Hiya! New fanfictions! This is a Hellsing one! Umm...yeah, hope you like it! Includes references from other anime and stuff.

I DO NOT OWN HELLSING OR ANY OTHER ANIME/MANGA/MOVIES MENTIONED IN THIS FIC!

"I swear...Sir Intergra gets bossier every day..." a tall man clad in red muttered as he walked towards his master's study. "Its like she has a never-ending case of major PMS..." He opened the door and found a very sour-faced Integra Hellsing staring bac at him.

"Its about time." She said sternly.

"Whats the problem this time?", Alucard sighed. Last time he had been called up during his midday snooze it had been because Integra needed him to open a jar of pickles. "Integra HATES pickles!" he sighed. Sometimes the young woman just loved to piss him off.

"Come with me." Integra demanded as she walked down the many flights of stairs in the Hellsing mansion.

When they reached the main entrance of the house, Integra motioned to the doorway. Alucard sighed, walked over, and opened it. He 'EEK'-d as soon as he opened it because staring him straight in the eyes were three young girls with 'We Love Hellsing' painted across their foreheads. One was holding a huge scythe made out of PVC pipes and duct-tape. The girl who was holding it apparently noticed Alucard was looking at it and so she screamed 'THE JERKS AT METROCON WOULDN'T LET ME BRING IT IN FOR MY COSPLAY BECAUSE IT HAD 'REAL METAL' PARTS! THATS STUPID! I MEAN BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA-' and so she went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until the narrator had to come drag her away so the directors could take a lunch break and watch RENT for the five-hundredth time and do each others hair and bla bla bla.

Alucard stood there with an expression that was half baffled, half confused, and half and half! FOR COFFEE!

"Um..hi!" piped a the blonde girl in the middle. The SHORT blonde girl (grrrrr) might I add. "..Yeah, unn...see...we are the ANIME MANGA CHARACTER FAN CLUB OF SOMEPLACE, SOMEWHERE, OKLAHOMATOWN, NEW JERSEY, OSAKA! AND MABASE!"

And once again, Alucard went all "...". with his WTF expression.

"Yeah...un...yeah.." she suddenly began gnawing on Sir Integra's shoe like a rabid doggie.

"WHAT THE HELL, GET OFFA MY SHOE! THATS A VERY EXPENSIVE LOUIS VUITTON SHOE YOU'RE GNAWING ON AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I-" then Integra just...poofed away somewhere. With cockroaches. And weevils. BUGS MUAHAHAHA!

"Umm...what happened to Master Integra?" an even-more confused Alucard asked as the blonde began chewing up his hat. (Hey, has anyone ever noticed that Alucard, Vash, and Shino all have those cool round Beatles-style glasses? Cool, huh?)

"She went poof."

"Why'd she go poof?"

The blonde girl shrugged as the third girl stepped up to Alucard. "Okay, sorry for all this confusion. First: Integra went 'poof' to somewhere with bugs but not near Shino cuz thats copywrite infringement...and no she won't be coming back, at least not for a while cuz POOFING is always weird like that. Second: We are the Anime/Manga fanclubicalthing from SOMEPLACE, SOMEWHERE, OKLAHOMATOWN, NEW JERSEY, OSAKA! AND MABASE!"

The scythe-girl who had been dragged off by the RENT-obsessed directors with really nice Itachi-style Herbal Essences hair had finally come back, and now began to introduce the group. "I'm Mihiru." she said, pointing at herself. "I like anime, manga, pocky, and conventions. and other stuff. I have recently declaired war on all safety pins. and staples."

The blonde then began to introduce herself. "I'm Iwaki, I'm the oldest of the group, and although I'm the shortest if you call me short I'll run you over with a taxibus. I like the same things as Mihiru, with an emphasis on ED, ITACHI AND SHINO! WHEEEE! SHINO FANGIRLS, UNITE!" she said, throwing her fingers up in a 'V-for-victory' sign. "My other interests include drawing, painting, toothpaste, rugs, natto, facial creme, circles, protests, Scottland, explosions, eating sushi, concrete, cheese,..." she kept going on and on until she saw Envy walk by and then she followed him around like 'OMG what's he doing in Hellsing?'

Then the third girl, who appeared to be a little more sane than her formers stepped up to the plate. "I'm Aika. I love anime, manga, HELLSING, hats, cheese, random stuff...ICE CUBE TRAYS! WHEEE MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she screamed until the RENT-obsessed directors came and tried to drag her off by she sprayed them in the eyes with pepper-spray and they were all 'OW MY EYES NOW IM AS BLIND AS ITACHI!' and died and then the sad song from the part of RENT where Angel died started playing and we all cried and flooded the world with our tears and Alucard was still all 'WTF!' and the he passed out and I can't believe I just said all of that in one breath.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Wahahaha! I was finally able to add some new stories, although now I have to re-write Chapter 6 of 'All in the Name of Randomness' because my computer was all fuzzy and deleted it. Hellsing rocks! REVIEW PLEASE!

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