Even Our Emotions Have an Echo

Mending

Author's note: Sorry it took me a while to get this one up. I was moving and the internet doesn't work in my new place yet. Enough of my ramblings… thanks for the great reviews. Keep them coming!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I press the end button on my cell phone. I am finally finished with all the calls I needed to make for my mother's "arrangements." The original shock I was feeling today had been replaced with a kind of numbness and disbelief, and an incredible feeling of guilt.

I'm lying in my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I can still hear Izzie moving around the kitchen. It's getting late. George should be coming home some time soon. I really needed to go see Christina. She deserves at least that much for me.

I begin to get lost in my thoughts when I hear a loud crash from downstairs. I quickly get up from my bed and run downstairs. I run to the kitchen and see bits of batter and cake all over the kitchen. Izzie's bun has fallen around her face, and her pretty blue dress is stained with brown batter. She's sitting on the floor crying, grabbing her arm. Shit.

I run by her side. She's sobbing.

"Izzie…" I say trying to figure out what just happened. "What happened? Is something wrong with your arm?" I get a towel and put some cold water on it. I can't tell if she's crying more so because of her physical pain or her emotional pain.

I grab her hand and attempt to get a look at her burn. It's raw and welting. Shit, it looks really bad. I put the cool towel on her arm. We're going to have to go to the hospital there's no way around it. Today has totally sucked. There is no way it could be any worse.

"Izzie, honey, we have to get this looked at."

"No," Izzie screams at me.

I move closer to her to say something when I hear the front door open.

"George," I yell.

Alex and George come running into the kitchen. Both men look confused at the obvious state of disarray of the kitchen. Alex drops his bag on the ground and immediately runs to Izzie's side. I pick up the towel to show him the severity of the burn.

"Shit," is all he says in response.

George looks at me as if to say "what the hell is going on."

I move closer to him. "How are you," he asks.

"Shitty," I respond. "We need to get Izzie to the hospital. I mean we could take care of it, but I mean we don't have any of the things we would need to do so."

"Yeah I know, but she won't go will she."

"What do you think?"

I move back closer to Izzie. She's sill crying hysterically.

"Izzie we really need to go have this taken care of. Please Izzie. I know you're in a lot of pain, and neither one of us want to go to the hospital, but we have to. Please," I beg her.

"Izzie c'mon we'll only be there for 20 min max," Alex promises her.

I've never seen Alex be so sincere and sweet. When he looks at her his eyes seem to soften and his touch exterior seems to fade. Izzie looks at him and stops crying. She doesn't speak but rather shakes her head ok. Alex, yet again, scoops her into his arms. Izzie rests her head on his shoulders and he takes her to the car.

"Are you sure you want to go back to the hospital," George asks me as I pick up my coat.

"I'm sure I want to help take care of a member of my family. You guys are seriously all I have."

George puts his hand on my shoulder and we walk to the car.

gagagagagagagagagagaga

Izzie is sitting on the exam table. If I was in a better mood, and these were better circumstances, I would have found the scene to be quite humorous. She looks absolutely ridiculous with dried cake batter all over herself in her blue homemaker dress. She literally looks like a desperate housewife. Alex's holding her hand as George drains Izzie's blister.

I am sitting on the floor just watching. Too tired to do anything more. Too tired to run around the hospital trying to hide from Derek. Just too tired. I have a lot of shit to deal with and I need my energy. I need energy to care for my family and to care for myself.

Part of me knows that Finn is right that I need to let him, or someone in. But I'm not ready not yet, not more him or even Derek. I need to figure myself out, and I have a long way to go. No man can ever complete me. I have to complete myself.

The door swings open and hits me in the knee, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck," I cry out.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry," Derek says.

I get up to leave the room, trying to avoid this situation, or at least I try to get up. My knee is unable to support my weight, and I crash back down onto my ass. Great, just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse, and Derek couldn't hurt me anymore, he breaks my fucking knee.

"Get out," I scream at him. "Get the fuck out of here. Leave me alone. Haven't you done enough? Haven't you hurt me enough? Just stay away from me, and out of my life. You bring me nothing but pain, and you always have." Derek stands by the door and looks deeply hurt. I immediately regret what I just said. Derek turns and leaves the room.

"Ouch," Alex says.

"Seriously," Izzie follows up, speaking for the first time since she burned herself.

gagagagagagagagagagaga

I'm lying in a hospital bed. My knee isn't broken buy just jammed. Even with the pain medication Callie gave me I'm coherent enough to feel miserable. I need to be coherent. I shouldn't be able to escape this mess.

Had I really just pushed Derek out of my life? Was I really ready to do that? I mean I've told him to leave me alone in the past, but I never really mean it, and he never listened to me. But something was different this time. Maybe it was my tone or something, but this time I'm pretty sure he believes me. He had taken in to heart. I didn't want to lose him forever, but maybe things be easier this way. He would finally be out of my life.

But did I want him to be. Deep down inside I know that I want him to be by my side this very moment. I wanted to tell him all about my horrible day. I wanted him, but I need to stand on my own two feet for a while. I owed that much to myself. I need to tell him this. I realize that a lot of our problems are caused by the half-truths we always seem to tell one another.

When I think about it, the door situation was pretty symbolic for our relationship. He hurt me, but he didn't know that he was going to hurt me because he didn't see it coming. I was sitting behind the door, not making a single noise, not giving him any warning. While he actually was the cause of my pain, I put myself in a situation to get hurt. Seriously, who sits behind a door? Who falls in love with a man she hardly knows.

If I am going to become a better person, I need to better all aspects of my life, including communication. This wasn't just a problem with Derek and me, but with all of my friends.

I grabbed the crutches Callie put beside my bed and hobbled my way out of the exam room and off to mend my broken fences and fix my broken soul.