A\N: On it goes! Thanks for the reviews.

By the way, if you haven't already read My Immortal (it's in my favorites), be sure to do so before reading ths chapter.

Jesus led the group out into the hall. The flow of Sues seemed to have subsided a little, but they had just as soon rounded a corner when a large obstruction appeared before them.

"Holy Me!" Jesus shouted. It was an enormous gateway, glowing red, and blue, and radiant silver, and fiery red, and electric purple, and raven black, (wtf, does black even 'glow'?).

"Hmm." He said looking at the gateway. "Of course! It all makes sense!"

"What makes sense, Professor Christ?", McGonnagle asked.

"Every thirty seconds, a new author creates a Mary-Sue. So many Sues have been created since the dawn of Fanfiction that their realm is beginning to reach a finite capacity. Thus, gateways like these from the Sueniverses of HP fandom have begun to open into our world."

"So what you're saying is, so many Sues have been created that their worlds have started to spill into ours?"

"Exactly. And there's only one way to stop it. We'll have to go through each gateway and close it from the inside. You know, like in Oblivion?"(Propz 2 Bethesda Softworks, k)

"Here. It's important to stick together. We'll all go through this portal first, then follow the subsequent ones. Any questions?"

"We're running low on Sue-Traps", Ron said. (liek, hey, ronz not sposed to be smart in fics k.)

"Ah, I forgot. Here's a few more." He handed over more Bootlegs. "Also, any good piece of literature with negative character energy will work." He began to produce more books. "Here you go, some copies of Ulysses, Madam Bovary, The Book of Genesis, The Devil's Dictionary, and An Unabridged Biography of James Joyce." The students took as many as they could carry.

"Now, let's go through!" The class ran through the portal, felt a brief swooping sensation, and ended up on the other side, which appeared to be identical to where they were to begin with.

"Did we go through?", Harry asked.

"Yes, most of the alternate Sueniverses are nearly carbon copies. To close the portal, we must defeat the master Sue that rules this realm."

"How do we find the Master Sue?", Hermione asked.

"Simple", Jesus stated. He turned to a passing student. "Excuse me, where can I find the new transfer student?" he winked.

"Oh, we haven't had any transfers to Hogwarts ever since Lord Voldemort was defeated by Harry Potter and Draco Malfloy's Twin Sisters at the age of five."

"Oh, so that's how it is", Jesus said, stroking his beard. "Well, where can we find their twin sisters?"

"They're playing Smartitch."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Smartitch. It's a sport that they invented, in which one must play quidditch and take a series of rigorous academic tests at the same time and they're like, totally the best at it!"

"I assumed so as much", Jesus said, matter-of-factly. "Well, let's proceed to the Smartitch Pitch!" They set off down the hall. "Smartitch", he chuckled to himself. "So American."

It took the group two whole hours to find the Smartitch pitch, because the author had gotten the structure of the school down so badly in her writing that the architecture of Hogwarts had been completely rearranged. They came upon the smartitch pitch, where they were all blinded by the reflection of radiant hair color."

"Agh!", Harry said as he covered his eyes. "What is that?"

A nearby student turned to him.

"Oh, you're just jealous because your sister, Eternity Potter, has brilliant white hair that's shinier than yours, and she's going lesbian with Chezmerelda Malfloy, and now Draco won't kiss you the way he used to."

Harry's pupils became distant specs.

"WHAT!"

"Uh oh!" Jesus said, witnessing the scene before him. "Better break out the heavy artillery!" He pulled out a large tubular gun and handed it to Ron.

"What's this?" Ron asked.

"It's a Canon Cannon, used in worse-case scenario AUs. It fixes Canon characters who have been defiled by the Sue's influence."

Ron blasted the kid Harry was talking to, who instantly turned back into his old self. He then proceeded to blast everyone on the pitch with the Canon Cannon, until only two people remained, Eternity Potter and Chezmerelda Malfoy.

Many students tried to hit the twin Sues with books, but their skills were so disproportionately mad that they were able to dodge around them. Finally, with a well placed shot, Ron slammed Chezmerelda in the face with a copy of Joyce's Fennigan's Wake. She vaporized on the spot.

"Suepify!", Ron yelled at Eternity. She screamed and exploded into a thousand tiny icy bluealfalfa yellow pieces.

"Excellent work!" Jesus said. "And look" He pointed towards the north end of the pitch where another portal of contradictory colors was opening.

"If we continue to follow the portals that overlap, we'll be able to destroy these Sueniverses in no time. Let's go, it won't be long before this one collapses!"

"Collapse?" Neville asked.

"Yes. Once the centrifuge of the plot has been destroyed, it's only a matter of time before the Sueniverse implodes on itself."

The class headed through the portal and walked onto a perfectly normal quidditch pitch, where the new Gryffindor Chaser, Desideria Aurorose, was scoring loads of points, (and dudez, lolz.)

The group took cover behind the stands and observed.

"This looks like a much milder Sueniverse. The author clearly had more sense than the last." Jesus said.

"Milder?" asked Hermione.

"Yes. As you can see, it's just a simple love story between this new chaser and Harry, and a bit fluffy at that."

When Gryffindor won (no wai!) they did not go to the Common room to party. They went to Hogsmeade instead.

"Okay, so she doesn't have that much sense." Jesus said, frowning. "All visits to Hogsmeade are schedueled, people don't go there on their own accord. It's obviously a plot point to get the Sue together with Harry or something."

"Want me to Canonize it?" Ron asked, cocking the Canon Cannon.

"No, let's follow them. We can trap her easily in the Three Broomsticks."

Sure enough, the Quidditch team went to the Three Broomsticks. Harry ran in and quickly hit the Sue in the face with a copy of Orwell's The Road to Wigam Pier. The class gathered around the next portal, which had opened on the streets of Hogsmeade.

When they passed through the portal, they arrived in a very unfamiliar setting. Hogsmeade, it seemed, was painted all black, and there was loud goffrock music blaring from up the street.

"Wow", Hermione said. "Where are we… AHH!"

A pale hand with black fingernails with pentagramz on them garbed Hemorrhoid on teh elbowz. Hermoroin terned around and sow that it wuz……… B'loody Mary!11

"OMG Y R U FUKIN PREPZ HEREZ?" The girl screamed.

"God help us", Jesus muttered. "We're in Tara's universe!"