Authors note: Well this took longer than expected. Hit a few problems but I've solved them! Thanks to all those who read this, I'm putting some of my spare time into it. After the New Year I'll be having my computer hours cut down so I can revise more for my exams so I might now update as frequently. Sorry. Almost reached 1000 hits though, awesome record for me... my previous total was sometjing like 8 for something. Anyways I'll shut up now and let you read the story. And review damn it! shakes fist Oh wait, I forgot I wasn't supposed to threaten the readers. Doh.

Part 5- The Universe is conspiring against me… and with Zelenka!

McKay's POV

As last time I woke up, realised I wasn't me, almost had a fit, muttered how things couldn't get any worse, and then went back to a semi-normal state... Well if you call now being in Carson's body instead of my own, normal. Which I don't. Must…use…all…self…control…not…to…shout…ARGH! I'm drenched in paint! I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be Carson or Radek. Why is this happening to me? …Did I anger the wrong God in a past life or something? No no Rodney that's stupid. Gods are some myths created by people for bedtime stories and to provide laws. I'm just having a bad day… Not only have I gotten ever shorter, I get to sound like him too. That gizmo totally stabbed me in the back! It saved my life to put me through this endless torture… and as soon as this mess is over with I'll take great pleasure in turning it into scrap. It's the least it deserves. I wonder if that blowtorch would do the trick. Stupid little…

Oh joy of joys the other two are coming around. Took them long enough, I will make sure to send them one hell of a glare. The problem isn't over though, with every swap incident there's an increased chance of colliding with the desks and equipment giving the next one to inhabit the body one bloody sore headache. Well that and the fact I don't know how to reverse the evil gadget of Satan's effects.

"Rise and shine, lab floors aren't meant for sleeping on. Oh and you'll be cleaning up the paint mess you both made and truly thanks Carson; because of you I am now covered in paint. I hope you're happy." I snapped sarcastically. They both got up to their feet disorientated; ha I think I may have bumped my head on the way down after all. Take that Radek's body! Man, they were taking a long time getting adjusted.

"Do you mind hurrying up? The less time I spend as Carson the better, I don't want to catch Scottish. Now, who's who?" I grumbled. Zelenka blinked a couple of times and grabbed at his glasses for a moment. Afterwards his face broke out in a huge grin while my own glared at me. Uh oh, I wonder what that could mean.

"I am me." He said simply, the smile never leaving his face. Could it hurt for Carson or Radek to be anymore specific?

"Yes and I'm me too, just not in my own body." I said, irritation showing in my voice. My own body was staring in disbelief at me… I really do hate it when people stare. I'm not some animal at the zoo. Never did like zoos… I swear one of the snakes was out to get me then.

"I am in my own body." Zelenka stated.

COME ON! This isn't fair! How come he gets to be himself AND dry! This is just the final nail in my coffin! …The universe hates me.

"…I hate you." I muttered. Carson would be in my body… I'm going to catch the Scottish for sure now.

"…You're me?" Carson said finally having found his voice.

"…Yes. Carson I'm your subconscious. You know the one that tells you to stab people with needles and turn people into bugs." He looked confused. Ugh, can't the man understand sarcasm when he hears it? "Of course not! I'm Rodney and you are now the proud owner of my own limited edition body. Which I want back by the way… and in better condition than Zelenka left it." I finished.

"I'm not the one who starved himself…" Radek muttered while observing the device.

"For someone who got their body back you are surprisingly testy"

"Got headache." He stated. Ha point one for me! If I have to go through this every time the sadist gizmo goes off a number of things will happen. The first being my body will end up keeling over, I don't need to say how bad that would be for me and Atlantis. Secondly, I will lose my precious sanity. The third and final thing being that I would attack Zelenka for hogging all the luck.

"…You know what? You two bickering isn't going to help matters. Now how about we try and reverse this before your scientists come back and have us all committed!" An irritated Carson said as he took a seat. What? Did he think I sat around doing nothing for all this time? The device's technology is far different from the usual ancient technology making it hard to repair.

"Do you think I haven't TRIED to fix this damn mess! I've been at it for ages! The closest thing we have to progress is Radek being in his own body!" My patience was wearing thin at this point in time. There's nothing I'd rather do at this point in time than crawl into my bed and just stay there for a week, but this problem won't fix itself.

"…Which happened by accident." The Czech added.

"Yes which also happened by accident. Add to that we have a Colonel with time to spare hunting us all down with a paintball gun because he wants to reclaim his damn hair products."

"So what are we going to do?" Dr Beckett inquired.

"Zelenka could you exit the room for a moment?" He nodded and complied. Carson seemed to be slightly worried… what did he think I was going to kill him or something? Wait… didn't I just vow to do that a few moments ago? Meh.

"Carson pick up the gizmo." He hesitantly walked over to the device and did so. Always fearful of technology as usual. I walked over to where he stood and took the object in my hands again and closed my eyes.

Nothing. No whirring, no lights no passing out. Well that is just great…

"Well it was worth a shot… Radek, you can come back in." Carson looked down hopelessly at the device, while Zelenka entered the room, saw our expressions and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought.

"What now?" Carson asked. I suppose there's only really one option at this point, and it's not becoming insane or adjusting to the changes. No, no, never will I be Carson permanently.

"Me and Radek are going to work on this device while you get Dr Weir's permission to go back to that forsaken planet."

"What? Why me?"

"You're in my body Carson. Otherwise I'd go get her permission myself but I doubt she's going to believe us when we say our bodies have switched. I'm sure you had trouble believing Zelenka when he told you."

"Well yes but…what will I say?"

"Say that the devices aren't responsive and that from the information you have gathered that we would have a better idea of how they worked if we were back at the planet. Also that they show promise and would be worth investigating." Dr Zelenka suggested. …That actually might work. Sneaky.

"I'll try… but if it doesn't bloody work don't whinge to me about it." He murmured and on that note he left. I heavily resisted the urge to smack my head off of the nearest desk.

"…So do you think the answer will be on the planet?" Zelenka asked breaking the silence. How the hell should I know? The thing bleeped off-world without switching me. Ugh, being a wraith. That would not be my idea of a good time. Then I'd have to of shot myself because there's valuable knowledge the wraith would love to get their claws on. Then I'd be a wraith forever- Okay! I think I should really stop that thought there

"…I honestly don't know, but we aren't making much progress here. I can't access the circuits within it unless it's online and it only does that when it wants to cause hell." Radek nodded thoughtfully.

"… It only seems to activate when there is more than one person present. We could technically activate it how many times required to have us all back in our bodies but we have no idea of the side effects."

"That's what I'm worried about. Switching people's consciousnesses is not something medical voodoo is familiar with." He was quiet, in deep thought. I'm sure I tried everything… what could he be thinking? A horrified expression suddenly filled his face. …Radek freaking out… Not good. It'd be a shame to replace him. I might end up stuck with Kavanaugh!

"The time." He said.

"What about the time? The fact that we're running out of time is apparent but-"

"No. What time is it Rodney?" Why the hell does he want to know the time?

"What? Thinking about taking a break now that you're back to normal while me and Carson are stuck in this mess. How nice of you. Well let me tell you something-"

"RODNEY!" He said vehemently. Oh crap I've angered the un-angered one. That's a first… "Now would you please just answer my question or I will be forced to set Cadman on you." Cadman! He wouldn't! I'm Carson! That'd mean she'd… she'd-Ugh! That's another thought heading for repression.

"It's 3:37pm. Now will you tell me what you're thinking? Resorting to Cadman is pretty low." Radek slumped back onto the wall.

"…The others aren't back yet." He said softly. The other scientists aren't here are they? They are probably taking one damn long lunch break most likely. Bunch of slackers. I feel like I am going to explode. Here I am working my ass off and they've got the longest lunch break I've ever known. Radek must have seen the expression on my face because then he elaborated.

"…I do not think they went for lunch at all." Wait! If that's the case, then why wouldn't they be here…? I just had them working on the…on…the…

"…Oh crap." Escaped my mouth. Dr Zelenka nodded to me, knowing I'd finally understood. Both of our eyes lingered on the lab benches… those gizmos where going to pay for messing with Rodney McKay.

Next chapter will have the reappearance of one miffed Lt. Colonel John Sheppard... and probably more chaos. I did say these gizmos where chaos causing... I didn't? Oops...