Reflections
Chapter Three
It wasn't anything fancy. But it wasn't anything she'd have expected from him either.
And she had suggested he surprise her.
Jack knew how much she liked the 'yum duck salad' that the nearby Thai place produced, so he got her a carton of that, and some basic chicken satay for himself. Thai was a little fancy for his tastes, but Carter claimed she liked the complexity of flavours and he was willing to be persuaded by her.
Nothing new there.
She was in the bath when he arrived at her house, and he hailed her from outside the bathroom and resisted the temptation to turn the handle and push the door open. She hadn't yet invited him, and he wasn't game to just stroll in without an invite.
It was just a little scary to finally get something he'd been wanting for a while.
And maybe just a little scarier to realise how easily he might not have had this chance at all.
Shanahan still blamed Jack for his breakup with Sam. Which, Jack had to admit, was probably partly the truth - although not in the way the detective was making it out to be. It had been Sam's own personal insight that fuelled the end of her engagement to Shanahan - that, and her sense of fairness; nothing Jack had said or done.
Still, when a witch-hunt was on, people rarely looked for proof.
He went back to the kitchen and got out bowls and forks, and he was shortly presented with Sam Carter in jeans and a t-shirt, her hair damp and fluffy after a rough towelling. She smelled of something fruity as she stepped into the space of the kitchen, the scent of it briefly overriding the herb-and-spice of the takeout.
"Thai?"
He received a kiss on the cheek as she passed by him in the kitchen. Her usual greeting, but Jack usually pulled her over for something a little more affectionate.
This time he didn't. There was something about the tilt of her head as she came in that reminded him of her counterpart. And that was just freaky.
"It's good to see you, too," he settled for saying, and watched her smile deepen briefly before she pulled open the fridge and picked out a beer.
"Want one?"
He waved a hand at the beer that sat on the table, opened and barely touched. "Got one, thanks." He handed her the bowls and gathered up the serving utensils. "Get it while it's hot."
They sat down at the table, the takeaway containers between them, and started serving themselves. Judging by the amount Carter was heaping on her plate, Jack guessed her last meal was little more than a fond memory at this stage.
"Hungry?"
She grinned over at him. "Just a little. We skipped lunch because of the walk back to the Gate and when we got in there was the whole business with..." Carter's hand hesitated over the duck salad, before plunging ahead in conversation and action, "...Samuel."
Jack kept a grimace from his face.
"Yeah." It sounded like she was as weirded out by the appearance of 'Lieutenant Colonel Samuel Carter' as he was. Which was good, because Jack didn't want to be the only person having issues with discovering that, but for a chance freak of genetics, Carter might have been a guy.
It was wrong on so many levels, not the least of which was that he'd always been attracted to her, even from day one. He could acknowledge that now as he hadn't been allowed to acknowledge it through eight years of working together. The prospect of her ever having been male - even in a universe which he'd never heard of until now - was leaving him with a distinctly weirded-out feeling.
To hell with Shanahan, the realisation that he might never have loved Carter at all was freaky on levels Jack had never even considered.
He hid it with a nonchalant question. "So, is there any chance he might develop the cascade tremors?"
"In time," she said, handing him the serving spoon, "yes, he'll get cascade tremors. He's not in resonance with this universe."
Jack served himself the curry and added a dash of the spicy duck salad. "I'd ask you what that means," he said with a hint of mischief, "but I wouldn't understand the answer, and you've got your mouth full, anyway."
Her glare was steady and well-known - a familiar expression in a familiar face. Unlike earlier today, when he'd faced Samuel Carter through the grill of the cell bars and seen a familiar glare in an unfamiliar face. It had thrown him for a loop - and more, once the Lieutenant Colonel explained who he was.
Of course, once she'd chewed and swallowed, he prepared himself to be technobabbled - and was surprised when she regarded him. "Did you want me to explain it?"
He couldn't help the smile, "Only if you want to."
"I only want to explain it if you want to know."
Jack's mouth twitched slightly. "I want to know. Really."
She still didn't look like she believed him, but she took another forkful of Thai food and finished that before she began her explanation. "Everything in this universe vibrates in a particular way."
Uh-oh. One sentence in and he was already confused. "Vibrates?" Then a discussion from a long ago off-world discussion popped into his head. "You mean the atoms, right?"
Sam nodded. "Yes. It's related to the Big Bang and the original resonance of the universe." Her look got speculative, "Maybe I'll save that for another time," she said, only half-teasing. "At any rate, our universe has a certain...rhythm to it. It was theorised that another universe - a parallel universe - would have a different rhythm to it, and that part of the difficulty in ever locating one of these parallel universes was finding or developing something that could...smooth out the two different vibrations long enough for someone or something to pass through."
"Like the mirror."
"Like the mirror," she confirmed. "Other than the frame of naquadah - which we already know has a number of unusual properties - all our study hasn't been able to determine just how they managed to create a portal capable of synchronising the resonant energies of the various universes..."
Jack was completely lost, and he had the feeling she was only just getting started. "Get back to the vibrations," he suggested wryly. "You're losing me."
Her smile was magic. "I guess, if we're talking vibrations, he vibrates at a different speed to us - and it can only go on for so long."
"So why was it so bad for Dr. Carter?"
He was pretty sure she'd explained this years ago. But something like this was good to explain again.
"It had to do with the similarity of our cells. Because we were exactly identical in person, there were two sets of atoms producing precisely the same entropic wavelengths - that's the vibrations I mentioned. It's like hearing something that's just a little bit off - after a while, you'll do anything to make it stop. And so the universe cascades the vibrations in question - forcing them to vibrate faster or slower. That creates an instability in the cellular structure and the second person is literally torn apart."
She must have seen his slightly blank look, because she paused, grinned, grimaced, and tried a different tack. "When you're juggling, if someone throws something else into the middle of it, you lose your concentration and everything falls down, right?"
"Yes," Jack said, not entirely sure of where this was going.
"So, if you saw someone about to throw something new into the middle of your juggling, it would really be easier to just ignore it and let it fall on the floor."
"Right." A moment later, it dawned on him. "So the universe is letting these people fall to the floor?"
Her grin was slight and a little bit wry. "In a manner of speaking."
He shook his head, smiling. "I think I'm still confused," he said. "But I'm not going to ask for further explanations - at least, not until after you've finished dinner." He pointed a fork at her plate. "Eat."
Sam mock-saluted him with her fork. "Yes, sir."
He minded the title, but she'd meant it in teasing so he let it pass.
Conversation moved onto habits, hobbies, interests, and, somewhat surprisingly, gossip. Since leaving the SGC, Jack had decided that Daniel knew everything there was to know about the people on the base.
They discussed a lot of things over dinner and while washing up. Since many of their interests differed - in some cases, quite wildly - it made conversations between them quite animated. Carter had a determined opinion when she wasn't playing the good little 2IC. And since they weren't commander and 2IC anymore...
Well, any commander caught washing up his 2IC's dishes after dinner and splashing water at her when she got flick-happy with the wet teatowel was asking for a court-martial. Granted, Jack hadn't been the most placid of officers, but he knew where to draw the line.
Still, towel-flicking aside, she was quieter than was usual for her, only technobabbling when he asked for it. And when the washing up was done, he looked over and caught her with a pensive expression on her face. Not just Carter thinking up some new way to blow up a planet, but Carter agonising over something.
Jack let the last of the dishwater drain from the sink, wiped up the remnant suds and took the teatowel from her unresisting fingers to toss over the empty dishrack. "Okay, Carter," he said, leaning back against the counter, "what's up?"
The wide, pretty mouth twisted a little and she opened her mouth to speak.
He quickly laid a finger across her lips. "No stock answers."
Her expression could have melted glass, but there was a faint air of guilt about her. She had been going to give him a stock answer. 'I'm fine' or 'Nothing, sir.' He knew Carter.
Finally she sighed and looked away. "I was just thinking about...Samuel." She stumbled over the name, probably trying to get her brain around the concept. Not that Jack could blame her. "About him being on his version of SG-1."
He didn't let her go, but something in him withdrew anyway, and he knew she felt it as she looked up at him. "I guess we couldn't just avoid this topic for a while and let it go away?"
Sam frowned, "He's not going to go away, Jack." He didn't have time to enjoy her use of his name, she swiftly launched into her main argument. "He's here to stay - there's nowhere else for him to go, and from the sound of it, he knows a lot of the things I do."
"So, he's your redundancy plan?" He couldn't help the snap in his voice.
"You were the one who said we could do with someone else who has my knowledge."
Jack huffed, guessing he wasn't going to get out of this lightly. "Look, when I said that, it was a compliment."
"I know that. But it's just..." She bit her lip. "He's male."
"I noticed." He'd focused on the technology and knowledge aspect of Carter's counterpart, rather than the most obvious difference between the two.
"When I walked into the briefing room that first day? Would you still have challenged my authority if I'd been male?"
Old wounds, running deep. Jack could feel the ache of them in her mind and knew that he would be touching on tender flesh with this topic and walked carefully - but honestly. "Yes," he said. After so long, it was hard to recall that first meeting, although a few things stood out. He remembered the challenge in the young officer's expression, her deliberate pushing of his limits - a brashness that he'd both admired and deplored.
She didn't look as though she believed him. Jack tried to explain.
"Look, you waltzed right in, thinking you knew everything there was to know about the Stargate - you'd never even been through it, for crying out loud!" He was fairly sure his irritation had been with her attitude -not her gender. "I didn't have a problem with women in the field. You were the one who made it about gender." He remembered that much of their exchange.
Considering the flush that lay across her cheeks, he guessed that she remembered it, too. And she'd been young enough to still want to prove herself, stung from General West's dismissal of her as a woman, and therefore useless to his project. "I was used to discrimination in the armed forces," she said, shifting in her stance as she leaned against the bench. "In some parts, it's so ingrained that most people don't think twice about it."
"But not at the SGC."
"Not as much at the SGC," she corrected him. Then she paused. "I was lucky. I've had you and General Hammond as commanders, and you were willing to take me on what I could do."
"Because there's nobody who does what you do."
"And now there is."
Ah.
Jack grimaced. "You'll never be redundant, Carter."
She returned his gaze with grim intensity. "You just asked if he was my redundancy plan." Her voice had a bite to it and he couldn't deny his words.
"Look, I meant..." The truth was, he didn't quite know what he'd meant. He'd said something without thinking and it had come to bite him on the ass. Nothing new there, he'd practically gotten it down to an art form by now.
It was just that this was important to him, not like insulting some senior asshole who'd gotten to where he was by being smarmy and political. This was about him and Carter.
Which Carter? The impish thought moved through his brain before the internal censors could catch it.
"I mean that now that we have someone else who has your knowledge, it might free you up to do the things that you couldn't when you were the primary technical expert for the Stargate."
"Like marry, have kids, and be a good little housewife?"
Okay, didn't expect the acrimony.
"I didn't say that," he pointed out.
"But you were thinking it."
They both paused at her words. "I've never expected you to be usual, Carter," he growled, stung by the accusation.
This was venturing into territory they hadn't yet sorted out: exactly where they were going in this relationship. Two kids a dog and a white picket fence were not in their future - any idiot could see that, and neither he nor Carter were idiots. Occasionally fools perhaps, but not idiots.
"Didn't you ever wish you didn't have a woman on your team, sir?"
Lots of times. Although not for the reasons that would immediately spring to mind.
Honesty the best policy? Or better to placate her with a lie? Jack went for honesty.
"In the first days, yeah," he said. "That time with the blue dress and the warlord guy? No, it wouldn't have happened if you'd been male."
"And later?"
"Later," he said evenly, "if I ever wished you weren't on my team, it had little to do with your being female and everything to do with..." He paused.
"Everything to do with what?"
Somehow, it didn't get any easier to say, even if he now had the freedom to be with her. "Everything to do with my...caring about you."
It mollified her a little. The tension drained from her face, leaving her looking surprisingly vulnerable.
"Look," he said at last, aiming for conciliation, "He's only just arrived, and we don't even know if we'll get to keep him."
"You make him sound like a dog."
Jack grinned and ran his finger along her jaw. "Well, you're no bitch, Carter."
She arched an eyebrow at him, "Are you sure about that, sir?"
"Reasonably," he returned, slipping an arm around her waist. "Look, he's only new here - and we don't even know what he knows. I'm jumping the gun. But if this gives you a little more leeway to move in your personal life, that's good, isn't it?"
"Yes." She didn't sound entirely sure of it, but it was a positive answer. And that was better than before. At least, Jack hoped it was.
He put on his most 'innocent' face. "I'm all for leeway in your personal life, you know."
The 'ingenuous' approach usually worked well on Carter and this time was no exception. She huffed, half-smiling.
"I'm..." She paused. Jack glanced at her and guessed that she'd been about to say she was sorry - an automatic apology. She deliberately changed her words. "I'm going to have to deal with this myself."
"Well, you can talk to me sometimes, you know," he said, a little put out by her retreat. "I mean, it's not every day you get another version of yourself coming through the mirror." Especially another version who happens to be of the opposite gender to yourself.
Jack hoped his discomfort with Samuel didn't show. His relationship with Sam was new and delicate enough that they were still feeling their way around each other.
An image of him and Sam literally 'feeling their way around each other' popped into his head and he grinned to himself. Later, Jack.
"What?"
She'd seen his grin and was instantly suspicious. Smart woman.
"Nothing." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and began steering her out to the living room and the couch. No, they weren't going to make out like a couple of teens, but they were going to sit and watch the latest hockey game.
"Sir." The long, drawn-out tone was a warning, but he just grinned and manoeuvred them around the table.
"It's nothing, Sam."
But the measuring look she turned upon him was reminiscent of another measuring look he'd received earlier that day from a man who had her eyes and her smile, and who was her and wasn't her.
And as she pilfered the remote control out from under his hand, Jack let his mouth stretch in a brief grimace.
Maybe Sam wasn't the only one who'd have to do some dealing with this.
- TBC -
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