A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've been writing updates for this story all summer but I hadn't gotten around to posting them here. Now that has made updating so much easier I'll try and do better. :)
DISCLAIMER: As much as I'd like to, I don't own Alias or its characters. It is the property of ABC, Touchstone and Bad Robot Productions.
SUMMARY: The damage will never be done....
5th in the Cry of Orphans series
RATED PG-13
GENRE: Angst! Angst! And more angst! Did I mention Angst?
SPOILERS: None. This is a Future-Fic
DISTRIBUTION: I'd rather this is not distributed anywhere without my permission. I'll put it where I want it. But you're still welcome to contact me and try to convince me that my story should be in your fine archive.

For chimaera.

LOSS OF ORPHANS
By Aliasscape
Copyright 2004

It had been a year.

A year since Sydney had turned herself in. A year since she'd forced her way back into his life. A year since she'd sent a shockwave through his world.

He'd had to stand by and watch the CIA play her games. Offer her deals. Make compromises. He wasn't there to make compromises or deals. He wanted one thing. Answers.

He held up the photo packet to the glass of her cell for her to see. "How did you get these?"

A semblance of a smile appeared on her face, as if perhaps this was all too amusing. She barely even looked at the photo packet, simply watching his face. He'd managed to put off a visit to her all this time, but this couldn't be weaseled out of and ignored as he'd done with everything regarding Sydney for the past year.

"She's processed and in the cell downstairs. You can see her whenever you want," Weiss told him.

Vaughn shook his head. "I saw her before she turned herself in. I have no desire to ever see her again."

Weiss hadn't taken offense to his frosty tone. He'd just silently nodded towards who was entering the rotunda.

Vaughn shouldn't have found it surprising that he saw Jack Bristow arrive and head for the cell immediately. First, he'd wondered how Jack had gotten in. Jack Bristow no longer worked for the CIA. He didn't have to. Vaughn watched his reunion with Sydney on the monitor. He wanted to hear her explain herself and apologize. He wanted to see the tough Jack Bristow he knew demand answers and reasons and explanations. Instead, all he'd seen was Jack welcoming Sydney back with open arms.

Vaughn was not going to do the same.

"You'll have to talk to her sometime," Weiss told him, simply.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had realized Weiss was probably right. Sydney's return was going to cause quite the stir at the CIA. There were going to be briefings, meetings, interrogations and likely hearings held about her. As long as he was still working at the CIA, there was a good chance he was going to have to be involved in some of the proceedings. He knew she might even request to speak with him specifically. He had had no idea how he was going to handle it if she did.

What would he say to her?

Before he left work that day, he looked up at a monitor's constant feed of the cell. Sydney was pacing, getting acquainted with every inch of her prison. Her hair was far longer than she'd kept it eight years before. She looked directly at the camera, almost as if she was staring back at him. Her face had developed laugh lines. There was a dangerous look in her eyes, though she almost looked at home in the cell. She calmly settled on the cot. Vaughn was both mesmerized and alarmed by how much she looked like her mother. It was hard to think of her as Sydney, at least as his Sydney. She was so far removed from the woman he'd known eight years prior.

"Vaughn."

He loved the way she said his name. Both endearing and yet clearly demanding his immediate attention. He turned away from the dinner he was fixing her and greeted her with a quick kiss. "When did you get home?"

"Five minutes ago," she replied, with a smile.

He stepped back and turned back towards the stove. It was silent a moment and he looked back to see her staring at him. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head, almost shyly. "Nothing, I'm just..." She trailed off and smiled again.

He raised an eyebrow and turned to give her his full attention. "You're just...what?"

"I'm pregnant, Vaughn."

He couldn't help the grin that formed on his face. He moved to embrace her.

"I went to the doctor today--"

His grin lessened. "Without me?"

"I wanted to be sure before I said anything," she said seriously. "And I wanted to know what more I could be doing and that everything was going well and--"

"Sydney, we're going to have a baby!" he interjected, patting her stomach even though there was nothing to feel yet.

She giggled lightly. "Well, not for about eight months."

"We're going to have a baby," he repeated with wonder.

She placed a hand to his cheek and caught him in an intense stare. "I love you," she said, softly.

He kissed her again. "I love you, too."

He turned away from the monitor. That day had seemed like a lifetime ago. He headed home to his baby.

"What have you told Taryn?" Will asked him.

"I haven't told her anything. Nothing has changed. Telling her that her mother is imprisoned by the government isn't any better than telling her that Sydney abandoned us."

Jack disagreed.

"It changes everything. She is now in a concrete location. You can talk to her. She can answer your questions."

Vaughn shook his head. "The answers don't matter anymore."

He just wanted Taryn and him to be able to move on with their lives. Yet, he found himself sitting in the briefing room meetings, listening to others plead her case.

"Sydney is willing to give up substantial information about Sloane, his organization, and his facilities," Kendall explained.

Vaughn blinked, incredulously. "How can we trust this information? How can we trust a thing she says?"

"Agent Vaughn, if you cannot separate your personal feelings from your professional ones, then perhaps you shouldn't be involved in these briefings."

Leaving briefings about Sydney early became a habit for him. Sometimes he'd just go straight to Taryn's school and pick her up early.

"But, Daddy, I was going to go to Lila's."

"I just want you to come home, Taryn."

He didn't even know the reason he'd wanted that so badly at the time. They'd return to the house together, but not spend time together. Taryn would disappear into her bedroom to do homework or call Lila and he'd fix dinner. He realized now he'd done it for one simple reason.

He needed to have control over something in his life. Taryn he could control.

Taryn had been so good about it at first. She'd spontaneously just give him hugs or drawings. But she eventually became curious.

"Dad, you've been sad since Craig's wedding. What's the matter? Do you want to get married too?"

He didn't know what look he had returned her question with, but her concerned face suddenly seemed to look regretful that she'd asked.

"No, Taryn. I don't think I ever want to get married ever again," he'd answered, shortly, harsher than he'd intended.

Taryn had looked as though she might cry and retreated to her bedroom. He had instantly wanted to follow her, but he had a feeling if he spoke anymore on the subject he might just make things worse.

"Daddy, are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"You're always frowning. If you're not mad, then why?"

He hadn't expected Sydney's reemergence to affect him as much as it did. It affected everything about him. He would glance across the Ops Center and imagine he saw her standing there, waiting for him. It was the same at home. He'd look at the couch or step into the bedroom and be forced to recall that this was a home he'd shared with Sydney for over three years. And the memories refused to be drowned out.

"Sydney, what are you doing?"

"I want this bookcase on that wall."

"Well, I'll move it. Go sit down."

She frowned at him indignantly. "Vaughn, I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"And you're attempting to overexert yourself. I won't have you taking any chances."

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

He sighed. "I just don't know why I'd do if something, anything happened and I lost you."

Her expression softened. "Vaughn," she said, eyeing him affectionately. "Nothing is going to happen. You are not going to lose me."

Despite everything he'd done to remove her from the house, boxing away belongings and photographs, parts of Sydney still lived there, in the house. In him. In Taryn.

"Now, Taryn, the way this cupboard works is if for any reason you suspect there might be someone in the house and there's no way you can get out, I want you to hide in here and just be as quiet as you can. It's a secret panel. No one will know this hiding spot is here."

"But why do we need this? If someone ever broke in, I know you'd protect me." She smiled.

"But this is an extra precaution, because I couldn't bear it if anything ever happened to you."

The child looked at the cupboard and shrugged slightly, as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Dad," Taryn said seriously. "Nothing is going to happen. You aren't going to lose me."

He almost flinched.

He wanted to think of Taryn as Taryn and Sydney as Sydney. But he couldn't disregard half his daughter's genetics.

"Dad, Grandpa says I look like Mommy. Do you think so?"

He'd told her to finish her homework. Then, he'd gotten his gun, took a box of empty beer bottles and headed into the back woods behind the house. He had to release the tension and the only other idea that had come to mind was tearing apart every room in his house.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Taryn exit the house, all ready to join him. She waited patiently as he reset, expecting him to steady the gun in her hands for her turn as normal.

"Did you finish your homework?" he questioned.

She shrugged. "Not yet."

"I think you should go back inside and finish."

"But, Dad."

He frowned at her and she gave him a puzzled frown before turning to go back inside.

She stopped coming out to shoot with him uninvited.

He avoided Will and Weiss, knowing that if they dropped by, they'd surely bring up Sydney in someway. He knew Will had gone to visit her. He couldn't understand how they were all so calm about this. She'd certainly disregarded her friendships with them when she had decided to take off. Why they weren't angrier at her?

"You know she's sorry," Will told him, approaching his desk one day.

Vaughn looked up at the monitor where Sydney was pacing her cell. "Really? She's told you that?"

"Does she have to?" Will asked. "She came back, Vaughn. Isn't that enough of an answer for you?"

But it wasn't enough of an answer. He wasn't going to make assumptions about her actions ever again. He wanted to hear her tell him to his face how sorry she was. But as he looked up at her on the monitors, and the reports of the information she'd given, she didn't seem sorry. She had a new found power over the CIA. What did she have to be sorry about? Everyone was bending to her will and welcoming her back as if nothing had happened. The entire rotunda was focused on reacting to every page of information she was willing to give out.

"Have you looked at these latest statements from Sydney, yet?" Weiss questioned. "If this info pans out..." Weiss trailed off as he noted his best friend's frowning face. "Vaughn, all the info she's given us so far has been reliable."

"Irina gave us reliable information for quite some time as well. She still betrayed us."

"I was suspicious at first too. But, she is here to help us."

If she truly wanted to help them, then why give out the information in such small doses? Why wasn't she just handing over everything she had? He had only one answer. She was playing a game with them. And she was winning. But all his concerns were dismissed as him being unprofessional.

"Vaughn, we've tried to realize that this is an adjustment period for you. But this is getting out of hand," Kendall told him. "You need to deal with this. I'm not going to order you to attend sessions with Barnett, but you should seriously consider it."

Without being ordered to, Vaughn definitely wasn't going to go. Despite that he hardly had an appetite and was up most nights pacing the house, unable to sleep. When Sydney had first left, he'd found himself lying awake in bed many nights. His hand would wander to empty space beside him in the bed and be momentarily surprised to find it vacant. He'd taken to piling pillows beside him in the bed just so it didn't feel so empty. And when that didn't work, he'd get up and just watch Taryn sleep.

It didn't relax him as much after Sydney's return as it had before. He was worried about his daughter. He was finding her moody and standoffish and more difficult to handle. She was dropped off at home after an afternoon at Lila's and he did a double take as she entered the house. Her face was smeared with make-up. Taryn noticed his stare immediately.

"Why are you wearing that?"

"Oh, Lila's friend Amanda's older sister put it on. She's fourteen."

"You're too young for makeup, Taryn."

"It was just so we could-"

"I want that makeup off your face right now."

"But Daddy!"

"Now, Taryn! And don't come out of that bathroom until you've washed it all off."

The child had run into the bathroom as though she was angry, but he'd seen tears in her eyes before she did so. He'd grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sunk onto the couch. Taryn's face with make-up on had been startling. It had aged her features.

He had looked at his little girl and seen Sydney staring back at him.

Taryn had presented her make-up free face for inspection half an hour later. It was reddened, whether from crying or scrubbing, he wasn't really sure. He had tried to smile at her but she had just looked uncomfortable.

"You want to go out to eat?" he'd questioned.

Taryn shook her head.

"You want to go to Jack's?"

She hadn't answered him, but the look in her eyes had been obvious. She'd packed a bag eagerly as he'd called to let Jack know he would like to drop her off. He delivered her and her overnight bag to Lila's, giving her a quick hug goodbye before heading straight to Eric's. He'd gone into the house and sat down before he said anything.

"I can't continue with the way things have been. I can't sit there, with my wife on every monitor, the topic of every conversation, and pretend it doesn't affect me." He sighed. "I can't even go home to escape her."

Weiss sighed. "Taryn."

He nodded. "I've been considering my options for weeks now. I can't afford to quit the CIA again. Not right now."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I can't be a person I like right now. I can't come home and deal with Taryn after focusing on nothing but Sydney at work. And Taryn deserves better than that. I can think of only one thing to do right now. I'm going to return to field agent status."

He had no intention of doing high risk missions. He wasn't going to be out risking his life when he was Taryn's only parent. But he decided to talk to Devlin about surveillance-only field work. He knew that would be the easy part. It was going to take Taryn time to get used to the idea of him going out of the country several times a week.

"Why can't I just go with you?"

"It's just for work. And Marina will be here with you to make your meals and overnight if necessary. Lila's mother says you can stay with them some nights if you would prefer."

The worried expression on Taryn's face didn't seem to go away even as he listed options. A nanny and extra visits to her best friend's house weren't going to change that her father was going to be going out of town, away from her, overnight, for perhaps days at a time. He knew it was going to be an adjustment. He just didn't know how much of an adjustment.

It didn't take long for news to circulate. He answered an evening call just after Taryn had gone to bed and was greeted with a no-nonsense voice.

"This is a mistake."

"Thanks for your support, Jack. I appreciate it."

"Taryn does not need this type of instability in her life. Not right now."

"The missions will be low risk."

"I'm not talking about the risk. I'm talking about all the time you're going to be spending away from her."

"I'm still going to be here for her as much as I can. And Marina will take care of her when I'm gone."

Jack's voice tightened. "I will take her."

"You'll what?"

"I will take her. She can come to my house after school. She already has a room here where she can spend the night. It's only logical that you allow me to care for her while you're away."

Vaughn paused. "You'd be willing to do that?"

"I do not want my granddaughter raised by a nanny."

Jack had ended with a tone of finality. Vaughn had no doubt that Taryn would love to be able to spend more time with him. Even as Vaughn had no interest in spending more time with Jack, it was truly the best alternative for Taryn. Jack would make her feel safe and comfortable. That was exactly what she was going to need while he was away. And it would make leaving Taryn, if not easy, easier.

"Another trip?" Taryn asked, as she entered the bedroom.

He set the suitcase on his bed. "Two days, one night."

She sat down on the bed. "Why do you have to go on trips all the time?"

"I've told you Taryn. Because I have to do things for my job that I can't do in town." He unzipped the suitcase, and began adding clothes.

"Important things," she stated.

"Yes."

She looked down and then looked up at him again. "Aren't I important?"

He looked at her. "Of course you are."

"More important than you're job?" she pressed.

"More important than my job," he assured her, with a smile.

"Then, why can't you just stay here with me?"

"Taryn, go make sure your overnight bag is packed, alright?"

She stood up and started for the door. "I hate your job."

He had only pondered the comment a moment. He hadn't had time to do so any longer. The phone rang and he'd gotten some last minute mission information. The CIA had no interest in easing him back into field work. He had two and three day missions weekly at first. He spent more time in Russia and Korea and Australia than he did at home. The days he had off he spent sleeping and reviewing information for his next mission. But he had escaped what he'd wanted to escape. His time in the rotunda was limited. He had no idea what the CIA was doing with Sydney.

And he didn't want to know.

He had other things to worry about.

"But, Dad, you're missing all my soccer games."

"Not all of them, Taryn."

"Most!"

Admittedly, he was missing most of them. But at the time he told himself things would calm down. He'd have more time and more energy, and he'd make it up to her. He began doing his best to bring Taryn back a gift whenever possible. Whether it was a stuffed animal, a doll, jewelry or a snow globe. She accepted the gifts eagerly. She had at least known he'd been thinking of her even if he'd been away from her. It probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but he knew he had to do something. Weiss always knew what he was up to when he caught Vaughn browsing airport gift shops.

"Mike, you do know the last thing your daughter needs is more stuff."

Jack obviously felt the same. Vaughn stopped giving Taryn her gifts in Jack's presence as he received a rather obvious glare.

"You wouldn't have to buy your daughter's affections, if you weren't leaving her all the time."

He didn't take Jack's comments to heart. Jack had spent a lot of time away from Sydney growing up and he knew Jack didn't want him doing the same with Taryn. But Vaughn felt the situation was entirely different. He was still there for Taryn. Jack wasn't around when Vaughn tucked her into bed every night he was home. Vaughn didn't always have time for a story anymore but he tried to make sure Taryn knew if there was anything on her mind she could talk to him about it then. She normally gave him a quick hug and kiss, and settled down without saying anything. If there was anything wrong, he'd know it.

Or at least he'd thought he would.

"Taryn, I just got a call from your teacher. She says you haven't been participating in class lately. What's going on?"

"I haven't felt like it."

"Your schoolwork is important. You need to be doing your best."

"Okay."

He hadn't known what to say when he'd received no argument, except to expect more. But that wasn't what he'd gotten.

"I'm very concerned Mr. Vaughn. Taryn's grades are a steady decline. She's lashing out at the other children, and doesn't seem to be putting much effort into her homework. Is there some problem at home I should know about?"

Vaughn looked at Taryn's progress report and shook his head. "Nothing I can't handle."

He'd handled worse than declining grades before. It should have been simple.

"What's going on with school, Taryn?"

"Nothing."

"Then, why are your grades dropping?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you need to figure it out."

"Leave me alone!"

The more he pushed, the more she refused to talk to him. It frustrated him to watch her scribble away in a journal book in her bedroom, but not answer his questions. On one of his Saturday afternoons off, he actually attempted to locate the book. He told himself he'd only read a page or two and then leave it alone. He respected his nine and a half year old's right to have some privacy.

He looked under every pillow, stuffed animal, and behind every book on in her bookshelf. He searched boxes and yet there was no sign of the journal. He tidied the room up a little, and finally left it. He wanted to just take Taryn out to eat and try to get her mind off whatever was bothering her. But he got a call that night from work and spent two days in Sweden surveying a warehouse.

As soon as he got back into town, he just wanted to see Taryn. He went straight to Jack's house, even though it was nearly midnight. He knocked on the door and Jack opened it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to pick up Taryn."

"She's asleep," Jack informed him.

Vaughn had pushed his way into the house anyway.

"She can go back to sleep when we get home."

"Or you can pick her up in the morning."

He headed to Taryn's bedroom. She was sleeping soundly. He knelt beside the bed and rubbed her back gently, until she turned her head and blinked her eyes open to look at him.

"When did you get back?" she asked sleepily.

"About a half hour ago. Let's go home."

Taryn sat up slowly. "Home?"

Vaughn moved to pick up her bag. "Yes, I'm here to pick you up." He placed an arm around her as they left the bedroom.

"What about Grandpa?"

Vaughn stared at her, perplexed. "What about him? He's staying here." They turned the corner and entered the living room.

Taryn slipped out from under his arm. "I want to stay here."

Vaughn frowned momentarily. "You'll be back here later this week. Tonight, we're going home."

Taryn shook her head. "But Dad, I don't want to go."

"Taryn, what is this about?"

"I don't want to go!" she shouted, stomping her foot.

Jack appeared in the living room, with a questioning frown.

Taryn immediately rushed over and hugged him. "Grandpa, please don't make me leave. Can't I stay here tonight?"

Jack hugged her back momentarily. "Of course you can stay."

Vaughn swallowed. "Thank you for the offer, Jack. But Taryn really needs to come home tonight. Taryn, get in the car."

Taryn erupted into tears. "No! I don't want to!" She gripped onto Jack tighter.

Jack glared at Vaughn. "Go back to bed, Taryn."

"Jack," Vaughn protested.

"Now," Jack ordered. Taryn obeyed and disappeared behind her bedroom door.

"What do you think you're doing?" Vaughn demanded.

"You didn't think it would perhaps be a better idea to find out why she was so upset before just ordering her to leave with you?"

"You know why she's upset?" Vaughn questioned.

"Why is it so important that she leave with you right now?"

"She's my daughter whom I haven't seen in two days."

"She's been having nightmares."

Vaughn sighed. "Kids have nightmares."

"She's obviously not comfortable with how much you leave her. She needs to be able to count on you, and right now she knows she can't."

"So you're a therapist now, Jack? I was there for her for five years that you couldn't care less. Now, you think you know my daughter better than I do."

Jack stiffened. "Go home, Vaughn. Get some sleep. You can pick Taryn up at 8 a.m. tomorrow. Not before."

Vaughn had reluctantly gone home but he hadn't slept. Every time he closed his eyes he pictured the tear-stained face of his daughter. Taryn, in tears over the thought of coming home with him. Maybe it was because she was tired and he'd surprised her in the middle of the night. Jack talking about nightmares didn't make any sense. She'd had nightmares before. She was simply still adjusting to his new hours.

Vaughn arrived at Jack's house at ten to eight the next morning. He waited ten minutes before honking the car horn. Taryn exited the house slowly and climbed into the car.

"I missed you," Vaughn said, gently.

Taryn had had no reply.

Vaughn had lapsed into offering various places he and Taryn could go to spend some together, just the two of them. If any of the places interested her, Taryn didn't let on. He dropped her off at school and wished her a good day.

He couldn't let things stay this way, but he was at a loss as to how to get Taryn to talk to him. He called her therapist to find out if Taryn had been more forthcoming with her. The therapist had to admit that she'd reached a block with Taryn and hadn't been making progress in their sessions for several weeks. But she reminded him that Taryn would do best in an environment of consistency and stability.

Vaughn had hung up the phone and stared up at the monitors. Sydney was having a meeting with Kendall. He'd frowned. He'd done everything possible to make Taryn's life stable, but the deck was stacked against him. Sydney had disappeared and hadn't given him any warning that she was planning to return. His life lacked stability, and thus, so did Taryn's.

"Vaughn, if you're really that worried about what you being gone is doing to her, you could quit field work," Will suggested.

But he couldn't. He knew that wouldn't help. Being there drove him insane. Seeing her for longer than a few seconds overtook his defenses. For a small second, the eight years were disregarded. And he could remember what it felt like to hold her, to touch her. What she smelled like. How she laughed.

"If you just talked to her, it might be easier to work at the rotunda," Will thought.

No one else had dared to suggest the two of them interacting as a solution to anything. Perhaps they knew what he knew. If he yelled, he'd shout himself hoarse. If he cried, he'd never stop. And if he entered her cell, he'd break her neck.

"I know she left you, but she can't go back and change it. The damage is done."

He clenched his teeth. It was the only way to keep from yelling out his response. "The damage will never be done."

It only took one look at Taryn to convince him of that.

He was home when the bus dropped Taryn off from school. He called a greeting to her, but she quickly disappeared into her bedroom. He had taken a bracing breath and knocked on her bedroom door.

"Taryn?"

"Go away."

"How was school?"

Silence.

Vaughn sighed and opened the door anyway. "How was-"

He hadn't had to finish his question. A bruise on his daughter's cheek, scraped elbow, and grass stained, dirty clothes, made it obvious.

"You were in a fight."

Taryn's eyes filled up with tears as she looked back at him.

"Daddy, I'm sorry."

"Are you? I thought you had gotten past this."

Taryn looked down. "I just-"

"No apologies, Taryn. No excuses. This just does not happen again."

"But I-"

"NOT AGAIN!"

He'd startled Taryn and himself with the sound of his own raised voice. Her chin had quivered as she tried to keep from crying. She'd swallowed and nodded. He didn't soften. There had to be some consequences for her behavior. He banned her from television for a week and told her she couldn't go to Lila's. He had expected her to be more upset but she'd just sat on her bed and hugged her knees to her chest.

Vaughn left her room and disappeared into his own. He didn't know what to do with her anymore. And he unfortunately had little time to consider his options. He asked Jack to keep him informed as to if there were anymore fights. Maybe she was just attempting to get more attention. He tried to make it a point to contact her even while he was away. Whether it be from in-flight phones or when he was holed up at a hotel for the night.

"Hi, Daddy. Where are you?"

"I'm on a plane. How are you?"

"I'm good. I had a great day. Grandpa came to my soccer game today. Guess what? We won. And then he took me to the park and we got ice cream. He said if you're not back tomorrow, he'll take Lila and me to the zoo. You won't be back, will you?"

He had stumbled through admitting he probably wouldn't be even though he wanted nothing more than to come home right that second. Will hadn't thought it was anything to be worried about.

"Well, that's healthy right? You don't want her sitting around doing nothing but missing you."

"Is it wrong that I want her to at least miss me a little bit?"

He said it jokingly but he had realized since that he'd really meant it. Especially when he once overheard Lila and Taryn talking.

"Your grandfather is the coolest."

"I know," Taryn responded with a grin. "He said next time I visit on a weekend, we can go to the beach. I can't wait for my dad to go away again."

Innocent words he knew he wasn't supposed to overhear, but he couldn't change the fact that he had heard them.

"Dad, can I go to the movies with Lila tonight?"

"Why don't we spend some together at home? We haven't had an evening of just the two of us in awhile."

"Lila's mom will pay for the movie."

"Taryn, no. Let's just spend some time together as a family."

Taryn rolled her eyes. "Grandpa would let me go."

"Well, you're not at Grandpa's."

"I wish I was."

Vaughn tried to figure out how his daughter had become a teenager three and a half years early.

"I can't recall the last conversation we had that didn't end with a slammed door. She's nine and a half--"

"Going on seventeen," Weiss laughed.

He hadn't joined in the laughter. He'd already moved onto his next thought.

"This last year has just been so hard on her."

"It's been hard on both of you," Weiss responded.

"I just, I don't know how to help her."

"Maybe you need to help yourself first."

He wished he'd taken Weiss's advice to heart at the time. Instead, he'd disregarded the advice as a product of his best buddy watching too many daytime talk shows.

Things weren't awful all of the time. There were normal days when nothing disastrous happened. He lived for those days. Days when he still tucked Taryn into bed and the day didn't end with them yelling at each other.

"I love you, Taryn."

"Good night, Daddy."

"See you in the morning."

But he hated dropping her off at Jack's. Jack would greet him with a glare each time. Taryn would throw her arms around her stoic grandfather, unfazed. She would quickly leap into babbling about her day or soccer or piano. Updating him on every detail of her life even though a day hardly went by that they didn't see or speak to each other.

Vaughn watched their exchanges knowing he was an outsider and that they had their own relationship. But he couldn't stop himself wondering why his daughter couldn't be this eager to update him. He knew he didn't do his best on his mission in Frankfurt. His mind rarely wandered to the mission objective. He pictured Taryn and the smile she reserved solely for her grandfather.

"Hey, did Jack Bristow tell you?" Agent McCarthy asked. " The CIA is allowing him to consult on Sydney's case."

"Consult? What for?"

"I think they want to offer her a deal. Nine months of perfect intel. She's got their trust. It'll be a couple months before they iron out the details, but she plays her cards right, then she's getting full immunity and out of that cell."

Vaughn felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. They just could not do that.

He didn't sleep the rest of the op. He attended his debriefing in a fog. It was ten o'clock at night when he set out for home, but his heart pounding in his ears made it impossible to concentrate. He found himself at Jack Bristow's house. He should have just gone home. He should have asked to sleep on the couch, or slept in his car. But he didn't.

He got out of the car and knocked on the door.

"I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." Jack stepped back to allow him inside.

"You have your surprises, I have mine."

"Are you alright?"

"I thought that after everything we've been through with Taryn over the past couple of years that you could have thought of her first."

Jack was silent, having a realization as to what Vaughn was referring to.

"And tried to spare us as much pain as possible." He stopped as he saw Taryn peeking out of her bedroom, still awake but in a nightgown.

Vaughn shook his head at Jack. He pushed opened the bedroom door and took his daughter by the hand. "Taryn, it's time to go."

Taryn shook her head. "No."

Jack scowled. "Now wait a minute."

"No, Jack. You've obviously made your decision. I'm making mine." Taryn tried to pull her hand from his.

Jack began to look his calm. "You are being irrational-"

"If you are going to be in her corner, then fine. But there will be consequences."

"Grandpa?" Taryn pleaded, tears starting down her face.

Vaughn gave her a stern look. "Taryn, we are leaving right now."

"No!"

He started towards the door, still holding her hand, but she didn't follow him.

"Vaughn-"

He shot Jack a glare. "Don't!"

Taryn started to cry, bewildered.

Vaughn picked her up and carried her out the door. He put her in the car, fastening her seatbelt for her. Her wails got harder as he got into the car and started pulling out of the driveway.

She cried the entire drive. Her cries had been reduced to coughs and hiccups by the time he pulled into their driveway at home. Her body shuddered from her sobs. He turned off the car and just sat there a moment. Taryn looked at him with furious brown eyes while angry tears burned down her cheeks. The question on her face was unmistakable.

Why?

He hadn't known how to begin but he'd given it a try.

"I know this doesn't make any sense to you right now and I can't explain it. But some day, when you're older--"

"I hate you."

He'd fallen silent. She'd grabbed his car keys from the ignition, jumped out of the car and ran into the house. He'd sat there a moment. Just watched as his own daughter ran away from him. And replayed her words in his mind over and over again.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou.

Taryn had looked him in the eye and told him she hated him and he had no doubt that she really meant it. He didn't know how long he sat in the car, wondering what kind of person he'd become that his own daughter hated him.

He hesitantly finally entered the house. He went to Taryn's room. The door was closed and when he pushed it open, he realized she'd tried to barricade it with various books and toys. He stepped over them and walked over to the bed. She was lying on her stomach on the bed, on top of all the covers. Her cheeks were red and tear stained, but she was thankfully asleep. He gently pulled the blankets around her and sighed.

He sat down in the rocking chair beside her bed, where he used to sit to read her bedtime stories. Where he would rock her in her arms when she was sick. Where he had rocked her to sleep the night Sydney had abandoned them. In a room he had decorated with Sydney.

In a life he was supposed to be sharing with Sydney.

"Vaughn, what are you doing in here?"

He stared down at the crib. "I was just trying to picture her."

Sydney moved to stand beside him. "I've been trying to think about what it will be like when she's here. What she'll look like. What she'll be like."

He grinned. "She'll look like you," he said, with certainty.

Sydney laughed. "Maybe."

"We'll take her everywhere in the world. England, Japan-"

"France," Sydney cut in.

"Of course," he responded. "She'll be completely spoiled."

"Not too spoiled," Sydney countered.

He grinned mischievously. "You'll have to be in charge of that."

Sydney smiled back then looked serious. "We'll protect her and make sure she isn't ever forced into any life she doesn't want."

"And she'll have two parents that love her more than anything in the world."

Best laid plans.

Vaughn called Marina to come over early the next morning. He let her know he'd probably need her around more for at least several weeks. He headed for work before Taryn woke up and arrived long before he needed to be in. He went up to the offices.

"Agent Vaughn, I've been hoping to see you. What can I help you with?"

"Dr. Barnett, I think I...I think I need to talk."

The doctor had invited him into her office, taken a seat and looked at him expectantly.

"I don't know where to begin," he admitted.

"Well, what made you decide to come here?"

It had taken him a moment, but he finally just said it.

"I'm afraid I'm losing my daughter."

It was a short session, and he wasn't sure what kind of progress he really made. Barnett setup a regular appointment schedule for him. He went to do a normal day of work, but returned home on time because he wanted to be there when Taryn arrived. But it wasn't Taryn that he met at home.

"Vaughn, we need to talk."

"I don't think we have anything to talk about, Jack. I appreciate everything you've done for Taryn over the past few months. But I've already increased Marina's hours. Taryn won't be coming to your house when I'm away anymore."

"You're punishing her to punish me."

"No. I'm just trying to maintain a relationship with my daughter. And right now, I need to do that away from your interference."

Vaughn started to head into the house.

Jack remained stationary. "Sydney is going to get out with or without my help."

Vaughn turned to look at him. "If you truly believe that, then why are you trying to help her?"

"I have no doubt you would do anything to secure the freedom of your own daughter."

"Not if she was a threat to society."

Jack's eyes narrowed, and his voice tightened. "I know that we have had our differences, but I know you. I know what her disappearance has done to you. And you are fooling yourself. You don't want Sydney locked up because you feel she's a threat to society. You want her locked up because you think that's what she deserves for leaving you. But you are not the only one who lost someone the day she left, and your refusal to realize that, has hurt your daughter more than anything Sydney could ever do."

Vaughn had been silent as he watched Jack climb back into his car and drive off.

Taryn arrived home only a few minutes later. She passed him and went into the house without a word. She gave him the silent treatment for days. He thought she couldn't keep up for too long. Eventually she'd want something and have to ask him for it. He dropped her off at school himself, but she wouldn't talk during the drives. He made sure they had meals together, but she ate quietly. He'd try to tuck her into bed at night, but she'd turn her back to him and face the wall. She'd stiffen if he tried to hug or kiss her.

He hoped that having her spend time with Weiss and Will would lessen how much it bothered her not to be seeing Jack. They were more than happy to take her. But they seemed unsure it made any difference and she wasn't any different when she got home. He tried shooting in the backyard and asking that she join him. Sometimes she would, sometimes she wouldn't. But she didn't speak to him either way.

He eventually learned that her behavior wasn't being limited to him.

"Taryn's not participating in class. She's not socializing with the other students. And she won't talk to any of the teachers or counselors about what's wrong."

He checked with Mrs. Ramirez.

"Taryn's been sitting out a lot at practices."

And Lila.

"Taryn doesn't want to hang out with me. She doesn't call me anymore."

And her therapist.

"No, she hasn't been speaking to me. We've been doing some art therapy during our sessions."

He was very concerned about leaving Taryn for an assignment in Japan. It was only going to be for one night. Marina would stay with Taryn. But leaving her seemed like the worst idea.

He knelt down in front of her. "I'll be back tomorrow, Taryn. And when I get back, we'll go somewhere, just the two of us."

Taryn stared at him, her face expressionless.

He had hugged her stiff form and headed out the door. He saw her watch him out the window as he climbed into the car. He waved to her. She didn't wave back. He did as he promised when he returned home but things only seemed to get worse instead of better.

"She just turned ten years old. She doesn't laugh. She doesn't cry. And she doesn't talk. I don't know what to do for her."

He told Devlin he couldn't keep going away. He needed to be there when Taryn woke up in the morning and when she went to bed and after school. He needed her to have every opportunity to see that he was there for her. And he was ready to try anything.

"Tell me you want to go to Jack's. Just say it out loud, and I'll take you to see him."

Taryn had stared at him a long time, with nearly a pleading look in her eyes. Her mouth had nearly opened, but then her lips had pressed themselves back together and she'd remained silent.

He should have taken her there anyway, but he didn't. When it was the one thing that had brought her close to speaking to him, he couldn't just give in that easily. And he knew Jack was heavily preoccupied with Sydney's case.

If only Sydney hadn't ever come back. If only she hadn't ever left in the first place.

"I know you'd like to believe if Sydney hadn't left that your life would be perfect and you'd be a happy, perfect father," Dr. Barnett told him. "The truth is that may not be the case. You want permission to blame Sydney for everything wrong in your life. I can't give you that. And I wouldn't be helping you if I did."

He would have stopped blaming Sydney right that second if he'd thought it would make a difference. But Taryn wasn't going to know whether he was blaming Sydney or not. And he knew things would have been different if she hadn't ever disappeared.

An alarming phone call from Taryn's school sent him rushing out of the office in the middle of the day.

"Mike, what's happening?"

"Taryn's missing from school. She never came back inside from lunch recess. No one knows where she is."

He went to the house first, hoping she'd just tired of school and found someway home. But she wasn't there and Marina hadn't seen her. The nanny noted that some of he clothes were missing so it at least seemed like her disappearance was her own choice. Will and Weiss helped him question her classmates. But they hadn't seen anything. Not even Lila had any ideas. When he talked to Mrs. Ramirez, she assured him that Taryn wasn't hiding at her house, including Lila's tree house in the backyard.

Weiss tried the park and the zoo. Will searched the beach and the pier. There was no sign of her.

"Where else would she go?" Will wondered.

Vaughn swallowed his pride and knocked frantically on Jack's door. Jack Bristow raised an eyebrow at him when he answered the door and gave no greeting.

"Tell me she's here," Vaughn pleaded.

Jack's stare hardened. "Taryn's missing?"

"Look, if she's here, she can stay here. I don't care."

"Vaughn, she's not here."

Vaughn forced back tears. IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou. This time he'd really done it. IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou. This time he'd truly lost her.

They called the police. They got her picture out to the local new stations. Search parties were formed. Bus stations and airports were checked. But day turned to night with no real leads. She'd vanished, just like her mother had done nine years before.

"Where do you go when you want to disappear?"

The observatory was closed. And she wasn't at the bluffs or the Palisades either.

"And then I remembered you liked the train station. Normal people going to their normal jobs."

Some day, he'd have to thank Sydney.

The train station was nearly deserted. He entered and scanned the few stragglers. And then, he'd spotted his small daughter sitting on one of the benches, backpack sitting beside her. He sighed in relief and watched her a moment. She looked so very lonely. He walked up to her slowly and sat down beside her. She looked up at him uncertainly and started to frown, obviously expecting a scolding.

"Where were you going?" he wondered, aloud.

She glared at him. "To find my mother."

He was so happy to simply hear her voice that it took some of the sting out of her words. "Why?"

Taryn looked down. "Maybe she'll let me live with her."

"You want to live with her?" he questioned, gently.

"You don't want me around," Taryn accused.

He sighed. "Taryn--"

"It's true. You're always mad at me! You hate me!"

He blinked. "No, Taryn, it's not true. I'm not angry at you. I could never hate you."

Taryn hugged her knees to her chest. "You hate my mother, don't you?"

He watched her carefully. "What makes you say that?"

Taryn rested her chin on her knees, looking like she was going to cry. "You won't ever talk about her. You must hate her."

Vaughn sighed. "Your mother left us, Taryn."

Taryn swallowed, raising her eyes towards his slowly. "Was it because of me?"

"No," he said firmly. "It was not your fault."

"Then, why?"

"She didn't tell me why, she just left."

Taryn looked down. "Do you think she'll ever come back?"

"No, I don't think she's ever coming back to us."

Taryn was silent a moment. "Do you think she misses me?"

"How could she not?" Vaughn smiled and kissed the top of her head.

Taryn smiled slightly.

Vaughn looked around. "Your mother liked it here."

"She liked the train station?"

"Yeah, she did."

The little girl sat back a moment, just taking in her surroundings. "I like it here, too." Then, she looked up at him. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go home now?"

"Yeah." He stood up. "We can go home now."

They left the train station hand-in-hand and for the first time in a long time, he actually thought things were going to be okay. Taryn had taken finding out about her mother far better than he'd ever thought she would. They cautiously rebuilt their relationship over dinners, homework help and shooting bottles in the backyard.

"Can I...still visit Grandpa, sometimes?" Taryn questioned, as she set up new bottles.

Vaughn reloaded his gun. "You can call him up whenever you want."

"But, you're still mad at him, aren't you?" Taryn debated a moment. "If you don't want me to visit him, I won't."

Vaughn put an arm around her. "Taryn, your relationship with your grandfather and my relationship with him are two entirely separate things."

Taryn fell back into calling Jack regularly and visiting him as if nothing had happened. Though, Vaughn and Jack limited their conversations to things relating to Taryn. Vaughn figured as long as they didn't talk about Sydney, they could at least remain civil.

Vaughn went back to limited field work. He thought he was over the return of Sydney. He thought nothing else that happened with her could seriously affect him, short of her actually being released. And then Weiss stopped him in the rotunda.

"Hey, you coming over Friday night?"

Silence.

He looked up at his best friend. "What's wrong?"

"Mike, I just got back from a mission to Finland, one based on intel from Sydney. She'd hid some information there...among other things." Weiss shifted uncomfortably.

"Eric?"

Weiss held out a photo packet to him. "You'll just have to see for yourself."

Vaughn flipped open the packet. He felt his entire face tighten and his mouth go dry.

He stared through the glass at Sydney. "You haven't shown any visible interest in Taryn since she was nine months old, but you have pictures, recent pictures of her."

Sydney looked at him expectantly.

"Who took them?" Vaughn queried. "Why? Is this person still watching her?"

Sydney looked mildly annoyed.

Vaughn repeated his question slower. "Are they still watching her?"

Sydney turned away from the glass and walked back over to her cot.

Vaughn shook his head. "You know, I wanted to have a child with you because I wanted it to be the strong, confident person I knew you to be. But instead, all I learned was that I don't know you at all and maybe I never did."

Sydney sighed. "The person who took those pictures is no threat to her. I would have put a stop to it if they were."

"Why were they taken?"

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "You think I never wondered what she looked like, how she was-"

"You could have called and asked how she was," Vaughn interjected.

"Or dropped by for a visit." Sydney shot him sardonic look.

"Or never have abandoned her in the first place!" Vaughn shook his head and sighed. "I'd never seen you quit at anything. How could you quit at this?"

Sydney blinked slowly.

His voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "We had a daughter..."

"No, Vaughn," she countered sharply, rising and approaching the glass. "You had a daughter; I had a baby I didn't know how to take care of."

"And that gave you the right to just disappear?"

She crossed her arms. "I'm not proud of it."

"I would have helped you!"

"You couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because you have no idea what happened that day."

"Because you didn't tell me!"

Sydney let out an exasperated sigh. "I know it seems impossible to believe, but I didn't leave to hurt you." Her voice softened. "I loved you."

He shot daggers back at her. "You didn't love me," he countered, dryly.

"I didn't love anyone else!"

"But you left." As he spoke, she turned away from the glass and walked to the furthest wall. "And I have spent the last eight years picturing you in some dark place, hoping you were suffering the way Taryn and I have suffered."

Her head turned, and she looked at him with eyes narrowed. "What makes you think I wasn't?"

He stiffened. "Whether you get out of here or not, I don't want you anywhere near me or Taryn. You stayed away for eight years. It should be easy for you now."

She sat down on her cot and hugged herself. "It was never easy."

"How difficult could it have been? You never had to think about us ever again."

Her eyes rose towards his momentarily. "If you truly believe that, then you're right. You don't know me."

He was silent a moment. "I want a divorce, Sydney."

She said nothing. He couldn't read the expression on her face, but she obviously wasn't surprised or outraged.

He continued calmly. "I want closure. I want you out of my life with no more loose ends."

She didn't look at him.

He turned to leave.

"Vaughn--"

His cell phone interrupted her. He pulled it from his pocket and placed it to his ear.

"Mike, where are you? I've been trying to reach you for an hour."

Vaughn waved to the guard at the end of the hall to raise the gates. "Why, Eric? What's the matter?"

"It's Taryn."

Vaughn froze, no longer sure where he was going or if. Eric continued talking and he did forced out logical questions, but his heart was pounding in his ears. When he finally ended the call, his mouth was dry. He returned his cell phone to his pocket with a shaky hand.

Then, he turned quickly and walked back to the cell.

Sydney looked at him.

"You had something to do with this, didn't you?"

She raised a questioning eyebrow.

He pushed the pictures against the glass. "Who was watching her? If they are truly no threat, then you can tell me who it was."

Sydney stood. "Vaughn--"

"Tell me who it was!"

"Tell me what's going on!"

"I'm afraid I'm losing my daughter."

"The police are at my house! There are signs of forced entry! My living room is covered in bullet holes! Taryn's nanny is dead!"

"If someone ever broke in, I know you'd protect me."

Alarm seemed to flash in her eyes but her calm expression didn't change. Her eyes darted back and forth as if processing, but she didn't look surprised or concerned.

"There's blood in Taryn's bedroom!"

"Dad," Taryn said seriously. "Nothing is going to happen. You aren't going to lose me."

Sydney looked him in the eye and this time she looked guilty.

Vaughn beat the glass. "You tell me where she is! You tell me where my daughter is!"

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