O My Lord Valentine
---Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy. If I did Cait Sith would not exist. I hate him so much.
Warnings in this Chapter: None. Sorry. But I promise, the end of this chapter opens a whole new set of...warning-clad ideas.
Author Note: Yay, a cunning new twist. Yes. It's cunning. More of a plot deepener than a humor chapter. Hope you like.

Reno sensed some ominous presence, even in the homey space of the ranch. Something was wrong, and he knew it. Of all people, Reno knew.

What a shame that it took not Cid, not Reno, but Cloud to pry Vincent from the Highwind and send him down to eat outside with the rest of AVALANCHE. Ironically, the cloak-clad ex-Turk wasn't bothered by there being a picnic when a great meteor loomed in the sky threatening to destroy everything. He sat between Cloud and Yuffie, allowing her to snatch what few bits of food he'd placed on his plate.

"Hey, can I have this? Thanks." Yuffie swiped what looked like a pickle and tossed it into her mouth. "Say, I wonder why Vinny hasn't mentioned his relationship with Cid lately. I mean, his fans would like to know!"

Cid glowered at her, but Barret dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "That ain't none of our business."

"Exactly," said Tifa.

"What I wanna hear about is all this intrigue with the Turk he's startin'. Right Tifa?"

"Barret!"

Cid tried to keep his cool as he swallowed what was left of his sandwich. "Nothin's going on with me and the Turk."

"Sure don't act like it!" Barret continued.

Now Vincent was interested. "What do you mean by 'intrigue'?"

"It's nothing!" Tifa voice was annoyingly high. "It's nothing, Vincent. We didn't see or hear anything strange at all."

It crossed Vincent's mind then that perhaps she was trying to be inconspicuous.

Red XIII had kept an eye on his new somewhat-friend Reno, who had been quiet--actually QUIET--for the majority of their picnic. Funny, he seemed normal as he was putting Cloud's chocobos away...

"Tifa, are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure. Just ignore Barret."

Barret had been jerking a finger at Tifa and shaking his head before Tifa realized and punched his shoulder.

"Hm..."

"So Reno! How are things with your job? Okay so far?"

"Huh?" He was just about to stuff some shrimpy-looking concoction in his mouth. "Oh. Um...Pretty cool, I guess."

Red and Cait exchanged suspicious glances. Then Cait said, "Are you sure everything's cool?"

"Yep. I'm good. It's in the bag."

Cait shook his head, knowing full well that things couldn't be "in the bag."

"What? I mean it! My boss just put me on...extended vacation, see. So I'm just hangin' around right now." He messed with his shades and smiled, awkwardly looking around. Nervously, Cid noted. Not unlike he'd acted before.

Then Reno gasped, and looked up at the sky. He was the first to take notice the sound of chopper blades.

Elena rubbed her hands together in a feverish attempt to stay calm. She leaned against the wall of the chopper, ignoring the muster of soldiers in there with her and the beating of identical choppers all around them.

Rude stoically approached the wide open door of the helicopter. Below them was a small square blanket loaded with food and seemingly happy people. Reno included.

"What's going to happen to Reno?" asked Elena. "Say he's not good as fired."

Rude was silent. He was pushed aside as the copter reached a safe distance, and the soldiers jumped out two-by-two.

"It's SOLDIER!" Barret jumped up and readied his gun arm. Choppers landed everywhere, surrounding and backing AVALANCHE and Reno away from their picnic.

Somewhere amidst the mass of blue uniforms, a scrawny-sounding man said "If half of us die, can I retreat?"

To Reno's surprise Elena and Rude surfaced among them. Elena kept her eyes to the ground. Rude's usual expression was nonexistent.

Drinks lay overturned, staining the trampled blanket. Plates and containers were mashed and dented, leaving the area a mess and a few of the soldiers' boots caked with food.

"All Tifa's hard work..." Cloud sighed and drew the sword he knew as Ultima Weapon. "All right, let's get this shit over with."

"Hold on." Rude held up his hand. "If it's all the same to you, we're only here for Reno and Vincent Valentine."

"Take Reno if you want, but Vincent's ours."

Cid and his spear quickly sided with Cloud. Yuffie and Barret followed, then Cait and Red XIII. Tifa looked around behind her, as if searching for something. Regardless she put up her dukes.

"I'm...sorry to hear that, Cloud. This will hurt us more than you. Retrieve Reno and the ex-Turk. Attack at will."

The soldiers charged into the small fleet of defenders, and they were quickly stamped out with ease. Beams of fire flared through soldiers in groups via Red and Yuffie. Tifa watched Cloud's back, rushing them into the ground whenever one could so much as graze Cloud's hair. They started a mad retreat when a mass of comets fell from a sky quickly darkened by magic, though most were forced to retaliate; all but three choppers shut and locked. Chocobos in the outside pen warbled and squawked. One jumped the fence.

Cait had just performed a bolt of lightning on a lowly soldier when a gust of wind befell them all. The crowd looked up in shock as the Highwind lifted off from the ground, slowly turned away from the ranch, and prepared to fly.

"THAT'S MY SHIP!" Cid thwacked a random lackey and ran after it, but to no avail.

"I knew it!" said Tifa. "Reno and Vincent are gone!"

The Highwind blasted off towards the mountains, leaving all the rest of them behind. The sky began to clear. Rude and Elena, previously cooped up in their chopper, ventured out once again.

"I'm not surprised Reno would pull a stunt like that," Elena murmured.

"My ship...He took my ship!"

"Where do you think they're going?" Tifa asked Cloud.

"Er...Beyond the stars, I guess."

"He took my goddamn ship..."

"Aw it's okay." Yuffie patted Cid on the back, feeling suddenly compassionate. "We've got Cloud's chocobos to chase him down on! And we got the sub, and that buggy we never use, and your Tiny Bronco, too. Where did we put that thing, anyway?"

"Don't touch me. Go away."

"Leave him alone, Yuffie," Tifa said. "He's depressed now."

"And he took Vinny too...Vinny and my ship..."

"Someone get this guy a cookie."