Part V - Clarity:

Part A:

"...I guess what I'm trying to say, Shawn is that...I hate myself more than you ever could for hurting you the way I have. You probably won't believe this, but I wanted to tell you the truth the moment I found out. And the only answer I can give you as to why I didn't...was...fear. Fear of losing you, fear of being alone, fear of...oh, God, fear of everything. That's no excuse, I know, and believe me, I'll spend the rest of my life hating myself. But, maybe someday, you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I don't deserve it, but holding on to hatred is like a disease. It'll just eat away at you and you deserve more than that. I'll love you forever, Shawn. Whether you love or hate me after today or not, I'll always love you and want you to be happy.

Perhaps, someday, we'll meet again.

Love always,

M."

Shawn remembered every word of her letter to him verbatim. However, the last part of the letter was the part that would be forever emblazoned in his mind. He could just see her at the desk in their apartment, crying as she wrote those words. Every stroke filled with an agony that had become unbearable. His heart ached for her. Broke in half for the pain she felt for hurting him. Where others would tell him to be angry, to cry hatred, he felt lower than he ever had before. He loved her and she was suffering. Whether she was wrong or not, she felt pain and he hurt because of it.

"Babe, what is it?" - Shawn's voice was full of concern. Mimi sat on the couch crying, clutching a letter in her hands. "What's wrong?" - he had been in the kitchen washing dishes. He heard a sob escape her the moment he shut the water off and rushed over to her.

"This letter." - Mimi said as Shawn pulled her close to him. She melted into his embrace, finding comfort in the circle of his arms. She wiped at the tears falling down her cheek as she pulled back. "It's from my father." - rubbing soothing circles on the small of her back, Shawn silently urged her to continue, though he really didn't need to. He knew how Mimi felt about her father. "Six years, Baby." - Mimi said after a moment. "Six years since he's left. Not a phone call, not a damn birthday card or a damn e-mail. Then, out of the blue he sends me this letter telling me he's remarried and is expecting a baby with his new wife." - she looked up into her husband's face. "He wants me to be happy for him. Happy for him? How the hell can I be happy for him because he's starting a new family...after he left the old one? He didn't just leave my mother. He left all of us." - she shot off the couch, more angry now than sad, but that didn't stop the tears.

Shawn's hand shot out quickly and caught her wrist. He stood with her, but didn't allow her passage to move. Instead, he pulled her closer, allowing her angry tears to fall on his shoulder. "Why didn't he want me, Shawn?" - Mimi asked through a painful sob. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

"Shh, Babe." - Shawn soothed her. "It's not you. It's him. He's the fool. He'll never know what a wonderful daughter he has. He'll never know the incredible woman you grew up to be." - he felt her scoff against his shoulder and held her back just enough to allow her to look in his eyes. "I mean it." - he said while framing her face. "You're an incredible woman. And he'll never know that because he took the coward's way out and left."

"Why does everyone I love leave me?" - she asked, the agony in her voice and the words nearly broke his heart in two.

"I'll never leave you." - he vowed.

Something akin to fear flickered in her eyes. "Promise?" - she stared up into his eyes innocently, fragile.

"I promise, Babe." - Shawn leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. "Stop crying, please." - he begged against her lips. "I die inside when you hurt."

Bo and Hope Brady shared timid glances between themselves as they sat at the kitchen table with their son. He had been there nearly an hour. From the moment they opened the front door, they knew something was wrong. The looks in his eyes and the tears he couldn't hide were evident of that fact. He cried for nearly thirty minutes before he ever told them what happened. The entire situation tore their hearts on so many levels. The first, and most important, being their son was in pain. He was hurt by the woman he loved, the ex he would always love and everyone else who knew the truth about Claire being his daughter. The pain in Shawn's voice when he revealed that was only surpassed by the amount of pain conveyed in his voice when he told them Mimi had left him. Bo and Hope both knew how much that could hurt a person and they never wanted their son to know that pain.

They didn't know whether to be angry at Mimi for leaving their son when he needed her most, or to admire her for giving Shawn the space he needed.

"Shawn," - Hope's voice was sensitive when she called her son's name. "I know that you are still hurting and...I don't blame you, but...have you given any thought to what you're going to do?"

Shawn raised his eyes to meet his mother's gaze. His reddened eyes, still full of anguished tears, nearly had her in tears herself. He couldn't think clearly. His mind had been a mess since he read his wife's letter. How could she just leave? Not even stay to work it out? How could she be afraid of losing him...and then walk away herself? He knew the answer, and it was plain to see. She was afraid he would leave her for Belle. Afraid she wasn't strong enough to get over losing him to her best friend again.

"I don't know. I still haven't fully...accepted the fact that I'm Claire's father." - his voice was an emotional whisper. He swatted at tears that had yet to fall and buried his face in his hands. "I don't know what to do. I don't...Mimi was the levelheaded one." - tears clouded his eyes again. Mimi would know exactly what to do. "What am I going to do without her?"

It was Bo's turn to be sensitive. "Do you have any idea where she is?"

Shawn shook his head. "Her letter didn't say." - he got up from the table to pace. "God, how could she just leave me? How could she not even stay to..."

"To what, Shawn? To watch you leave her? To watch you hate her?" - came from Hope.

He gave his mother a confused look and stopped pacing. "I could never hate her. How could she, or you, think that?" - he looked to Bo and his father's expression was the same as his mother's. "You both think I could hate her? She's my wife. I love her."

"We know you love her." - Bo said, immediately regretting his cavalier attitude. "You wouldn't have married her if you didn't."

"So, what?" - Shawn wasn't about to let it go. "You think I don't love her enough? That I'm not in love with her? Or that because she lied to me, my feelings for her would fade away? I don't understand."

"It was a pretty big lie, Shawn." - said Hope; she knew it wasn't what Shawn wanted to hear, but it needed to be said.

"And you've never lied to Dad?" - Shawn questioned. He looked at Bo. "And you've never lied to Mom?" - he resumed pacing, trying hard to gain clarity in this clouded mess. "I love her. I know she was wrong and she knows it, too. But...I love her. I can't explain it. You guys have been through hell and back...did you stop loving each other?" - both his parents shared and look and shook their heads. "Exactly. So why should I stop loving Mimi?"

"It's not that we didn't think you loved Mimi, or even that you should stop. I'm sure the two of you can work this out. If that's really what you want.." - Hope began down a path she knew her son never wanted to tread. "It's just that..." - she shared another look with her husband.

"We thought you would always love Belle more." - Bo finished his wife's sentence. Shawn stopped pacing again and stared at both his parents. "I mean, Shawn, you and Mimi got married, what, less than a year after everything between Belle and Philip happened?"

"We didn't think that you were fully over Belle. Or over losing her to Philip."

"You thought I married Mimi to forget Belle." - Shawn stated. "Married her because I couldn't have Belle." - he shook his head and cast his eyes to the floor. A soft chuckle escaped his parted lips before he looked at them again. "A few seconds ago, when you said that to me, I would have denied it. Any point since I fell in love with Mimi, I would have denied it. Truth is...you're right. I wasn't over Belle or over losing her to Philip when we married but...somewhere along the way...I fell so far in love with her. She became...everything to me."

His next statement was cut off by the doorbell. He walked quickly to the door, just a small amount of hope that it would be Mimi filled him, but he knew otherwise. He was finally gaining a little clarity to Mimi's thinking. A little clarity to his own.

Opening the door, he was met with a saddened expression upon a deep pair of blue eyes. Sighing heavily, he leaned against the door. "Philip." - he greeted his uncle on the other side.

"I figured I'd find you here." - came softly from Philip. Shawn saw that Philip's eyes were just as red from crying and filled with less anger than he thought. The anger was displaced by shock, sadness and remorse.

"Yeah." - Shawn breathed out. He stepped aside to allow Philip entrance into the house. "I've been expecting you. Come on in and let's talk."