Ten

"Did it feel different to you?" Patrick asked.

"Hmmm?" Robin opened her eyes to look at Patrick who was peering down at her. He was propped on his elbow and their still naked bodies were entwined on the floor of his unfurnished apartment.

"Now that we got strings I thought it might be different." He shrugged and dipped his head, a sly grin on his face.

"You mean not as good." Robin rolled her eyes.

"I was kind of worried. But don't worry, you have dispelled all of my concerns." He looked into her eyes and brushed back some of the hair plastered to her cheek with his free hand. "Of course, I might need some more reassurance."

"You're unbelievable." Robin's tone was half-way between disgust and a giggle.

"So you've been saying since we met." Patrick rolled onto his back, resting a hand on his stomach. "We should get going. Early day tomorrow for both of us. And we could get more comfortable at my place."

Robin sighed and sat up and looked around for her clothes. She had just pulled her panties on when she heard the distant sound of her cell phone ringing. She grabbed her yellow dress and pulled it around her as she walked back towards the door where Patrick had dropped her purse when they came in. Behind her, Patrick was finally pulling on his own clothes.

"Hello? Oui, c'est moi."

He smiled at the sound of her voice and made a mental note to thank his father for the kick in the ass. He'd gone and gotten himself a girlfriend. He looked over at her as he slipped his feet into his shoes and observed once again that she was a damned sexy one at that. As he watched he saw her body stiffen and even in dim light her face seemed to take on a ghastly hue. He didn't even realize he had moved, but within seconds he was at her side and catching her as her knees buckled. He wrapped his arms around her and his breath caught at the look in her eyes.

"What the…" Patrick exclaimed he felt how cold and clammy Robin had gone. Shock, he diagnosed as he held her against him.

"Quand?" He could hear the tears in her voice. "Je serai a." Robin pulled the phone from her ear.

"What happened? What's wrong?" He took the phone from her hand and brushed her hair back. The distant look in her eyes worried him. "Robin. Robin. Talk to me."

She took a deep, shaky breath and finally focused on him. "Lucy died. Last night. They tried to call me at the office earlier." She wrenched out of his arms and backed up. She still looked shaky, but she avoided his attempts to help her as she retied her dress and smoothed down her hair. "I need to pack and make reservations. The funeral is at the end of the week. In Paris. I have to go." She turned away.

"We have to go." Patrick's firm voice filled the empty apartment.

"You don't need to come to this, Patrick." Robin walked away, picking up her shoes on the way.

"Who's Lucy, Robin?" He asked quietly.

"Lucille Graham was my friend. She died of AIDS, Patrick. We were in an AIDS support group together in Paris." She turned her head and looked at him, her eyes angry now. Defiant.

He knew instinctively she was waiting for him to recoil at the reminder of her condition, of her probable future. "She clearly meant a lot to you. I'd like to go with you. Boyfriend's prerogative," he added when she was about to object again.

"Suit yourself." Robin turned away and walked out the door, not waiting for Patrick to follow.

Patrick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

She hadn't spoken to him in seven hours other than to say excuse me when she had to pass him to go to the bathroom. They were sitting in business class heading to Paris. The silence was wearing on Patrick's nerves. He hated to be ignored, but for once he was more worried about someone other than himself. Once they had left his new apartment last night Robin had pulled herself together – she had become very much like the self-contained woman she was when they were first getting to know each other and it was startling for Patrick to experience. They had gone to the hospital and re-arranged their schedules to be out of town for approximately a week, made reservations and gone their separate ways to pack and then Patrick had spent the night at Robin's. They hadn't spoken much when he got there, just talked logistics and then gone to bed. Patrick could feel her pulling further away by the hour.

Her responses to his kisses were as heated as ever, maybe even more so, but she had declined to make love. He had woken in the middle of the night to find her side of the bed empty and cold and he had found her in her office sobbing. He had lifted her up and carried her back to bed and held onto her until she fell asleep and for the rest of the night. He had been relieved that she hadn't fought him, had thought they had turned a corner now that she had expressed her grief; but if anything it was worse when she woke up.

Patrick closed his eyes and turned up the volume on his MP3 player. He couldn't even be angry with her for pushing him away and he really wanted to be angry right now, but she did it with such an air of sadness and resignation that it tore at his gut. In the past he would have pushed her to a place of anger and defiance, but he had agreed not to this morning when they were waiting for their connecting flight at Boston's Logan airport. He had tried then to press and she had turned to him with tears in her eyes and asked him not to.

"If I talk about it I'm afraid I'm going to break and I can't do that right now." She had looked down, a tear streaming down her cheek that she swiped at angrily. "I know I'm not handling this well right now, I just don't know what it is I'm handling."

Patrick's heart had broken just a little. He almost felt physically battered. She was pushing him away, but she was doing it in a way that actually brought him closer. In some strange way she was letting him in, letting him see hat she was vulnerable and he couldn't ignore her plea to let her keep some of her guard up. He just wasn't sure how long he could hold back. He could only guess as some of the thoughts going through her head and he knew that the longer she kept him out, the more difficult it would be to get back in. He was coming to realize how much he needed to be let in by Robin, how much he needed her; and it was a whole heck of a lot more than he'd thought even just twenty-four hours ago.

He opened his eyes and turned to look at Robin who was staring out the window, a magazine sitting unread on her lap. He licked his lips and held his hand out, palm up. He saw her lips tilt the slightest bit before she slid her hand into his. He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and held on tight.

"I'd like to understand what Lucy meant to you, Robin." Patrick asked nervously from where he was standing near the balcony doors in their hotel room.

Robin sighed and looked over at her boyfriend. God, she closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. She didn't know what the hardest thing about this was. Was it the loss of Lucy who had meant so much to her? Being dragged back into the stark reality of HIV and AIDS after the freedom she'd finally allowed herself both in body or mind? Or was it everything to do with Patrick?

She was brought right back into reality with that phone call that this was not a world he should have to live in. This was her place. A place she had shared with Stone. A place where she had lived alone ever since Stone had died. The place Patrick had battered down the doors of and stormed in, but he didn't belong here. He was a vibrant, amazing and, most importantly, healthy man. It would kill her to take that away from him.

She opened her eyes and sat down on the bed. She held a hand out to him. The eagerness with which he took it and sat down next to her did not go unnoticed. Patrick's uncharacteristic patience made her dizzy. Part of her was hoping he'd push so that she could push back and push him away; or that he'd get tired and break things off with her. It was self-destructive, immature and unfair. And it might just be the best thing for Patrick. Yet, she desperately wanted to bury herself in his arms and ask him to never let her go.

"Lucy and I met during my residency. She was a patient battling kidney failure brought on by one of her HIV meds. Somehow we became friends. Actually, she made us become friends. Lucy is, was, one of those larger than life people. She was an inspiration. She'd had HIV for fifteen years and she never let it stop her from living life." Robin paused and frowned. "She was a social worker. She got married and had kids. Her husband had two children from a previous marriage so she had the family that she liked to say she shouldn't have had. She led this HIV support group that she strong-armed me to join despite my protests that I didn't have time. She was a friend, but in a lot of ways she was also my hope."

"I think I let her down, but she never gave up on me." Robin pulled their entwined hands into her lap and looked down at them.

Patrick swallowed as he looked down at Robin's bent head. If a sappy platitude was what was required here he would fail miserably. He didn't have the talent for it and never before had the desire to learn it either. "Why would she be disappointed?" he asked, curiosity and the pressing silence forcing him to say something.

Robin shook her head. "I need to go see Gerard, her husband and see if he needs help before tomorrow." She pulled her hand from his, but didn't get up.

"Let's go then."

"I want to do this alone." Robin looked up at him, her face blank but firm.

"Robin, don't shut me out. I came here…."

"I know why you came here, Patrick." Robin stood up and walked over to pack up her purse, her back to him. "You felt obligated. I shouldn't have let you come, but I was being selfish." She turned around to look at him.

"What the hell…" Patrick stood up and began to protest heatedly.

"This is my probable, almost certain future, Patrick. It's bigger than condoms and spermicidal jelly and pamphlets. It's AIDS and you could get infected no matter how careful we are. You might think you know, but you don't. You should take some time to think. I won't hold you to anything when we get home."

Patrick stood stunned, furious and speechless as she walked out of the hotel room.