How Elizabeth Got Her Groove Back….

Summary: Elizabeth has had enough and needs to get her head on straight.

Category: Humor

Season 2 / Spoiler Intruder

Warning: Woman scorned! She's not happy and has a little potty mouth going on.

A/N: Lots of inspiration for this story. Emergencyfan's last fic (loved it!), talking with someone who was having guy troubles, a letter sent to me saying that I needed to write more using the women of Atlantis, my own writing funk and being told the cure was to put together something fun, and well, I am married and the hubby can tick me off sometimes just by looking at me. Oh, and I had a little help from Emergencyfan…. I'm still laughing!

Atlantis isn't mine and this is written for entertainment only.

oOo

The thin silver chain slid between the fingers of Elizabeth's left hand, the locket coming to rest against her open palm. Tracing the etched pattern lightly with her right index finger, the memory of the day Simon had given it to her flashed through her mind… before she squashed the thought like a bug! Another woman! What was he thinking? Okay, so she had sent him a tape and told him to move on; but really, that's when she thought she was going to die a painfully horrendous death. Didn't he realize how important her work was? She had no choice; she had to come to Atlantis. It was for the good of Earth. It's not like she left to go on a shopping spree with a group of friends. And he could have come back with her, but nooooooo, he had to go shack up with someone new. At least he told her to her face—eventually.

Dropping the delicate chain back inside the small black velvet box, she stashed it to the rear of her desk drawer before giving it a firm slam shut, causing the coffee in her mug to slosh across several open files. See, he wasn't even around and caused her yet another problem. Oh well, good riddance. Who needs to have a man anyways?

And speaking of such creatures, there they were again, the two peas in a pod striding past her office door in their away gear, their raised voices shouting, trying to be heard over the other. They fight like an old married couple she grumbled to herself, watching their backs as they both stopped abruptly at the top of the steps. It was when their heads both snapped in the same direction, and the noise level dropped so that no one could hear what they were saying while they snickered and elbowed each other like a pair of high school boys, that she stood, grabbed her coffee, and walked to the large windows so she could see what they were watching.

And there she was. Of course, Elizabeth should have known. Down on the main floor was Atlantis's very own Playmate of the month, Victoria, or Tori 'with a squeak and a flip of her fake blonde hair' as she was known to her friends. Bending over in her low cut red shirt, she giggled and teased while pointing something out to the flush faced engineer, who apparently had lost all powers of speech as he continually dropped his gaze from her face to stare at her ample chest.

Men.

Her own gaze drifted back to the pair of voyeurs at the top of the stairs. Yep, still there. Still drooling like the dogs she knew all men to be. Setting her coffee mug back on the edge of her desk, she straightened the seam on her not-quite-so-filled-out red shirt and made for the door. Time to take care of 'little miss perky bust' and get everyone back to work.

Stepping silently from her office and coming to a halt behind the pair, she allowed herself the briefest glimmer of a smile at the thought of giving both just the slightest push. What would Perky think if she caught them tripping down the staircase?

Of course Carson would have her ass in a sling for that one. Those big blue puppy dog eyes had a way of scolding that would make any sane woman want to just reach out and smack that look right off his face, if she didn't start to swoon first. Not to mention Colonel Chromedome--that man wanted her job and she sure as hell wasn't about to let him get his hands on it…or anything else of hers for that matter.

Men. 'Pushy know it all, think they run the universe' bastards. All it took was a pretty smile and a big pair of … she tugged her shirt down and stared at her own chest. Damn. When was the last time she was leered at? Pasting on her best innocent smile, she reached up and dropped a hand on each of their shoulders, enjoying the way they both jumped under her touch. "Colonel Sheppard? Doctor McKay? Something you gentlemen needed?"

McKay actually had the courtesy to blush at being caught. Sheppard on the other hand grinned like a fool. No big surprise there, she thought to herself, giving him her best questioning raised brow. Only problem was, he did it right back. Bastard…and a cute one at that. She mentally kicked herself.

Men…. See? See? That's all they have to do to distract a woman. She'd run into this before and now it was happening all over again. First, that no good weasel Simon, then O'Neill and his team, and now 'them'. How Carter put up with her own group of 'them' might require a coded message on the next thread sent back to the SGC.

"Elizabeth?"

This time, she was the one who jumped, then grimaced to feel her face start to burn when she discovered her fingers digging into their shoulders as they both stood staring back at her.

Sheppard's eyes twinkled but he retained a straight face, and McKay on the other hand looked clueless. But it was Perky's self-deprecating giggle from below that actually caused a twitch to form above her left cheek. This needed to end now.

"Did you need something, Elizabeth?" Sheppard innocently asked again. A hint of a smile quirked the corners of his mouth.

Did she need something? Frustration boiled over and she did something she thought she'd never do in a million years. In a heartbeat, she reached out and smacked him on the back of the head. Half in shock at her own actions, she couldn't help but be amused as a look of utter surprise came over his face. She smiled then. "Why no, John, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." Pointedly walking between the pair, she practically sauntered down the steps, leaving both to stare after her in utter disbelief. Well, at least they're not thinking about Miss Perky any more. She could be embarrassed about it tomorrow she decided, rerunning the shocked expression on their faces over in her mind with a smile on her own face.

At the bottom of the steps she was greeted by the same expressions…but for different reasons. Engineer Bubba couldn't even meet her gaze…. He knew he'd been caught and was in the doghouse. But it was Tori, Elizabeth ground her teeth when the bimbo actually tried to give her a reassuring smile that faltered when it met ice, who was toast in her book.

How dare Perky treat her opportunity to be a contributing member of Atlantis as a way to advance to an entirely unspoiled new dating pool. Didn't she realize the importance of the role that she played as an intelligent, hand-picked, female scientist on the expedition? Hand-picked…just like Elizabeth was! The sacrifices they made to be here! Or were her brains now floating in plump bags of saline?

Okay, so maybe men weren't the only stupid ones. Here was yet another possible ripe-for-the-picking conquest for him. Elizabeth briefly glared back up the staircase and found both men still curiously watching her, before she turned back to face the brunt of her agitation.

"Is there a problem here?" Her voice held no emotion to warm her barracuda smile.

Confusion clouded the woman's face. "No, Dr. Weir, we were just realigning the sensor grid."

"I see. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your specialty, Dr. McAdams, is anthropology. And if I remember from your file, you also have advanced degrees in linguistics and sociology?"

That won a beautiful smile filled with straight white teeth and pride. "You are correct."

Elizabeth's smile slipped and the twitch reemerged. "But… I don't recall anything in regards to gate engineering." She took a menacing step closer to Perky, causing the other woman to take a hesitant step back, "Or for that matter, any type of programming at all. Am I wrong?"

"Uh, no." Perky's confidence appeared to be slipping.

"Then perhaps you should return to your station so that the others who are to be working here will spend more time on their assignments… and less time on socializing." Her words hit home and Engineer Bubba blew out a strangled breath, gathered his tools, then made his way up the stairs to the main controls…. He apparently could take a hint, especially one lit in neon Weir. Passing Sheppard and McKay at the top, she watched him as he cast them both a furtive glance and rolled his eyes.

Men. That's right, stick together. Her gaze then returned to the woman who was cautiously making her way across the gateroom floor before disappearing quietly down the hallway.

Okay, that was fun. For some reason she felt better and straightened her shoulders, then surveyed her surroundings. This is what she sacrificed so much for.

Elizabeth's sense of victory faded when she realized her love for Simon was more than collateral damage. Reaching up slowly, her fingers traced over her bare collarbone, the absence of the locket leaving an emptiness.

Someone close by cleared their throat and the sound pulled her from her reflection. In front of her was now assembled Sheppard's team, waiting to go off world on their next adventure. To her chagrin, she discovered she was blocking the gate. "Sorry. I was lost in thought."

"Happens to McKay all the time," Sheppard quipped with a shove to the open-mouthed scientist's back. Whatever the comeback was, would be heard on the other side.

Teyla was next. She too was a woman who had given up much to be here and Elizabeth shared with her a knowing smile. The sisterhood of leadership was a bond she needed to nurture with the Athosian.

With the three gone, leaving only she and Ronon left before the open gate, she studied the hulking silent figure who did the same to her in return. His gaze locked on hers and the slightest hint of a smile tugged at his cheeks only to be highlighted in his dark eyes. He broke away first, striding purposefully towards the gate then stopped for a final glance back, and then was gone.

Elizabeth felt warmth flush her face as she stared at the now shimmering vortex in disbelief. Did he just check out her ass before he'd stepped through?

The gate shut down leaving her standing alone with a smile on her face. Giving her shirt a tug and then smoothing her hand across the seat of her pants, she left the room with a spring in her step. Maybe she'd go find Carson and see if he might be interested in getting some coffee.

The End