Lily Potter and the Potions Master (Year 2)

by RainyDaySunlight

The second book in my Lily Potter series. (Find book 1 in my profile) - Returning for her second year, Lily is feeling determined to accept her life as a Slytherin despite continued clashes with housemates, family, and a particular blonde boy who can't seem to leave her alone. (Lily/Scorpius)

20. Finding Peace Again

A/N: Some quick notes before you jump in!

First of all, I adore you all. All my wonderful readers, reviewers, private messagers...you guys just bring me so many smiles. I've had a hard couple months. All the inquiries and concern and support has been so generous and delightful. One of the reasons I have been on this site for so many years is all the community. So thank you all so much for bringing me some joy. Long story short. About 6 weeks ago I had a miscarriage, and that sort of shook me hard. I went into a bout of depression after. I'm coming out of it now, I think, maybe? But it's hard. Really hard. And then last week, my dear devoted dog passed. That was hard to. We rescued him over a decade ago and he has been so precious to us. So it has really not been my season. Fingers crossed for brighter horizons soons. Anyway...I threw myself into writing over the past week to just avoid life. The result: my LONGEST chapter EVER. Like possibly ever in my history of FF. I just wanted it all together and couldn't figure out where to cut it. So enjoy! Also. There's A LOT of scorlily fluffiness in this update. I'm starting to wonder if it's too much? (can there be too much?) Let me know if you think i'm going overboard here with the sappiness. Sometimes you just need that outside perspective to show you your flaws, you know?

In response to a review from "Guest" (I can't PM if you don't login!) - you asked if there was going to be a "big bad" or an over arching plot to these stories, and the answer is YES! I actually have really BIG plans for the books. Believe it or not, I already have all 7 years lightly mapped out. I know. Ambitious! haha. This storyline came to me a few years back when I first started writing them, then life got in the way and I took a break, but I feel like I got book 2 our pretty quickly, and I'd like to think I can get the next 5 out too. I want to commit! I love the ideas I have. It's just finding the time to write them amidst life, kids, work, etc. The "Big bad" won't be revealed until like book 4...hints may come earlier, but the big plotline starts then. There will be an "evil" to overcome in book 3 though. Hope that answers your questions!

Apparently longest post ever requires longest author's note ever. Sorry! Alright, read on. XOXO

Chapter 15: Finding Peace Again

The fire was burning strong when Lily woke from the slumber she hadn't realized she had fallen into. That fact alone told her it was close to morning which is when the house elves typically started the fire. Styx was absent, and she assumed he had shuffled off to the kitchens to beg cream from the elves. She then noticed she had more space on the couch than before and saw Scorpius was not there. The sadness and disappointment that suddenly overcame her surprised her.

"Hey, Lil, you awake?" Scorpius' whisper came from beside the couch, and her sadness vanished.

"You left," she said before she could stop herself.

He knelt beside the couch and smiled. "Just for a minute. I had to use the toilet."

"Right," she blushed, "of course." Lily pushed herself up into a seated position and Scorpius moved up onto the couch beside her.

"You slept," he said.

She nodded. "It seems like it."

"Did you have any nightmares?"

"Not that I can remember."

He smiled slightly. "Good. I'm glad."

"Did you really stay with me all night?" She asked.

He nodded.

"That was really good of you."

"I told you I wanted to help you," he said. "I wasn't going to just up and leave you in the middle of the night."

Lily smiled a little.

"However, it's almost sunrise, and people will be waking up soon. I thought you might like to head back to your room and get ready for practice."

She nodded. "Yeah, good thought." Yet she hesitated to stand from the couch.

"What's wrong?"

She pursed her lips and stared at the fire.

"Lily, talk to me."

Still she was quiet.

"Come on, we just spent the night together, the least you can do is tell me what's bothering you." He smirked slightly as he said it.

"Exactly," she said quickly. "Umm…I mean…last night and all…" she squeezed her eyes shut and spoke quickly. "I so appreciate everything, and you were so kind, but people can't know…" she stopped, opened her eyes and looked at him. "People won't understand if they learn we spent the night out here together. It would be too…well, it would bring up a lot of questions and comments."

"We didn't do anything wrong," he said.

"I know. Of course not, but…" she paused, chewing briefly on her lower lip.

"Merlin, Lil, you're acting like we shagged or something," he said.

She blushed furiously and her eyes shifted toward the fire. "No, that's not what I meant…"

"I won't say anything," he said. "Not to anyone."

"It's not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed…"

"You don't have to explain," he cut her off. "It's okay. Really. I wanted to help you. I wanted to stay with you. I didn't think it was something you would want getting around."

Lily felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Scorpius was always so good to her, and she couldn't help but feel that she didn't entirely deserve his kindness.

"Thank you," she said. "For everything."

He shrugged.

"Right, well I better run and get ready for practice."

"I'll see you on the pitch."

Lily headed back to her room, entering as quietly as possible, hoping no one else had woken yet. The room was still dark, and all the canopies were still drawn. She let out a satisfied sigh and moved to the closet to dress in her practice black trousers and green shirt. As she washed her face and fixed her hair in the bathroom, she reflected on the previous night.

What in the world was I thinking? Spending the night with Scorpius Malfoy? She shook her head at her reflection in the mirror. If her family ever found out where she had been last night…if anyone found out! A laugh bubbled up in her throat, surprising her. Despite how strange and unusual the situation of the previous night was, Lily realized she wasn't at all uncomfortable about it all. Spending the night with Scorpius had felt nice, safe, and completely comforting. She had slept without nightmares or restlessness. She felt more refreshed this morning than she had in weeks.

Leaving the bathroom, Lily found herself head instinctively to the drawer beside her bed where she had been storing her calming draught vials. It had been so subconscious, she didn't even realize what she was looking for until she was standing there staring into the empty drawer. Almost instantly she felt the familiar edge of panic creeping into her mind as she anticipated going to practice without the draught.

You can do this. She coached herself silently. You can do this.

She took a deep breath and turned away from her drawer, walking speedily from the room, trying to convince herself that she was fine. She made herself think only of practice. She thought of the pitch, her broom, the feeling of flying…she tried to think of everything except for how anxious she was about having to go to practice and pretend to feel calm and normal around the team.

Scorpius wasn't waiting for her in the common room, and even though he had told her he would be waiting at the pitch, she couldn't help feeling disappointed. A few other students had woken up and moved out to the common room for early morning homework and chit-chat. She wasn't interested in seeing anyone, however, and walked directly to the door to leave the common room. As she reached out to open the door, she noticed that her hand was trembling. Get it together. She told herself, squeezing her eyes shut briefly before swinging the door open wide.

The dark hallway gaped at her as she stood in the doorway, her feet unwilling to move.

"Lily, you good?"

She jumped.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Scorpius said, stepping closer to the doorway so she could see him. "I was waiting for you. Thought we could walk to the pitch together."

Her body seemed lighter as she looked at him. He smiled and a warm calmness spread through her body.

"You good to go?" He asked.

She nodded. She didn't entirely trust herself to speak. Despite feeling calmer in his presence, she still felt a tightness in her stomach, and a tremble in her hands.

He nodded towards the staircase and they walked up together and out to the pitch.

It was still dark outside, the first orange glow of sunrise just cresting over the distant hills. It was still cold from the night air as well, and Lily was glad to have something beside her fear to blame for her shivering. Lily took slow deep breaths, gulping in the cool air, letting it soothe her nerves.

"Cold?" Scorpius asked quietly.

"Oh, umm, yeah kind of. I didn't think to grab a jacket."

With smooth deft motions Scorpius unzipped his black hoodie, slipped it off and handed it to her.

"You don't need to do that," she said, eyeing him in his short sleeved T-shirt, and refusing to take the hoodie. "You'll be cold."

"I'm good," he said. "I'm not afraid of a little chill."

"I'm not either," she said.

"You're shaking."

Lily hesitated. She thought she had been hiding it better. She had been trying to keep it under control. Without another word, Scorpius draped his hoodie around her shoulders, pulling it closed around her.

"Shall I zip it up for you?" He asked, smiling slightly.

She shook her head. "I can do that, thank you." Lily slipped her arms into the sleeves and zipped it closed. She felt instantly enveloped in its warmth. It was large for her petite body, hanging nearly to her knees, and the sleeves reaching far past her fingertips. Scorpius seemed satisfied and continued walking towards the pitch. Lily pressed the heavy material over her nose briefly and breathed in deeply. The scent of Scorpius consumed her and she smiled unintentionally. She hadn't realized how well she knew his scent—deep and woody like damp earth and fir trees, then also new parchment and ink, and the comforting hint of peppermint. She felt comforted by recognizing the familiarity of him.

"Lily, you coming?"

She realized she hadn't followed him, and quickly caught up.

"You going to be okay for practice today?" He asked when she was beside him again.

She nodded. "Of course."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." She nodded again, her tone taking a slightly more tense edge than she had meant for it to.

She could see the doubt in his eyes, but he didn't say anything else and they entered the pitch together. Leo and Geoff were already there. They had retrieved the box of balls and brooms from the locker room and were now tossing the bludger back and forth to warm up. After a moment, Lily realized Payne was there too, running laps around the pitch. At the moment he was at the opposite side of the pitch, but he waved from the distance when he spotted them. Payne always encouraged some form of warm up for the team, of their choosing, before they started practice.

"Want to run?" Scorpius asked her.

Lily nodded. A good brisk run sounded like just the thing to rid herself of the nervous shaking she was struggling with.

"I'll race you," he said, smirking.

Lily found herself smiling. "Ready…"

"Steady…" he said.

"Go!" She said and they both broke off in a fast sprint across the pitch.

After a moment of running at such an intense speed, Lily found herself laughing. It felt good and normal to be running across the pitch, breathing in the fresh morning air, watching the sky shift from deep blue to subtle turquoise, as it woke up with the sunrise. Her senses felt more alive and aware than they had in a while. She could feel the chilly wind striking her face, taste last night's rain in the breaths she took, and hear Scorpius' feet pounding the ground beside her. He was keeping pace with her, and she knew instinctively that he was running more slowly than he actually could to stay with her. Though she was a fast runner, his legs were much longer than hers, and she knew he could easily beat her in a true race. After a moment she heard him laughing too, and that made her laugh harder.

At the other end of the field, they paused to catch their breath.

"Why were you laughing?" Scorpius asked through gasps.

"I don't know," she said, still laughing slightly. "I just felt…happy!"

"You say that like you're surprised."

"I am kind of. It's been a while since I've felt this way."

"Clearly a full night of sleep was good for you."

She smiled at him.

Payne had returned to the others, and Lily could see from the distance that Kenny and Kale were there now too. Payne was waving towards her and Scorpius.

"I think we're wanted," she said, pointing.

Scorpius agreed and prepared for another sprint. Lily prepped herself too and they took off silently at the same moment. When they reached the others they both took a moment to catch their breath before they could give "good mornings" to the group.

Payne motioned towards the broomsticks on the ground and started spouting directions for practice. As per usual, Lily was paired with Scorpius at the start. Payne often had her run shots on goals for Scorpius, knowing that she would have made almost as talented a chaser as seeker. Today though he had Geoff and Leo aiming bludgers at Scorpius while she took her shots to try and distract him. Lily thought it was a bit harsh, but also smart. They would play Gryffindor for the cup for the second year in a row in just six weeks time. Payne had already made it clear he had every intention to win again that year, but Lily also knew that James and the rest of their team felt the same way. James did not want to lose to his sister's Slytherin team yet again. They would play hard, and the Slytherins needed to be ready. After thirty minutes of practicing with Scorpius, Payne set the snitch free and told Lily he was timing her.

Lily knew she hadn't been performing well at practices for a couple weeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had caught the snitch in under five minutes, which was her best record. Her last few practices, she hadn't caught the snitch at all. A slight aching throb had started at the back of her head, but she felt determined to ignore it and focus all her energy on the snitch. She started feeling warm and pushed up the sleeves of Scorpius hoodie she was still wearing. She unzipped it to get more air and tried to ignore the slight perspiration that had started to gather on her forehead and chest. She spotted the snitch high above the stands and turned her broom that direction, forcing herself forward with as much force and speed as she could muster.

By the time her hand closed around the snitch, her whole body felt clammy and her headache had gotten more intense, but she felt proud of herself for catching it swiftly. Payne hollered for everyone to gather back on the ground.

"Well done, Potter. Only seven minutes today," he said. "That's the best you've done in a while."

Lily tried to smile, but her headache was distracting and she was starting to feel slightly lightheaded, so she just nodded and took slow breaths.

"Alright, practice is over. Krum, Perk, clean up today," Payne said. "See you all back here tomorrow morning. Don't be late."

Payne, Geoff and Leo departed instantly while Kenny and Kale started gathering the brooms and balls.

"Hey you okay?" Scorpius stepped up to Lily's side. "You don't look so great."

Lily shook her head. "I'm fine, just a bit of a headache."

"You sure?" His forehead had that crease in it again, and she realized it was his concerned expression.

She forced a slight smile. "I think I should maybe try and eat something."

"Yeah? Great, let's get breakfast."

She realized he planned to stay with her, and she smiled again. As they walked up to the castle for breakfast, Lily thought about Professor Willoughby's warning to her the previous night. He had recommended she take the day off from classes because he thought she might struggle with not having the draught. Lily thought that sounded silly at the time, but with every step, her headache pounded against the base of her skull and she started wondering if he had maybe been right.

When Scorpius and Lily sat together at the breakfast table, it was mostly still empty. He started loading his plate with a variety of items eagerly, while she fixed herself a cup of tea. Without thinking too much about it, she poured one for him as well, leaving it black as she knew he preferred it.

"Thanks," he said, taking the cup from her.

She stirred hers with a cinnamon stick somewhat absentmindedly.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"Hmm?" She stared blankly at her swirling tea.

"You said you wanted to eat," he said.

"Yeah, I'm not sure right now." She sipped her tea slowly. "I've got a fierce headache."

"You said it was a bit of a headache only a moment ago."

"Well, it's worse now." She snapped. She didn't mean to snap, but she felt like screaming.

Instead of being offended by her sharp tone, he seemed concerned. "Lily, how often were you using the calming draught in a day?"

She glared at him.

"You can be honest with me."

"I do not need to tell you that," she said.

He rolled his eyes. "I think you're struggling because you didn't take it this morning before practice like you usually would have."

She knew he was absolutely correct, but refused to admit it.

"Still, you should try and eat something. It might help."

She stayed silent.

"Maybe just a piece of toast?" He suggested.

Lily took a piece of toast, mostly just to quiet him, but she spread strawberry jam on it and took a small bite.

A moment later Julianne entered the hall. Her eyes locked on Lily's but she looked slightly angry and uncertain. Lily sighed. She had been an awful friend to Julianne the past couple weeks, and she knew she needed to sort that mess out, but with the way her head felt, she felt little interest in having a deep conversation at that moment.

"Everything okay between you two?" Scorpius asked suddenly, following Lily's line of sight to the door where Julianne was still hesitating. "Not that it's any of my business really…"

Lily sighed again.

"Should I take that as my answer then?" He asked.

"I just haven't been a very good friend lately," she said.

"Well, now's a good as time as any to fix that," he said.

She glared at him again.

He smirked.

She stuck her hand in the air to get Julianne's attention and waved her over. Julianne nodded, smiling slightly, and made her way over to join them. She sat across the table from Lily and Scorpius and greeted them both.

"Did you have a good practice?" Julianne asked as she started fixing her plate.

"Yeah, it was alright," Lily said.

"Payne's not messing around with these practices," Scorpius offered to the conversation when Lily clammed up.

"You must be tired," Julianne said.

Lily merely shrugged.

"It's nice to see you eating this morning," Julianne said, a little quietly.

Lily nodded.

"Do you maybe want to come and study with Leona and me later at the lake? We've missed having you with us."

Lily felt a strange sudden urge to cry. She hadn't spent an afternoon with her two best friends in over a week. She missed them too. She missed feeling normal. She missed not having her thoughts completely consumed by the bastards that had hurt her. She missed being excited to get up and start her day and go to classes and practices. She missed Louis and Hugo and even their Gryffindor mates. She missed her old life.

"Yes," she said suddenly and quite firmly. "Definitely."

"You will?" Julianne smiled, her clear hazel eyes lighting up with true excitement.

"Absolutely," Lily confirmed again. "I'm sorry I haven't been…" she hesitated. "Well I haven't been myself lately."

"It's alright," Julianne said. "I understand."

Lily shook her head. She knew Julianne didn't actually understand, but she also knew that she couldn't explain it even if she tried. So she just smiled, and hoped one day they could get back to the way things had been.

"I should run down and get changed before classes." Lily stood. "Save me a seat?"

"Of course," Julianne said.

Lily slipped out of Scorpius' hoodie and handed it to him. "Thank you for that."

He took it and nodded. "Hey, you sure you're going to be okay today?"

She nodded quickly, not wanting him to say anything else in front of Julianne. "I'm fine. It's just a headache. It'll go away."

"Okay," he said, though his forehead still had that crease.

She left the hall before he could say anything else or Julianne could ask any follow-up questions.

Back in her room, Lily changed quickly for class, not wanting to be late or take too much time to to contemplate the ever-increasing head throbbing she was dealing with. Her anxiety had also started to return, beginning as a gnawing pain in the middle of her stomach and growing to a restrictive feeling in her chest. This was the time when she would usually take a sip of the calming drought to keep her nerves under control before leaving her room, but without that as an option she took a few deep breaths and once again started her mantra as she walked out of the common room and back up the stairs towards her DADA class.

"You can do this," she told herself. "You can do this." Her hands started trembling slightly so she started tapping her fingers against her her legs to try and calm herself down. "You can do this."

She repeated the mantra to herself all the way to her classroom. Then she continued it silently in her head, sitting beside Julianne, while Professor McGregor began the morning's lecture. Halfway through the class, Lily had almost convinced herself she really would be alright. She had managed to get the trembling under control, mostly by sitting on her hands for most of the class when handwork wasn't required, and her headache had subsided to a dull ache. It had been a lecture heavy day as they were learning a new spell, and Lily had mostly let herself space out and ignore everything the professor was saying. And then he called on her.

"Miss Potter, could you please come to the front with Miss Forest and demonstrate," he said, his eyebrows raised questioningly in her direction.

She snapped out of her solitude, the trembling instantly returning.

"You okay?" Julianne whispered as Lily hesitated to stand.

"Yeah, I'm good." Lily said, her voice slightly shaky.

"Miss Potter?" The Professor called again.

She stood, took a deep breath, grasped her wand inside her robe pocket, holding tightly to control herself, and moved to the front of the classroom. The back of her neck felt damp and hot.

"Alright, thank you for joining us," Professor McGregor said as Lily stepped into the half circle at the front of the room where Nicolette was already waiting.

"Miss Forest, you'll be attempting diffindo against Miss Potter while she, obviously, deflects it."

Lily felt strangely distant from the room at that moment. She heard what her professor was saying but it sounded almost as though he were an echo, not really there speaking to her. Her headache had been steadily gaining strength again since she had stood and moved to the front of the room, and the heat on her neck had now started spreading throughout the rest of her body. Her fingertips tingled. She felt dizzy.

"Ladies, ready?" Professor McGregor was speaking again. She tried to nod, but she only blinked.

She desperately wished she could be in her bed, or somewhere dark and quiet, and she definitely wished she had some of her calming draught at that moment.

"Wands ready."

She blinked again, trying to focus on what her professor was saying.

"And begin."

She felt an urge to try and stop him, or Nicolette, to stop what was about to happen. She could feel that things were happening quickly around her, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to mutter the deflection spell, which she was perfectly capable of performing. She stood perfectly still, her wand frozen in the air, her mouth dry and her body overheated as Nicolette sent the severing spell directly at her.

The pain in her stomach hit her before her mind completely caught up to what had happened. She let out a brief shriek of pain and doubled over, grasping her stomach instinctively.

"Hold your wand!" Professor McGregor's voice was harsh and slightly panicked. "Miss Potter!"

His voice was suddenly very loud in her ears and Lily was suddenly very aware of his presence directly beside her. His heavy hand on her shoulder startled her and her body quivered in surprise and sudden panic.

"Are you alright?" He asked, leaning in close.

She nodded automatically then paused and shook her head. "My stomach…" She pulled her hand away to reveal the deep gash and blood staining her hand. "Oh Merlin." She drew in a sharp breath.

"Oh bloody hell," Professor McGregor said, slightly under his breath. Clearing his throat and speaking up for the class, he added: "Class dismissed. Please review the severing charm chapter in your books for next class." Looking back to Lily as the students filtered out of the classroom, his brows furrowed. "Miss Potter, I asked you to step up front because I know how skilled you are with the shield charm. You're one of the only students who knew it before second year began. What happened? You didn't even try!" He seemed to suddenly think better of his outburst and took a breath. "You need to see Madam Rougal right away."

"I'm alright," Lily said, though she knew as she said it she sounded pathetic.

"Severing spells are serious. You may have more injuries than we can see," he said.

The cut in her stomach burned and throbbed and she knew he was right. Instead of answering she simply nodded.

"You need to see Madam Rougal," he repeated.

She nodded again.

"Miss Westerly!" He called for Julianne and she came immediately, having waited at her desk while everyone else had left. "Please gather Miss Potter's things and follow us to the infirmary."

Without a word, Julianne shoved Lily's books and quill back into her bag and slung both her own and Lily's bags over her shoulder, prepared to follow. Professor McGregor seemed slightly uncertain how to help Lily walk down to the infirmary. She was still bent over slightly, her arm pressed against her stomach wound as though she could somehow lessen the pain.

"Umm, alright I'm going to carry you," he said in a shaky hesitant voice.

Lily forced a nod, considering refusing only very briefly. The pain in her stomach assured her that would be a mistake though.

"Alright, let's go then." He lifted Lily into his arms, she winced at the pain from the change in position, and he hurried down the three flights of stairs towards the infirmary.

Julianne walked very close to her friend, occasionally touching her arm or back soothingly. By the time they had reached the door to the infirmary, Lily was holding Julianne's hand, grasping it tightly for both comfort and support.

"Madam Rougal!" McGregor called loudly as he pushed open the door to the infirmary with his shoulder.

Madam Rougal emerged from her office at the back of the large room, holding a cup of tea.

"Professor?" Rougal's eyes shifted to Lily swiftly and she frowned. "Miss Potter…"

"A spell in class gone wrong I'm afraid," McGregor explained directly.

"I see," she said. "Which spell?"

"Diffindo…"

"You had students perform the severing spell in defense class?" Her tone was sharp and full of blame.

"I know it's not traditionally used as a defensive spell, but it can be useful…"

Her deep frown cut him off short.

"I didn't think there would be complications like this…" He tried.

"Complications?" Madam Rougal scoffed. "She's lucky she's still in one piece."

Professor McGregor let out an irritated sigh but offered no retort.

"Put her there," Madam Rougal pointed to a close bed and he carried Lily to the bed, setting her down gently. "Miss Westerly, please help Miss Potter out of her robe and shirt." Madam Rougal said. She gave McGregor one last glance. "Thank you Professor. I'll take it from here."

"I'm so very sorry this happened, Miss Potter," McGregor said to Lily. His voice was sincere and a bit embarrassed. Lily nodded. "I truly didn't think you'd have any problems with your shield charm."

Lily nodded again and the professor left the infirmary.

While helping Lily out of her robe, Julianne finally broke her silence. "Why didn't you use the shield, Lily? You're great at it. You taught me how to do it properly last year!"

"I was just distracted," Lily said, hoping that would enough to silence her overly curious friend.

Julianne frowned. "Distracted? You could have died!"

Lily didn't think it was quite as serious as Julianne was making it out to be, but she appreciated her friend's obvious concern. The pain in her stomach was growing by the moment and the trembling and headache she had temporarily been able to ignore was now back in full force making Lily hyper aware of just how terrible she truly felt. She wanted to vomit, and cry, and scream, and sleep all at the same time.

"Lily, you don't look so good," Julianne said, observing Lily's face as she began unbuttoning her shirt for her.

"I don't feel so good," Lily said.

"Madam Rougal!" Julianne called out and the healer hurried over.

"Oh dear, you are getting quite pale, Miss Potter," she said, her cool hand pressing against Lily's head automatically. "Come on let's lie down now."

Julianne finished the buttons on Lily's shirt and pulled it off of her gently as Madam Rougal helped Lily onto her back with a pillow behind her head, keeping her just slightly elevated. Now that she was wearing only her skirt and bra, Lily could tell her injury was more serious by the expression on her friend's face as she looked at it.

"Am I going to make it?" Lily asked, trying to break the panic she felt brewing.

Julianne's hazel eyes shifted up to Lily's face quickly and she tried to force a smile, but failed miserably. "Oh Lily. I'm so sorry you got hurt!"

"I'll be alright," Lily said. "It was my own stupid fault for not using the charm. That'll teach me to lose focus during a defense class."

Julianne seemed like she wanted to say something more but kept her mouth shut.

"Alright, I'll need to begin the healing process now," Madam Rougal said. "Will you be staying, Miss Westerly?"

Julianne nodded emphatically.

"Very well, stand on that side of the bed please so I may work here."

Julianne moved around to the other side of the bed and took Lily's left hand, squeezing more tightly than Lily thought was entirely necessary. Madam Rougal cleaned the wound first, then applied a gel-like cream over it, which Lily realized must have had a numbing affect because the pain in her stomach subsided greatly. The healer then began muttering and waving her wand slowly over her stomach. Lily couldn't entirely feel what was happening, but there was a slight prickling sensation where the wound was; she assumed if not for the numbing cream she would feel it much worse.

When she finished with the wand work, Madam Rougal applied a different cream and then covered the area with a large square of gauze, then wrapped a thick strip of cloth around her stomach three times to secure it. She stepped back and nodded at the work.

"You're very fortunate the damage is not more extensive. As it is, the cut is mostly superficial, though deep enough to most likely leave a scar. Of course there are charms and potions for that, though I recommend not trying any until it has been fully healed…at least a few weeks. I have a used a healing spell that will help knit your skin back together. It will take time. At least twenty four hours to be complete. I'd like you to stay here overnight so I can monitor the process and change out the bandage in the morning."

Lily nodded silently.

"Apart from this injury, do you feel alright?" She asked slowly.

Lily nodded again silently.

"You're very warm, almost feverish, and your skin is very pale…"

"I'm fine," Lily said. "I've had a headache for a little bit, but nothing serious." She didn't like lying to Madam Rougal. She always seemed to be able to tell. She didn't know how to tell the healer though all that was going on with her at that moment. Despite being perfectly still on the bed, she felt dizzy. Her headache had increased to such a degree, it hurt to blink. She felt nauseas and her body had began to ache.

"Rest is important for the spell to do its job," Madam Rougal said. "I could give you a calming draught to help you rest."

Lily's eyes widened. She wanted to scream "yes" immediately, but she felt guilty for that reaction and she suddenly thought of Professor Willoughby and Scorpius and how much she had disappointed them. He head throbbed though and she hated how she was feeling. She heard herself accepting the offered draught quietly, and wished she could be stronger.

Madam Rougal nodded and retreated to retrieve the draught. During the few moments she was gone, Lily tried to find the strength to refuse it, but she had no desire to. She wanted the draught. She wanted these terrible feelings to go away. She wanted to feel peaceful again. The healer returned with a small vial. She lifted out the dropper lid and instructed Lily to open her mouth, then dripped four drops of the draught onto her tongue.

"That will help you rest and forget about the pain for a little while," she said. "Miss Westerly you are welcome to stay with her as long as you like, but I insist you let her rest at some point."

"Thank you!" Julianne spoke up.

Madam Rougal returned to her office at the back of the large room, leaving the girls alone.

"How do you feel?" Julianne asked at once. "Can I get you anything? Another pillow? Some water?"

Lily shook her head. She was amazed that she was already starting to feel the affects of the draught. It eased over her body like a warm blanket, soothing the body pains and headache immediately. She felt herself smiling slightly, allowing herself to be consumed by the easy peace the potion brought her.

"Do you want to see anybody? I could fetch Leona or Louis or your brothers?" Julianne continued to offer help.

"No, that's alright," Lily said. "I don't really want to see anyone else right now…"

Before she could finish the thought, the infirmary doors burst open, clanging loudly as they hit against the wall, and Scorpius rushed into the room.

"Lily!" He nearly shouted when he spotted her in the bed.

"Scorpius?" Lily and Julianne questioned his appearance simultaneously.

"Are you alright?" He asked, coming to her side instantly. He seemed prepared to touch her, but pulled his hand back in the same moment.

"How did you know I was here?" Lily asked.

"I heard about what happened in class. The whole bloody school has heard about it by now. Cassie and Nicolette told practically everyone in Slytherin and it spread from there."

"I'm sure they thought it was hilarious," Julianne said, sounding more hateful than she had probably meant to. Lily offered her friend a smile, appreciating her aggressive support.

"Well, yes, unfortunately, they were laughing when they told me about it," he said. "I told them to shut up about it."

"It's alright, it's not Nicolette's fault," Lily said. "I didn't cast protego like I should have. This was my own fault."

"But you were seriously hurt, weren't you? They shouldn't be laughing at that." His eyes scanned down her body and Julianne seemed to suddenly realize her friend was in nothing but a bra. She quickly snatched up a blanket that had been folded at the end of the bed and spread it over Lily to cover her.

Lily recognized her lack of clothing too of course, but realized she wasn't concerned or embarrassed. She realized that as the draught took stronger hold of her, she wasn't concerned about much of anything. She felt completely content, warm, and just satisfied to not move.

Scorpius hadn't even seemed to notice Lily's lack of clothing, and if he had, he didn't let it faze him. He grasped the edge of the blanket Julianne had provided and pulled it back up to reveal the bandage around Lily's midsection. The worry line revealed itself on his forehead and Lily let a giggle escape from her throat without thinking.

"What in Merlin's name are you laughing at?" Scorpius stared at her, his gray eyes bright and wide.

"Nothing," she said, "it's nothing."

Scorpius' eyes narrowed. He glanced up at Julianne who shrugged without concern.

"Madam Rougal just gave her a calming draught," Julianne said as though that would explain everything.

"She did what?" Scorpius' voice rose rapidly.

Lily felt a twinge of guilt and panic in her mind at the tone of his voice, but the calm was still stronger and it pushed her worries aside.

"Lily! How could you?"

"Umm, I'm in the infirmary in case you didn't notice," she said.

"You could have healed without it," he said.

Julianne clearly did not understand the current tension. "Madam Rougal said it would help her rest. She wasn't feeling well. She had a headache and fever…"

Scorpius sighed. "Of course she did." He turned his focus back on Lily. "Now you'll just delay it longer. You know that. You bought yourself maybe another few hours of feeling good?" He shook his head. "I can't believe you agreed to it."

"I'm in the infirmary!" She said again as though thinking that should explain everything. "I felt awful. I have a giant cut in my stomach! I needed it."

His glare softened slightly. "Fine. It's your choice. Your life."

She felt like that was an obvious statement and she wanted to say something spiteful to him, but at the same time, she knew he was only trying to help as he had been for weeks. And despite her strong resolve that taking the draught in the infirmary was an okay choice for her, she still felt guilt over it, which led her to mumble a very quiet "it won't happen again" which seemed to soothe any of Scorpius' remaining anger.

Julianne, who had been standing beside Lily respectfully silent, but full of growing curiosity throughout Lily and Scorpius' exchange, now decided it was time to have her questions answered. She opened her mouth to speak and demand some explanation, but the door burst open again, this time admitting a much larger and louder group than Scorpius had been on his own. Scorpius slipped subtly to the other side of the bed to stand beside Julianne.

"Lily!" A half dozen voices called to her at once, and Lily instantly wished for another dose of calming draught before having to face her frantic family.

Rose reached her first, followed closely by Louis and Albus. James, she noticed, stood behind them, arms cross, amber eyes set in a deep scowl. Fred was there too, of course, hovering taller than the rest with that kind, calm smile he used to soothe any problem amongst the cousins. Dominique and Roxie were absent though, as usual, and Lily neither cared nor felt surprised. She was however surprised to see Lucy standing towards the back of the group. She was not usually one to join in family moments at school. Catching her honey brown eyes now though, Lily felt reassured by the warm smile she saw in them. She hadn't seen much of Lucy since her last run in with her and Payne the night Lily had first started taking the calming draught. She appreciated seeing her now and felt an urge to spend more time with her distant older cousin and get to know her better.

Rose covered Lily with her body in a distressed form of a hug. "Are you okay?" She asked, her voice desperate and scared.

"I'm fine," Lily said in her most sincere and convincing voice, hoping to assuage all her family members at once.

"What happened?" James demanded, speaking up from behind Rose. He had moved closer to the bed and now reached out to touch his sister's arm.

Lily was momentarily surprised and touched by James' display of concern. He was not typically the brother to give physical affection.

"It was just a little accident," she said, again trying to calm all the panic she could sense in the herd before her. The draught had taken hold of her nearly completely now, and she felt the calm spreading all the way to her toes. She didn't want to feel or think about their panic. She wanted to feel calm. She sort of wished they hadn't come though she felt slightly bad for even having that thought.

"There was a mistake in class, and she didn't get the shield charm up fast enough," Julianne spoke up, suddenly drawing every set of eyes towards her, and unfortunately towards Scorpius who had been standing back just a little, seemingly trying to disappear completely.

"Malfoy!" James and Albus exclaimed simultaneously. James' voice was slightly more angry while Albus' was more surprised. Neither sounded positive.

"What the hell are you doing here?" James' anger won out over Albus' surprise, and he took point on the furious interrogation.

"I was just checking on her," Scorpius replied, his voice calm and not at all nervous like Lily thought he might actually be feeling, though she didn't know why he should. He had every right to be there.

"As if you care at all," Rose snapped.

Lily tried to glare at her cousin, but couldn't quite bring her face to cooperate.

"I do care," he said. "Lily is my friend."

Lily felt a slow smile form on her face.

"Your friend?" James scoffed. "When just an hour ago your sister tried to kill her in class?"

Lily now turned her attempted glare towards her brother. "This wasn't Cassie, it was Nicolette, and she wasn't trying to kill me. It was a mistake. It was my fault."

"I heard it was Cassie," Rose told Lily. "Well, actually I don't remember who I heard did it, but she sure was eager to tell everyone who would listen to her about you almost died in class, and how funny it was."

Lily sighed. Julianne let out an angry murmur that sounded something like "that bitch" under her breath. Scorpius was silent for a moment.

"I'll speak with her," he said, speaking only to Lily.

"Don't bother," Lily said. "It's not worth it."

"I'm still confused as to why he is even here!" James said, loudly, his voice still full of anger. "You have no business being here." He pointed his finger towards Scorpius, and if they were closer together Lily had a feeling, James would have poked him right in the chest. "Stay the hell away from my sister."

Scorpius rolled his eyes, but glanced down at Lily and upon seeing her silent and overly calm expression, nodded curtly and left the room.

When he was gone, the family pressed in even more closely around Lily's bed. Rose sat down on the side of the bed, carefully avoiding Lily's injured stomach. James and Albus stood beside the bed, while Fred stood at the end of the bed with Lucy. Louis drifted over to stand beside Julianne. Lily couldn't help notice that he didn't seem particularly eager to talk to Lily or come too close and she felt the familiar pang of guilt and sadness at how her bad choices the past few weeks had affected her friendship with her favorite cousin.

"Seriously Lily, why was he even here?" Rose asked.

"He was just checking up on me," Lily said. "Like he said." She noted the displeased expressions around her and decided to try and help the situation. "For the team. Payne sent him. He wanted to know if I'd be up for practice tomorrow."

The expressions softened slightly. Albus even nodded as though her excuse made perfect sense.

"Well, he shouldn't have been here," James insisted. "I don't like him hanging around you."

"We're teammates, James," Lily said, though she felt unmotivated to argue this particular discussion anymore. "We're going to hang out together sometime."

"You don't have to," James said. "I don't hang out with all my teammates apart from practice."

Lily let out a slow breath.

"Let's discuss this another time, yeah?" Fred finally spoke up. "Little flower seems tired. I'm sure she could use rest, not argument."

Lily smiled gratefully at the fifth year.

"He's right," Lucy spoke up. "Come on you lot, let's shove off and let her sleep." She clapped her hands twice and started shooing the cousins away from the bed, seeming momentarily much more like her motherly older sister Molly than herself. She winked at Lily as she followed the cousins out of the infirmary and Lily mouthed a silent "thank you" to her. Rose grasped Lily's hand briefly before departing, Albus gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and Louis hung behind.

"Hey Lou," Lily said. "Thanks for coming to see me."

"Of course I came," he said, seeming offended that she would doubt him.

"Well, I know you've been a bit brassed with me lately," she said. "And I don't blame you at all. I haven't been a great friend lately."

"I just don't like you keeping secrets from me," he said. "We've never kept secrets from each other."

"I'm not keeping secrets," she said. "Things are just…" she hesitated. She didn't know how to be honest with Louis while still keeping some things private. "Complicated."

"Like your friendship with Malfoy?"

"Oh not you too."

"Come off it Lily. I remember the way you two were hanging around each other on Valentine's day. You've never exactly explained all that. Or the way you two were back at the beginning of the year, how you were at his beck and call after making the team…"

"I explained that to you! It was an initiation thing!"

He held up his hand and shook his head. "I know you've explained it all, I just think there's more there than what you're saying."

Lily glanced to Julianne in silent help, but for once Julianne didn't seem to know how to help. She shrugged silently at Lily.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Lou," Lily said.

"I just wish you could trust me like you used to," he said. He shrugged, nodded to Julianne, then left the infirmary.

"Oh Jules." Lily sighed, feeling drained and distressed. "Do you think I'm just an awful person?"

Julianne laughed. "Not at all. We room with Cassiopeia remember? Now there's an awful person. I'm going to have to teach her a lesson for all this nasty gossiping she's been doing about you today."

Lily smiled. "I can hardly blame her. I was an idiot in class. I made a complete fool of myself. Poor Professor McGregor! He must feel terrible. He knows I can do that charm. He didn't mean to put me in danger like that. I doubt he'll ever call me to the front again."

Julianne shrugged. "Probably not."

"You don't have to stay with me all day, you know? Madam Rougal says she wants me to stay overnight. You have classes! Break has got to be almost over now."

Julianne nodded. "I know. I just feel bad leaving you here all alone."

"I'll be alright. I'll probably sleep a lot."

"Fine, I'll head off," Julianne said. "I'll come back after classes, alright?"

"Alright," Lily agreed. "See you then. Oh and try not to do anything too awful to Cassie!"

Julianne laughed and kissed Lily's cheek before running off and leaving Lily alone.

…

Lily spent the rest of the afternoon alone, sleeping on and off, contemplating the benefits of the calming draught while also reminding herself emphatically why she couldn't let herself take it again, even if Rougal offered it. She knew she had to cut herself off completely and focus on getting her life back in order, starting with her friendships.

After classes that afternoon, Julianne came by as promised, this time bringing Leona with her. The two girls stayed with Lily for the dinner hour with Madam Rougal's permission, and she had the kitchen elves bring them a tray there so they could eat with Lily. Julianne assured Lily she had not done anything to Cassie, though she daydreamed about a dozen different hexes she would like to do to her throughout afternoon classes.

Leona read Lily the chapter she had missed in her History of Magic class, while Julianne entertained with Binns' impressions. They left an hour after dinner ended so Julianne could prepare for Astronomy class and Leona could meet up with some of her Ravenclaw classmates to work on an assignment. Julianne had brought Lily a book to read from Lily's collection of novels she stored in her trunk; only Julianne and Leona knew about the collection of muggle novels Lily had stored in her trunk, most were gifts from her Aunt Hermione. Lily didn't read often while at school, but she liked to have the option when she was bored or needing to withdraw for a while. She thanked Julianne for thinking to bring her one now and prepared to settle in with her novel when the girls left her that night.

Madam Rougal checked on Lily one more time before she deemed it to be "bedtime" and told Lily she would leave a bell beside her bed in case of an emergency during the night, which would send a magical message to Madam Rougal's sleeping quarters, but otherwise would plan to see Lily in the morning.

Sleeping in the infirmary all by herself scared Lily more than she had anticipated. Having friends and family visit throughout the day had kept her distracted and comfortable. Knowing Madam Rougal was always just inside her office kept her from ever feeling truly alone. Now, however, trying to close her eyes and actually sleep in the large, empty room terrified her. Madam Rougal had offered more calming draught before she had left, but Lily had refused it. She felt proud of herself for that strength, even though she now wished she had taken it to help her sleep.

Madam Rougal had left a lamp burning on the table beside Lily's bed, so Lily decided instead of sleeping, she would simply read all night to keep herself distracted and entertained. It was so quiet and still in the infirmary, Lily could hear her own steady breaths echoing in her head. She hated the quiet. She hated being alone.

After at least an hour of trying to read and trying to convince herself not to be afraid of the isolation, Lily heard the infirmary door creak open slowly. Her heart thudded harder in her chest. And her hands trembled against the pages of her book. She had a sudden urge to scream or hide, but couldn't make her body move to do either.

"Lil, it's me." Scorpius' calm voice spoke from the vast darkness near the door. "Don't be scared."

Her heartbeat slowed and her breathing quieted. "How did you know?" She asked instantly as his face grew visible in the faint light from her bedside lamp as he came closer to her bed. She noted he was dressed comfortably in a pair of gray joggers and a black tee and only socks on his feet.

"Know what?"

"That I was scared."

He smiled. "I just had a feeling. All alone in this big room all night. I don't think I'd like it a bit, but I know how hard sleep has been for you in general lately, and I didn't think being isolated here would help at all."

Lily felt a warmth spread throughout her body. "So you came to check on me?"

"No, I came to stay with you," he said in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice as though it were a completely obvious statement.

"What?"

He shrugged. "I figured it can't be much more uncomfortable than sleeping on the couch."

Lily almost laughed. "You're going to spend the night in the infirmary with me?"

"Yep."

Her instinct was to refuse, to tell him to go back to bed and stop being ridiculous, but instead she smiled.

"Thank you."

He shrugged again as though it weren't a big deal and then eyed her bed. "Is there room for two there?"

Lily's eyes grew a little wider. She hadn't for some reason expected him to share the bed with her, even though it would be no less space than the couch the previous night had provided them.

"Should I pull up a chair or use a different bed instead?" He asked, his eyes shifting around the room for a different option.

The beds were spaced slightly further apart than the beds in Lily's room, and she realized quite suddenly that she didn't want him to be so far away. Instead of answering, she folded down the heavy blanket and scooted her body to the left so he could slip in on her right. Julianne had brought Lily a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a loose tee shirt earlier in the day and helped her change, so she was no longer wearing her uniform skirt and bra. Scorpius slipped in beside her and she rolled onto her left side, keeping her right side elevated. He pulled the blanket up to cover them both, carefully draping it over her side, avoiding the place where he knew her wound was. He turned on his left side as well so he was facing her back. He leaned up on his elbow, propping his head on his hand and stared down at her.

"How does it feel?" He asked.

"Not great," she admitted. "Before bed, Madam Rougal changed the bandages and applied another numbing cream, but it stings and aches. I can feel the skin pulling itself together, which is super weird and not at all pleasant."

Scorpius winced slightly at the description.

"I didn't take anymore draught from her though," she said. "She offered for sleep, but I refused."

"I can tell," he said. "You're different when you're on it—less alert and real. I'm proud of you."

Lily felt her cheeks grow warm.

"So what happened in class today? Why'd you really get hurt? Julianne said you messed up on the shield charm…"

"I didn't even cast it," Lily said. "McGregor called me up front to use the shield against Nicolette's demonstration of the severing charm, but I was so distracted I didn't do it."

"Distracted with what?"

"Everything. My head was throbbing, I felt dizzy and nauseas. My body was trembling all over. I couldn't stay focused."

"Because you were having withdrawals from the draught."

"I think so, yeah," Lily said.

"It'll get worse before it gets better."

"Yeah."

"You can do it though. You're strong."

She was quiet for a moment. He lowered his arm and head, getting comfier on the pillow they shared, his head now directly beside hers.

"Hey Scor…"

"Yeah?" His breath tickled her ear and she smiled.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

She laughed. "Well, for everything, but specifically for coming back tonight. I didn't think you would care to come back and see me after the run-in with my family earlier."

He snickered. "I'm not afraid of your family, Lily."

"I didn't think you were afraid, just maybe…I don't know…maybe you wouldn't think I was worth it…" she hesitated, wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

"Worth it?"

She felt embarrassed, and not for the first time in her life, she wished she could learn to keep her emotions in check and not say everything that popped into her head.

"You're one of my best friends," he said seriously. "Of course you're worth it."

Lily let out a contented sigh and let herself relax more against his body. He was warm and solid and she felt completely safe with him there. She yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted from the events of the day. He seemed to sense her weariness and placed his hand on her arm.

"Goodnight Lily, get some sleep."

She reached for his hand and pulled it more tightly around herself. He kept it carefully above her stomach wound, and snuggled close. Lily fell asleep almost instantly, and again, she had a long peaceful sleep without any nightmares to wake her.

When Lily woke the next morning, streaks of sun were shining through the windows high on the infirmary wall and Scorpius was sitting up on the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes with both hands. She rolled onto her back and yawned.

"Morning," he said as he glanced at her over his shoulder.

She smiled. "Good morning."

"Good sleep?" He asked.

She nodded.

"I should run before Madam Rougal comes to do her morning check up," he said.

"Thank you," she said. "Again."

He smiled, nodded, and left the room swiftly without anymore discussion. Lily smiled and decided not to analyze the previous night or how comfortable she felt when Scorpius was around or how incredibly uncomfortable her family would feel if they knew that she had spent the two previous night sleeping quite literally in the arms of their enemy.

"You seem to be feeling better this morning," Madam Rougal said as she entered from the back door that led to her sleeping quarters.

Lily was still smiling as the healer approached her bed. "I do."

"Very good. Let's take a look here at your wound." Madam Rougal unwrapped Lily's stomach, cleansed the wound, applied more ointment, then reapplied clean bandages. "Alright, if you promise to return tomorrow morning and let me check on you again, I will discharge you now and let you go on about your day."

Lily nodded. "I promise!"

"Do you feel like you can make it to your classes today or would you rather I write a note dismissing you from them so you can stay in your room and rest?"

"I think I can make it," Lily decided. She had been lonely enough the previous day and didn't want to miss an entire Friday of classes. There were often surprises quizzes on Fridays and she didn't want to have to make anything up over the weekend.

"Alright then, you are free to leave."

Lily slipped out of bed quickly but carefully, so as not to aggravate her stomach. She waved to Madam Rougal, thanked her for everything, and made her way down to the Slytherin rooms to wash her face and change before classes. She was a bit hungry, but preferred to get clean rather than eat so she decided to skip breakfast.

Julianne was just leaving the common room when Lily arrived and squealed in delight to see that her friend had been let go from the infirmary. Julianne promised to grab Lily a muffin from breakfast and meet her at their first class, then Lily proceeded to her room to get ready for the day.

First class was uneventful, and Lily was so glad to simply be able to do something normal, she even happily took notes throughout the Transfiguration lecture. She did carefully avoid eye contact with Nicolette and Cassie, choosing to sit between Julianne and Kale during class. By the end of first class, however, her headaches had started. And halfway through Herbology, she had become so dizzy and nauseas she thought she would vomit all over the slugs they were currently rehoming.

"Lils…you don't look good," Julianne whispered.

Phoebe Longbottom who stood on Lily's other side stared with wide blue eyes, then quickly got her father's attention. "Dad! I think Lily's going to faint."

Professor Longbottom hurried over to the girls' table. "Lily? Are you alright?"

Lily attempted to nod, but the pain in her head had become overwhelming and her skin was hot and clammy. She shook her head.

"Phoebe, take Lily to Madam Rougal," Professor Longbottom instructed. "Lily you clearly have not fully healed from your injury yesterday." Lily wasn't surprised he had heard about it. She was certain the entire staff had been made aware of her classroom blunder. "I recommend you take the day off from classes and spend the day resting until you feel all the way better."

Since Lily couldn't very well tell her professor and father's good friend that she wasn't suffering from her classroom injury but was rather dealing with the devastating withdrawal symptoms of not having her calming draught, she simply nodded and followed Phoebe from the classroom.

Lily and Phoebe had been closer when they were younger. Never quite as close as Lily and Leona, but they saw each other at most big holidays and family functions. Phoebe was a sweet girl, though somewhat quiet, reserved, and overly sweet sometimes, but Lily knew she always had everyone's best interest at heart. Which was why Lily felt no choice but to follow Phoebe up to the infirmary. She didn't know how to break away from her without the girl panicking about Lily's wellbeing and also reporting directly back to her father. Lily wasn't sure what she would say to Madam Rougal. She knew the healer would be wiser than to think Lily's current situation had anything to do with her stomach injury.

"Oh…Phoebs, I need a minute!" Lily suddenly felt sick and stopped walking halfway back to the castle. They were out on the fairly empty grounds, and Lily had no choice but to rush to a nearby bush and vomit into it.

Phoebe hesitated nearby but gave Lily her space. Lily continued getting sick for five minutes straight. When she finally straightened up and looked back at Phoebe, she saw the girl's face was pale with concern.

"I'm okay…" Lily said, trying to force a smile to reassure her. "I think I should just go lie down in my room for a little while. I'll be okay."

"I don't know. Dad said to take you to the infirmary…" Phoebe resisted, as Lily thought she would.

"I'll be fine, really." Lily said.

After a couple more minutes, Phoebe finally agreed and let Lily continue on by herself, while she returned dutifully to class.

By this point, Lily was trembling from head to foot. Her skin felt so unbearably hot and sticky, she wanted to rip off her robes and dive into the lake. Her head pounded so hard she wanted to scream. At least the nausea had temporarily subsided. She didn't know what to do or where to go. She knew after Herbology Julianne would likely come back to the rooms to look for her before lunch and she wasn't in the mood to discuss anything with her friend. And she definitely didn't want to run into Cassie or Nicolette at that moment.

For a moment she stood still in the middle of the path that led up to the castle, uncertain of what to do. She hated feeling that way. She wanted to cry and hide and just disappear. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly trying to block out everything.

"Lily!"

She opened her eyes abruptly and spotted Scorpius running towards her, long robes flapping behind him in the wind.

"Hey!" He came closer. "You don't look good."

"That seems to be the general consensus," Lily said.

"What's going on? Why aren't you in class?"

"Why aren't you?" She retorted, not in the mood to be honest with him about what she was currently feeling.

"I have a break. I was going to get some flying in before lunch."

"Oh, well, I wasn't feeling well and Professor Longbottom dismissed me from class to see Madam Rougal."

"Is that where you're headed then? Is it your wound? Do you need me to walk you?"

She hated how kind he was sometimes. It made it very hard to be angry with him and right now she just felt an urge to be angry at everything and everyone even though she knew perfectly well what she was feeling was one hundred perfect her fault.

She shook her head and started to answer but her nausea returned with a sudden violence and urgency and despite her deepest shame and humiliation she turned from Scorpius and repeated her earlier vomiting into the bushes.

"Oh Merlin…" Scorpius muttered as she finished. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She hated that he had just witnessed that. "This has nothing to do with your injury."

She shook her head. "Scorpius it's awful. I don't think I can do this. I don't want to do this." She placed her hands on either side of her head and pressed hard. "It hurts so much. I just want it to stop."

His expression turned very serious. "You absolutely can do this, you hear me? You are strong enough to get through this. And once you're through it, then that's it. It's over. And you're better for it. Right?"

Lily shook her head. "I can't."

"Come on," he said suddenly, taking her by the wrist and leading her firmly down the path towards the quidditch pitch.

"What are you doing?"

"You can't very well stay out here puking for all to see."

She started to cry.

In a few moments they had made it down to the pitch, but instead of going out on the field, he turned to the left and led her towards the team locker rooms.

"At least here we'll have privacy. You can use the toilets here if you need to get sick again." Scorpius sat down on one of the two long benches that ran down the center of the changing room. Lily sat down on the other facing him.

"I hurt all over. My head hurts. My body hurts." She shook her head. "I'm so hot…" She felt like she was suffocating. Breathing suddenly felt heavy and painful. Sharp pains attacked her chest and she grasped at her robes, trying to unfasten the button that held them closed. Tears streamed down her face unchecked, she wasn't even entirely aware of them. Her fingers trembled and she couldn't get the button unfastened. "It's just so hot!" She gasped through the tears.

"Lily! Lily stop!" After watching her struggle for a moment, Scorpius reached out and grasped her hands. "Let me." He deftly unfastened the button and she immediately threw the robe off of herself.

She gasped as more trembling overtook her. Squeezing her eyes shut she once again pressed her hands against her head and took a few deep breaths. Her nausea returned yet again and she leapt to her feet, stumbling across the room, barely making it to the stall before heaving into the toilet. Having not eaten much in the past day and night, it didn't take long before she was simply heaving up bile. Her throat burned, and the tears kept coming. Lily couldn't remember the last time she had been sick, let alone puked. She remembered when she was eight and was tricked into eating Puking Pastilles by James and Roxie. It had been a bad batch and she had vomited for two days straight. This felt worse.

After a moment, she felt Scorpius' hands on her long hair, pulling it back away from her face, and she cried harder. She hated that he was there, witnessing this humiliating moment of her life, but at the same time she was overwhelmed with gratitude and knew she would never be able to make this up to him.

The vomiting finally subsided and she slipped to the floor, her back pressed against the stall. Tears streaked her face, her hair felt sweaty and stringy, and she knew she reeked of bile.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "You shouldn't have to be here. You shouldn't have to see me like this."

"Don't even worry about it," he said. He stood opposite her, leaning against the doorframe of the stall.

"I'm so ashamed," she said, hiding her face in her hands.

"Willoughby never should have given you the draught."

"He was just trying to help."

"This isn't all your fault, Lily. You experienced trauma. You were depressed, having nightmares…you had an ability to make some of that go away and you took it. I'm not surprised you got a little carried away with it," he said.

She dug her fingernails into the sides of her head. "Merlin it's so hot."

He pressed his hand against her head and frowned. "You're burning up."

He was quiet a moment then suddenly leaned forward and helped her to her feet by pulling her by the arms. With firm decisiveness, he led her towards the showers at the opposite end of the locker room. Her tears had escalated into sincere sobbing and no matter how much she resented her display of emotions, she couldn't stop herself. Pushing open the green curtain for one of the large stalls, he guided her in and turned on the water, not at all seeming to care that she was still fully dressed. She gasped when the cold water cascaded down on her, but only a moment later she felt herself melting under the refreshing coolness of the shower. She let the water pour onto her face, washing away the tear-streaked makeup that had run down her cheeks.

Scorpius stepped back, watching her silently, letting her stand there in perfect stillness for nearly ten minutes before her sobs had ceased and her breathing had seemed to regulate. Finally he turned off the water and she stepped out, staring at him blankly. He pulled out his wand and muttered a quick drying spell over her, drying her hair and clothing.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better," she said quietly. "Surprisingly."

He nodded. "Good." He frowned. "You need rest, water, and food."

She wrinkled her nose. "Food doesn't sound good."

"You should eat though. At some point."

She nodded.

"Do you feel well enough to go back to your room? Get some rest?"

She nodded again. Her head still pounded, but it was less severe than before, and her nausea had almost completely vanished.

"Good, come on then." He picked up her discarded robe and draped it over his arm, then nodded his head and she followed him out of the locker room and they started the trek back towards the castle.

They walked in silence. Lily felt too embarrassed and uncertain to speak. She didn't know how to begin to thank him for the kindness he had shown her. She knew he didn't require her thanks, and that made it even more difficult. She felt a slight shame, not for the first time, for the bad way her family members treated him.

When they entered the common room, Lily couldn't stay silent any longer.

"I'm never going to be able to thank you enough for today," she said.

Scorpius shrugged. "You don't need to. Payback for Valentine's yeah? We'll call it even."

Lily managed a brief smile then threw herself forward suddenly, giving Scorpius an intense hug.

"You going to be okay by yourself for a bit?" He asked. "I'd stay, but I have a test in Charms I really shouldn't miss…"

Lily stepped back, feeling suddenly embarrassed and a little light headed again. "Oh, yeah, of course. Get to class. I'll be fine."

"You sure?" He seemed hesitant to leave her.

"Absolutely. I'm going to change and and try to get some rest before dinner."

"You'll come down for dinner, right?"

"I will," she promised.

Scorpius finally left her and Lily sought out the quiet and privacy of her room, knowing that her roommates would be stuck in double potions until dinner. She stripped off her puke stained uniform, dumped it in the hamper, took a real shower, making sure to dry her bandages with a charm after, then dressed in denim trousers and a loose black tee before crawling into bed to get in a kip before dinner.

Julianne woke Lily just before dinner and the girls walked down together. Lily was pleased that when she woke her headache was nearly gone, her nausea had completely disappeared, and her trembling had calmed down to a slight quiver. She was feeling surprisingly ravenous and eager for a big meal.

"What did Madam Rougal say?" Julianne asked as the girls sat down for dinner at an empty space on the bench.

"About what?"

Julianne frowned, clearly perplexed. "When you went to see her earlier? After leaving Herbology."

Lily hesitated. "Oh, umm, I didn't go see her. I just went to rest."

Julianne was still frowning.

Lily loved having Julianne as a best friend, but sometimes she wished she wasn't so damn perceptive. Before she had a chance to confess to her best friend though, Scorpius sat down across from them, surrounded by his usual posse of Leo and Geoff and their other roommate whose name she could never remember. Finn showed up a moment later and sat beside Lily. Kenny came in another minute and sat on Julianne's other side with Kale following her. Lily was still feeling slightly too dizzy to consider how strange it was that she and Julianne had become the center for all these other Slytherins to gravitate around.

It was when dessert appeared on the table that everything changed.

Lily had just helped herself to a chocolate raspberry tart when a large gray owl swooped over the table and dropped a large parcel directly in front of Scorpius. She tried not to stare but couldn't help notice the way Scorpius' eyes shifted to her immediately.

"Oooh who's it from?" Leo urged.

"Open it!" Geoff insisted.

Scorpius hesitated briefly before untying the silver ribbon and unwrapping the emerald green paper. A large box was revealed and when he opened the box it revealed a perfectly iced chocolate cake with silver piping and silver font scrawled across the top.

"What's that for?" Lily spoke up unable to stop herself.

Scorpius looked up at her but didn't answer right away. Geoff spoke up for him.

"Hell yeah! Happy birthday, Malfoy! Let's have cake!"

"Birthday?" Lily stared at him, her pale eyes wide.

Scorpius looked up at her, his cheeks flushing slightly as he shrugged.

"Today is your birthday?" She asked, demanding an answer with her stare.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, it is. My parents sent presents at breakfast this morning. I thought that would be enough, but I guess they wanted to do a bit more."

Lily didn't have words to express what she was feeling at that moment. She stared at him as he sliced the cake and passed out pieces to his eager friends. It took her a moment to realize he was offering one to her, but she snapped out of her confused daze and accepted.

"I didn't know it was your birthday…" she said, her voice quiet. She wasn't sure entirely what she was feeling—shocked, disappointed, betrayed, guilty, sad.

Scorpius shrugged but avoided her eye contact. "It's not a big deal."

"Of course it is!" Lily snapped. She blushed at her somewhat intense response and sensed others observing her. She shook her head, deciding not to discuss this anymore at the moment. She ate the cake in silence, then stood. "Happy birthday." She nodded to him and motioned for Julianne to follow her and they left the hall.

They hadn't made it too far out of the hall when Lily felt a hand on her arm. She spun and found Scorpius' gray eyes staring at her hard.

"Don't be mad," he said gently.

Lily huffed. "Of course I'm mad!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared up at him. "How could you not tell me?"

He shrugged. "It's really not that important. I've never cared much for birthdays."

She rolled her eyes. Birthdays were very important in the Potter and Weasley families. She had a hard time believing anyone who said that they weren't.

"I ruined your day. You should have been celebrating, having fun, not holed up in the toilet with me all afternoon." She felt frustrated, exasperated, and yet again, totally embarrassed. "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

He shrugged again and she only felt more irritated by his apparent lack of concern.

"You should get back to your friends," Lily said briskly.

"How are you feeling?" He asked instead of leaving.

"I'm fine."

"I'm serious, Lily. Did you get rest today? Did you have enough water? How's the headache and nausea?"

Lily was feeling increasingly frustrated by his over-concern for her wellbeing when he had neglected to tell her something so important about himself that day. She felt mad at him, but also at herself. She felt selfish, once again, for ruining his birthday (even though he claimed she didn't) with her stupid withdrawals.

"I'm fine," she repeated, a little more sharply. "Seriously. Don't waste anymore thought on me today. Go and celebrate your birthday properly with your friends." She spun around and turned back to Julianne who had been waiting a little ways off trying very hard to not appear as though she were eavesdropping, even though Lily knew she definitely had been.

She linked her arm with Julianne and hurried her down the stairs to their rooms.

"He looked sad." Julianne said as they walked. "I think you hurt his feelings."

Lily sighed. "He hurt mine."

"Lils, what's going on? Why were you with Scorpius all day? I thought you were with Madam Rougal."

Lily felt like crying again, but after all the crying she had done earlier in the day her eyes were dry and sore. She could feel Julianne watching her as they walked and sighed. Lily knew it was time to be completely honest with her best friend. When they got back to their room, thankfully still void of their other roommates, Lily sat in the middle of her bed with Styx on her lap and told Julianne the whole story—the nightmares, the calming draught, how addicted she became, the withdrawals, and all of Scorpius' help that day. She did, however, leave out the part about Scorpius staying the night with her the past two nights.

Julianne sat silently through it all and when Lily finished talking, Julianne threw her arms around Lily and held her tight.

"I'm sorry you went through all that and didn't feel like you could tell me," she said.

Lily hadn't been expecting that response. "I didn't tell you because I was ashamed," Lily said.

"There's no shame between friends," Julianne said.

Lily smiled and hugged her friend just as hard.

"I still think you were a little harsh on Scorpius though," Julianne said.

"He should have told me it was his birthday! We were together for hours. He just sat there while I puked!" She covered her face in her hands. "Merlin, I'm so embarrassed. That is not how anyone should be forced to spend their birthday."

"I really don't think he thought of it like that," Julianne said. "He really seems to care about you."

Lily knew Julianne was right. Scorpius did care about her, just like she cared about him. She was still getting used to the idea of admitting it, but over the year he had quickly become one of her best friends. Maybe she had been a little hard on him earlier, but she was still upset with him for not telling her and upset with herself for forcing him to spend the day like that with her, even if it had been entirely his choice.

"I'm going to shower before bed," Julianne announced, slipping off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

Lily decided to get started on some of her potions reading. She hadn't yet spoken to Willoughby since missing class that afternoon, but Julianne had left the assignment from class out for Lily to review, and Lily planned to meet with her professor the next morning to discuss how she could make it up. She would also need to discuss whether or not he still planned to let her continue their private lessons after the fiasco she created, but she didn't want to think about that at the moment.

Julianne finished her shower and climbed into bed with her charms textbook. After another two hours, Lily had finished reviewing the potions lesson from the day, copied out notes on it, and prepared a quick essay explaining her understanding of it. She hoped that extra work would help when she went to see Willoughby the next day. Julianne had fallen asleep reading. Lily took her friend's book and set it down on the table beside Julianne's bed, then covered her with her quilt and closed her canopy for her. Cassie and Nicolette had come in a half hour previously, changed, and climbed into their own beds, drawing their own canopies. Lily still hadn't seen Kenny, but she tended to be the last to come to bed most nights, and the last to wake most mornings.

Lily moved into the bathroom to change for bed, brush her teeth, and wash her face. She brushed out her long hair and braided it back away from her face. By time she had returned to her bed, Kenny had come in at some point and flopped onto her bed, falling asleep without even taking her shoes off. Lily sighed, rolled her eyes, and proceeded to remove Kenny's shoes and tuck her into bed as she had with Julianne.

And then she paused.

The room was quiet, save for the slow steady breaths of her sleeping roommates. It was dark apart from the soft green glow from the chandelier hanging from the center of the room, which magically dimmed at bedtime hour.

Lily felt bumps rise over her arms as a nervous shiver ran down her spine. Having survived the rough day of withdrawal, she didn't much care to even think about calming draught anymore, but at the same time, she panicked at the prospect of climbing into her own bed and falling into a night of restless nightmares. She thought of the previous night in the hospital with Scorpius, and the night prior sleeping on the couch together. His presence had soothed her fears and prevented her nightmares. After the way she had spoken to him at dinner, however, she didn't anticipate him wanting to see her at all that night.

Well done, Lily. She let out a short sigh, wishing she could learn to keep her emotions in check just a little bit better and perhaps not give him such a hard time when she knew he truly was one of the best friends she had ever had.

She climbed into her bed regretfully and tried to settle down. Styx settled near her head, but even his gentle purrs couldn't calm her. She kept her hands clasped tightly over her stomach and her head straight, trying to force herself into a calm demeanor to fall asleep. She took long slow breaths in and out. She counted to one hundred, then counted again in Latin and again in French.

At eleven o'clock, after having unsuccessfully tried for almost two hours to fall asleep, Lily gave up. She took her journal and tiptoed out to the common room on barefoot. She knew it wouldn't be the same staying out all night in the common room alone, without Scorpius, but it still seemed like a better idea than trying to sleep in her too quiet and too dark bedroom. When she emerged from girls' corridor, she stopped short.

"Hiya, Lily. I was wondering when you were going to join me." Scorpius smiled up at her from where he had been sitting on the couch. He closed the book he had been reading and turned to stretch his body out on the couch as he had that first night. He patted the space in front of him.

Lily couldn't describe the emotions that bubbled inside of her at the sight of him waiting there if she tried. So instead, without saying a word, she moved over to the couch and stretched out beside him. He covered them both with a blanket and gently rested his arm over hers. She felt him curl up around her, his long legs, securing her shorter ones beneath them.

"Have sweet dreams, Lily," he said, breathing against her ear.

Lily smiled, then let out a breath. "Hey Scorpius?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday," she said quietly.

"Thanks," he said, just as quietly.

And then they slept.

A/N: Ooh, another author's note. Sorry! (not sorry) - I need opinions please! Which also means you must review :) Pretty soon (since this book is close to the end) Lily will be discovering the identity of those who assaulted her and she will be dealing with it. My question is, before that happens, who else would you like to be brought in on it? Her brothers? A cousin? Parents? Her team? I have a couple ideas but I would love to know your thoughts and preferences! Thanks in advance for all the delightful reviews I'm hoping for! LOVIES.