Even Our Emotions Have an Echo

Exactly as it should be

Author's Note: I really enjoyed writing the last part. It felt good to have Meredith making good choices and helping the people around her. I think I'm going to start jumping around with the timeline. I want this story to have a real sense of closure, but I want it also to be realistic. Mer isn't going to solve all her problems in week. Let me know what you think. Feedback is amazing, as always.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I woke up at 8. 8 in the evening. I'm amazed that I was able to sleep for so long. It feels pretty wonderful actually. I listen to the noises around the house. I hear people moving around downstairs. I think I smell food.

I climb out of bed and hobble down the stairs. Careful not to have another fall. I enter the kitchen. Addison is sitting at the table talking to Izzie. Christina's head in buried in the fridge. George is making a salad. For a second I realize we look like a semi-normal group of people.

Everyone looks up at me. I sheepishly smile. My gaze meets Addison's and she stands up as if she's going to leave.

"No Addison, stay. Eat with us," I say.

Addison looks at me without hurt or distain. She smiled at me. "I would like that."

Everyone is silent. They all just look at me as if they expect me to stay or do something. "What? I'm fine." I pause. "Okay, I'm a mess, but seriously I'm working on it."

This seems to be what they all want to hear, and it's actually the truth. No more lies. No more "I'm fine." Because I'm not fine, but for once I was moving in a productive direction to make things better. The silence is broken they all resume their conversations.

I sit at the table and just take in the scene that is occurring around me. This is how things are supposed to be. I listen to the laugher in the room, and realize that no one is complaining about their lives or talking about the hospital, but rather having normal conversations. Addison and Izzie are talking about the house Addison is going to rent. Christina is poking George in the side trying to take over making the salad. I smile.

"So Addison tell me about this house?" I ask as I allow myself to get lost in the moment.

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George, Izzie, and I are washing the dishes. It was well after 12, Addison, and Christina had just left. It really was a nice evening. We ate, talked, and drank more than our fair share of wine. I know I said I needed to be coherent, but tonight I was more coherent than I've been in a long while. This is life. I mean sure I'm in pain, and there will still things I needed to deal, but tonight I did not allow myself to wallow in it.

"Meredith we have this under control. Go sit down, relax. You have a rough day tomorrow," George says and he shoos me away from the sink. I really wasn't much help anyway. It's damn near impossible to wash dishes all the while holding myself up on crutches.

I hobble back up the stairs and grab my cell phone. Finn had called. I look at the screen unsure of what should I do. The last time I saw him I was a drunken mess and tried to force myself on him. Before I could think about it anymore, I hit the send button, and prey that he doesn't answer. Of course he answers.

"Hey Meredith," he answers.

"Hi Finn."

"How are you?"

"I'm better, much better."

"That's good to hear."

"I'm sorry about…" I begin.

"No don't. I am just happy that I was able to be there for you."

Silence fills the line.

"You're amazing you know that," I say.

He laughs. "If you say so. I just wanted to call and make sure you were ok. Give me a call sometime, alright."

"Ok," I lie, but I'm pretty sure all is understood. He would be perfect for someone else, but not for me.

"Goodbye Meredith."

"Goodbye Finn." I put my phone down on my dresser. I breathe out. I cannot believe that I'm going to bury my mother tomorrow. I didn't see her death coming. I wonder if she remembered who I was in her last moments. I wonder if she was proud of her daughter, the doctor. But part of me wishes that she spent he last few days reliving the days of her residency. She was happy then. She was with the man she loved. After Dr. Webber stayed with Adele she was never the same. Even though I was only five at the time, I noticed the difference in my mother. She smiled less, and worked even more. Regardless of what happened with Derek and I, I have to promise myself that I won't let my happiness depend on him.

I get up and go into the hall. I softly knock on Izzie's door. George has gone to bed. The house is dead silent. Slowly I push up the door with my crutch. Izzie is curled in a ball softly crying. I don't know what to say. I climb into bed next to her. I attempt to comfort her in someway, but I know this is something she's going to have to deal with on her own.

"Will this ever go away?" she asks.

"It will hurt less, you'll get stronger, and you'll be able to move on."

"That's the thing. I mean I miss him so much, but I can't stay in the house forever. It just makes it worse. Then I feel badly for wanting to go on with my life."

"Izzie, you have to go on. You know that what he would have wanted for you."

"I know, but I just, why is it so hard?"

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Addison wants me to come back and be her intern. She said I could do just OB-GYN stuff if I'd like, and when I'm ready go back to surgery."

"Is that what you want?" I ask.

"I don't know, I really don't," she says as she begins to cry again.

I rub her back and I lie there with her. This is what she needs. I begin to cry with her. It hurts to see a friend in so much pain and be unable to help her. I mean I'm just getting to the point where I can help myself. Izzie soon cries herself to sleep and I soon follow.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I can't sleep. I mean I slept all day. I'm tossing and turning in Izzie's bed. I didn't want tomorrow to come. I didn't want to bury my mom. I hear a soft tap on the front door. Of course of someone would be knocking on my door in the middle of the night. I can't be bothered with the crutches, not now. I scoot myself down the stairs and hop over to the door. I lean on left hand on the wall by the door, and open the door. It's Derek.

"Hey," he says. Suddenly I wish I brought my crutches. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," I reply. What does he want? Why is he really here? Why didn't I bring my crutches? "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure." He moves inside and closer to me. I can't move. I try to slide my hand backwards on the wall trying to move away from the temptation. I begin to lose my balance and, yet again, fall flat on my ass. I sit there feeling like a total fool. "Meredith we need to work on you falling and hurting yourself whenever there's a door involved."

"I know," I mutter. "Could you go into Izzie's room and get my crutches for me?"

Playfully he laughs at me as he goes and gets the crutches. He comes back downstairs and props the crutches on the couch.

"Derek," I say annoyed. Obviously I wouldn't have asked him to bring me the crutches if I didn't intend on using them. Before I could complain Derek bends down beside me and scoops me up in his arms.

"Put me down!" I cry. He ignores me. He begins to laugh again and carries me over to the couch. He puts me down and sits down next to me. "Asshole," I say as I punch him in him arm. He doesn't flinch, but rather looks at me and smiles. I never feel comfortable when he looks at me. It's almost as if he's looking beyond me, and he really sees me. Everything I'm feeling and hiding appears to be painfully obvious to him. I smile back at him.

"You're looking at me," I mutter.

"I am."

"Don't stop." I place my head on his shoulder and he puts him arm around me. In this moment I feel safe, and loved. Everything in the moment is exactly as it should be. We sit there for a while simply enjoying one another's company.

"Derek," I say breaking the silence.

"Yes," he replies as he smoothes my hair off my face.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know."

"My mother lives in Washington. In the suburbs of Seattle."

I sit up. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. Your turn."

"I invited my father to the funeral." Derek nods as if he understands the severity of my last statement.

Derek begins to tell me an assortment of things about himself that I didn't know—all about his family, childhood, and college years, more or less his life before Seattle. In turn I tell him all about Boston, my troubled teens, and my mother. For the first time I felt like I really know Derek. I had seen his best and his worst, and he has seen mine. Yet, I still don't know if our best was good enough.

Silence fills the room again. It's six in the morning. I'm getting sleepy, and so is he. I am resting my head in his lap. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm asleep. I hear his heavy breathing. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Meredith, are you asleep?"

"I don't answer."

"Want to know something else you don't know? I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for all the pain I caused you."

I don't say anything. I just lay there. I feel a tear roll down the cheek. A few minutes later I hear Derek's breathing slow and figure he's asleep.

"I love you too, always have, always will."

I close my eyes and fall asleep as I feel Derek look down at me.