2 Weeks Later

Chuck took a deep sigh as he straightened his name tag and checked his pocket protector to make sure he had the collections of pens he deemed necessary.

He slowly rose his head and looked at the sensor as the automatic doors whooshed open and gave him entry. He didn't swish his hand to the side as if he was opening the doors with the Force like Obi Wan Kenobi. He simply walked through them as if he was just anyone.

Without a sound, Chuck passed shoppers and employees until he came up to his kiosk, his chair behind the desk still waiting for him. That chair was reserved for the poor guy that chose to answer the phone, who was usually Chuck.

Chuck took his seat, slowly easing down into the worn cushion, exhaling a breath as he went. He sat there, just staring out at the shelves without really seeing anyone.

"Bartowski. It's good to see you back," Big Mike said, but didn't bark like he usually would. He lingered for a moment, seeing if Chuck would respond at all or even acknowledge him.

Chuck tilted his eyes to see Big Mike, but he didn't move his head or swivel the chair at all. "Morning, boss," was all the reply he could muster.

Mike nodded slowly and clasped his bear paw of a hand on Chuck's shoulder for a moment before heading back to his office. If there was anything he could do for Chuck, Chuck would let him know.

Morgan was next through the door. The first look on his face was one of exasperated joy at seeing his best friend back in action, but that look of boyish delight fell when he saw the state of his comrade. He had the sense to approach Chuck and offer a solemn fist bump, which Chuck returned and nodded, but couldn't find the strength to verbally say anything.

For Chuck, his first day back was the longest shift of any he'd ever had. Every minute felt like a half hour. Every hour felt like an entire shift. When lunch time came, he stayed where he was. He didn't feel like he could eat anything unless he absolutely had to.

When it was time for him to roll out, Morgan caught up with him.

"Hey buddy. So uh, where are you at tonight? Wanna come to my place, are you at Sarah's?"

Chuck shrugged. "I'll probably just head to the dog park. I'm gonna go change into my sweats," Chuck said, pointing towards the break room.

"Are you sure, man? We can just watch a movie. We don't have to play anything. We can just chill and be quiet and enjoy the warmth," Morgan offered, trying not to sound desperate in his attempts to get Chuck somewhere safe and warm.

"Nah, man, we're good. I'll see you tomorrow," Chuck said, his voice coming in shallow, threatening to break. "I'm just tired, you know?"

"Yeah man, I get it. Rest up and I'll see you tomorrow," Morgan said, patting his back before Chuck ambled out the door.

Once outside, Chuck raised his head and closed his eyes, feeling the hot sun on his face but wishing for a cool breeze.

"Hi, Chuck," said a soft, familiar voice.

Chuck kept his eyes closed and his chin tilted up, taking a deep breath and responding, "Hi, Sarah. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I just came to check on you; see if there's anything you need or if I can do something for you," she offered, her voice still low and sweet.

"No," Chuck said, still in his trance like state. "Not unless you keep the ocean in your purse."

Sarah tilted her head and looked at him, wishing she could get into his head for just a moment. "You know what, Chuck? I don't have the ocean in my purse, but I can easily fit the two of us into my car for a road trip this weekend."

Chuck finally lowered his head and opened his eyes to look at her. "Would you like to visit the ocean with me, Sarah?" Chuck asked, his eyes red and tired.

"I would love to go to the ocean with you, Chuck. I think we could both use it. But what about tonight? Can I take you home with me? I haven't seen you in over a week."

"No, I think I'm okay," Chuck said, shaking his head. "I think I'll just hang out at the park tonight."

Sarah pouted and reached out to take his hand when that didn't work. "Please, Chuck. I just…" Sarah didn't have a part B of that sentence. She didn't know where to go to next, what to do for him. She just knew that Chuck beating himself against the weather, smashing himself against a massive wall of loneliness wasn't the correct answer to anything.

Chuck slowly pulled his arm back, hoping Sarah would release him without a fight. He didn't have the strength, the energy to really fight her, physically or mentally. "Sarah, I just need to be alone right now, okay?"

Sarah shook her head, her eyes locking onto his, letting go of his arm but not letting go of him. "No, Chuck, that's not what you need. Being alone and in your head is the last thing you need, Chuck. Go with Morgan tonight, come home with me, just… be with someone tonight, Chuck. Don't punish yourself," Sarah outrightly pleaded.

Chuck chewed his lip and wished he could pull his eyes from Sarah's, but he just fucking couldn't. "Okay. I can crash on your couch," Chuck gave in, his head dropping.

Sarah let out a deep sigh of release and hooked a finger under Chuck's chin, and slowly pushed up. "Hey. Come on, it's okay, Chuck. I want you to come over. You're not cramping my style; you're not putting me out. I'm asking, begging you to come over. Let me take care of you tonight, okay?"

Chuck nodded. "Okay."

Chuck walked side by side with Sarah to her car and plopped himself down into the passenger seat like a heavy weight was on his lap.

Sarah got behind the wheel but took a long look at Chuck before starting the car. "You poor thing," she whispered, but Chuck exhaled through his nose, having caught her words. "Are you hungry?" she asked as she pulled out of park.

Chuck shook his head. "I'm just tired. I'm always so tired," he said, resting his head against the headrest, his eyes closing. "Maybe we can go for dinner later if you want to."

Sarah just nodded as she pulled out of the Buy More parking lot and headed for home.

XXX

"Don't mind me. Just pretend I'm not here," Chuck said as he kicked off his shoes and headed for the couch.

"Do you want to watch TV? We can put a nature doc on quietly for you to fall asleep too," Sarah offered.

"That sounds nice," Chuck nodded, slowly laying down on the couch like every part of his body was fragile.

After changing into a tank top and pajama bottoms, Sarah took her Lazy Boy recliner, but throughout the first episode of the series, her eyes were constantly drifting between the programming and her self-assigned charge.

"I can feel you watching me, Sarah," Chuck said at one point, his eyes half lidded.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"It's okay. I know you're worried about. I don't blame you. I'm not myself right now. And really… I appreciate you watching me," he admitted.

"You have every right to not be yourself right now, Chuck. But you also have every right to lean on your friends, to let people take care of you for a while, okay? You've been through more than anyone one person should, especially now."

Chuck continued to lay there, his eyes staying on Sarah as he ingested her words and saw the soft smile playing on her lips because she knew that he heard her.

"What is it, Chuck? You look like you want to ask me something," Sarah prodded. If he talked to her now, it would be the most he said to her since they received the news from Casey.

Chuck took a deep breath before replying, "It's nothing, really. I'm just thinking that, you know… you and Morgan… you're all I have now. And that's a fact."

Sarah frowned but didn't know what to say right away. "I can't imagine how lonely you must feel, how much you're still hurting."

"I don't ever want you to, Sarah. I want you to spend as much time with your family as you can, to enjoy your friends. Hold the people close to you as tight as you can, when you can," Chuck said, never taking his eyes off her.

Sarah stood up and slowly started walking towards the still-laying Chuck. "You're close to me, Chuck. You just said it yourself; Morgan and I are the two people you have left." At this point, she was right in front of him.

"Sarah, what are you doing?" Chuck asked, his breath catching in his throat.

"Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't do anything; but right now, I think you need someone to hold you, Chuck. You just found out your sister is dead." Sarah paused to see how it was going so far. Chuck's eyes were screwed shut, but he didn't stop her. "Since you found out, has anyone hugged you and told you they were there for you?" she asked.

A tear ran down his face and he shook his head now. With a shaking voice he said, "you've told me you're here for me, and I've hugged you, but… no one has held me. I haven't held anyone."

"Make room, Chuck," Sarah told him quietly.

As quiet as a mouse, Chuck leaned up on his side and held his breath as Sarah laid in front of him, took his hand, and pulled his arm over her belly.

"Are you comfortable, Chuck?" Sarah asked when she couldn't feel his breathing, but could feel his heartbeat. "Chuck? Breathe."

"Sorry," he said, letting out a long breath. "It's been a long time since I've been this close to someone. It'll take me a bit to get used to it and relax."

"I get it," Sarah said quietly, perfectly relaxed. "It's just me, Chuck. Don't be nervous. Just breathe, relax, and hold me right now, okay?"

"Okay," Chuck said, tightening his arm around her. "I can't tell you what you mean to me, Sarah. Your trust and your kindness. I only have you and Morgan, but that's still a lot. I just… I just miss my sister."

"I know, Chuck. I know," Sarah whispered, holding Chuck's hand and squeezing it tight. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want to nap right now?"

"I think I want to sleep for a bit, but then can we talk?"

"Of course, we can. Just relax, close your eyes, try to rest, okay? I'll be right here when you wake up."

XXX

When Chuck woke up, it was dark out. The only light at all was from the TV. The soft body pressed against him told him that Sarah was true to her word; she was still right there.

By the way her breathing was coming in slow and deep, she was out, too.

"Sarah?" Chuck tried, shaking her gently. "Hey Sarah?"

"Hmm?" she murmured, slowly coming to.

"C'mon. Let me get you to bed," Chuck offered, patting her hip. She rose with a slow grunt, a hand on her neck.

"You okay?" Chuck asked, placing a hand on her neck without even thinking about it.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Sarah asked, feeling a rush of DeJa'Vu.

"Let me worry about you for a moment. It'll keep my mind occupied. Now what's up?" Chuck pressed.

"I think my head was supported weird and it tweaked my neck."

"Oh, here. Let me help," Chuck said, sweeping Sarah's hair over her shoulder.

Before Sarah could think about it or protest, Chuck's large, warm hands were massaging the tense flesh of her neck and shoulders.

"Oh my God, Chuck," Sarah moaned as she felt like her head could roll from her shoulders. "That feels so good."

"I'm glad," Chuck said with a smile. "Sergeant Walker, you are tense!" Chuck noted as he worked tight muscles cords.

"I've been worried about you, Chuck. That's part of my stress."

"I know, and I'm sorry. Working out some of your tension is the least I can do."

"It's not your fault, Chuck. You did not ask for that to happen. And I understand it can take a long time to be able to talk about it. I'm here for you," Sarah told him, putting her hand over his as he rubbed into her shoulder.

"I know you are," Chuck said, his voice dropping low. "I'm here for you, too. No matter what." Chuck took a deep breath and held it before saying, "I'm sure I'll talk about it at some point, but… it's always going to hurt. Hell, I can barely even bring myself to say the words."

Sarah turned her head as much as she could without making her neck worse. "I only have a small piece of solace for you, Chuck, and it's this; I never met Elie, but I know she would want you to be happy… and I know that she's proud of you."

Sarah could hear the exact breath hitch that told her he knew she was right.

Chuck removed his hands from Sarah's shoulders and wrapped her in a tight embrace as he began to cry hot tears. All she could think to do was lean into him and let him hold her.

After a time, the sniffling and the crying stopped, and she could feel his slow, deep breaths. Chuck had fallen asleep again.

Sarah wasn't used to being held, wasn't used to offering to be held or to hold. Physical trust, emotional trust, wasn't something Sarah Walker gave out often. Chuck Bartowski, however, had earned it, and needed it.

Not only did Sarah feel comfortable with this, she even felt safe with him. Being held by Chuck like this wouldn't be a hard thing for her to stomach even during good times. They both just had to find the guts to admit it. But before that could happen, she needed Chuck to heal.

She couldn't deny any more how attracted she was to Chuck, physically, me tally, emotionally. All senses of the word "attracted."

Chuck's life was no longer in danger. He had a steady job, and once he was a bit more himself, Sarah planned to push Chuck to jump on Devon's offer for the Echo Park room. Now more than ever, Chuck having a real housemate, especially one like Devon, felt like a must.

Sarah's number one priority was making sure that the man holding her so close was still himself in there after what happened. Chuck was damaged more than ever, but he was still the same sweet, considerate man.

Sarah brought him to her place so she could keep an eye on him, but Chuck insisted that taking care of her neck made him feel better. How great his hands felt on her was beside the point. The man who had just lost his sister still put Sarah's inconvenience above his own suffering.

Sarah felt like she would be just fine falling asleep again with him, only this time her head was properly supported by the crook of Chuck's neck, his back against the couch, but she did prefer her own bed, where she knew they'd both be more comfortable and less likely to wake up with any soreness.

"Chuck, hey Chuck," she said, shaking his arm. "It's my turn to suggest we go to bed."

Chuck just nuzzled his face into her neck and mumbled something unintelligible, but the feeling nonetheless made Sarah gasp and gave her butterflies.

"Chuck, come on," she tried again, prying apart his arms so she could stand.

"Okay, I'll go," Chuck said, still in a half-asleep daze.

"I'm not kicking you out, Chuck," Sarah laughed. "I'm telling you to come to bed with me. Does that seem so bad?" It wasn't until it left her lips that she realized how that sounded.

Regardless, Chuck slowly rose to his feet and rubbed his eyes. "That doesn't seem bad at all."

"Good," Sarah replied with a warm smile and took his hand, leading him to her room.

The two plopped down on the bed, and Sarah was quick to get under the covers, but Chuck hesitated.

"We've done this before, Chuck," Sarah pointed out.

"I know," Chuck said before swallowing deeply. "It's just that… I'm finding that I like cuddling you too much, you know?"

Sarah knew exactly what he meant. He was having the same thoughts she was.

"I won't push you into contact with me, Chuck. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll sleep on the couch," she offered.

"That's not the issue, Sarah. I'm too comfortable sleeping with you," Chuck corrected.

"I'm trying to think of what would make me feel better of I was in your shoes. Nice words, warm and safe human contact are the biggest things that would do it for me. But I get it," Sarah said. "If us being… complicated, is making this difficult, then I can give you space."

Chuck sat on the edge of Sarah's big soft bed and ran his hand over the soft comforter. "I want to. This… us… should feel so easy. Not just solace cuddles, but cuddles in general. It's just that, well, my sister just died. There, I said it. And that means I'm not in the right state of mind, and you're doing everything you can to help me and cheer me up, and I love that, but… I don't want us to do anything under emotional duress. Does that make sense?"

Sarah nodded and reached out to grab his hand. "That makes all the sense in the world, Chuck. Your heart is torn by Ellie's death, and that's the most understandable thing in the world. And I'm pulling on your heart the other way."

"Exactly," Chuck said, his eyes swelling up. "I love Ellie so much, I always will. I don't… I don't want the loss of a loved one and how much your compassion means to me to confuse that and make me feel emotions that aren't real or are just temporary."

"I get that, Chuck, I do. But here's the thing; I've wanted to kiss you. I've wanted to kiss you since we went to the bar together. That didn't go away with being sober. But right after that, we got the news. So maybe my emotions are fucked up, too. But if they're real, if they're still there when… I don't have a benchmark for when, but if they don't go away, I want you to kiss me when the time feels right. If your feelings are mutual to mine.

Chuck closed his eyes and nodded. "I want to tell you that I love you, Sarah, but I want to be 100% sure I whole heartedly mean it if I do. But at this moment, right now, I'm having a hard time convincing the jury that you're still just a friend."