Author note: I finally found something Trademark Sheppard! Took me a while but it just clicked. Thanks to all those who read and those who review. This chapter's a bit longer than usual but I promise it's worth it.

Part 4- This means war!

McKay POV

It'd been three hours since I had started working on the evil gizmo, but to no success. I hadn't even been able to activate it to reverse the horrible awful body switch! Zelenka had suggested that maybe on the fall from our hands it must have broken; yeah I still hadn't told him I had kicked it yet. I had taken it apart, examined all the pieces put it back together and the damn thing still refused to work. It wouldn't even bleep like it usually did.

There is NO way I'm permanently being Zelenka for a number of reasons. One: He's shorter than my usual body, not by much mind you, but it's enough to annoy me! Two: Some of his stupidity might rub off on me. Three: I am happy being Canadian thank you. I didn't even know where the Czech Republic was for a while… Never was good at geography. Four: I can't even speak Czech. Five: His accent is driving me insane; I mean it was bad enough hearing it, now I have to speak it! Six: I do NOT want to have to shower, there are some things a man shouldn't know about his male co-worker.

"OH GOD, I did not just think that!" Uh oh, I said that aloud. Maybe Zelenka didn't notice.

"Just think what Rodney?" He inquired. Damn it all! Cut him off, I'll just cut him off.

"Nothing, nothing, definitely nothing. Don't you have something you could be doing?" I said quickly to change the topic.

"Not really, I was supposed to be analysing those other devices but after this recent incident I doubt that would be a wise thing to do." He stated. Ah right, forgot about those other menaces. Must get him out the way though, it's really unnerving to see yourself looming over your shoulder while you're working, REALLY unnerving.

"Hey Zelenka, could you brief Carson about our situation? I'd advise walking to see him, if we say something over the comm people are going to…well talk. I've been accused of being crazy too many times thanks to Cadman." He nodded.

"Okay I will."

"…I really have to get her back for that." I murmured to myself as he left.

Sheppard's POV

It'd taken a while but I had gotten a hold of all the equipment, luckily one of the younger marines had the stuff. It only cost me an extra shift of exploring duty but the revenge will be sweet. Mission Attack the Canadian is going underway. He really should have known better than to steal my hair products damn it! My hairs gone flat again so here I am, perched on a not too high up floor wearing a cap, lounging in my casual wear with a paintball gun waiting for McKay to get his ass out of his labs. Elizabeth wondered why I wanted the day off; I just said I was going to be on standby for going back to that planet anyways. She's bought it for now, but after this escapade I'd better head to my quarters afterwards. McKay's going to tear up a storm after this one.

Aha target acquired, heading for the infirmary, as predicted. Now what colour should I start with…?

Zelenka's POV

I need to remind myself how I got into this mess. I am no errand boy, and I doubt Beckett is going to believe me on the basis that McKay is rather…eccentric. There was the way everyone took the 'Cadman incident' as Rodney so aptly named it, they sent him to Dr Heightmeyer: even I thought the same way. I'm sure this incident may be different but I can empathise with the Lieutenant, this is no paradise to stay in. I feel quite light headed actually; perhaps that's why I agreed to go. If I felt this rubbish in my own body I would take the day off.

Just then I heard the faint noise of a shot, before something hit me in the leg causing my body to stumble. I grabbed a hold of the railing to stay upright and took a look at my leg. There was red… was I bleeding? No, there was little to no pain… I placed a finger into the red substance and rubbed it between my fingers. Paint! Maybe this is why McKay was so paranoid… He seems stressed on a regular basis, more so than the rest. I suppose the Colonel kept him on his toes. The Colonel!

"No! You don't understand, you didn't see the look on his face when he left the briefing room" Rodney's words echoed in my head. Honestly I thought the Colonel was almost above such behaviour… then again I caught McKay sneaking around the rooms a few nights ago. This could be vengeance…

More shots fired, a fluorescent ink colour this time, interrupting my thoughts. I broke into a ran towards the infirmary which was harder that I first anticipated but there was no way I was going to be as the marines usually say 'a sitting duck'. Colonel Sheppard mark my words, no one messes with Radek Zelenka without getting retaliation.

Dr Beckett's POV

I was greeted with the strangest sight today. Rodney ran into my office with a lot of pink paint shots all over his body. He grasped his knees and started breathing heavily to get the oxygen back to his brain. I wondered what he was doing here, I already told him he had a minor concussion and gave him something to take for the pain. What could he possibly want now? He doesn't look like he fried his hand on any circuitry again and why was he bloody covered in pink paint anyways.

"Dr Beckett!" He finally managed to say. Wait? Did he just call me Doctor Beckett? He usually calls me Carson. Strange.

"What is it Rodney?" I asked. Better get this over and done with.

"Are you busy?" he asked politely. Now this was verging on strange.

"No, not very much so at the moment… Why? Is there something wrong?" Something fishy was going on and it wasn't coming from the ocean outside. …Somehow that joke sounded better before I thought it out. He seemed to fumble over his words, as if he was planning what to say.

"It's Mc-I mean Dr Zelenka." Oh no, he's not going to start on his paranoia theories again, I thought I'd only hear that once today. "He's gotten very ill and is unable to come to the infirmary himself. And he's …er… distracting me from my work." I sighed. Oh yes, when it came to a member of his team being ill he only cared about getting his work done. Typical Rodney, though he wasn't sounding too much like himself.

"Oh well, I could send some nurses down to your labs and have them fix up Dr Zelenka provided there's not any complications." I suggested. He probably worked the poor man to death, sometimes I truly feel sorry for that lad.

"No!" He said. I was confused by this outburst. "…Er what I mean to say is… Can I talk a minute with you in …uh private?" Private? Something was definitely wrong here so I took him to a quiet part of the infirmary and sat him down.

"Now what is it Rodney, something's wrong I can tell. Please explain." He looked at the floor for a moment and after a while he spoke.

"…I'm not McKay." What! Maybe he was having a bad reaction to the medicine…causing amnesia or something. He could see the shock on my face and quickly began talking again. "…I'm sure you think I'm crazy but hear me out. There was a device Rodney brought back from the planet."

"The one with all the gadgets? If you're not Rodney then who are you?" This wasn't making any sense to me but I guess I should hear him out, at least to the end before I come to a conclusion.

"Yes yes, that planet. I am Dr Zelenka." I blinked astonished. That was not possible. "There was a device brought back to the labs that Rodney was tampering with so I asked if I could see it out of scientific curiosity and it activated. …All I can remember is a bright light then waking up in McKay's body." Okay this was beyond all strange, it was almost a repeat of the Wraith Dart incident… but he seemed to be truthful and un-Rodney-like.

"…So you're a consciousness in McKay's head like Laura was?"

"No no, more like our consciouses have switched places. He is in my body and I am in his." I rubbed my temple; this was going to be one large headache coming on.

"I take it you've tried to use the same device to reverse it?" I asked. Sure I was stating the obvious but scientists have a tendency to over look simple things. He nodded.

"Yes. It's unresponsive, we think it may have broken on us both passing out. However Rodney wanted you to be informed of the situation." I think I might pay a visit to him, just to see this for myself. I think there's going to be trouble reversing this device's effect.

"Y'know, I think I'll go see him myself. Not that I don't believe you… it's just if well your body acts like Rodney would then I'll know for sure." I said. He looked immensely relieved.

"So you're not going to get some needles? Chvála bohu!" Wait… I'm sure that last part sounded…Czech. Maybe he is being truthful after all… Zelenka does have a slight fear of needles.

"No son, you're alright. Just need to check in with McKay… Your…his… body could have had a reaction to the painkiller I gave him so I just need to check." Then I had to ask a question that had been nagging on my mind. "…Why are you covered in pink paint anyways?" He grumbled under his breath in Czech distinctly this time then replied.

"Ask Sheppard."

Sheppard's POV

He'd been in there a while now, I wonder if he's gonna take his comeuppance like a man or not? Okay, bad question. McKay's the kind of guy of avoids conflict… or creates it. This time he had to know he crossed a line. That trap I set in the corridor outside the labs will do the trick. Only need to fire a few shots, then once he reaches the corridor. SPLAT. Vengeance is sweet.

Huh, I wonder why Dr Beckett's with him. There must be something up, or McKay's got him involved in a scheme. Probably the latter… well it's his fault for siding with McKay I say. I must wait until he's sure he's safe then commence fire.

…Just a little closer… I fired a few shots, even getting Carson this time around. Man this was fun; I should get revenge more often.

…Now they are heading for the trap… BULLSEYE!

McKay's POV

All I heard was a resounding splat coming from outside the labs, after an hour or two of silence. So much for that, I angrily got up from my seat and walked outside to find Carson and Radek on the ground covered in multiple colours of paint.

"What the hell did you two do?" I bellowed. Carson stared at me for a moment, rude! But I probably wasn't acting really Zelenka-like at the moment, I didn't care. He got paint all over my clothes and everything! Radek was the first to slip onto his feet followed closing by an irritated Carson.

"Blame Sheppard, both you and him are getting pay back for this." He snapped. Uh oh, when Radek pranked someone he went all out. What did I do? …Oh yeah, I stole Sheppard's personal hair care stuff. I think in a few days it'll prove my point about a monster actually living in there.

"Hey Rodney, Dr Zelenka? Is this the device you were talking about?" Carson said holding up the device.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Me and Radek shouted simultaneously but it was too late. The machine started to glow a faint blue and let out that ear-piercing beep that I hadn't heard for hours. I was SO going to kill Carson for this!