A/N: Well, I originally intended for Deep Thoughts to be a two parter introspective on John and Bobby's thoughts, but I felt that the story needed closure, and along with your comments, this final part has come to be. This is actually sort of broken up into two parts. This is the only part of the story that's not just John or Bobby thinking, it's actually happening. It's basically like a short story in itself.
I'm sorry for the delay in updates. was giving me trouble in submitting, but I've worked it out.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. But the idea of the story is my original idea.
Redemption
A considerable amount of time has passed since the events at Alcatraz. A lot has changed since then, but some things have remained the same. Namely the unspoken feelings that Bobby Drake and John Allerdyce share for eachother. They were right. No amount of emotional strain changed anything between them. And there was a lot of that tension present. In the end, Bobby saved John's life before Jean Grey disintegrated everything in the radius of the island. Bobby knew that if he hadn't carried him away, John would have been gone.
Several months later, Bobby still can't stop thinking about John. And John occupied Bobby's mind even moreso now. The pressure that John's body exerted on Bobby's arms as he carried his unconscious body to safety still seemed to linger there, like he's still carrying him. But where is he carrying him to? When will John wake up? Now Bobby's worst fear is that John will never wake up. Bobby's thought breaks and he realizes he's standing in his room with his arms laid out in front of him. He wishes he really was still carrying John. He wanted to clutch his body close to his own and feel the warmth that John radiated more and more with every beat of his heart. He could feel John's heartbeat that night when he saved him. Even with all the stress and tension of the surrounding chaos, even if he felt nothing else, not even his own pulse, he could feel John's. Reminding him that even though John was with the enemy now, that he was still a living, breathing human being who has a heart. Who has feelings. Who can feel happiness and sadness, and anger. Who felt overwhelmed at times, who laughed, and who cried. And most of all, who could love.
Unknown to Bobby and the others, but if they were to take a wild guess, they'd probably get it right, the Brotherhood disbanded, which left each of the mutants to fend for themselves. Namely John. It left him with a scared feeling. He had nowhere to go. Of course, John being John, he wouldn't let people see this. The hideout the Brotherhood occupied thinned out. The mutants had found other places to stay, other alignments to align with. John had nothing and no one. He knew that he wouldn't be able to survive forever in an abandoned hideout. He reluctantly came to the decision of crawling back to the mansion, at least that's how he saw it. It was either swallow his pride and take his chance at being able to come back, or not even bother and end up dying on the streets. John didn't want to die. He was scared of dying. Ironic as it may sound, since he's hurt many innocent people with his fire, he was scared of dying, and he had so much left he wanted to experience.
Little did Bobby know that as he was reliving the moment that he held John in his arms, that very person was on his way back. John couldn't say he wasn't nervous as every step took him closer to the mansion. It had been pouring all day. John hated the rain. He was clad in dark clothes, with a hood over his head. Unfortunately his clothes didn't protect him much from getting wet. His dyed blonde hair no longer stood up in spikes as the rain made it fall over his forehead and stick there. He finally made it. He stood still for the first time in hours staring up at the mansion, before asking - begging for his return. Hoping to regain trust. Especially Bobby's. John shook heavily as he stood still. He was freezing from the cold rain, which didn't help his nerves at all. His heart was pounding in his chest as he walked up the steps, to the front door and knocked.
Ororo, puzzled and in wonder who would be visiting the mansion and in weather such as this, answered the door. She was shocked to see John in front of the door, wrapping himself in his arms, struggling to keep warm, with a submissive look on his face. Had any other resident of the mansion answered the door, with the except of Iceman of course, John would have gotten a door slammed in his face at best, but Ororo exhibited maturity and tried to see the best in everyone.
"John?" Ororo asked in a worried tone.
"Y-yeah.. it's.. it's me.." John answered in a shaky, yet quiet voice, as if he didn't want anyone else to know he was there.
"Come in, let's get you dried off." Ororo said finally, almost as if John's betrayal had never occurred. With that, John had walked into the mansion, knowing full well that he wasn't home free, yet. Ororo placed her arm around John's shoulder in concern as she led him inside to a private room where no students would be able to find him on accident and cause panic in the house.
Ororo found him a change of clothes, which John replaced with his soaking ones. She was surprised to see John 'disarmed'. She supplied him with a towel to dry himself off with, as he went into the bathroom to change. Not too much longer, he was back inside the main room where Ororo was sitting in a chair. He knew that him and her would eventually have to talk things through. He knew she wasn't going to just let him come back and stay without doing so. John wished somewhat that Ororo could read minds, so he wouldn't have to go through explaining things, but he figured it'd still be better to talk about what he wanted to do. He was at least thankful he wasn't talking to Wolverine.
An awkward silence ensued as John and Ororo sat in silence with each other in the private room.
"So.. John.. why have you come back to the mansion? Well, first off.. why did you leave?" She knew there really was no easy way to start this conversation off, so she just started it the first way that came to mind. This wouldn't be easy. John unfortunately didn't know exactly what to say, and he was afraid if he said the wrong thing, or something came out the wrong way, he'd be back outside in the rain.
"I.. I'm not sure exactly why I left.." He said, staring at the floor. "I guess I felt like Magneto could offer me more if I went with him. I felt like I was being held back when I was here. With Magneto, I felt that he could teach me more." John felt like telling the truth might get him somewhere with Ororo.
"And did you learn more?" Ororo asked John, who was still not making eye contact with her. After some hesitation, he answered.
"Yeah.. I learned that I was wrong. Wrong about Magneto and how I went about gaining freedom. The X-Men and the Brotherhood, we all fought for the same thing. But.. the way we fought for it was different. I see now that Magneto's way wasn't the right way. Back when I was here the first time, I thought Magneto's method would be quicker way for me to finally experience acception and power. But, now I know that I was wrong. All the Brotherhood did was push back all the progress the X-Men has done in fighting for equality, and ironically, what the Brotherhood was fighting for, too. It's like Professor Xavier said.. power corrupts, and I guess I was too corrupted to see that I was wrong." He looked up to meet Ororo's eyes before finishing his answer. "That's what I learned, Miss Munroe."
Ororo was quite satisfied with the answer John gave her, especially since he pretty much answered her initial question as well. Ororo may not possess the amazing psychic powers that Jean or Xavier did, but her intuition led her to give John some trust, but she knew not to give him too much of that trust, just to be safe. She avoided spilling her own personal feelings on John. She knew that it would make the situation worse for him, and she herself didn't want to think about his betrayal. She knew that John fully realized that he betrayed the X-Men and everyone at the mansion, and that regaining the trust of everyone wasn't going to be easy.
John wanted to be thorough in why he came back, however.
"I know that I really screwed up. Bad. And.. that I don't even deserve to be in this building, or your hospitality, or even your listening to me now. I really do feel like I learned a lesson, and like I said, I was wrong. I know that I hurt a lot of people. I just really want a second chance. I didn't realize what I had until I no longer had it." There was definitely more courage in John's voice by now, he sounded more sure of himself.
"Well, John, you really did hurt us here, and regaining the trust the students, your peers, and the adults here will take some time. But.. if you're willing to put forth the effort, and stay true to your word that you will never do such a thing again, then I'm willing to give you a second chance - a clean slate. Do we have a deal?" This left John speechless, he really didn't believe that he had actually gotten a second chance, he fought back from showing just how happy he was and retained composure.
"We have a deal, Miss Munroe. I really can't thank you enough, I wasn't expecting to be let back in here." John smiled for the first time in a long time. Ororo smiled back.
"Well, just so long as you remember our deal, then everything will be fine. But, we'll have to work up to letting you be able to use your powers here again. Just to be safe." She didn't want to give him the idea that she was a push over, while still not trying to be too hard on him.
"That's fine, and I won't forget our deal, either!"
"Welcome back, John." Ororo stood up and gave him a hug, showing him that he has been given a second chance. He hugged her back, he can honestly say it's the first hug he's ever received. It was a nice feeling to be trusted and be accepted, and this time, he wouldn't screw it up.
As they pulled away from the embrace, Ororo explained how things would go.
"I'll set up a bedroom for you in one of the spare rooms until I find a permanent room for you to stay in, which means I'll have to let everyone know that you're back in and to trust you. But you know that that's a two way street." She explained as she rummaged through the closet, finding some sheets.
"I know.. Uhm.. Is.. my old room still open? The one I used to share with Bobby Drake?" John asked, that unsureness back in his voice.
Ororo stopped for a second to look at him, and then resumed what she was doing before continuing.
"Yes, the bed in there is still vacant. Do you wish to have your old room back? That would help me a lot, finding a room isn't so easy with all the new students coming in." John was ecstatic to hear this, he was happy he didn't wait a single day more in coming back, and wished he would have come back sooner. Moreso does he wish that he had never left.
"Uh, yeah! That's cool. I'd like to have my old room back." As always, trying not to sound too excited.
"Well, that can be arranged. But, John, it may take a while, you know, for Bobby to feel comfortable with you around again. But, until then, you can stay in this room. Follow me." She said as she left the room where they originally were, and led him down the hallway to another room.
It was bare, white walls with a wooden closet and some drawers. A lone window near the bed where John would sleep for a few days. He wasn't complaining. He had received another chance to redeem himself, and this was a much better sleeping arrangement than when he was with the Brotherhood. Water washed down the window. Night had fallen since he arrived.
"I just want to say this again, that this whole thing will take time. It will take time for things to be back to normal, especially for you. You're going to need to prove to everyone that you're here for the long haul and that you won't betray them again. Others may not be as forgiving as I am. I just wanted to make sure you understand that." Ororo warned.
"I'm willing to take that chance, to prove to everyone that I won't hurt them anymore, and that I'm a new person." John said, "There's just one thing." He asks.
"What is it?"
"Is it alright if I speak to Bobby, please? Just him, no one else. It's really important. I just need to say something to him, he was my best friend when I left here.." John was in desperate need to see Bobby.
"I'll let him know that you want to speak with him, and then I'll send you up." Ororo told him. "Wait in your bedroom for now, I'll be right back." John obediently went back to his room and waited. A few moments later she walks into the room. "Bobby will see you now, he's in his room. Try not to let anyone else see you, though. I've told Bobby that he's the only one to know that you're here."
"Thank you, Miss Munroe, really." He said gratefully, as he walked out of the room and headed for Bobby's room.