There is a big spoiler for The Forbidden Game, vol 3 The Kill in this chapter, as well as some suggestive issues of things that may or may not come. Not telling (and pun was not intended).

Chapter 11

Julian watched from the shadows as Rebekah exited the car. He watched her try to hastily get to the house and suppress a groan of annoyance when Ryan came running up to accompany her. Julian withheld a chuckle. He couldn't help being satisfied by her obviously growing disgust of that boy. It took her what, three lifetimes, to figure out that he was boring?

Rebekah was closing the door on Ryan, dismissing him with the complaint of exhaustion. Ryan stared at the closed door a few moments in disbelief, but eventually walked back to his car and drove away. Julian vanished into the shadows, emerging from them once more in the dark corner of Rebekah's bedroom.

She was already asleep.

Julian stood there, at first a little guilty for being the reason she was so exhausted, then bummed because he exhausted her not in a way he would have truly liked to have. In the far corner of her room, he watched the silent rise and fall of Rebekah's chest as she slumbered on dreamlessly. She hadn't even changed clothes or pulled down the covers. She had merely flopped into bed and passed out. Julian wanted to make her more comfortable, but he knew that contact with her would not be the best thing at the moment. Every time he saw her act out that production brought back so many memories. It was a badly revised version of déjà vu, but still, it had the same effect every evening.

Julian leaned against the wall and watched. He always watched. It was his whole meaning of life to stand in the shadows and watch, never touching, never knowing, never even feeling anything. His race had been forbidden long ago by the Norse Gods never to venture into another of the nine worlds. Niflheim was his home, and his prison. Ice, shadows, and the Elders. The outskirts of the world also called Hel: the realm of Hela, the Queen of the dead. She favored him slightly, but only because of the impact Frigga had on lesser Gods. He remembered Rebekah's reaction last time, when she was known as Jenny, to seeing his world out the window of the between world he used to play his so-called game. She described it as "when the devil goes ice-skating." The cliché of hell freezing over, that nobody but a few ever lived to recall, was actually the truth. There was a fiery hell, but all that resided there were the fire giants. They weren't exactly intent on torturing the already dead; they preferred living victims for tormenting. What the fire giants and the Shadow Men had in common was one thing, they loved feasting on mortals.

The Elders had almost sunk their teeth into his Rebekah, or Jenny back then, twice. Remembering this was when the force hit him hard in the chest. Rebekah was only mortal. If he was actually able to save her this time, and he would be, she would still grow old and die. Julian could make himself appear to age, sure, but he would never die. He would never get sick, he would never grow weak, he would live forever soulless and heartbroken after his lover died in his arms of natural causes. Life wasn't fair. A grim giggle, near hysteria escaped his lips. He caught himself before it gave into hysterical laughter, for he didn't want to wake Rebekah up. Hadn't he told her that last time, numerous times. Life wasn't fair.

Reality has teeth and claws.

Julian grimaced. He wouldn't die and she would inevitably pass on, possibly not coming back if they were successful this time because his purpose had been fulfilled. He closed his eyes. True, he had died once, somewhat. No he didn't die, he reminded himself, soulless creatures don't die. They cease to exist. He vanished from existence altogether, dissolved in front of her. Seeing her tears flow for him as her touch got further away, and then there was nothing. A great void. Gunnunga-gap: the nothingness that existed between Niflheim and Muspelheim before any lifeform thought to evolve into existance. It was cold, quiet but screamingly so, and so very dark. Though he ceased to exist, that was all he could remember of the time between being written out and brought back.

He had been the sacrifice for her life. A sacrifice inevitably made in vain.Gebo: the rune of sacrifice-and also meaning a gift. His gift had been to give her her life. She had died five hours afterwards. Or at least, she went missing at that point. The details were foggy, but Rebekah alone held the clues and details inside her pretty little head and he would uncover them. Frigga had seen the sacrifice he, a soulless creature who learned to love, had made and had made a dealing with Hela for his sake. His name was rewritten into the Stave of Life by Hela herself. In the same spot the Elders had carved him out of, thus restoring everything as it was, nothing forgotten. If not for Frigga, whom he will forever be eternally grateful, he would still not exist.

Except for in Rebekah's subconscious.

Jenny had promised to keep him alive in her dreams. Unfortunately for them both, she never got the chance to make good on those words. A smile curled across his face. Well, Julian thought to himself wickedly, it is high time she uptake her end of the bargain.

Rebekah found herself in the middle of a gigantic, lush palace. The curtains and the furniture were all decorated, and of the richest velvets. The colors were dark jewel tones, violets, and burgundy. Large, exotic plants stood in the corners. A large golden chandelier, which put the one of the Paris Opera House to shame, hung over head. The room was aglow with what seemed like hundreds of flickering candles. But there was equally enough shadows as there was light. Nearby, where the shadows were the heaviest, a soft tone was being played.

Turning around to see behind her, she had expected an entry way, but there was none. Instead, the entire wall was one huge mirror. What she saw made her jaw drop and let escape a startled gasp. She didn't recognize her own reflection. It had her features, true, but she was not a princess as the image before her had to be.

She was draped in a blue velvet gown, the very color of a pair of eyes that she couldn't place for some reason but knew she had seen. She became acutely aware that she was wearing a corset. She was actually wearing a corset! Like her boobs had needed any more of a lift to make them anymore enlarged. It didn't look half bad she thought, and turned to get a side view. Though the dress only showed a small amount of cleavage, she still felt slightly risqué. The sleeves of the gown were skin tight to her elbows before flaring out. The dress didn't have any hoops or lacey poofs to it. It was a regular looking dress, but so not normal all the same. What made it not normal, beside the vivid color, was the hundreds of sapphires and diamonds sewn in it.

Her blonde hair were in thick ringlets, spilling about her shoulders, and over the sides of a silver tiara encrusted with matching sapphires and diamonds. And she had matching earrings and a necklace to boot. She only had one ring. The ring she had found in her room the other morning. It didn't come off her finger when she tried to take it off to look at the inscription again.

The music hit an unexpected crescendo, causing the lights to flare briefly as if on command. But it was enough time for her to see him, reflected in that massive mirror, sitting at a piano concealed once more by the shadows. He had worn all black velvet. It clung to him like second skin. His hair gleamed like silver in the briefly illuminated candlelight glow. He was undeniably gorgeous and he was walking out from the shadows now towards her. The silence was deafening. Part of her was too shocked to move, or even turn around to face him. The other part was in such an ecstatic state of anticipation it was agonizing. Time seemed to have slowed down. Rebekah felt her heart thundering in her chest. She heard, and was embarrassed by, her sudden and sharp intake of breath. She even heard each step Julian took to get to her as a loud, deafening echo. The man was truly taking an eternity to get to her, and she was practically about to swoon.

She didn't even have time to blink. Somehow, he went from so far away and behind her to in front of her, so close that she had to let her nails bite into her palms to keep her hands from reaching out and touching him. From seeing if the black velvet would be as soft and warm as his skin underneath it would be. His eyes burned blue like the core of a flame. Rebekah felt herself blush from head to toe once she realized his gaze hadn't once waved from hers. She forced herself to look away.

Julian's hand reached out to cup her cheek, stopping just before he actually touched her. She bit her lip, silently willing herself not to lean into it. Her lip started to bleed.

He touched her then. He used his thumb to wipe away the tiny droplet of blood, then took it upon himself to kiss away any amount of hurt she may have inflicted on herself. But before she could so much as make her brain function again, or react he pulled away.

"May I have this dance?" He asked, sounding as breathless himself as she was. He waited until she managed to recover just enough brain functioning to nod at will.

The piano seemed to have started playing on its own now. Julian crushed her up against him and they danced. He head rested on his shoulder, but as soon as it had the memories came back like bricks hitting her in the face.

Julian standing in the Erkling's cavern. The white leather tunic blending in with his hair. She had asked him if he was enjoying his part as the king of the dark elves. "Immensely," he had replied with a grin. They took a stroll through the caverns, and he gifted her with a rose made out of the silver found in the mines of Nidavillar, the Norse world of the dwarves.

Julian in the Tunnel of Love and Despair, crudely insulting her and her friends. Looking as lost as ever, while the torch light played off the gold of his arm band.

Julian fading away before her eyes after giving up his life for hers. Her tears falling over him, as she promised to dream him into a better place devoid of shadows.

Rebekah had stopped breathing. Julian stopped the dance, the music automatically ceased, and stared at her. He looked worried. "You are remembering?" He asked, looking somewhere between deeply concerned and like a lost little boy. She nodded, slowly finding her voice.

"You died for me. Why?"

His face automatically lost all expression. "Yes, and no. Shadow Men are created by magic, therefore they are never born. Those who aren't born cannot die. They cease to exist. As to why…" He sounded angry now. Good Lord, this man was moody. "If you can't answer that on your own…"

He didn't have to finish the sentence. She knew why, she had felt it in the memories. She felt it now. He had loved her, still did. The Elders would have spent decades, perhaps longer, drawing out her torment, feasting on her soul like candy. Julian, the youngest of his race, had never once feasted. She remembered the confession as though it was yesterday. The Elders thought he was strange. But he had loved her.

Rebekah couldn't control it, and felt the single tear that escaped the shelter of her eye. She saw the anger leave his face instantly, as though her one little tear had washed it away. Something in those eyes told her that he wanting nothing more than to kiss that tear away and heal her heart, to keep it from breaking, especially over him or anything he had done to hurt it. But instead, he stepped.

"This was a mistake," he said.

Everything went black.

Julian stared longingly at Rebekah's sleeping form. Seeing the confused frown that that formed there. As he withdrew from her dreams. He could have had her then, he thought to himself. It was an extremely tempting moment. She had finally recognized and accepted that he loved her. But he didn't want her in her dreams. Well he did, but he would rather have her in reality. He knew he had to let her make that decision on her own, however. Until then, he could wait. Waiting is what Shadow Men do. Loneliness comes easy to the exiled.