A/N: Well, I originally intended for Deep Thoughts to be a two parter introspective on John and Bobby's thoughts, but I felt that the story needed closure, and along with your comments, this final part has come to be. This is actually sort of broken up into two parts. This is the only part of the story that's not just John or Bobby thinking, it's actually happening. It's basically like a short story in itself.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. But the idea of the story is my original idea.
Face to face
The familiar feeling rose up in John like the fire he so talentedly controlled. The same feeling of nervousness that welled up inside him the moments pending his arrival to the mansion. The closer he got to Bobby's room, the more his heart pounded. He was worried as it is to be accepted back to the school, but now being accepted back into Bobby's life was a whole other story. He looked at the door to Bobby's room, to his former room, which would hopefully be his again someday soon. He was inside waiting for him. He wondered what Bobby was thinking right now.
He rose his fist up to the door and pounded on the door weakly, lacking any sort of confidence, and also not wanting to alert anyone else to his presence.
"Come in." was heard. It lacked any sort of emotion, but John did recognize the voice. Taking one last deep breath, he turned the door handle and let himself in. He was back in his old room. It had been so long since he last seen it. Everything was the same, pretty much, which unknown to John, said a lot about Bobby and what feelings he held for him. He gently closed the door behind him. Bobby was sitting on the edge of his bed staring out the rain drenched window in the dark. For a minute, they were both in absolute silence, save the the rumble of thunder that came from the outside world.
Silence was broken. "Miss Munroe tells me you've come back.. and that you wanted to talk to me." Bobby said finally, his gaze unmoving from the window.
"Yeah.. I have.. and I do.." came John's voice from the opposite end of the room. His voice sounded so weak and uncharacteristic to Bobby. John's voice so full of confidence and cockiness was replaced by him sounding so submissive and timid. But Bobby knew someone in John's position wouldn't have that tone of voice. He knew John had to play a contrasting tune to his normal self to convince even Ororo to let him back into the school.
"You have something to say to me? Well.. I have something to say to you, too, John." Bobby stood up and turned around to face John. He truly was a chameleon of appearances. John used to have brown hair slicked back, and he dressed in casual clothes. During the Alcatraz incident, John's hair had been dyed to blonde, and stuck up as if his head was on fire, almost as if his hair was dyed by the very fire that John could manipulate, and wore shady clothes, just like the rebel he was. Now his hair still contained that new fiery blonde color, but the spikes had fallen, and his soft hair draped over his face, he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and some baggy pajama-looking pants. Bobby admitted in his mind that John has always been an attractive guy to him, in more aspects than one, and he even looked pretty cute the way he did right now, in his room, but he had to relinquish his feelings to him now.
"How could you, John?" He said simply, "How could you leave me.. us behind like that?" He struggled not to break into a louder voice, but it was hard.
"Bobby, I needed to leave to find myself." John stated.
"So what? You found yourself now? Is that why you're back, John? Or did you realize that you had it so good here, that you decided to come back?" The anger and hurt becoming apparent in Bobby's voice. John can't say that he wasn't expecting hostility.
"Look, I was wrong, okay? I know I was wrong, and stupid in leaving this place. I should have never left!" John admitted his voice rising.
"That's right, you shouldn't!" He just wouldn't let John off the hook for that. "You're lucky that Miss Munroe let you back, you're lucky she's the one that gets to decide that and not me, because if I were the one making that decision, I would have kicked your ass back out onto the streets!" That was the biggest lie, and Bobby was fully aware of it. John hurt him so bad that he was trying to hurt John back. He didn't really have any control over his words as of now. His emotions had taken over.
It seems as though Bobby's heated words have scared off the timid, thankful John, and awoken the angry John, for the time being, anyway.
"You know what? I am TRYING to redeem myself here, but you won't even listen to me!" By now, John had forgotten that he wasn't supposed to let anyone know he was there.
"What do you expect? A welcoming committee? John! You tried to kill us, only after totally betraying us, and on top of that, you tried to fry me to death! And here you are expecting forgiveness. What the hell, man?" Bobby and John's emotions were running dangerously high at this point.
"I know! I know that what I did was the worst thing anyone could have done! And that I was a fucking dumbass for doing it! I know that I don't even deserve to be in the same room with you! I don't know what was wrong with me! I just wanted, for once in my goddamn life, to be accepted, and to feel like I had power. You know, to feel like I MATTERED! Magneto promised me these things, and I didn't see that happening if I were to stay here, so I went with him! But I was wrong, and I realize I was so stupid to go to the Brotherhood, but I've changed, Bobby. And I was hoping that- that we could be friends again!" John's voice started breaking midway in the sentence. His anger-filled excuse for leaving was mixed in with sorrow as burning tears streamed down his face.
"When you left.." Bobby started, his voice giving way to relived sad memories, "I wanted to die, because I thought that I would never see you again.. and what's worse is that I knew I would see you again, as my enemy. Goddammit, John. You didn't have to leave. Did you ever stop and think that maybe you mattered to ME?" Both boys were now sobbing quietly in their argument. John hesitated as he struggled hard not to break down right then and there.
"It didn't take me long to realize what I did was a mistake.." He choked up as he finished talking. His flooded eyes gleamed in the lights coming from outside, which were the only lights illuminating the room, the path left behind the tears that rolled down his face also shined. He took in an audible, shaky breath and turned to Bobby. "..Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didn't feel like I mattered to you anymore since you had her.." By now, John was sitting on his old bed, and Bobby on his own, and they had full eye contact. Neither boy could clearly see the other through the blurry vision.
Bobby had a hard time regaining his composure after hearing this, after hearing that he was the indirect reason of John leaving him. He finally worked up to the point where he could talk again. "Rogue.. I love her so much.." A silence ensued before he continued, "But, John, you matter more to me than anyone I ever knew. Even when you're throwing burning vehicles at me, I still considered you my best friend."
"Bobby, you were the first and only person in the world who was ever really someone I ever really .. loved.." The word 'love' caught Bobby's attention, and John may have been more aprehensive to use such a truthful word if his emotions were any less raw than they were now. "But.. seeing you and Rogue with each other was too hard for me, and that was one of the things that made me want to leave."
"Rogue could never, ever replace you, John. I love you, too, and Rogue could never take your place in my heart." John looked over at Bobby and smiled as more tears came to his eyes.
"Bobby, I'm so sorry I did this. I'm so sorry.." Bobby returned the smile to John upon hearing this, but a flood of emotion turned it back into a frown. His vision was so blurred, he couldn't see.
"Don't you ever leave me again, John Allerdyce!" Bobby got off his bed and practically ran to John's. The two didn't hesitate to wrap the other in a tight embrace. The two sobbed more together. "I missed you so much!" John said, through a muffle voice. The two held eachother for what seemed like forever. Eventually, they fell asleep together on John's bed.
The rain soon passed, and a bright blue moon shone through the glossy, wet window. Hours passed, as each boy received a full night's sleep. Something neither of them had experienced since the other was cut out of their life.
The moon light was soon replaced by sunlight. The sun burned on Bobby's eyes and he slowly woke up.
John was still fast asleep, and Bobby smiled a genuine smile at him, because John was the first person he saw that morning.