Even Our Emotions Have An Echo

Filling the void

Author's Note: So I'm thinking this is going to be the second to last installment. There's still things I need to wrap up, but as far a major plot points and character development I think I'm more or less done, or will be done soon. Let me know what you think. I write this stuff for you guys :) enjoy.

Ps. The father scene was in part inspired by Daughter of the Bard. Who's work I really enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my own ideas.

I woke up lying by myself on the couch. I look around nervously. Did I scare Derek away last night? I hear someone walking down the stairs and I breathe out when I see its Derek.

"Hey you. I found the toothbrush I left here a while back," He says as he plops down on the couch next to me. He's completely casual like spending his morning here is something he's done a dozen times, and intends to continue on doing. I smile at him.

"I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. As if part of me hoped that one day you'd use it again." He smiles at me.

I lean in and kiss him on the lips. Soft. Quick. The kiss felt right. I could now remember the last time we kissed when we were happy because it felt exactly like this.

"That felt like a habit, you know like we'll be doing that the rest of our lives." He felt it too. We smile at each other and pause. I hear Izzie and George moving around upstairs. It's time to bury my mother.

Derek reaches out and squeezes my hand. "Mer, be strong. If you need someone to be strong for you I'm right here. I'm going to go change and get ready."

I nod and appreciate his sincerity. He gets up to leave and then stops.

"I remember why I came here last night." He pulls a piece of black cloth from his coat pocket. He throws it at me. Confusedly, I catch it. It's my black panties. I laugh.

"Thanks," I say. He turns to walk to the door.

"Derek," I call out. "We have to move slow."

"I know," he pauses, looks at me, and then smiles. "But we're going to be ok."

He walks out the door. I sit there for a moment and think about what just happened. Derek and I really will be ok. I realize that maybe, just maybe, for once love would be enough. I mean I still needed time to work on myself but being with Derek made me happy, and it felt so right. Perfect even. I want him in my life, and he wants to be there with me. I have to have faith in myself and in us, and that would come with time.

I snap myself out of my own reality and attempt to stand up without the crutches. My knee feels weak but I'm able to walk on it. It's time to focus on something outside of myself. I limp up the stairs and begin my day.

gagagagagagagagagaga

It's raining. Hard. The sun is hidden behind the dark rain clouds. Everything looks so dismal and bleak. They just put the coffin in the ground. Chief is crying. Izzie is crying. I'm crying. Derek is standing by my side holding my hand and an umbrella over me.

I can't believe this is actually happening. My eyes are grazing around the cemetery. I catch my father's gaze. His eyes are red and bloodshot. He's standing by himself. Alone. I walk toward the void in the ground, which now holds my mother's body. I take a piece of cool metal out of my pocket and throw it in the grave. My family's eyes light up when they see what it is. A scalpel. Her life, her beging, and he strength lied within the power of her scalpel.

I step back to my previous stop and grab Derek's hand. He gives it a strong squeeze. I turn to the groundskeepers and nod. It's time to close the earth. I can't watch. I've been strong this long. I turn and walk away.

"Meredith," my father whispers and follows me. I'm soaking wet. "Mer-bear, wait." I stop dead in my tracks when I heard my nickname from my childhood. I haven't heard that name since my mother left him eighteen years ago.

He reaches out and touches my shoulder. My entire body tenses, but I can't move. My knee is paining me.

"I wanted to fight for you. I really did, but I was tired. Tired of trying, so tired of fighting. I just gave up and it was cowardice, and wrong. It was over between your mother and I, but I should have fought for you. I never stopped thinking about you. You are always in my thoughts. I just didn't know what I could do," my father stammers.

My body relaxes upon hearing his words. Tired of fighting. I know exactly what he meant.

"Are you happy?" I ask him still not turning around to face him.

"Yes. I am, but part of me feels empty. Sometimes at night I pull out the pictures of the last vacation we took. You know when we went to…"

"Santa Monica. Mom went to a conference there so it was mostly you and I. You took me to the boardwalk and bought me cotton candy. We rode the Ferris wheel until I fell asleep." I remember that trip, every detail of it. I turn around and look my father in the eye. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," my father responds as he puts his umbrella over me. "I can't make up for the lost time or the pain I caused you, but I want to be apart of your life. I made a mistake eighteen years ago and I can't keep making the same mistake."

I look at him and give him a half smile. "Did you love her?"

"Yes I did. Very much, but she wasn't happy. She loved Richard and I couldn't compete with that. I had to let her go. I just wanted her to be happy."

"She died alone."

"She had you, she wasn't alone. Let me take you home." I nod and he leads me to the car. I get it and my father begins to get in the car when someone walks towards him and the car. It's the chief.

The two men don't speak. I gaze up at them through the car window. Dr. Webber stretches out his hand to my father. My father hesitates at first by soon grabs his hand. They sake hands as if they have finally come to an understanding of sorts. Neither man was ever able to make my mother happy, but it wasn't their job to. My mother's happiness came through becoming an accomplished surgeon. I do not doubt that her life would have been happier, and more complete with Dr. Webber in her life, but she didn't wait around for him. She took her life in her own hands. I had no choice but to follow my mother's example, but unlike her the man that I love loves me in return and wants to be with me. Maybe my life doesn't suck so much after all.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I go into my house and am relieved that it isn't empty. I look through the glass door at my father pulling out of my driveway. Maybe I could have a relationship with him after all these years. I mean at least I could try. He couldn't hurt me anymore than the eighteen years he was absent from my life hurt me.

I enter the kitchen. Izzie is making sandwiches and arranging them on a platter. Derek is sitting on the couch looking through my cd's while George sits across from him attempting not to look awkward. Callie is making drinks. Christina is in the kitchen demanding that Callie put another shot of vodka in her drink. I laugh. They all stop what they're doing and look at me. I didn't want to have a wake per se, but I wanted to have the people I love over. None of them really knew my mother, but they love me and were here to support me. It feels absolutely amazing.

"Hey," is all I say at first. "Thanks for being here, it really means a lot."

And it does.

AN: So what do you think I should do? End it? I mean I plan to give in a sense of closure, but I think I've taken it as far as I can. Let me know what you think, and review.