NOTES: Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter. It's been a bit hectic around here.
Reflections
Chapter Eight
"Balinsky misses you, you know."
Daniel grinned at the deadly look Jack shot him from over by the window.
"I trust you're not going to tell him how much I don't return the sentiment?"
Rooting through Jack's kitchen drawer for scissors, Daniel came up with a breadknife. "He says you didn't cut him off quite as much as Hammond does," he said as he used the knife to saw through the end of the vacuum-sealed bag of coffee beans. "He thinks it's my gentling influence on you."
The only response he received was a derisive snort. "Really?"
"Well, that, and he knows that you understood most of what he was talking about, you just didn't want to understand it."
"And the problem with that would be...?"
Daniel picked up the bag, looked at the coffee machine, and realised he should have set up the machine before he tried to put the beans in. Damn.
"Uh... Well, Balinsky doesn't understand how you could be capable of knowing something but not actually want to know it."
"And you do?"
Daniel grinned. "Touché." He hauled out the old coffee grounds and dumped them in the bin. Jack's housekeeping was generally good - other than the predilection for beer with everything. However, his attitude towards the coffee machine seemed to be along the lines of the organisational standard of Air Force coffee: if it smells like the stuff, it probably is.
Fortunately, his guests were a little more discerning.
Well, maybe just this guest.
He made a face as he began cleaning the machine. Jack had refused coffee, but told Daniel to 'knock himself out' if he wanted to use the coffee machine.
Well, he mused as he pulled apart the machine, They say ignorance is bliss. Although I don't think my taste buds could be convinced that week-old coffee grounds are bliss.
"So, how's Samuel settling into the SGC, then?"
Daniel looked up sharply from where he was setting up the coffee maker in Jack's kitchen. "He got approval to go off-base on Friday," he said, not a little surprised that Jack had willingly asked any question about Samuel. From what he understood, things weren't going all that great between Jack and Sam - partly due to Sam's busyness in settling Samuel into the base without feeling obsolete, and partly because Jack was still having issues with 'Sam was a guy in another world'.
At least, that was Daniel's take on it. He might be wrong, but he didn't think he was.
"Oh?" The response was non-committal, and Daniel frowned at Jack who was staring out the window with a carefully expressionless face. Why did you ask if you didn't want to know, Jack?
"Yeah. I think he dragged Sam along with him when he went house-hunting yesterday. When I called, she wasn't in a very good mood. That was just before I called you to reschedule today."
"Ah-ah-ah!" Jack corrected him. "I rescheduled to today. You just called to tell me that you couldn't make tomorrow night."
Daniel conceded the point as he poured coffee beans into the hopper and switched the filter. He had called Jack only to let his friend know that SG-1's scheduled mission for Tuesday had been moved back to Monday. Of course, Jack had been the one to suggest rescheduling - which Daniel found a little odd once he'd hung up the phone and thought over the timing.
If there was anyone that Daniel would have expected Jack to 'reschedule' with, it would be Sam. But it seemed Jack had less idea of Sam's whereabouts and activities this weekend than Daniel did.
"Well, Samuel seems to be settling in fine," he said. "He's nice enough, I guess. Eager to prove himself." A bit like Sam in the early days - only hiding it better. And getting on better with the other officers than Sam had when she first arrived at the SGC. He considered it all for a moment. "Teal'c seems to be witholding judgement."
"But that's Teal'c." Jack paused and glanced over at Daniel. "What about you?"
Daniel took his time about answering, mostly because he was ambivalent about Samuel. It wasn't anything he could put his finger on, and a part of him suspected that it was just because the man wasn't Sam. He was used to Sam. He liked Sam. And he wasn't going to qualify that statement just because people might get the wrong idea about them.
Sam was one of his friends, and Daniel knew her, trusted her, and was familiar with her.
Samuel was a stranger who had known his world's version of Daniel Jackson - not Daniel. Daniel certainly didn't know Samuel.
The man was friendly, charming, affable, willing to listen and willing to share information. He knew a lot of the stuff that Sam did as well as a few she didn't, and he'd made nice with most of the senior officers on the base and a lot of the juniors, too.
From what Daniel had seen and heard, Samuel was just the kind of officer the SGC needed. Another Sam Carter - dedicated, intelligent, on the ball, and competent to boot.
Except that Daniel knew that Samuel wasn't Sam. Not by a long shot.
It went more than just gender and history, a human being was too complex to boil down merely to two factors and say that was it. Sam had been changed through her being female, had developed her mind in some paths and not in others while Samuel had taken an alternative route. The two of them were genetically identical - but for that single chromosome that dictated gender - but it was plain enough to Daniel that they were miles apart in personality, in mindset - even in character.
Sam might have developed the backdoor into the iris program as a failsafe option, but Daniel couldn't remember a single instance of her using it.
Samuel might have developed the iris backdoor as a failsafe, but he'd also had the equipment on hand to use it. That said a lot about a difference of mindset between the 'Carter twins' as they were coming to be called.
He supposed Samuel was nice enough. Daniel would be able to work with him, anyway. Friends, on the other hand, was quite a different matter.
So he just shrugged at the question and said, "He seems okay."
"Very non-committal."
"I haven't worked with him all that much. You'd be better off asking Sam how she likes him." He caught a movement in the corner of his eye - Jack had momentarily flinched. "I mean, he is her..." Daniel paused, then carefully said, "...alternate counterpart."
It was too much to hope that Jack would ignore the break in conversation. "Alternate counterpart?"
For some reason, Daniel's brain had been suggesting the words 'significant other', which struck him as very wrong. As in very very wrong. "Couldn't think of the right term for it," he explained. "Look. If you think you're having trouble with Samuel, just think of what Sam's going through."
Jack's expression set in remote lines for a second, then eased back. "Is this the 'men in the military' thing, again?"
"Actually, I was more thinking the 'my boyfriend won't talk to me because he's freaked out by my twin brother' thing, again, Jack."
The only response he got from Jack was a grunt. Not that he'd expected much else.
"Very non-committal," he mocked, quoting Jack's previous words back to him.
On one level, Daniel knew he was taking his life into his hands. If there was one thing Jack O'Neill didn't do, it was the heart-to-heart. Not that Daniel was asking for a heart-to-heart or anything like that. He was just angling for a boot-to-butt. Jack could do with a good kick in the pants right now.
Still, he waited until the coffee was percolated before he addressed the matter again. He wouldn't be up to this kind of argument - a non-archaeological argument - until he had some caffeine in him. Good caffeine. Jack might be indifferent to the quality of his coffee, but Daniel had taste buds and discrimination. He might have to endure military sludge on the base, but off-base, he refused to settle for a half-assed brew.
They sat back down to the game out in Jack's living room, and Daniel contemplated his friend as Jack contemplated the board.
As Jack reached out to move one of his pieces, Daniel wondered if what he was about to say could be construed as cheating under the heading of 'distracting at an opportune time'.
"Jack?"
"Daniel?" One finger hovered over the white bishop.
"Do you like me?" He made the question blunt and straightforwards.
Jack stared at him like he'd grown another head. "You're my friend," he said flatly. Then the dark eyes narrowed. "Why?"
Daniel met the other man's gaze squarely. "Could you ever love me?"
This time, the look he received was akin to Jack discovering Daniel was really a Goa'uld. Believe it or not, Jack, I'm no more comfortable with this idea than you. But I'm making a point and I'd like you to get it. "What!"
"I'm just asking because it makes a difference."
"A difference to what?" Jack eyed him for a moment. "Are you...?"
"Gay?" Daniel shook his head, smiling. "No. And neither are you. Which is my point."
The white bishop stayed on the board, unmoving. "Daniel?"
"We're friends, right?" He didn't bother to wait for the agreement or negation. "But you'd never think of looking at me the way you looked at Sam. Because she's a woman and you're attracted to women. You'd never think of a man as a possible partner because that's the way you're wired."
"This," Jack said with quiet deliberation, "had better have a point."
"The point is that we're friends. We're not about to take this any further than friendship," Daniel explained. "I'll bet your counterpart in Samuel's world never looked at Samuel as anything but a subordinate, a fellow-officer, and one of the guys. You looked at Sam and saw an attractive woman. You like her because she's a woman and because she's Sam. That's just the way you're wired."
Jack was silent. "And what has this got to do with the chessgame?"
"Nothing," Daniel said. "But you love her. Sorry, Jack," he said as the other man looked down and away. "I'm not you or Sam. I don't have hang-ups about calling a spade a spade. You've loved her for a lot longer than the last two months since you retired, and probably a long time before you even realised it."
Now Jack looked up, both angry and embarrassed - not so much at his feelings for Sam, but because Daniel was stating things so plainly.
"And?"
Maybe it was just that Daniel had reached the limits of his endurance. After all, he'd spent the better part of eight years watching the two of them do everything except get together. Watching them continue to dance around each other was becoming decidedly irksome.
"And if you're going to continue to be an ass about it, maybe Sam's better off with someone else."
He saw the immediate rejection of that idea, and pressed his point home without mercy.
"She's not Samuel. She never was." And the only hang ups in this matter are yours and Sam's in finally getting what you've been wanting all these years.
Of course, he didn't say that. Daniel had his limits of delicacy, even if he didn't always choose to observe them. He'd said as much as he needed to, and that was enough for the moment.
Jack finally moved his piece.
Daniel contemplated the board and moved his next piece. The game continued in silence for several minutes longer until Daniel decided he would ask the question he doubted anyone had yet asked Jack.
"What do you think of Samuel?"
His friend barely glanced up from the board. "I don't know him that well."
"You know Sam."
"He's not Carter." Jack moved his queen and sat back. "I know that."
It was Daniel's turn to frown. Something wasn't quite right here. "So why are you sitting here playing chess with me, when I'm sure you'd rather be doing something with Sam?"
When he glanced up, Jack had a peculiar expression on his face. "The street runs both ways, Daniel."
Which didn't make sense. Daniel was pretty sure that Sam would have liked to be spending more time with Jack. The impression he'd received from her was that it was Jack's reluctance contributing to any distance in their relationships.
Not that Daniel was the relationship police between his friends; his job was to kick Jack in the ass when the other man wouldn't see something that was plain as the nose on his face. Most of the time, he thought he did it quite well.
He'd said his piece as far as Sam and Samuel went. To go any further would be prying into something that was personal between Jack and Sam.
Even Daniel Jackson had his limits.
Daniel judged it a good time to shut up and not say a word.
They kept playing.
-Monday-Jack wasn't sure when he got over the 'Sam was a guy in another world' thing.
Maybe sometime during Friday night when he'd left the beered-up group of forty-something military officers in the Denver strip club and driven back down to the Springs. The girls were pretty, sure. But he would have swapped any one of them for Carter in full BDUs with a cap on her head, technobabbling him.
Okay so he would have swapped any one of them for Carter dressed in a push-up bra, thongs, garter stockings and high heels, technobabbling him...
But the BDUs would do in a pinch.
Of course, that was before Saturday morning arrived and some cold home truths were made plain to him.
Jack felt his gorge rise and directed his thoughts away from the memory of Saturday morning.
At the uppermost entrance of the SGC, he signed in under the easy gaze of the SF on duty. While most visitors to the SGC had to jump through rigourous hoops to gain entry, the privilege of having formerly commanded the SGC was that most of the SFs knew him by sight, and those that didn't were soon set straight by their colleagues.
Today he had no trouble going down into the base. The duty soldiers were all familiar with him; a couple even greeted him by his title. He greeted the ones he knew and gave a nod to the ones he didn't.
The phrase 'anywhere but here' sprung to mind.
He stared fixedly at the elevator doors and cursed that Hammond had called him in this morning. Well, not exactly 'called him in' per se, but the old man had requested the graduate program reports from Jack a few days earlier than Jack anticipated.
As a result, the work had to be done, and Jack had to come in to do it.
SG-1 had gone off-world just that morning. More than just SG-1 actually - a whole platoon of technology and archaeology buffs on a two day mission - which was why Jack had rescheduled the chess night to Sunday afternoon. When he called Daniel on Saturday evening, the last thing he'd wanted was to spend the whole weekend stewing in his own metaphorical juices.
Still, in spite of SG-1's absence, Jack was feeling a marked reluctance to come into the base today.
But he still got out at sub-level 27 to see General Hammond. Technically, it wasn't necessary for him to visit Hammond, but it was a courtesy to the other man that they both appreciated. And Jack was willing to admit he had a soft spot for the old man. Over the years, George had taught Jack a lot of things about commanding a lot of men and women, and knowing when to stand firm and when to yield.
However, when he went up the back stairs to the commander's office, the office was empty and open.
The control room then.
He nodded at the SFs standing guard in the corridor and ventured out into the briefing room - also empty. However, there was definitely noise in the control room. Jack stumped down the stairs, his footsteps echoing against the stair treads, heralding his appearance below.
Down in the control room, Hammond was listening to Samuel Carter explain something in technobabble, with Walter Davis nodding over in the corner. Even if the high-ups didn't understand, the technicians seemed to be getting what Samuel was saying.
And, just as with Carter, Jack wasn't understanding a word of it.
Judging by the look on Hammond's face, the General wasn't getting much of it either.
"Jack," Hammond greeted him as he reached the control room floor.
"George," Jack said. "Colonel Carter." He was proud that he managed the syllables without a stammer or pause. "Sergeant Davis."
If Samuel had stiffened slightly at Jack's appearance, he marginally relaxed at Jack's greeting. "Sir." The blond turned to Hammond. "Do I have your permission to proceed, sir?"
Hammond looked from the control room computers to Sergeant Davis who nodded once in agreement. "Do it."
"Trouble with the gateroom computers?" Jack inquired quietly.
"Colonel Samuel Carter had an idea that might remove one of the glitches we've been having lately. He asked permission to implement it. Sergeant Davis seems to think it'll work."
"Cool," Jack said. He left it at that, unwilling to show any particular reaction to the man who kept glancing over towards him, even from the control room console. "Well, I'll be upstairs quietly working away if you need me, General."
"Dr. Jackson's office?"
"I believe that's the usual place," Jack said, then lowered his voice. "And it's always fun moving Daniel's things around a little. Drives him nuts."
Hammond had a look on his face that showed a long experience with both Daniel's vagaries as well as Jack's quirks. "If you're still here at lunch, come by my office," he said. "And bring the reports with you."
"Will do, George." Jack took the stairs down the passageway and out towards the elevators.
He was only halfway down the corridor when he heard the sound of running footsteps after him and grimaced.
The last person he wanted to see this morning.
"Sir." Samuel Carter caught at his arm, requiring him to turn and acknowledge the younger man. "I'd like a word with you, sir."
Jack turned, keeping a carefully neutral expresssion on his features. "I'm retired." Then, just for good measure, he added, "Don't you have some computery stuff to do?"
"I also have some explaining to do," Samuel said simply. "What you saw on Saturday morning..."
"Is your business and hers."
The blond man regarded him with a look he'd never seen on Carter's face - an expression that was part-disbelief, part-irritation. "You're seeing her, aren't you? I mean, I know that I'd want to know what went on if I found another guy having breakfast at my girlfriend's place."
Jack's stomach twisted in automatic recollection.
He'd strolled into Carter's house, stupidly confident of the warmth of his welcome, and found Samuel, naked to the waist, munching toast in her kitchen. Even as he paused, staring at the other man, who took one look and winced, closing his eyes as though he could deny the dark gaze, Carter had stumbled out of the bathroom, looking absolutely delicious with her hair damp and her skin fresh from the shower.
She'd stared at him blankly, then turned to Samuel and stared at him, and looked like she was, for the first time since Jack had met her, struggling to think.
The explanations were lame and halting, and the nervous glances Carter kept shooting Samuel were offputting. On the other hand, the guy had seemed, if not exactly smug, certainly a little rebellious, with the attitude that he'd done nothing wrong.
Jack had made a swift exit, and Carter hadn't come after him.
All that day and all Sunday, he'd tried telling himself that this was Carter. She didn't do one-night stands or drunk come-ons. Mostly because they were stupid and Carter didn't do stupid. Well, not usually.
For some reason, his brain kept pushing Pete Shanahan forward as an example of what she could do when she got stupid. Yeah, maybe it was the green-eyed monster, but Shanahan hadn't understood Carter, and she had nearly married the man.
"We're not..." The words slipped out, almost automatic in this place. Certainly automatic before a man who was more or less a stranger.
"Look, we went out on Friday," Samuel said, holding his gaze with a look that was very much like Carter's. But the jaw was square, the skin wasn't as fine, and the attitude was distinctly belligerent. The small things made a lot of difference. "She was all for going home until she went into the ladies and came out like she had something to prove. We went through a half-dozen bars, drank a lot - more than was healthy for either of us - and caught a taxi home."
"Home?"
"It was my house in my world," Samuel said. And now there was a hint of resentment. "Look, she was out like a light. Nothing happened."
There was a 'but' in there. Sam wouldn't have been so cagey on Saturday morning if there wasn't a 'but' in there. "Nothing?"
Samuel looked like a man caught in a spotlight he really didn't want to be under. "I put her to bed, okay? And then I figured that it was my bed, too, so I had a right to be there as much as she did." He looked a bit embarrassed.
Jack felt a flare of purest jealousy tear through him. He kept his voice down, well aware that there were people moving up and down the corridor, and that not a few of them would be vastly interested in this conversation. In fact, the whole discussion had been conducted sotto voce, and while they'd gained a couple of odd looks from the personnel moving up and down the corridors, it didn't look like anyone had heard anything more than a couple of words at a time. "You slept in her bed?"
"It made more sense at a quarter to three," Samuel muttered, staring down at his feet. He looked like a kid in search of a piece of dirt to scuff. "I didn't touch her, okay? I mean, she's a gorgeous woman and holy Hannah she's got a smile to stop a hatak dead in space but, Christ, it would be like sleeping with my sister!" He gave Jack a glance that was pure Carter, pushing his/her/their luck as far as it would go but trusting familiarity to hold back the flood of a superior officer's wrath.
It was a reasonable explanation, but Jack had spent half the weekend just a little angry and more than a little jealous of the younger man. He wasn't about to give it up that easily.
"Besides," he added. "I'm not the guy she wants. And somehow I don't see Sam as the type to settle."
Jack really didn't mention Shanahan this time. Some things were better left unsaid. And he was so not going to discuss anything about his relationship with Carter, past or present, with Samuel Carter.
"Alright, then," he said in the mildest tones he could manage. "Explanation given and accepted." And he walked off down the corridor.
"Look, General..."
"Retired, Colonel," Jack said without looking around.
This time Samuel slipped around the side and planted himself in Jack's way. "Look, Jack," he said pointedly. "I know you're uncomfortable with me because of your relationship with Sam. I'm sorry. I can't do anything about the way I was born - any more than Sam could do anything about how she was born. And I'm going to be staying here, so you'll have to deal with me at some level - even if it's only as a friend of Sam's."
He sounded pretty sure of that. It seemed like he and Carter had done some bonding while getting drunk. "So what do you want, then?"
Samuel grimaced. "I want to know that I'm in the clear," he said frankly. "That we're okay."
Jack narrowed his eyes and frowned slightly. "Why?"
"Because you may not be the man I served under, but you sure as hell look like him. And we were never exactly chummy, but he was a better commander than any other man I previously worked with." Samuel made a slight face. "I respected him, and I like to think he respected me, too."
"I'm not him, and you're not her."
"No," Samuel said. "But I'd still like to know that we're at ground zero. From now on, we deal with each other with as little history as possible. I'm not her, you're not him, so we start from the beginning." The younger man looked pretty determined about this - a curious dichotomy. The facial expression held elements of Carter's determination, but the words were entirely his own, delivered in a crisp, clear tenor. "Deal?"
It was fair enough. And the man was right. Jack was unlikely to escape Samuel any more than Samuel was likely to escape Sam. "Deal. You're in the clear."
"Good." Samuel nodded, a slight quirk tilting his mouth to one side. "Thank you, sir."
"Retired," Jack reminded him, and walked away.
This time, Samuel let him go without another confrontation, for which Jack was incredibly glad. He'd had enough of this more-than-slightly-weird conversation.
And maybe, once he was done, he'd leave something behind for Sam. Nothing big, just a letter inviting her around to dinner when she got back.
Something.
As he waited for the elevator up, Daniel's words of yesterday came to mind. If you're going to continue to be an ass about it, maybe Sam's better off with someone else.
Jack had two words in response to that statement. Screw that.
He'd spent eight months watching her with 'someone else' and wasn't about to try it again. The first four were bad enough, knowing she was seeing Shanahan. The second four, after she'd gotten engaged, had been something close to hell until he started the relationship with Kerry.
Sad as it was, Kerry had kept him sane when he thought he might not make it through the knowledge that every day brought him closer to Carter's wedding to another man. She'd been a release point of sorts, and he'd cared about her as much as he was able. It just wasn't enough for her - and once she saw Sam around at his place and realised who it was Jack really wanted...
Kerry got out before she got more involved.
Unfortunately for Jack, he was way, way too involved to get out of this.
Which was why he was going to make the last three weeks up to Carter.
Somehow.
He only realised he was humming quietly to himself when the elevator stopped at sub-level 24 and a couple of infirmary staff got in and looked oddly at him.
Jack stopped. He also fought back the urge to whistle. Tunelessly.
He stepped out of the elevator at sub-level 20 and strolled down towards Daniel's lab. Along the way he passed various personnel who greeted him or acknowledged in some way or another.
And Jack kept walking, quietly planning the seduction of Samantha Carter.
- TBC -