"
"I don't know,"
"Did you and Edge have a fight?"
"Well, yeah but---"
"So there's your answer,"
"Okay I am so not getting this,"
"Didn't Trish ever tell you that story about what happens if you hang up on someone?"
"What that if you hang up on someone without saying their name they disappear?"
"Yeah,"
"You believe that crap?"
"Well did Edge hang up on you?"
"Yeah,"
"Then you're screwed sister, c'mon I'll introduce you to the others,"
"Others?"
"Yeah, you didn't think you were the only person ever hung up on after an argument did you?"
Back at the hospital:
"Okay how about we go look for her?"
"Didn't you hear what the man said he looked already,"
"Well she couldn't have disappeared into thin air?"
"Didn't you hear me Cena? If you hang up on the person you're talking to, they disappear!"
"Ooh and I suppose there's such things as the Boogeyman or vampires too,"
"This has nothing to do with witchcraft, it's about love,"
"Love?"
"Yes love and what happens when you hurt someone you care about by hanging up on them,"
"Married people cuss each other out all the time and they don't disappear?"
"The telephone was invented for communication, slamming down the phone spits in the face of that,"
"So you're saying it's a curse?"
"Guys, Lita?"
"Quiet Edge!"
"What did I do?"
"You hung up on her, you hung up on your relationship!"
"I was angry she was saying some horrible stuff to me,"
"So you still shouldn't have hung up on her,"
"You would have if you heard what she was saying,"
"Well would you rather have her gone or here cussing you out?"
"Here,"
"Well then you should think more carefully before you act, right Cena?"
"Hey what did I do?"
"You hung up on me, luckily I was standing right in front of you so nothing happened,"
"Wait you were with him but you were talking to him on the phone?"
"She's obsessed with phones,"
"They're the best way to communicate,"
"I don't know what about touching?"
"Talking on the phone's what you do when you can't touch someone, you touch them with your voice,"
"That's sweet,"
"I know Edge and that's what you should be like all the time, well at least when you're on the phone with your girlfriend,"
"Maria if you heard the things she way saying---"
"What did she say?"
"Mostly, that she was gonna leave me – for you!"
"What!"
"We gotta find her now!"
"Cena you like Lita?"
"Sorry Maria but I gotta get with a chick that puts out!"
"Argh!"
"Nurse, I've got two men fighting in my room!"
"Well maybe if you'd button up your robe Miss Stratus,"
"Ooops!"
"Hey Trish can I borrow that?"
"Honey please, if cheap and easy is what Cena's looking for then maybe it's best you guys don't get together,"
"But I really like him, I need to talk to Lita,"
"For what?"
"To convince her to stay with Edge,"
"But she's gone babe,"
"Well let's get her back,"
"How? Oh no,"
"It's the only way Trish---"
"No, no way, I am not letting you disappear, you're my girl!"
"Lita was your girl once, wouldn't you do the same for her?"
"Maria I'm not hanging up on you I may never see you again!"
"Well I'll always have our friendship to remember you by,"
"Maria are you nuts? You're willing to go into the unknown just to keep Lita away from Cena?"
"Either that or convince Edge to stop trying to find her,"
"I say we go with that option,"
"There's no way I'm giving up on Lita, not now Cena's after her,"
"Edge, there's plenty of other girls out there that'll put out for you,"
"Yeah but not like my Rated R Princess, I want her back,"
"Where's Cena?"
"He went to call around to see if anyone knows how to bring Lita back,"
"He left me here?"
"Maria he's not worth it!"
"Exactly and Lita needs to know that,"
"Exactly, Edge I'll talk to Lita,"
"You will? How?"
"It's simple just hang up on me,"
"Deal!"
"Edge you don't know what you're doing!"
"If Lita comes back I want her to know that I'm sorry and that I'll do anything to make it up to her,"
"Yeah if she comes back, if,"
"And she will,"
"That's the spirit Maria!"
"Oh please she doesn't know how to bring her back!"
"No but I'm sure you'll figure it out Trish,"
"Me?"
"Yes you. Hello?"
"Edge don't!"
Okay I'm leaving, hang up on me in ten seconds,"
"Okay, thank you Maria, we'll find a way to bring you back I promise,"
"Maria come back here!"
"Okay now I'll call her back to see if she'll answer,"
"Is she there?"
"No, she's gone,"
"I'm gonna kill you!"
"Nurse, nurse!"