Even Our Emotions Have an Echo

Author's Note: Thanks for the amazing feedback, keep it coming.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

His mouth is on top of mine. I can feel his tongue exploring the insides of my mouth, and yet again I can't breathe. I cannot deny that in this moment I feel wanted, and fulfilled. For a moment I give into the kiss, into my emotions, but I soon realize that this isn't right. My body stiffens up, and I'm able to break free of the kiss.

I try to catch my breath as I stare at him from across the locker room. His perfect blue eyes are wild and filled of passion, and I try to wipe any signs of emotion from my face. The room is filled with silence, but this time it is an unwelcome silence. I prey that he would say something so I could scream at him, and maybe get answers to some questions that I've long needed answered.

But he says nothing. He continues to look at me. His pager goes off. He gives me one final longing look, and turns and exits the locker room. Moments after his departure Christiana walks into the room. The tension still fills the locker room as I sit on the bench and look off into space still trying to fix my hair. Christina looks at me, and rolls here eyes and begins to get ready for rounds.

She looks like shit. Her face is red with tears. Her eyes are bloodshot. She hasn't gotten much sleep. Her scrubs are disheveled and wrinkled, and for once her tough exterior is gone.

"How is he?" I ask, attempting to play the role of the concerned best friend.

Christina looks at me, her eyes sad and pleading, "I don't know," she responds. "I have no idea. His hand is still shaking. All we can do is wait."

Christina sits on the bench beside me. We just sit there until George and Alex come into the room. My heart drops when I don't see Izzie. Alex seemed to read my mind.

"We couldn't get her to come. She won't eat anything. She won't talk to us. She's just lying there. She's not even crying," Alex states as he begins to change into his scrubs.

Dr. Bailey enters the room and she immediately senses our sadness and uncertainty. For once she isn't barking orders or demanding anything of us. Her movements are slow and fluid, as if she doesn't want to cause anymore disarray. He voice is soft, but strong as she begins to speak.

"Round everyone, and afterward O'Malley you're with Dr. Shepard. Karev you're with the Chief. Grey, go with Montgomery-Shepard. Yang you on sutures," Bailey states as she turns to exit the room.

Christian attempts to muster the strength to speak up, but cannot find the strength within herself to fight. This is not the Christina that I know, and I being to worry. Great, now I have to spend the day with the woman who's husband I slept with last night. This is what I get.

Silently we all exit the locker room and go about our assignments. I take the elevator up to the maternity ward of the hospital. I remember how I George and I used to escape up here to look at the babies. Before this floor was a safe haven, but not now it only reminded me of her. The wife of the man I am in love with.

I see Addison as soon as I get off the elevator. I search her eyes for some kind of sign. A signal to tell me what she's thinking, what she is feeling. Did Derek tell her what happened last night, I wonder. I doubt it though. Derek never seemed to have the energy to fight, not even for me. I see nothing in her eyes.

"Good morning Dr. Grey," Addison says coldly. We are way beyond pretending to be friends. I follow her to her patient's room and stand in the corner silently as she gives her patient a consult. I answer the questions she ask appropriately and breathe a sigh of relief when given the cue for my exit. I begin to walk away from the room, away from her, when I hear her call out my name.

"Yes, Dr. Shepard," I say as my voice cracks.

"How's Izzie," She asks looking genuinely concerned.

"She won't eat or talk to us, but, I mean, she's dealing the best she can," I reply. Honestly I don't really know the answer to her question.

"Good," Addison responds, looking back down to the patients chart. "Meredith, you win." The emptiness of her eyes is replace with sadness.

I attempt to compose myself. How should I respond to that? What exactly does that mean? Did Derek leave her? Searching myself I respond, "We both lost." I'm not exactly what I mean as I say those words, but they seem to work for the moment.

Addison looks at me and her eyes begin to soften as if she actually feels sorry for me. She says nothing else and walks away from me.

gagagagagagagagagaga

The day passes by with little to no incident. I am able to avoid Derek. Addison and I are able to work side by side almost comfortably. I still can't help but wonder if she knows that I slept with Derek last night. When I checked my phone at lunchtime I noticed that Finn called my phone at least a dozen times. The least I could do was give him a call back. Alex is back at the house with Izzie. Tonight was his night off, and he chose to spend it with Izzie.

I walk down to the hospital waiting room and I see Christina sitting there staring off into the space.

"Hey," I say as I sit down next to her. Christian mumbles something that sounds like a hello.

I sit there unsure what to say next. Unsure of what I can say that can ease her fears about Preston.

"Tell me something," Christina asks me.

"Derek called me a whore. Doc had to be put to sleep, and oh yeah I slept with him last night."

Christina eyes light up with fury. "I'm so sorry I asked you. Meredith what the hell is wrong with you. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? I don't feel sorry for you. Honestly I don't. Do you like pain? Do you like it when he breaks your heart again and again. Meredith you have to stand up for yourself, and stop using your pain as some kind of excuse for your reckless behavior. Seriously."

Christina stands up and walks away from me. Part of me is angry with her for lashing out at me in thid way, but deep down inside I know she's right.

gagagagagagagagagaga

It's about three o'clock. I'm walking down the hospital halls with nothing to do. I see Christine curled up beside Preston in his bed. She looked so fragile. Dr. Burke's hand was still shaking. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't visit him all day out of fear of the possibility of running into Derek. I'm a bad friend, really I am. I walk in the on call room of the hospital staring at my cell phone. I had to call Finn. He probably is asleep, but I have to make the call.

I sit on a bad and listen as my phone dialed his number. I prey that he won't answer, that he will let the machine pick up. The phone stops ringing and I hear his voice.

"Meredith, are, are you alright?" Finn asks.

"Yes, I'm fine," I respond. I am so unsure of what else to say.

"Meredith what happened last night. One minute you're right there with me, and the next your running off, and I see Derek running after you. Then the next thing I know he's calling out your name," says Finn.

"Finn I just called to let you know that I'm fine. Could we not talk about this right now, not like this. I'll call you when I get off shift tomorrow. We'll talk then, in person."

"That's fine," Finn responds sounding as if he genuinely understands. "I'll talk to you then, Goodnight Meredith." Goddamn, why did he have to be so perfect so understanding. I didn't deserve this. I had to tell him that I slept with Derek. That I don't deserve to be apart of his plans.

I begin to cry again. Soft at first, but then I being to cry uncontrollably. Who am I kidding? I'm not dealing with this. I'm the same person as I was yesterday. A stupid, east girl who allowed herself to get involved in this mess. I hear someone knock on the door. I ignore it. The door slowly opens. Of course it's Derek. I hate for him to see me this way. I hate to see me fall victim to the pain that he in part is responsible for. Of course he runs to my side, and sits beside my bed.

"Mer," he says. His voice is soft and gentle. He's still McDreamy. I feel my entire body tense as he begins to stroke my hair. I sit up and look at him. I feel a flash of anger shoot through my body.

"How dare you ask me what this means," I blankly state.

"What?" Derek asks looking obviously confused.

"Last night you asked me what us having sex means, and then you call my name. Both times you wanted me to make the decision. You can't stand to be the bad guy can you? You're so fucking indecisive, and the one time you actually made a decision you took the easy way out. You say if love was enough then you would be with me. Bullshit, I don't buy into it. You're not happy, But you chose to try to save your marriage, and yet you insist on pulling me alone. You made your bed and now lie in it. Just stop, I can't keep hurting this way. You have to let me go. I have to move on. Derek let me move on," I scream.

Derek look as me. His eyes are pleading. He opens his mouth to say something. George opens the door. He enters the room obviously unmoved by the scene he just partially witnessed. He moves closer to me and grabs my hand.

"Meredith, your mother just passed away."

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