Characters: Teyla's POV, mentions of the rest of the team
Rating: PG
Prompt: For the LiveJournal Psych 30 challenge – #3, Addiction
Spoilers: Season 1 and early Season 2, especially The Gift, The Lost Boys and The Hive
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters belong to people far more creative and wealthier than I.
A/N: Sort of a post-ep for The Hive. I was thinking that Teyla might have been affected a bit differently than the others...
Devil in the Details
She remembers it all in excruciating detail.
It is not so with the others, from what Teyla can tell. Oh, Rodney and Ronon remember the sequence of events well enough. But for the short time that he was under the influence of a massive, self-inflicted dose of the Wraith enzyme, Rodney reports that the details are mostly a blur to him. When she asked Ronon what he remembered of his time on the enzyme, he spoke of fragments that he recalls clearly – the injections, fighting Ford's men, their ill-fated assault on the Wraith ship – but admitted that a haze surrounds his memories of the times in between those moments.
Colonel Sheppard – John – no doubt remembers the entire ordeal vividly; but he was not forced to take the enzyme, so instead his is a clarity born of guilt. He blames himself for the capture of his team and for losing Aiden once again.
Teyla also felt the frenzied energy and feverish strength from the enzyme, but instead of a blur or a haze, she remembers every minute, every word, every act, every urge. And it all seems to replay from beginning to end whenever she closes her eyes.
It is these images which rouse her from a fitful sleep now.
It is dark in her quarters. Teyla sits up and looks at the clock, squinting slightly. She sighs and rubs a hand over her face. Though Teyla and Ronon were over the worst of the withdrawal by the time they escaped the hive ship, in the few days since they returned to Atlantis some effects still linger – tremors, headaches, restlessness, the occasional craving for more enzyme...
Teyla lights some candles and heads for her shower. She steps under the hot spray and picks up the bar of kalla root soap that she brought from the mainland. She holds it under her nose and inhales its comforting scent.
Dr. Beckett said that what makes the Wraith enzyme addictive is the feeling of power and invincibility that it causes. Teyla felt these effects, but more than anything else the enzyme heightened her senses, all of them. It was intoxicating. She was incredibly aware of everyone and everything around her – sights, sounds, and scents. While on the hive ship, Teyla realized that the enzyme also magnified her ability to sense the Wraith to a terrifying degree. As their thoughts brushed against hers, she could discern distinct voices among the unity of the hive mind, track their movements, feel the anger and agitation of the Queen.
But what troubles her more was her sensitivity to Ford's men and her own teammates. It was as if she could sense the energy that flowed through their veins. And she felt an irresistible pull to consume it. Though she will never openly admit it, she suspects she felt something akin to the desire to feed on a human.
She has sensed the hunger of Wraith before – indeed, that is one aspect of the gift that allows her to sense their proximity. But in Ford's cave, her body flush with the power bestowed by the enzyme, she knows she was not channeling the hunger of a nearby Wraith. It was coming from her.
Despite the hot water cascading over her body, Teyla shivers.
She has not dared to ask Dr. Beckett why the enzyme would affect her in this way. She fears she already knows the answer. Teyla is still coming to terms with the fact that she is part Wraith, and she would rather convince herself that such thoughts were simply delusions caused by the influence of the enzyme, playing on her worst fears.
Satisfied that she has washed the worst of the memories away, she turns off the water and reaches for a towel. As she dries herself off and walks back into her bedroom, she ignores the persistent tickling at the back of her mind that belies this easy explanation.
Because deep within herself she knows, though these new additions to her nightmares make the Wraith even more repulsive to her now than ever before, that she is dangerously close to understanding them. Somewhere between the overwhelming hunger and the hypnotic swirl of voices and emotions on the hive ship, she began to perceive the nuances of their existence – their motivations, their beliefs, their need.
She walks over to her closet and contemplates the clothes there, trying to banish thoughts of the Wraith from her mind. Teyla has always been a practical person, and there has never been any good reason to understand why the Wraith do what they do beyond the fact that they are evil monsters who want nothing more than to drain the life from you and those you love. But now...
Teyla roughly slams the drawer shut after retrieving a loose shirt, and quickly dons it, letting the hem slide over the waist of her flowing pants. Not her typical attire, but she is not yet on active duty and it eases the feeling of being trapped in her own skin. She glances at the clock again, and notes that the sun will rise soon. She blows out her candles, slips on her sandals and walks out into the corridor, turning left towards the balcony where she will give thanks to the Ancestors as she greets the morning.