O My Lord Valentine
---Chapter Six!

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy is not mine. I don't own any of the characters in this story unless otherwise noted.
Warnings in this Chapter: Reno kissing Vin, Cloud discussing lecherous plots on Vin with his chocobos...
Author Note: I love turning Cloud into a lewd mockery of himself. It just flows with him. It does.

Stunned Vincent felt Reno's smooth hands mesh through his hair, his lips pressed softly onto Vincent's. Reno leaned in, his hands wandering down Vincent's back. All the while Vincent tried to push him away, well aware of their location and all the people staring. Some girls giggled. A man far away yelled "Get a room, fags!" But if Vincent backed away he would tumble from the barstool, sure to give rise to a much thicker plot indeed.

Could he really have been that drunk? Reno's tongue pried through Vincent's horrified lips. The bartender stared with no regard to manners as Vincent tried hard to stay propped against his golden arm.

Finally Reno pulled his lips from Vincent's. "See?" he panted. "That's...how ya kiss, Vinny-boy...Here, I'll show you again..."

"No don't! You repressed--" Vincent found himself muffled by Reno's lips again, struggling to keep off of his back. He tried to yell for help, though in Reno's mind his muted words seemed more or less like a moan, and his tongue ended up in Vincent's mouth once more. In a matter of moments he started not to care that this boy was Frenching him in the middle of a pub. Cid had told him he needed a fling anyway. Who's to know if Cid planned this...

His shaking arm gave way, leaving Reno to fall forward on him.

It was then that Cid burst through the door, roaring like Bahamut on a rampage. Reno's shades fell over his eyes when he looked up, but it didn't matter what he saw. Cid pounced on him and threw him down, not asserting any kind of grace whatsoever. The shocked crowd now cheered for the latest bar brawl. "GO! GO! GO!"

Vincent sat up, looked down at Cid and Reno, caught in their cartoony little cloud of punches and hits on the floor. All he wanted to do was buy a cat suit and sit up in a tree somewhere, 'cuz that was what he felt like. A cat in a tree.

Meow...?

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" Tifa scolded Cid and Reno without remorse, looking them over as Hojo would his failed specimens. "Fighting over Vincent that way. It's appalling and shows lack of home training!"

"That's right," said Barret sternly.

Reno and Cid sat side-by-side in the Highwind cockpit, Cid twiddling his thumbs, Reno pulling his shoestrings.

"Just think of what all those other people in the bar must've thought! You represented all of us in there!"

"That's right!"

"Reno, what were you thinking, getting drunk at such a crucial point in your life? You could've hurt someone! Especially Vincent, him being so frail and tiny!"

Vincent groaned.

"That's right! And think if you scared 'im! He'd'a sucked the blood outta you b'fore you could yell for help!"

"That's true, Barret. And Cid! I know you like to defend Vincent, him being so sad and socially inept--"

"Can we stop this?" Vincent asked.

"--but he is the strongest member of our team and can hold his own if he so chooses!"

"That's right."

"And if he wants to let Reno have his way with him, far be it from you to interfere!"

"That's right!" both Barret and Reno exclaimed.

Vincent looked shocked. "But I...I..."

"Vincent! You sit and be grouched on like everybody else!"

Defeated, Vinny loped his way to the front of the cockpit, sat down between Cid and Reno and crossed his legs. They all looked down sadly.

"Now Vincent! You're supposed to be teaching him! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

Making patterns on the floor with his finger, Vinny replied, "I tried, but he was drunk."

"Well next time don't let him get drunk!"

"That's right!"

"Now, because you're so reclusive and I pity you, I'm not going to have to punish you, Vincent. And Cid, you're the captain, and I don't want to be kicked off the ship. So I'm just going to have to let all of you go for today."

"Now what do you say?"

"...Thank you Miss Lockheart," they all said in morbid unison.

"Your welcome. Now go do something. We'll be in Junon shortly."

Cid returned to his pilot's side, attempting to mend his broken pride with loud raging orders to his crew. Reno confided in Red XIII nearby, whispering gossip Red didn't want to hear about his session with Vincent.

And Vincent, feeling awkward after Tifa and Barret's parental act, left the cockpit altogether. He found Cloud in the chocobo wing, striking up some odd rendition of a conversation with a blue chocobo:

"Wark-wark-WARK, wark, wark, wark-WARK! Wa-waaaark!" ('And we found him humping Vincent at the bar, and I was like, 'Damn! They're hot together!') Cloud laughed until the chocobo poked his arm. He looked at Vincent and suddenly went pale. "Oh! um...Hi Vincent." He shot a glance at the chocobo. "Uhhhh...let me, um...I'll just...feed you...now..."

Vincent left without so much as a questioning look.

"Wark. WARK-wark wa-wark-wark, waar." ('Watch me. I'll bag his ass, too.')

"War-wark, WARK-wark wa-wark." ('Cloud, you're such a stud.')

Elena arrived in her chopper soon before AVALANCHE. Rude climbed in just outside of Junon, but Reno lingered behind. "I don't wanna go back when I know I'm gonna be fired," he told Vincent. "Especially after this morning."

"If I remember correctly, Rude can fill in for you." Vincent nodded his understanding, though one question rang clear in his head. "Er...Reno."

"Yes, Lord Valentine?"

Oh, not that again. "Are you aware, of what you...did? Back there?"

Reno looked at him with that disarming smile, the midday sun glowing from his red hair. He slid his shades down over his eyes. "Yeah. I know what I did."

Vincent wasn't surprised. Red and Cloud had been giving him strange looks all day.

"But you know Vincent Valentine, I think if we tried hard enough we'd find us some common ground. We could be friends, y'know? And there's somethin' about you bein' a Turk from the past that I don't understand. You really don't look old enough!"

"It's...a long story."

"Tell it to me some time."

Reno waved goodbye to Rude and Elena as Vincent joined up with Cid on the rocky hill. Unfortunately, he hadn't noticed Cid was talking to Cloud at the time.

They shut up immediately, as he thought they would. "Yo, Vinny! How's it goin'?"

Vincent nodded to Cid and Cloud, afraid to ask what they were up to.

Cloud told him anyways. Or part of it, anyway. "Cid says he's going to have a little man-to-man chat with that Reno. To get things cleared up between them."

"Is that so," said Vincent, clearly unimpressed. The looks on their faces did not make him too happy.

Cloud continued, "We need that Huge Materia. Maybe if we have time we'll try the Saucer again tonight. But for now, let's go."

AN: Phew. Now I'm tired. Please, PLEASE read and review each chapter! And thank you for reading this in the first place. Now I'm burning out, so I might work on this some more tomorrow. It's late now. I forgot to sleep last night because of Lord Vincent. So buh-bye. prays this idea doesn't keep her awake again

Hint for the next chapter: enter Rufus, Heidegger, and Scarlett! And maybe stupid Palmer. Or Hojo. One of those buggers.

R&R or face the Hellmasker, biotch!...kidding.