Deep Thoughts
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. But the idea of the story is my original idea.
From John to Bobby.
There isn't a day that I don't wonder whether or not I made the right decision in leaving the X-Men to join the Brotherhood.. more specifically leaving you, Bobby. There are times that I consider leaving the Brotherhood to come back to the X-Men... to come back to you.
Bobby, you mean more to me than I would like to lead anyone on the believe. To put it truthfully, you're the only person I have ever cared about in my life. I know that doesn't make much sense to you, seeing as how I'm no longer there, but Magneto had promised me power. I felt that if I joined him, I could for once in my life feel power, and be able to use it without any restraints. I felt so powerless at home. My dad beating me constantly. I haven't felt so low. That highly contrasts to how I feel now. I guess you can blame it to how I was brought up.
I honestly don't know what to do in situations with people I care about.. it's like I said.. you were the one and only person I cared about.
I still do care about you, even now.
I never came across anyone who expressed concern for me when I was hurt or not feeling well. Never met anyone who actually listened to me, without being paid, that is.
I never had a friend before.
It's so lonely here. I don't have as nice of a bedroom as you have, or the one I used to have. I don't have anyone to get close to. Magneto is sort of like my father figure in a way, but not in a very close way. And Mystique, you could say is sort of like my sister. But I never can get close to them. Not like I was with you.
Sometimes I wondered if our friendship would ever be something more than that. I even had a dream about you sitting on the side of my bed and running your hand over my bare arm, and through my hair.. but I'm not totally sure that was a dream.
I wish there were some way I could let you know how I feel about you, Bobby.. but there just isn't any way. Not anymore.
Having power wasn't the only reason I left. I knew you loved her. Rogue. I knew there was no way I'd be able to take her place. She had taken mine, and then some. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't disgusted. I was jealous. I felt betrayed. I felt robbed. I guess you could say it sent me over the edge. That doesn't mean I hate you, Bobby. I could never hate you personally. You can piss me off and annoy me sometimes, but you could never make me hate you.
As soon as I left the jet, I felt like breaking down and crying. I felt like doing it right there in the jet with you guys. But, I tend to lead others to believe the opposite. I'm always doing that. I guess it's just the way I am. Maybe that's why you were never mine. If I hadn't thrown you off, maybe we could both be in different places right now. Together.
It's inevitable that we'll have to one day fight eachother. Despite what I lead other people on to believe, I dread for that day to come.
If we are ever put in a situation in which we're forced to kill eachother, I pray you'll kill me first. Maybe that's the only way I'll ever be able to show you how much I cared.
I don't like using the word 'care' to describe how I feel towards you.
I think it'd be more accurate if I were to use the word 'love'.