Somewhere In My Lifetime

Once upon a time, there was a girl.

She shoved the books in her bag, shinging her hair out of her face, and sighing.

She was just a girl, nothing special.

Her green eyes cleared now, no tear tracks on her face. No one would know.

Or so she thought.

She couldn't remember the last time she thought of them. She felt bad for trying to forget. But it just hurt.

Once upon a time, a powerful goddess died.

She picked up the roses, took a deep breath, and walked out of the appartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

And when she did, she send her power away, to someone who was destined for something great.

She tried not to let the tears fall the whole way, but when she was right there, so close, they fell anyway.

She sent them to her.

All these years, and she still did not understand. How could this happen? Or more importantly, why?

The wielder had to be strong, not physically, but otherwise. The power was to great to control, and it couldn't be, it had to stay with the person who has felt great sorrows, understood the pain of the world. Someone who could feel, understood emotions. Someone who could save the people she loved, when the time came.

Her pretty green eyes were dark, her expression, more so. But it just wasn't fair. Why them?

Someone like her.

She put the roses down. The three graves were fit together, all of them so close, just like the people in them. But she loved them still.

It was unknown when the power would surface, and it might not have ever happened, but it did.

The picked up the bag she dropped, and with one last look back, she walked away from them for another year. It was a nice day. She wasn't blind, she still knew the world around her went 'round, with or without a few people dying and being born again. But she just could bring herself to look up and smile. Everytime she tried, it was like a slap in the face to realise that everyone else had what she never could anymore. Her family was gone. Ripped away by a stray murderer who still wandered around somewhere, free. All she had left were her miserable grades in school, and the part time job that barely gave enough money to pay for the studio where she lived. She looked down at her scruffy faded, black jeans and sighed. What now?

It was meant for her. For only she knew what it was like to loose everything at all. And still be able to stand.

She dreaded everyday at school, every class, another reminder. Her friends fell away from her after the 'accident'. She's changed, but who wouldn't? After all, it wasn't like a bad haircut, something that would fade with time. This was far too big to overlook.

She was a legend, that never quiet lived to this time.

The school was looming overhead, a huge monstrosity of the building that seemed to suck up the sun from everywhere. And suddenly the day didn't seem so nice anymore. There was permanent cloud of doom hanging over the ugly building that only she could see, but she pushed herself forward, knowing she couldn't miss anymore classes. Not this week anyway. So, 'suck it up' she thought, and pushing the large doors open, slipped into the building. This was the place she couldn't stand the most. Everyone stood in groups, talking, laughing, whispering. She used to be one of them. She was just like them, and sometimes she wondered why. Sure, friends were nice, but they weren't real. In a second, they'd stab eachother in the back to make themselves look better. She kept her head down, and shuffled in between people to her locker. Just like her, it was separated. In a back hallway, where no one ever went, she clicked the lock open, and leaned against the door. She didn't want to be here, she thought. The opened the bag, and took out the heavy text books, only leaving in the ones she needed. Her waitressing uniform went on her top shelf, neatly floded in a ripped plastic bag. The stupid thing was expensive, and got dirty so easily. She shoved her locker shut, swinging the bag on her shoulder, and marched of to her first class.

But she was real.

The final bell rang, but she wouldn't get out of class until she had another long and useless conversation with her English teacher. She stared at the older man, watched his grey eyes shift as he talked, trying to convince her about the potential she just didn't have time to discover. She didn't particularly hate him, but he just didn't understand. Maybe with good intent and all, but this man was lecturing her about working harder, while her precious minutes to get to work on time were ticking away. She nodded her head, agreeing with him, and trying desperately to prevent her foot from tapping the floor in impatience. Finaly he smiled one of his special smiles, and she half smiled back, flying out of her room to her locker. It didn't click open, and she almost kicked it in her hurry, but it gave in, and grabbing her uniforn and the anoyingly heave books, she ran.

The few blocks from the school flew by, and she was almost relieved to see the little cafe hovering in the distance. The back door was locked, and she kicked it a few times, already opening her bag and pulling the uniform out. The door swung open quietly, and a girl with long black hair and milk chocolate brown eyes stared at her. She moved to the side, motioning to come in, and smiled. Without a word between the girls, she helped her change in minutes, and they were back in front taking orders, and making coffee for impatient rich people.

"Thanks Kiki." she whispered, while handing a tall to go coffee to an old man with gold teeth. He mumbled something as he handed her a ten, not waiting for change and shuffling out of the cozy little place.

Kikyou looked back at her and smiled again, shrugging her shoulders, and handing the change to the elderly lady who was cooing at the chihuahua she had in her shoulder bag.

Kikyou was probably the only person she had who was close to a friend. Right after the accident, when they kicked her out of her house because the payment couldn't be made, even after selling all the furniture, she came here, looking for a job. She has failed the interview with the boss, he expected experince, and someone with a place to live. The interview lasted 2 minutes, and before he even knew her name, she was escorted out of the office, having been told that this place was quiet above er standards. She walked out, sad and close to tears, when Kikyou ran out after her. They had talked, and Kikyou offered to help her get the job, and train her in the art of making the perfect coffee. She has stayed with Kikyou for a few days, and then found her own little hole in the wall for an appartment, moving in with what little things she had. Ever since then they were close, without a lot of words between them. When she was late for work, Kikyou would cover for her, and when Kikyou came to work crying they would sneak through the back door and sit on the back steps, chewing on the few muffins left over from the over day that didn't look that attractive anymore. Kikyou would cry, and she would tell her that it didn't matter.

She remembered she first time it happened, the first time she heard about Kikyou's boyfriend. She has come to work in tears again, and none of the other waitresses seemed to care. She took Kikyou outside and sat her down on the steps. It was raining then, but her brown eyes were so light. She asked her what was wrong, and in a few moments, she was crying even harder, confessing that her boyfriend said she was ugly, and he hated her, and never wanted to see her again. She was astounded to say the least. Since she first met Kikyou, she has always though she possesed a kind of beauty everyone could see. When she looked at her with those sad brown eyes, the tears still rolling down her face, there was nothing she could do but pull her closer, and hug her as she cried. A few minutes later, she snuck back in, and grabbed a few muffins from the back of the kitchen, no one would notice, since they were going to be thrown out anyway. Kikyou seemed to find it hilarious, and it was the first time she smiled. She remembered then, the rain had stopped. And as they sat there, on the dirty steps behind a cafe where nobody cared, for a while, everything was okay.

She loved those moments. Whne everything seemed lighter, and the chain that held you to the ground didn't seem so permamnent. She asked Kikyou once what she wanted to do, before starting to work here. She was surprized by the question, but she answered anyway. She said she wanted to sing. Her voice was soft, and her eyes shone, like she could see it, but then it was gone, like it was far, unreachable. I've never heard her sing before, so I wrote it of as that dream that everyone has, like girls wanna be movie stars, and boys wanna be austranaughts. But then I heard her once. She has her walkman on, and was singing along in the kitchen when we were the only ones left on clean up duty. It was beautiful, and I froze when I realised it was her singing. Her voice was so clear, so perfect. Not perfected by any of the recording artists, that change it so much, there's barely anything real left to it.

She asked me once what I wanted to do. I told her I didn't know and I didn't. It seemed with my dragging marks, and underprivelaged living conditions, hard to believe I could do anything it all. And everyone had dreams, but it just seemed to hard. I guess I didn't want to dissapoint myself.

But that was my life then. I guess it could've been worse. But for a while, everything was okay. I was okay.

The day went by pretty fast, on our break, me and Kikyou snuck back outside to our dirty steps, and sat there chewind on old muffins in a silence between friends. I told her about my encounter with the English teacher, and she laughed that he wouldn't give up on me until I started writing award winning novels.

I smiled, and looked up at the sun. Not a cloud in the sky.

For the rest of the day, I had a slight smile on my face, and by the end of the night, even though I was so tired I could barely stand, me and Kikyou closed up, I was happy. We cleaned the tables, and took the old muffins from the display, bringing them to the kitchen, packing a few to go, and leaving the rest for the next day. We sat behind the counter, took the tip jar, and spilled it on the floor. There were a few bills there today, me and Kikyou grinned, deciding on a shopping trip in a few weeks.

We left just before midnight. I walked home, the bad slung over my shoulder, and uniform in my ripped bag, and a few bills in my pocket. The moon was full. And it was so bright. No one else was on the street, and I loved it that way. My feet were killing me, but then I didn't care.

I stepped into the old building, climbed the stairs to the 3rd floor, and opened the door with the keys stuck to my belt. The appartment was small, very small, but just then it didn't seem so bad. I locked the door, and dropped the bag on the floor, the uniform next to it. Reaching into the backpack, I took out the bag of muffins and put them on my little box that served for a table. I was still happy. It was crazy, but it wasn't so bad. Kicking the old sneakers off my feet, I fell on the sleeping bag in the corner. The moon fell across my face in the small window, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

This is my life.

This is my world.

My name is Kagome.

And for now -

Everything is okay.